Quickly, Like Worker Bees

 Bees. They have swarmed my classroom with its theme, honeycombs and beehive images, and sayings like 'bee kind' and 'bee yourself.' 

Busy bees or rather my students sometimes talking and distracted from day to day.

I went to a hair salon in January named The Beehive Salon.

I recently thought of honey as a symbol, in Scripture. There are actually many!

"How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" Psalm 119:103

"So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to lead them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey." Exodus 3:8

The saying, 'busy bees' reminds me of some saints who were busy bees, (maybe St. Cecilia?), who were known to use their time well. 

"Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy to the body." Proverbs 16:24

I felt closer to Mary this past Advent season, with the unknown before me, and trusting that God knew the outcome, even when I couldn't see or prepare that far. Trusting God, and Mary and how she could relate in her own way with the stressors of the unknown and uncertainty of finding a place for her newborn King was comforting. I eventually applied and prepared for a new job, all happening so quickly!

I knew I wasn't ready when I first heard about the open position in Fall, and then more comments from others to apply throughout late Fall. Timing was everything, and it was an opening that felt too timely, like it was meant for me. 

The details all matched up, and I couldn't think of a better orchestrator of it all. God's provision was timely, and sweet. 

Grassy Hill

 That grassy hill side, where I looked out and parked my car every morning, it came to me early on in the school year of relating it to Psalm 23- The Lord is my Shepherd. 

I loved the overhang so the sun wouldn't beat down too strongly on my car, and seeing that grassy hill, the back side of the school was the refreshing part of my mornings, as I would recall, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul.'

I would imagine sheep would be grazing on that small hill, and God would be making everything turn out for the good. All the hard parts, loneliness, isolation, discernment and doubt be brought into something.

 That something of a school year, one where I felt so sure and lead where I was in the very beginning, soon enough morphed into feeling so depleted of energy, excitement, belonging and purpose. 

I felt like I was drifting and not really sure the next steps. I was usually at a loss for words and direction, just putting one step in front of the other. 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last winter, I came about a homily from Fr. Mike Schmitz. I thought it was profound and made me contemplate deeper with his words, "Your vocation is your deep longing meeting the world's deep need. Do what you know, where you are." 

That encouraged me to continue doing what I was doing- going to a job environment I didn't like or thrive in, and just to do it well, in the classes I was in, even the difficult ones and students I was helping. Trying to find the good and blessings in the mundane.

Fr. Schmitz also mentioned an amazing man I never heard about, who later would become friends with Pope John Paul II. He's now Servant of God or Venerable Jan Trunosky. His life was simple. It was impactful and meaningful yet hidden. He influenced St. Pope John Paul II to become a priest!

That next Monday morning I prayed and thought of Venerable Jan and asked him to help me in my job and to do it well, to bring about some good. It made all the difference, that mindset those winter months. Slowly but suddenly, I felt things changing internally.

Doing what I knew, where I was only helped me to see deeper, clearer of what God was preparing me for, to be a teacher.

Painting like God's Dream

 Painting our nature scene with the blue sky and colorful marshmallow clouds, green grass hills, flowers, and water was an experience, a fun and special New Year's Day creative endeavor with my mom and dear sister.  

It reminded me of God writing our rather painting our story, our year of how it should go, and us trying to either decipher how it should look and God's way (the original painting is better, with more precise, clear, color).

 And ours is not all those things but we do our best, but also that image, that painting that we create, God knows best. 

Those clouds that just make you want to dream, contemplate, relax underneath their changing cream fluff. The water with lily pads and the clouds' reflection- how can we reflect God's love, God's commandments, His compassion...

The blue water and refreshing hills restore us, vibrant colors and green pastures. The Lord is my Shepherd.

We can only dream what God has in store for us this new year. 

God is full of surprises. 

A Blessed Year in Review

 2025 was a good year. So many blessings, special things, graces and highlights. It was year unlike any other. Every year is so unique and different from the other, right? 2025 stood out to me, and also not as heavy or challenging like 2023 or 2024 seemed more consistently. There were definitely a lot of uplifting things. 

Some of the highlights-

Meeting author and speaker, Immaculee Ilibagiza! She's my favorite author. I love her writing and testimony and strong faith, in the rosary, and Our Lady. Her story is so moving, impactful. That why I've reread it so many times over the years. 

Watching The Chosen Season 5 in Theatres. Truly special and meaningful.

Welcoming another nephew and niece, both in May! 

