Youthful Adventures

 My memories of her haven't gone to her in years but the other night I seemed to have a dream or at least a remembrance of her. It was somewhat vague, but it involved henna, the lovely, designed tattoo that usually goes on your hands. Somehow it came back to my mind while I was reading and enjoying Malala Yousfzai's new book, 'Finding My Way.'

When I write 'her', it brings me back to my old friend from junior college, Nasira, or Nas as she sometimes called herself. We met on the first day of our Political Science class January 2013. The room was packed and I happened to be sitting way in the back, perhaps even sitting on the carpet. During a break, we somehow started talking and asked each other's majors (she was a Poli Sci major) and I was an English major and would probably emphasis in Literature. At the time, I was thinking about transferring to SF State. We clicked right away and I felt her interesting and inspiring to talk to. 

After the class was over, and we both knew we would be accepted into that crowded class and waitlist, we said goodbye and parted ways. Only a few minutes later did I see her at the bus stop, and we reconnected as I also took the bus. I learned that she was on her way to work- she worked at a clothing store at a nearby shopping mall. 

We sat next to each other on the bus and continued to talk further and we shared having many siblings in common! She a Muslim, I a Catholic, and her detailing her life in Russia growing up. She was Afghan and originally from there but felt more connected to being Russian and the culture as she spent most of her growing up years there. Though she spoke 5 languages, Russian seemed to be her most dominant and comfortable. 

We began to do various things together, as she had the ideas, and was able to get a car. I could drive and was getting more comfortable but didn't have access to a car yet.  I remember her birthday to be in late March, and just two months after meeting and befriending we had lunch out, Haagen-Dazs ice cream and went to a park to celebrate. I found it interesting since she offered to pay for everything after I mentioned to help pay but she disagreed. She said since it was her idea, she would pay! She also called me and thanked me for my birthday card. I thought that it was so different than my past friendships.

I remember one time we decided to go all the way to the city (SF) after school. We took Bart and spent the afternoon there and went shopping at a mall, got dinner and laughed and talked about the various people we knew. We also got lost in the parking garage for a while when we couldn't find her car. Nasira and I were both part of Student Government as Senators. I joined first before I met her, and later on she also joined. 

I feel life became more fun, interesting and dramatic with Nasira. Besides Political Science, we also took a drawing class together (my idea) and an International Relations Political Science, as well as Volleyball my last semester. She would happily do henna on my hands many a time at school and even on my sisters when she came over to my house, which was a number of times. 

We even got ready together for a formal dance at my house that a contact from student government put on with a lot of us. We enjoyed playing a rendition of ultimate frisbee on Friday afternoons with other student government people. Or the summer I was stressed and working at In-N-Out and we stayed up late and tried to watch a meteor shower with her sister, our mutual friend and my sister. And two years prior was when she went with two of my sisters and I. 

However, like many friendships do, I felt our friendship starting to fizzle out a year or so after I graduated from Junior College. I think it was more me, as I graduated sooner to transfer to university than she did, we had less in common, and I felt I became more serious. 

I felt a shift as I was going to a new school and didn't know anyone, and more an emphasis on my catholic faith. I started going to daily Mass and increase my prayer life and I saw huge shifts in how I spent my time, and the people I would spend it with. Ultimately, I felt that I had a lot more grace and an awareness of it in my life. 

Our priorities and lifestyles were different and that didn't seem to be a noticeable thing when we were in Junor College together. I just felt we were growing apart in our own ways, on our own unique and beautiful paths. Deep down, I truly believed we met and had our friendship for a specific purpose and time, even if she didn't hold that same belief.

Looking back, I'm so grateful for our time together, the memories, the excursions, laughs, and inside jokes. It was a very youthful time in our early 20's navigating college and the world at our fingertips. We learned from each other, and I think helped one another in our own ways. We had different stories and life experiences, opposite personalities and energies, different faiths but respected one another's. I'm grateful for God for putting her in my life at that special and pivotal time. 

Classroom Set Up

 Having my mom help me set up my classroom has been a real treasure. After working there for 6 months- the last half of the school year, I have created my own set of memories and associations. It was a busy and juggling time to navigate a lot more than just a new classroom, new school, new grade, new students, parents, colleagues, and culture to name a few. There was a ton of sifting through my head and processing all that had led and prepared me. 

I'm reminded when I helped my mom decorate her classroom when she was a master's student and student teaching. I was in late middle school, and I drew posters for her to put up in her college classroom which was very dull and drab. I remember one I drew was of a rose and connecting it with life's journey. My mom told me that a student admired and commented on the nice poster drawings to help build a more inspiring environment. 

