Refreshment

 

I felt this drive, this vigor to study, to pursue, to accomplish. To create goals for myself, ones that last and have meaning and purpose but also challenging and motivating. I had a plan, to go to a new adoration chapel and upon entering I felt like God was waiting for me (He always is waiting for us) since there was no one there at the time. I took it all in, the beauty of the new and refreshing setting.

It was so inviting, so beautiful, peaceful, and quiet. I could let my thoughts in my mind and heart sink into the walls, the statues of Our Lady and St. Joseph, to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. It was a hard day. Another day of having so much in my interior to be sifted through from the day to process, to heal, to pray, to listen, to reflect and breathe. 

I noticed when I left the chapel, my breathing was lighter, peaceful and the strains and tension on my shoulders dissipated. Going to that chapel really helped, and also a new environment, a new, refreshing place to pray, to be still. 

Afterwards, I went to a cafe to study. One that I've been to throughout the seasons. I tried to review a little before I would talk to my brother on the phone. From the window, I could see the sky turn a light pink, the stillness and cool air enter as its shift was about to come. The afternoon was fading and evening was entering like a Polaroid as I slowly sipped, ate, and wrote down notes. My brother and I talked and caught up a bit, it was good. He was about to enter into his night shift. 

As I was driving home, I couldn't help but think of a year ago and where I was at, and what I was doing. I felt like I had grown so much, learned and been through growing seasons that stretched me in new ways, in good ways, in purposeful and painful ways. I felt like I was doing things at times a year ago just because, just to get it done, but didn't really believe it with all my heart, didn't really know what the result or outcome would be. I knew deep down that there were pieces missing to the puzzle. I just wasn't sure if I would ever find them. 

Like hindsight, like a bird's eye view, wisdom shows its face, and the past becomes clearer, more understandable. I see things clearer now, and I feel like God has laid out my path in ways I hadn't fully noticed, hadn't believed in, somewhat doubtful and unready. 

He will guide in my days, He will set a lamp to my feet to walk, to trust in Him.