Swimming in Sharp Blue Water

 Lying down on the cool, green grass never felt so relaxing. It was a Sunday and gearing up for another week never felt so necessary. I decided going for a swim would do the trick. It was still summer, though late, and although it was nearly fall technically, the summer heat and sunshine fooled. Splashing and soaking into the chlorine water never felt so good and inviting. 

It was daunting thinking of another week, demanding, busy, exhausting...Was I ready? Lying on the soothing grass helped me melt all my concerns from the week prior and into the new week away. It felt firm, but soft.

 Collapsing into the chlorine waves, and lukewarm water chilled away any stress. I would go underneath the water, blowing bubbles as I held my breath like I did when I was just learning how to swim as a young girl. It looked like sheer glass up above, with the large green trees and cerulean sky, the crisp, tangerine sun shining through. I could relax and breathe (well, not actually breathe), but I felt like I was decompressing. 

There was beauty to this moment, and I was taking it all in, especially the last days of summer and still able to swim later in the afternoon. I was grateful to soak up the silence, stillness and nature before the week shouted at me for demands, noise and a good (over)dose of stimulation. 

When I swam indoors only on occasion during these winter months, the memories of those September swims came back to me. They were fun, rejuvenating and challenged me to get back into swimming. It also was nice to think that I did survive those weeks- and they were just the beginning of the school year, as busy and hectic as they were.

Swimming and jumping into the glassy water remind me of a book I'm (re)reading. She's a swimmer, a determined one, and in the beginning its because of her dad, who's also her coach. But as the years go by, she is set to practice and train for the Olympics. Her journey to Europe (Germany) as a refugee also has some part of it when her and her sister help save the boat going across to Turkey from Syria when they swim across while helping support the fellow passengers fleeing from Syria as well. 

Reading this book the first time made me so inspired by her story, by swimming, by her determination. I also really like learning about refugee stories. Also, I requested to read it again because she eventually goes to and lives in Germany with her sister and later her younger sister and parents are able to come. She has to learn the language (as I am doing currently), and its inspiring for me with culture and language. 

I plan to swim another time this month. It will be a good challenge, a way to decompress, be immersed in the water, silence, my own thoughts and among other lap swimmers. Maybe I'll relay some German vocab, or maybe just be grateful for all that's happened this year, and this school year. To be grateful for God's plan to unfold and be in the chill and thrill of swimming in sharp blue water. 

Pretzel, Nothing Like a Christmas Kitty

 I saw this photo a few months ago. It's been on my desk ever since the Christmas season, and I've been meaning to write with it in mind. But alas, the busyness of these weeks, teacher life and daily routines have made my desk more cluttered, messy and harder to recognize. It's already halfway through Lent, and yet, I'm writing about a picture from the Christmas season. 

Something a bit deeper though than only Christmas is in this picture, which is my love for cats! That was our cat, Pretzel, whom we found stray at our parish church once upon time in December. We hid him and made him come home with us in our big, white van so our dad had to say yes to keeping this precious little kitten.

He grew up, and a few years later he wasn't so much like a kitten, but a small cat who got all of our attention and love. (Well, at least mine and some of my sisters) And would often be getting into trouble or climbing our screen window for attention or like the one time putting his paw into our cake for girl's club. Of course, our female house cat, who acted like she owned our house and family didn't get along with silly and whimsical Pretzel. She was too prim and proper for outlandish behavior, and she had manners. 

I loved playing with Pretzel though. My sister named him after a little stuffed animal cat I had (who was also grey and long haired that I named Pretzel.) This picture of me holding and fooling around with Pretzel when I was in the 4th grade, in some ways doesn't look too different now, with me holding, teasing and playing with our now cat, Navidad. (And who unfortunately, doesn't like to be held for more than a few seconds.)

My favorite animal had always been a cat (when I was a child, I said it was a tiger), but they're still part of the cat family. One of my students yesterday asked what's my favorite animal, and I immediately said a cat. 

There is nothing like a kitty who is sleeping on your bed, your lap, or simply purring because you're petting it, and also running around like a dog and all hyper, but until, just then, when they find a cozy corner and get comfortable and are sleeping softly. The house becomes a home, and all is peaceful and homey. 