My mom has been so helpful and comforting to have as I start to set up my classroom and truly make it my own for the first time. I've gotten to share more with her and paint more of a picture, and also for her to meet some of my colleagues who have been around here and there this summer.  For this past first year of teaching, the classrooms were already set up (which was kind of nice and helped me to focus on other things I needed to plan for), but I feel I'm ready this time around and have my own ideas and style to make it feel more like me. 

A school year is a long time, a lot happens. I felt that the spring semester at my new school went by very fast. Most of the days and weeks flew by. I would look back and wonder where had the time gone? I felt that the Fall semester at my first school was quite slower and took time to make it to some milestones (Labor Day, Halloween, Conferences, Thanksgiving Break). Maybe also since it was my first classroom teaching experience and everything was so new and what to expect.

 It has gotten a little easier, and I felt some things I have tackled a bit better with my second school, classroom management to name one, and having a better rewards system. I'm still getting acclimated to the curriculum, naturally, but that I'm sure that too gets easier and more comfortable overtime. 

Her Birthday Cards

 I find it interesting yet meaningful that when I read my dear sister's birthday card and opened up her gifts, it was in a loud and busy environment. It's something that wasn't too surprising for me as it brought back some memories of that hectic environment when I used to work there (same chain restaurant, different location.) 

It was meaningful because her presence and gifts are always so special and meaningful to me; her words capturing our sisterly love and deep relationship always makes me misty-eyed. The environment put me right back into my old workplace that I had only worked in for a few weeks over 10 summers ago. The well-known fast-food restaurant that is always noisy, chaotic and popular wasn't a good fit for me then, yet simply being back was special as well as for my other sweet sister who was visiting from out of town.

What's interesting is that time seemed to stop, despite the clamorous surrounding environment as I read my dear sister's beautiful, loving, affirming and comforting words. Tears quite easily streamed down my eyes and face, not out of sadness but of sheer joy, appreciation and gratitude. She always picks out the sweetest cards, thoughtful and lovely, speaking to the core of who you are and how she relates and knows you.

I have kept up the birthday card she wrote and gave me last year. 33 was such a precious and special year, our quick time together over muffins, pastry and coffee (in Petaluma on the way to meet up with out other sister), so she could gift me her birthday gifts. And this year, I have also put up her lovely birthday card- one speaking of elegance and prettiness of a three-tiered pink birthday cake wrapped in flower decor with elegant cursive 'sister' written above. Sister, a word that we have commonly used in other languages we've been studying- hermana, jie, schwester, cectpa, soeur. 

With all the commotion going on around us at the fast-food restaurant, there was simplicity and a sense of calmness and silence as I read her descriptive and gracious words and opened up her generous gifts. Something so ordinary, like eating at a fast-food chain I had used to work at, yet so meaningful and profound. 

We were embracing our soul sisterhood friendship, celebrating another year of life for me, and visiting and remembering close to our hearts her dear son who had passed way 6 years prior.

 It was nothing short of a gift. 

Sweet Sister Opposites

 Having my sweet sister with me on my birthday was a real treat. It was so special and memorable!

We haven't seen each other for a year but have been in contact from time to time throughout the school year. She is also a teacher! So, there is a lot to update, connect and catch up on.

We have some similarities, but we are also opposites. Where I am reserved, she is loud and talkative. Where I am more talkative, she listens and makes me laugh. Where I love thrifting and am naturally a spender, she enjoys seeing what I bought and commenting. The other morning, when I was wearing what I bought, she said 'That is so Colleen'. 

Where she is stronger headed and determined, I am slower and a thinker. Where her birthday is the beginning of winter, mine is the beginning of summer. Where I am a cat lover, she is also, and laughs at my intensity and silliness of loving our cats a little too much. 

Where I often leave my hair wavy curly, she blows dry her hair straight. She did blow dry my hair sleek and straight the night before my birthday!

I am working at the school where she went for Elementary School. 

We are 11.5 years apart. We have the same Alma Mater.

Book Day

 

My sister and I browsing (Vintage) books during our sister weekend in Davis

I realized the other day that it was a book day. From visiting the MLK SJSU Library and browsing some of its shelves, to donating my books at my local bookstore and then browsing the aisles while waiting for my name to be called for some small reimbursement (any amount of money is nice!) and buying a few cherished items right after.

Later in the day, I went to my public library, dropped off overdue books and then picked up books waiting for me.

It truly was an unplanned for book day, and one that I was happy and inspired about. Books are my love language- the written word, ideas, stories, adventures and perspectives. They are also gifts I love to give and share. 