Became a teacher at a Catholic school taught 20 students

Got a tutoring client

Did some of the Rosary in a Year Podcast

Studied and took the Math CBEST

Went on a Eucharistic Day retreat in June, and finding out and about and reading the book about Sr. Clare Crockett

Getting into my first minor car crash, and luckily it wasn't my fault and had a rental car for a little over a week

Went to some Young Adult Ministry events, and the Beloved Dinner in SF

Family Reunion

Had a special and meaningful birthday turning 33

Went to Monterey

Went to Half Moon Bay 3 times

Read some great books, about 56 books total

And many more happenings and blessings, Adoration, Mass, exercise, swimming, exercise class, meet ups with my dear sister on a somewhat regular basis, kept writing on here, studying Russian with an online language course, went on an online dating site and had 4 video calls with 4 different guys, sister meet up, friend meet ups, and so much more, in between, ordinary days, but blessed days, some harder days, struggles, sometimes staying off social media for a time. 

A Marian year it felt with rosaries, consecration to Our Lady again, wearing Marian jewelry made by my sister and teaching my students about Our Lady of Guadalupe, starting Rosary in a Year Podcast, and praying 54 Day Rosary Novena. I know our Lady will be guiding this next year.

 Happy New Year!

Handed Inspiration

 I did something a little different this year to find my word and saint of the year. Instead of using a generator, which was usually fun, unpredictable and exciting, upon further reflection and prayer I asked God to show me them. I was inspired by a core speaker at Blessed is She who has done it this way to find her word, saint and even verse of the year. 

I've found this way to be surprising, reflective, meaningful, purposeful and more intimately woven instead of clicking a button on a website. Sometimes that just felt more random than meaningful, but I do always enjoy trying to find the meaning each year. A few years ago, I had the word 'plucky' and though it seemed quite random, I reflected upon it more and did experience some hardships that year and had to learn to overcome them, encounter them and entrust them to the Lord.

This year, as I was listening to the advice of the speaker from Blessed is She, I reflected upon a bit and prayed for a saint for the new year...to show me a saint that maybe speaks or resonates with me, one that I know or do not know. Well, it happened to be St. John Paul II! He actually was my saint in 2021, but there were many reminders that spoke to me, he feels all around me.

 My dear sister gave me a book of his writings titled; 'God is beauty'. And my other sweet sister gifted me a booklet of his writing for Christmas. As I was reading the other night, 'God is beauty', I noticed there was another book I'm getting back into reading also about St. Pope John Paul II and Poland. Okay, I thought. Are there more signs? 

It's been near my bed for at least 6 years, a picture of him in the snow. I realized a book I took out of my bookshelf as I was organizing my many books (almost too many) the other day was a book by St. Pope John Paul II on the dignity and vocation of women, still have yet to read it.  A pouch that my mom gave me a while ago, I recently used for my rosaries. One side has St. Pope John the 23rd and the other side, you guessed it, St. Pope John Paul II! So many signs but feel he is my saint for this new year of 2026! 

As for my word, I also tried to reflect and pray, for God to show me a word. The other day in the morning, I washed my hands and upon seeing my fingernails- as I'm taking a break to paint them again, the word 'clean' came to me. This also spoke to me since I'm in the midst of a big project of cleaning my room- lots of organizing, declutter, and rearranging some things around. I'm also not naturally a clean or net person, so what a great goal and strive to live by. Also, some scripture verses to recall pertaining to clean that are good to reflect upon.

As for my verse of the year, I wasn't sure what it would be, as I feel I'm still getting more accustomed and knowledgeable to remember bible scripture. While listening to the priest's homily this morning, he talked about light and radiating Christ's light and His light guiding us. This made me think of the Psalm verse 119, 'Your word is a lamp for my feet.' That also made me think of the Bible Museum in Washington, DC that I visited with my sister's family summer of 2023, which is so meaningful and special, as it has that verse on a wall. 

So, there you have it!

Я учитель!- I am a Teacher

 In the beginning, I would think to myself, I am a teacher...but in Russian, for general use Я учитель or for female Я учительница. As I would unlock my classroom door in the mornings, I would look at my name listed outside- and see 'Teacher' right below it. I was still soaking it all in. 

I would think this to myself since I had to believe it and recall it. There is just something so special, distinctive, meaningful, so purposeful when you feel called to something, and are surer about it, trusting those steps, and that God is providing and with you every step of the way. It can be hard to fully express in words. And I think because it had taken so long for me. There were so many crooked lines to get here, that's why I would intentionally hold on tight to this milestone step that I'm here, especially after all the sinking doubts and hesitations. I now know that all that was behind me had a purpose to lead to where I am. 

So many people had told me I should be a teacher or that I would be a good teacher over time. Clearly, I never really listened to them. I had my mind and plans on another pathway plus was too scared to try. 

