November Chill, A Baby to Hold

Yesterday was a beautiful day. It was my nephew's first birthday and it was special to reflect upon this year and all that has happened. As my sister said when reflecting upon this year, 'it goes slow in the moment but when looking back it is fast and crazy to see how much he's grown.'

I couldn't reflect upon the birth of my dear nephew and all the transitions of his growth without mentioning a year ago for me. Fall this year and Fall last year look completely different. They are the same season, yet the experiences in them shaped me and influenced a lot. There was disappointment last Fall for me since I was going through a lot of deep emotions, and struggles of where I was and it wasn't what I thought it would be like. There is a lot to look forward to in Fall in my opinion, because of all the exciting festivities upcoming, the changing weather and leaves, and the end of the year. Somehow this inspiration, this excitement that develops wasn't really there for me like usual.

On top of that, I wasn't very busy and didn't feel inspired with what I was doing. Fall has always felt inspiring either with what was going on, my schedule, books being read, activities, thoughts, hobbies, projects. But I think last year, it was like I needed a change because what I was doing, my schedule was very routine in that it wasn't a challenge anymore or inspiring rather.

With my nephew among other nephews and a niece being born close to the same timing, I was watching a lot happen but life still felt somewhat mundane and in the waiting season for when things would start to pick up for me. I vividly remember how emotionally hard it was seeing my dear sister have a baby and have another human being to look after when I didn't know where things were going for me, and how to preoccupy myself to when that would be.

I got the privilege of seeing precious Santiago grow and change. As the weather got colder and the trees no longer had fancy colors, I experienced the closeness and warmth of a loving home, loving a baby. And being with him made all the difference for me! Though I was experiencing hardships internally, being with him and his parents no longer felt like the bleak of winter but like a warm spring. Santiago has always loved his comfort, like snuggling up and being held and caressed safely in his mom's or dad's arms. I can also easily seek comfort in my own life, and last year and parts of this year, it felt like my comfort level was pushed away since there was a lot of unknowns.

Holding cute little Santiago reminded me of trusting in God and His plan and unique timing, especially when things were feeling out of the plan. Having him rest on me, sleep on me, calming him, burping him, and rocking him were all tangible ways I could be rest assured that God was doing the same for me. Quieting my worries, doubts and letting me know His love through the people that love and care for me, all the gifts He has given me, my faith, everything I have has been given to show His love and concern.

Those peaceful lullabies and baby whispers have turned the page to a new season and stage. This Fall is looking a lot different, with more gratitude, excitement and inspiration to go around. May it continue to last, as we look ahead and be thankful for all that God has given us to hold and treasure.