Summer is the time for enjoying the slower days, and reading a good book (or more) is a treasure. 

Clean, Cleaning, Unclean

'I do will it. Be made clean.' The Gospel reading on my birthday struck me, not just because of the beautiful miracle and the leper's faith and humility, but also the word 'clean' has been my word for this year of 2026. 

It has cropped up in different ways over these past few months. And this past week alone was a week of cleaning and cleanliness. I had been cleaning a lot, decluttering the typical and usual spaces, but also my room that was desperately in need of organizing and vacuuming. And my humble and useful car for the past 10 years needed some love with washing and vacuuming for my dear sisters to ride in during our special sister weekend without all the messes, crumbs and dirtiness these weeks have brought.

 I realized how long it has been to vacuum these spaces and actually attend to cleaning it and noticing the effects, and especially the aftereffects of feeling relaxed, happy, accomplished and peaceful about it. Clean and unclean I have seen and read a lot in scripture and how it deals with not just physically and health, but also spiritually.

Jesus, help me to be clean from sin. Help me to see the areas where I need to be healed and be made clean. 

Strawberry Year

 I had to take a picture of this dress while I was shopping today. It describes the start to my new year, - my 34th year on this beautiful earth. I somehow in varying ways have depicted this year to be a strawberry year, filled with meaning and symbolism, sweetness, strength and fruits for this wonderful and blessed year ahead. 

When my sweet sister treated me to Starbucks on my birthday morning after going to Mass together, I order my usual drink- Hot Cafe Latte with a pump of Vanilla, and something new- strawberry matcha bread, it was super delicious! 

When my parents, my sweet sister who was visiting and I went out to a lovely brunch in town, the free dessert on your birthday came- it was strawberry cheesecake. Yum!

The birthday cake I chose and wanted for my birthday that was totally different than I've done in other years, was from a cute little French and Korean inspired cafe, and I wanted a strawberry cake. It was so good, delicious and light. 

When we came home from our lovely and very special and fun sister weekend in Davis, I dropped off my sister at her house. Beautiful to see her home, her cute and beautiful kids for a bit. One of her children was eating a little piece of basil and then gave me an eaten strawberry and put it in my hands. It wasn't until later that I realized all these connections to strawberries!

I looked up meanings and symbolisms, especially Christian meanings and I found some profound things. Some of the meanings that stood out to me the most are sweetness of God's love, the fruit of the spirit, the Passion of Christ, and the Virgin Mary and her virtue and humility. 

Our Lady of Guadalupe Behind Me

 I think Our Lady, specifically, Our Lady of Guadalupe has been guiding and protecting me this year. It's my first year of teaching, and I don't doubt Our Lady of Guadalupe's love and help. 

Back in August, for my training days, the new teachers and I from my school took a photo in front of an Our Lady of Guadalupe image. I thought it was a powerful and beautiful meaning looking back now. 

I can remember back to her glorious feast day on December 12th. We had a school Mass and I was anxiously praying for what was to come, the transition of my position and filling in for another teacher, or so I thought. I was also praying to our Lady, while looking at her beautiful statue display with St. Juan Diego and the colorful roses.

During lunch, I had an intuition that if I were to go into the lunchroom, I would encounter the teacher I would be covering for come January and hear more about my assignment. Lo and behold, she came up to me when I entered the room. She told me that her surgery was postponed and wouldn't be until March, and she was sorry about that. 

So basically, it changed everything, the whole plan of me staying there. I had to process the news and let it sift through my mind, my heart and be open to the next step. In the later afternoon, I taught my students about Our Lady of Guadalupe. I showed them the prayer card of her in my wallet from Mexico City, a bracelet and also rosary bracelet I was wearing. Sharing about her story, Juan Diego, the miracle of the roses and the tilma and all the various meanings on her image was intriguing for them. 

Just two weeks ago or so, I taught my students at my new school about Our Lady of Fatima. I also shared about Our Lady of Guadalupe, as I had a picture of her on one of my boards in my class. I shared with them the jewelry I was wearing- I happened to be wearing 3 bracelets with her image on them that day! They were excited and in awe of the connections, just as I was. My favorite bracelet- the beautiful rosary bracelet from my sister, her handmade dark green bracelet with Our Lady of Guadalupe on it as well, and the blue bracelet with her image from El Salvador. 

On Friday, I felt weary, exhausted and depleted. So much to process and mentally rejuvenate from. I went to the chapel to pray for a while, and as I was leaving, I remembered that the Our Lady of Guadalupe image was behind me.