I distinctly remember going to the dentist in late February, and after paying for my appointment, something about coverage and insurance came up. I wasn't a teacher since she mentioned coverage for being a teacher, but said I was an assistant, (and luckily still had insurance coverage) and she waved her hand like it was nothing, and stated in a friendly matter of fact way, 'You're a teacher.' That struck me since it felt like a premonition.

Also, a boy student from Mrs. Deb's Math class that I was helping in last school year gave me a Christmas card and gift card to Peets. In his note, he said I was his favorite teacher and helped him work hard and do his best. Again, I wasn't a teacher, but it struck me, and also that I made a difference in a student's life. 

Teaching Ponderings

 I was looking through my journal last night prior to writing in it. I have a few different journals, but this one is my 'prayer' journal that I write in from time to time. There were things on my mind and heart I wanted to process through writing and praying, and the extent of the busyness and to dos of the week got to me, only did I realize towards the end of the week how things had caught up to me and added up.

 I can see more and more the intentionality behind Advent as a purposeful time to slow down but also to carve out space and quiet, to ponder and prepare for Christ's birth. The journal entry I wrote was one year ago, the last days of Advent. And it so happened to be the last day of school before break. I remember that was an interesting day- it was loud, chaotic, a half day but also just felt ready to close the semester out. I felt an uncertainty of what would come next but also a questioning of purpose and direction. I was thinking about teaching but wasn't quite there yet in terms of confidence and certainty. I felt there were waves in the water, and the waves gave way to motion, unknown, and slippering doubt just like St. Peter walking on water. 

It started with a conversation with my sister. There we were near her Christmas tree after her kids were settling down into bedtime. Teaching came up and knowing her background and story with it was interesting to hear her thoughts, opinions and real honesty and her struggles with it too. Somehow, I wasn't so certain if I would feel the same way or have the same experience.

Of course, I never really taught before- only managed a classroom for an after-school summer program after college for 3 months and that was one reason why I felt it wasn't a good fit for me. That had been 6 in a half years prior. And then also being in a classroom for the past 5 years, but more observing and in the background. 

While my sister and I were taking on her couch that cozy evening, I felt that the Holy Spirit gave me a nudge or something that was noticeable enough in my heart that maybe it wasn't a full no for teaching, but something that I would just have to be more open to. Yes, everyone has their own experience and journey, but I had to also know what mine would be like, since it may very well be different than my sister or other siblings. The thought could definitely terrify me, but staying far away from it didn't help me get any closer to knowing my answer. 

In my journal that night I wrote, "....Thinking a lot about my job and what's next- credential and teaching feels like a big question and Elisabeth is right, it's not the best fit for us as we're highly sensitive introverts, and its just so much work. I don't really know my calling, my vocational career. But I trust that you (Jesus) have a plan for me." 

Now looking back now this a year later, after finishing my first semester teaching and taking over for a teacher while on maternity leave really showed me God's provision and plan. To just taking one step at a time was all that was necessary in the waiting, in the unknown and dark and in the desires unfold and direction to become clearer. 

I am so grateful for this journey and be guided and listening to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. 

Saint and Word of the Year

 When I saw yesterday that today was December 7th, I instantly thought of the word, 'Fortitude', and also St. Ambrose, as it's his feast day today. He's my patron saint for this year, and my word for this year is fortitude. How often this word has crept up and shown itself throughout this year.

I'm thinking of a time during the early summer months when I went to confession and during some prayer time after I stumbled upon and read a reflection about St. Ambrose and it highlighted fortitude! I thought it was a unique and special intertwining, and especially one that I recall I needed that day. 

I wonder what word and saint will 'choose me' for this upcoming year?

New Things

 This week has been a transition. One of letting go, navigating emotions and change and also deep cleaning! The original teacher came back to her classroom as I am slowly making my way out after long term subbing for her since August. I don't think I've ever felt fully inspired in there, mostly because it was always getting disorganized, things disheveled, too much paper, scraps and messes to handle on top of my brain navigating, learning, and literally surviving day in and day out. Pure survival mode is what I would call it. 

I couldn't see a vision for how the classroom was supposed to look. It definitely resembled me and my messy side, my messy and artistic brain that isn't at all precise, neat or visionary. It somewhat worked for me though and made it through- though like I wrote, I didn't feel too inspired. I think I felt more inspired and encouraged teaching and leading a class most days than how the classroom looked itself.

