Intuition Frustration

 I want to write today. Not necessarily because I'm particularly inspired, but because I have the time and more mental space. I'm glad its Sunday, a day of rest. And usually for me that means also prepping for the week mentally and doing some readings or assignments for my classes- always something to do! 

I felt off yesterday. And I think it's because I overslept a bit and was just trying to get my head on straight after another pretty busy and tiring week with work and school. Friday night wasn't really what I had planned it to be- starting and finishing a paper before midnight was a bit stressful and really just wanting to relax. But going to adoration was nice and helpful. 

I also didn't feel as inspired as I thought I would be when I went to the library yesterday. I also didn't get in as much work in as I thought or felt like it. And reading for enjoyment, my mind felt a bit cloudy and tired (going back to the oversleep). 

But mostly, I was annoyed. I was frustrated that the guy I was planning to go on a blind date with took so long to respond to confirm, that it almost felt like he flaked. But it was me who actually flaked, as I cancelled last min. I'm still unsure what to think of it, as I have felt my intuition giving me strong cues this whole time about this guy. Why does my intuition always act out? And it's usually always correct, probably about 99.9% of the time as history and experience has shown. 

It can be hard being intuitive and feeling like I already know my answer without giving the guy a chance. It's like the story, their feelings and motives or lack of, present itself to me like it's in written form. I believe it's a gift from God having strong intuition. But sometimes it can make it hard when it leaves me feeling annoyed and frustrated because I feel that I should continue along just so I don't regret anything, and I actually know my answer tangibly.

I'm left wondering what will happen. I think this is also showing me more about myself, and that's why 'dating' and getting to know people of the opposite gender can be difficult, and complicated at times. But I also know, if it's meant to be, and the person is quality, it will be clear, not confusing. And hopefully not annoying or having me do mental gymnastics in the meantime. 

Like I said, I'm left wondering what will happen. Maybe we will meet in person, maybe we won't. Maybe he will like the idea of me suggesting talking on the phone first or maybe he won't and just ignore it, ignore my text until whenever he feels like responding; I really don't know. What I do know is that I'm too tired to play games, and my time is too precious for that. I feel if God wills for me to meet this guy for whatever reason, then great. But perhaps there's a reason it hasn't been as smooth, and maybe He's trying to protect or guard me from someone who I'm not supposed to meet anyway.