I see her heling hand and prayers with me throughout this teaching year, and all the hurdles, transitions, joys and hard parts. She is always with us. She loves us and helps us be closer to Jesus. 

A Diploma With a Story

 Two years ago, I graduated with my master's in library science. I didn't know what I would do with this degree at the time, but what I did know, was that I would need some time to decompress, process, and embrace this new season. What was in store, what was supposed to take place, how was I supposed to use my education and experience? How was I supposed to heal from all the hard experiences prior, and all the achievements along the way, the fortitude, the long journey? It was exciting, yet also daunting and filled with uncertainty. 

I have had my diploma framed and hung up on my wall for a while. Recently, it fell off, so I took it down temporarily. I was looking at it and reflecting upon that time more. 

Ultimately, God led my steps little by little. He led me through my intuition and desires, my talents and interests.

I don't forget that time. I don't forget my graduation day, and all the grit, focus and sacrifices it took to get there. It was a challenge I needed, even if I didn't know all the details and steps post-graduation.

 I wouldn't be where I am and doing what I am today, I don't think, if I didn't go through that unique and personal journey that worked out well for that specific time. It felt mysterious at the time, but overtime it hasn't felt so, but more revealing God's plan. 

A Gracious Week

 There were some sweet and special things this week. A student gifted me a bracelet, well, she put it on my wrist and told me to keep it until the next day. And then it was until the next day, the next, and then the weekend. Working with young children truly shows me their innocence and sense of giving and love. Unlike adults, we have our attachments. Children give without counting the cost. 

This same student while we were in the church was asking different questions, it was the feast day of Our Lady of Fatima and she was asking about the statue in the altar. I was also telling her about the different details on the altar- the red candle, the cross, the tabernacle, the phrase- 'I am the Resurrection and the Life' in Latin. 

I loved her inquisitiveness. I loved that I was able to have more personal time to explain these things to her, while other students were focused and distracted on the set up of the event; it was sweet and special to share more information about our faith, about the church. 

Another student gave me a beautiful pink flower in a vase (not sure if it's a peony or another flower) just because. 

I was pleasantly surprised to receive a thoughtful card from my Aunt with a gift card for teacher appreciation week. 

Swimming with my mom

Making it to Mass in the early morning and still able to receive holy communion, going to confession and adoration and then picking up and finding wonderful books to read at the public library.

Not feeling so stressed and overwhelmed this past week. 

Receiving a kind email from a parent, showing empathy and consideration about me starting a new school, having new students and environment right at the middle of the school year. 

Finishing a book

Sharing with my students about Our Lady of Fatima, and St. Pope John Paul II being protected by Our Lady on her feast day (May 13) over 60 years later. 

Sharing with my students about the Ascension of Jesus. 

Celebrating my nieces and nephew birthday, their birthday party in San Rafael near the peaceful water.

A Shirt Turned Inspiration

 This shirt has been saved for a creative endeavor. I wasn't exactly sure what I'd do with it but somehow the possibilities would come to me. I needed to recreate the memories. The memories and associations to be honest, were often quite hard for me. I wanted to do something with this pain.

The last and only time I wore it was for our family reunion.

It was red.

It was hot.

It was special, yet exhausting.

It was distinct, hard, and stretching my interior.

I felt that I didn't have a purpose, somehow so many discouragements and lies were at me. Comparison to my siblings' lives and how mine looks was rampant. 

I needed to recreate some of my associations and memories and make something beautiful and creative out of them.

I realized my purpose, and God's plan for me at that time was to be of help, service and available for my sister and her family. She had gotten sick and needed some medical attention and later surgery. God also whispered this to me recently of my purpose. God's plans are mysterious but profound.

So, this was the recreation of my t-shirt. That red, sweaty t-shirt no longer looked and felt depleted from the sun and my energy, but God's grace. And I painted it. The paint oozing out never felt so good, like covering up the crumbs with buttercream frosting, hoping none of it will show. 

I wrote it all in German.

It's my sister and my 'sister's' or schwester' language we like to play along in, if only a few words!

A language I have learned, stop, relearned, put away, and then only to pick up once again. It has been my first foreign language I decided to learn on my own when I was newly 21. 

My dear sister put up the German word for 'hello' on the creative board she made for me for my 30th, straight from my old blog.

It's a part of me, it's part of my blood and heritage, if only somewhat distant. 

This shirt is a part of me, having my last name on the back. With every thread woven into my story. It's so much more than just the red shirt for that July day.

 God's plan and purpose always come out to be purposeful, meaningful, peaceful and beautiful.