So that's when the teacher was organizing, revamping, redecorating I saw things come together. It didn't look so much like a classroom to me, perhaps a homey and calm classroom feel (prior it didn't have a calming look or feel), but rather like a home- a Pinterest styled, nice decor homey, warm feel. I could finally breath again and come up from water. These were the touches I feel I was missing all these months of just survival mode and getting through the thick and thin and somedays figuring it out spot on. 

I will say it took some detachment and letting go on my end. Thoughts and conversations in my head, 'I'm sorry I messed it up. I know it looks really messy and cluttered. I ruined everything, I failed. I didn't do a good job maintaining a classroom. I wasn't efficient or a good teacher.'

All these negative feelings arising in my bones as she went through things, cleaned, tidied, threw things away with not thought. I on the other hand, can have a hard time letting things go, questioning should I keep something or better yet, forgetting it was even there in the first place and going on with life because I'm so used to it. 

I've realized my tolerance level is high, and though I've come to terms with this before in other scenarios, it isn't quite the same when you are in charge of a class. I felt conflicted like I couldn't put into words my emotions, feelings and just processing everything when it came to the evening time. I just needed to sit with them and enter into them though it was a bit uncomfortable. 

This week also felt like a lot on top of some of these transitions with feeling tired and having headaches a few times. Busy evening schedules going out and not a lot of down time. Once I received that text from a coworker, my emotions began to make more sense, and it all came together like a painting. I started to cry and wrap my head around things. Her text was exactly what I needed and was feeling, since it was difficult to put into words. Prayer, surrender, trust, processing started there and accepting some tired and puffy eyes the next morning. 

I've recently started to see how these events are very applicable and related to the season of Advent. Preparing, making space, letting go and detachments, accepting and being open to God's will and plan. I know God is using them for me to surrender, be open, letting go and to see his goodness and provision where there are transitions and change. 

"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

St. Clare Mission

There's something beautiful, awe inspiring, breathtaking to visit a mission church. I had particularly wanted to visit this mission, St. Clare of Assisi for a few years, but somehow getting sick, rainy winter weather deterred the plan during one of my breaks and I forgot about it. However, it was still something I wanted to do and see at some point. My parents and I made the trip an excursion of historical sites as well as my dad grew up close to that area. It was special to visit my dad's parents grave site, and for the month of November. 

Going to St. Clare's Mission church was very nice. It is nicely kept up and renovated, elegant and with beautiful scenery- a water fountain, rose garden and on the heart of the Santa Clara University campus. What a joy and gift to have a mission and Jesus present right in the center of the campus.

Visting this beautiful mission and lush campus with nicely kept lawns, roses and flowers, and refreshing greenery made me want to learn more about St. Clare of Assisi. I remember reading a book about her a couple of years ago and want to find and read it again. It said in a pamphlet that it's the first Mission church named after a woman saint. 

It's always so interesting seeing inside a Mission and the intricacies, images, paintings, statues and also comparing it to other missions.  Immediately, I noticed it was a much bigger and longer church than other ones I've seen. I really liked the prayerful and sorrowful statue image of Jesus crucified, it looked more realistic and so much to ponder on and pray with. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. 'You did that for me, how can I not suffer for you- knowing you are with me, in this torturing and painful depiction on the cross.'

Relic of St. Bernadette

 I recently was thinking of St. Bernadette. I found a book to read about her that is even an easy read for older children. I found a prayer card dedicated to Our Lady of Lourdes in the church and started praying it for intentions.

 As I was reading through and looking through my quote and spiritual binder, I felt encouraged and inspired. I looked through the folder part with some loose paper and found a talk I wrote for high school confirmation students about fortitude and included St. Bernadette in my talk and found more information about her that the confirmation director gave to help with the talk. Fortitude happens to be my word for the year. 

I had realized that today I had planned to visit the relic of St. Bernadette. And I came to found that I had a devotion to her, though only knowing bits and pieces of her and her life. I really like Our Lady of Lourdes and often stop to pray and contemplate if I see a statue of her. I did the consecration to our Lady- 33 days to Morning Glory on Our Lady of Lourdes feast day, February 11th. 

It's interesting seeing a relic (I think 1st class), as there's not a lot of time, but also sometimes pressure or not sure what to pray, how to adore this sacred object. I remember kneeling before a first-class relic of St. Carlo Acutis with high school confirmation students 2 years ago, and it was so moving and powerful. 

With St. Bernadette's, I had a simple prayer in my mind and heart and touched my rosary bracelet from my dear sister that I wear everyday to the relic. I thought of St. Bernadette's simple demeanor and childlike optimism, strength, virtue and trust. 

According to the pamphlet I have, she only lived until she was 35.

Like I wrote, I love Our Lady of Lourdes and want to have a devotion to St. Bernadette as well. I think this is just the start.