I had a few silly names for our beloved Pretzel. But nothing beats all the names I have for our dear Navidad. Some are even in a different language. Funny, interesting, odd and endearing names all describing my love for a cat that always seemed out of the question and would never be a reality again (but God made a way, even when I forgot about having a cat.) 

Pretzel died when I was in the 6th grade, during our summer girl's camp. I was so sad and cried about it after my parents told me and picked up my sisters and me. Some thought I was crying because the girls camp had ended (that can be hard too) but coming home and having that silly and rambunctious kitty gone was hard.

 My little girl heart missed him and could only slightly smile when I heard he died while trying to catch a bird and perhaps trying to eat this said bird that may have been poisonous. 

I think he died how he lived. 

Ice Cream Drips

 Same pants, different weather. Light blue jeans, 

chocolate ice cream trickling down.

Weird and stagnant conversation.

Empty, purposeless, different than before.

Hard to trust, not a good feeling, bringing back bad memories.

Drip, drip on the ground. Messy.

 Not as delicious or interesting. Boring facade, all melting down. 

It's clear as day, pounding like the rain. 

Like the day you met me.

 Sprinkling rain and crowded cafe,

 trying to make your way. 

It's melting. I see it now, going down the drain. 

The sun is out and no more rain. 

No more hiding. 

God's behind me, making a way. 

Seeing me drink coffee. Eating chocolate ice cream

 and Chinese stew. It's a waste, didn't taste. 

It's no good, move on, get a clue.  

Give me a clue, my old blog title.

 Reminds me of art and paintings, saw last weekend. 

It felt like a breath of fresh air. Springtime in the air. 

No more clouds, no more rain clouds, no more mystery clouds. 

It's all clear. Clear to me, with God's love shining down on me.

Have no fear. Wipe out bad memories. 

No more turbulences, mending disturbances. 

God is protecting me

 through and through. 

Same jeans, different weather. 

Same pants, different feeling. 

God, I'm grateful for showing me all that's

 in my life and I how I can serve, love and care. 

There is a lot on the inside to bare. Like the ice cream,

 drip, drip, drip. Like the rain, drip, drip, drip.

 Somehow there's pain. But a lot to gain. 

Another stain, which feels so lame. 

Why does this seem to happen so?

 Only God knows. 

And look another rainbow.

As I walk to my car, feel peace. Feel freedom. 

Only God knows. 

Manet & Morisot Inspiration

 It's been so long since I've been to an Art museum. I always feel inspired when in one, perusing and looking at the paintings in detail. I realize it takes silence, concentration, intentionality to appreciate a painting in its fullness and give the painting (and the artist's) their fair due by paying attention to it. To really see and ponder even the painting's meaning, symbols, textures, colors and shades and lights and darks. 

I remember exploring the National Gallery of Art Museum in DC Summer of 2023 with my sister and her family. The paintings came to life for me, not only because I was seeing a lot of Monet and Van Gogh paintings (and I love Impressionism) but also because I learned and studied some of them in my Art History class in 2014 and really enjoyed it. I still remember those interesting stories, paintings, and painters that came alive for me from a great Professor. 

Sadly, that was the last time I was in an Art Museum, until yesterday. My parents and I saw the last weekend showing of Manet and Morisot at The Legion of Honor. (I hadn't been there since 2013!)

Legion of Honor Aug. 2013

I've been feeling a lack of inspiration lately or just not as consistently. Walking around and seeing various paintings as well as going to the exhibit of Manet and Morisot was so interesting and intriguing. The inspiration I have been missing was breathing all around me. I had heard and learned some about Manet but never Morisot (I didn't even know she was a woman or would later become an in-law to Manet!) 

The artwork was breath taking; the story and their story was like an invitation to inspiration with a dose of coffee and marble walls. 

I also didn't realize how popular and crowded it would be on the last weekend! It was challenging to not bump into people or block their view. I enjoyed reading the side description of the Manet and Morisot paintings. 

Morisot

Morisot

Morisot

Manet

Can you tell I liked Morisot paintings more than Manet? They feel more Impressionism and not so dark or bold colors...but over time his paintings changed over time and looked to be more of a resemblance of hers. 

They were friends, colleagues and then in-laws (she married his brother, Eugene.) The video clip about them in one of the rooms at the exhibit gave a good overview of their paintings and relationship as painters, friends, and even family. As the clerk who checked me out said, 'There seemed to be rivalry happening between them.'

The outside view of the Museum is gorgeous, and the sky pattern had a nice effect. 

Of course, there isn't really anything that helps you soak up the inspiration and the overall experience than eating at the cafe there for lunch. An au lait coffee was an added warm treat too. 

Quickly, Like Worker Bees

 Bees. They have swarmed my classroom with its theme, honeycombs and beehive images, and sayings like 'bee kind' and 'bee yourself.' 

Busy bees or rather my students sometimes talking and distracted from day to day.

I went to a hair salon in January named The Beehive Salon.

I recently thought of honey as a symbol, in Scripture. There are actually many!

"How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" Psalm 119:103

"So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to lead them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey." Exodus 3:8

The saying, 'busy bees' reminds me of some saints who were busy bees, (maybe St. Cecilia?), who were known to use their time well. 

"Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy to the body." Proverbs 16:24

I felt closer to Mary this past Advent season, with the unknown before me, and trusting that God knew the outcome, even when I couldn't see or prepare that far. Trusting God, and Mary and how she could relate in her own way with the stressors of the unknown and uncertainty of finding a place for her newborn King was comforting. I eventually applied and prepared for a new job, all happening so quickly!

I knew I wasn't ready when I first heard about the open position in Fall, and then more comments from others to apply throughout late Fall. Timing was everything, and it was an opening that felt too timely, like it was meant for me. 

The details all matched up, and I couldn't think of a better orchestrator of it all. God's provision was timely, and sweet. 

Grassy Hill

 That grassy hill side, where I looked out and parked my car every morning, it came to me early on in the school year of relating it to Psalm 23- The Lord is my Shepherd. 

I loved the overhang so the sun wouldn't beat down too strongly on my car, and seeing that grassy hill, the back side of the school was the refreshing part of my mornings, as I would recall, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul.'

I would imagine sheep would be grazing on that small hill, and God would be making everything turn out for the good. All the hard parts, loneliness, isolation, discernment and doubt be brought into something.

 That something of a school year, one where I felt so sure and lead where I was in the very beginning, soon enough morphed into feeling so depleted of energy, excitement, belonging and purpose. 

I felt like I was drifting and not really sure the next steps. I was usually at a loss for words and direction, just putting one step in front of the other. 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last winter, I came about a homily from Fr. Mike Schmitz. I thought it was profound and made me contemplate deeper with his words, "Your vocation is your deep longing meeting the world's deep need. Do what you know, where you are." 

That encouraged me to continue doing what I was doing- going to a job environment I didn't like or thrive in, and just to do it well, in the classes I was in, even the difficult ones and students I was helping. Trying to find the good and blessings in the mundane.

Fr. Schmitz also mentioned an amazing man I never heard about, who later would become friends with Pope John Paul II. He's now Servant of God or Venerable Jan Trunosky. His life was simple. It was impactful and meaningful yet hidden. He influenced St. Pope John Paul II to become a priest!

That next Monday morning I prayed and thought of Venerable Jan and asked him to help me in my job and to do it well, to bring about some good. It made all the difference, that mindset those winter months. Slowly but suddenly, I felt things changing internally.

Doing what I knew, where I was only helped me to see deeper, clearer of what God was preparing me for, to be a teacher.

Painting like God's Dream

 Painting our nature scene with the blue sky and colorful marshmallow clouds, green grass hills, flowers, and water was an experience, a fun and special New Year's Day creative endeavor with my mom and dear sister.  

It reminded me of God writing our rather painting our story, our year of how it should go, and us trying to either decipher how it should look and God's way (the original painting is better, with more precise, clear, color).

 And ours is not all those things but we do our best, but also that image, that painting that we create, God knows best. 

Those clouds that just make you want to dream, contemplate, relax underneath their changing cream fluff. The water with lily pads and the clouds' reflection- how can we reflect God's love, God's commandments, His compassion...

The blue water and refreshing hills restore us, vibrant colors and green pastures. The Lord is my Shepherd.

We can only dream what God has in store for us this new year. 

God is full of surprises. 

A Blessed Year in Review

 2025 was a good year. So many blessings, special things, graces and highlights. It was year unlike any other. Every year is so unique and different from the other, right? 2025 stood out to me, and also not as heavy or challenging like 2023 or 2024 seemed more consistently. There were definitely a lot of uplifting things. 

Some of the highlights-

Meeting author and speaker, Immaculee Ilibagiza! She's my favorite author. I love her writing and testimony and strong faith, in the rosary, and Our Lady. Her story is so moving, impactful. That why I've reread it so many times over the years. 

Watching The Chosen Season 5 in Theatres. Truly special and meaningful.

Welcoming another nephew and niece, both in May! 

Became a teacher at a Catholic school taught 20 students

Got a tutoring client

Did some of the Rosary in a Year Podcast

Studied and took the Math CBEST

Went on a Eucharistic Day retreat in June, and finding out and about and reading the book about Sr. Clare Crockett

Getting into my first minor car crash, and luckily it wasn't my fault and had a rental car for a little over a week

Went to some Young Adult Ministry events, and the Beloved Dinner in SF

Family Reunion

Had a special and meaningful birthday turning 33

Went to Monterey

Went to Half Moon Bay 3 times

Read some great books, about 56 books total

And many more happenings and blessings, Adoration, Mass, exercise, swimming, exercise class, meet ups with my dear sister on a somewhat regular basis, kept writing on here, studying Russian with an online language course, went on an online dating site and had 4 video calls with 4 different guys, sister meet up, friend meet ups, and so much more, in between, ordinary days, but blessed days, some harder days, struggles, sometimes staying off social media for a time. 

A Marian year it felt with rosaries, consecration to Our Lady again, wearing Marian jewelry made by my sister and teaching my students about Our Lady of Guadalupe, starting Rosary in a Year Podcast, and praying 54 Day Rosary Novena. I know our Lady will be guiding this next year.

 Happy New Year!

Handed Inspiration

 I did something a little different this year to find my word and saint of the year. Instead of using a generator, which was usually fun, unpredictable and exciting, upon further reflection and prayer I asked God to show me them. I was inspired by a core speaker at Blessed is She who has done it this way to find her word, saint and even verse of the year. 

I've found this way to be surprising, reflective, meaningful, purposeful and more intimately woven instead of clicking a button on a website. Sometimes that just felt more random than meaningful, but I do always enjoy trying to find the meaning each year. A few years ago, I had the word 'plucky' and though it seemed quite random, I reflected upon it more and did experience some hardships that year and had to learn to overcome them, encounter them and entrust them to the Lord.

This year, as I was listening to the advice of the speaker from Blessed is She, I reflected upon a bit and prayed for a saint for the new year...to show me a saint that maybe speaks or resonates with me, one that I know or do not know. Well, it happened to be St. John Paul II! He actually was my saint in 2021, but there were many reminders that spoke to me, he feels all around me.

 My dear sister gave me a book of his writings titled; 'God is beauty'. And my other sweet sister gifted me a booklet of his writing for Christmas. As I was reading the other night, 'God is beauty', I noticed there was another book I'm getting back into reading also about St. Pope John Paul II and Poland. Okay, I thought. Are there more signs? 

It's been near my bed for at least 6 years, a picture of him in the snow. I realized a book I took out of my bookshelf as I was organizing my many books (almost too many) the other day was a book by St. Pope John Paul II on the dignity and vocation of women, still have yet to read it.  A pouch that my mom gave me a while ago, I recently used for my rosaries. One side has St. Pope John the 23rd and the other side, you guessed it, St. Pope John Paul II! So many signs but feel he is my saint for this new year of 2026! 

As for my word, I also tried to reflect and pray, for God to show me a word. The other day in the morning, I washed my hands and upon seeing my fingernails- as I'm taking a break to paint them again, the word 'clean' came to me. This also spoke to me since I'm in the midst of a big project of cleaning my room- lots of organizing, declutter, and rearranging some things around. I'm also not naturally a clean or net person, so what a great goal and strive to live by. Also, some scripture verses to recall pertaining to clean that are good to reflect upon.

As for my verse of the year, I wasn't sure what it would be, as I feel I'm still getting more accustomed and knowledgeable to remember bible scripture. While listening to the priest's homily this morning, he talked about light and radiating Christ's light and His light guiding us. This made me think of the Psalm verse 119, 'Your word is a lamp for my feet.' That also made me think of the Bible Museum in Washington, DC that I visited with my sister's family summer of 2023, which is so meaningful and special, as it has that verse on a wall. 

So, there you have it!

Я учитель!- I am a Teacher

 In the beginning, I would think to myself, I am a teacher...but in Russian, for general use Я учитель or for female Я учительница. As I would unlock my classroom door in the mornings, I would look at my name listed outside- and see 'Teacher' right below it. I was still soaking it all in. 

I would think this to myself since I had to believe it and recall it. There is just something so special, distinctive, meaningful, so purposeful when you feel called to something, and are surer about it, trusting those steps, and that God is providing and with you every step of the way. It can be hard to fully express in words. And I think because it had taken so long for me. There were so many crooked lines to get here, that's why I would intentionally hold on tight to this milestone step that I'm here, especially after all the sinking doubts and hesitations. I now know that all that was behind me had a purpose to lead to where I am. 

So many people had told me I should be a teacher or that I would be a good teacher over time. Clearly, I never really listened to them. I had my mind and plans on another pathway plus was too scared to try. 

I distinctly remember going to the dentist in late February, and after paying for my appointment, something about coverage and insurance came up. I wasn't a teacher since she mentioned coverage for being a teacher, but said I was an assistant, (and luckily still had insurance coverage) and she waved her hand like it was nothing, and stated in a friendly matter of fact way, 'You're a teacher.' That struck me since it felt like a premonition.

Also, a boy student from Mrs. Deb's Math class that I was helping in last school year gave me a Christmas card and gift card to Peets. In his note, he said I was his favorite teacher and helped him work hard and do his best. Again, I wasn't a teacher, but it struck me, and also that I made a difference in a student's life. 

Teaching Ponderings

 I was looking through my journal last night prior to writing in it. I have a few different journals, but this one is my 'prayer' journal that I write in from time to time. There were things on my mind and heart I wanted to process through writing and praying, and the extent of the busyness and to dos of the week got to me, only did I realize towards the end of the week how things had caught up to me and added up.

 I can see more and more the intentionality behind Advent as a purposeful time to slow down but also to carve out space and quiet, to ponder and prepare for Christ's birth. The journal entry I wrote was one year ago, the last days of Advent. And it so happened to be the last day of school before break. I remember that was an interesting day- it was loud, chaotic, a half day but also just felt ready to close the semester out. I felt an uncertainty of what would come next but also a questioning of purpose and direction. I was thinking about teaching but wasn't quite there yet in terms of confidence and certainty. I felt there were waves in the water, and the waves gave way to motion, unknown, and slippering doubt just like St. Peter walking on water. 

It started with a conversation with my sister. There we were near her Christmas tree after her kids were settling down into bedtime. Teaching came up and knowing her background and story with it was interesting to hear her thoughts, opinions and real honesty and her struggles with it too. Somehow, I wasn't so certain if I would feel the same way or have the same experience.

Of course, I never really taught before- only managed a classroom for an after-school summer program after college for 3 months and that was one reason why I felt it wasn't a good fit for me. That had been 6 in a half years prior. And then also being in a classroom for the past 5 years, but more observing and in the background. 

While my sister and I were taking on her couch that cozy evening, I felt that the Holy Spirit gave me a nudge or something that was noticeable enough in my heart that maybe it wasn't a full no for teaching, but something that I would just have to be more open to. Yes, everyone has their own experience and journey, but I had to also know what mine would be like, since it may very well be different than my sister or other siblings. The thought could definitely terrify me, but staying far away from it didn't help me get any closer to knowing my answer. 

In my journal that night I wrote, "....Thinking a lot about my job and what's next- credential and teaching feels like a big question and Elisabeth is right, it's not the best fit for us as we're highly sensitive introverts, and its just so much work. I don't really know my calling, my vocational career. But I trust that you (Jesus) have a plan for me." 

Now looking back now this a year later, after finishing my first semester teaching and taking over for a teacher while on maternity leave really showed me God's provision and plan. To just taking one step at a time was all that was necessary in the waiting, in the unknown and dark and in the desires unfold and direction to become clearer. 

I am so grateful for this journey and be guided and listening to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.