Remembering Spring

 I continue to think about this word 'spring', and what it means in various seasons, memories, and events in my life. This was the word I got for last year, and in various moments, trials and experiences how much it resembled and spoke to me in my spiritual life and springing up the drought that we can often carry in our hearts. 

This word came to mind again when I was recently celebrating my sister's baby shower. It felt like a plethora of fresh air, not just to be away from literally the fresh, cool air outdoors and inside a warm, cozy and inspiring café brunch spot, but also to see women whom I haven't seen in a while, or rather for years. To celebrating the gift of precious life in my cheerful sister's womb was beautiful, lovely and to see again the other lovely women who are also close and dear to my sister's life. 

Various things came to my mind. I felt like it was spring, not so much with the threatening of rain outside and the chilly air of January, but the warmth of these women, of my cheerful sister and feeling part of a community I would say was refreshing, inspiring, moving. It reminded me of another time 2 years ago when my other sweet sister and I went to a Catholic book study and met other like minded women. It was held at my sister's friend's place and just being there spoke of creativity, inspiration and a room full of ideas. It was starting in late January, early February and already it was feeling like spring just being around other young women similar to me, striving to grow in their faith and devotion and coming together. 

Even if I didn't get to know the other young women there very well at that book study, it was still refreshing and enjoyable in its own way. I think a big part of that was community. Feeling part of something greater, and even better with those who are similar to you. 

Recently, I was thinking of my time with student government at my alma mater. There was a lot of community, but over time it started to wane on me. And overtime feeling more and more ready to move on from there and my experiences and the people. But even if community was a big part and an essential part to my time being a student there, a lot of it came from making it my own, my own thoughts, inspirations, endeavors around the community aspect. 

Spring was such a pleasant time, and I always felt doses of inspiration with my classes, experiences there. For instance, spring of 2013 taking an English Shakespeare class and feeling interested with the various plays, content and writing and even writing my own short story for the Anthology and reading my work at a small ceremony. (And just a few years ago, I began writing again and wrote a short story. Not too surprisingly, I titled it 'Noor's Spring', and it depicted the season and changes of the season in the main character's life.) That same spring of 2013, was also when my cheerful sister was getting married and we had a bridal shower and wedding plans going on. 

Spring 2014 looked similar but felt very different. And it's what I've been reflecting on in terms of this MLIS program I am now in. How very subtly I thought about that then, it was very much in the background. It was when my dear sister and I started training for a race for the color run! It was also when I went to daily Mass more frequently and could sense a change within my spiritual life, in my thoughts and in a large sense in my community and my associations. It's the same church I go to now to pray and pray in front of the Our Lady of Guadalupe image, just like I did 7 years ago.

 And when I think about that, it brings me back to this journey that I have been on, that God has gently and quietly lead. God has brought me into community, into communion with Him. Even if that community that I've been a part of, or I witnessed in my sister's life or on other occasions or experiences isn't present so much in mine now, it is all still good and beautiful. 

These Are My Flowers

 

"...My sorrows, my happiness, my little sacrifices-these are my flowers!"

This quote is derived from a wonderful and beautiful book about Leonie Martin or Sister Francoise-Therese, also known as St. Therese the little flower's older sister. It's a book I've been reading these past few days, and how to describe it would be amazing, interesting, comforting, spiritually enriching. How much wisdom The Little Flower has given the Church, and reading more about the family and in particularly, Leonie's path and journey is beyond beautiful. I feel that I am right there with them, in their sisterhood, struggles, spiritual journey and desires, so much.

 Above my bed, I have an image sent from my dear sister of the quote from St. Therese, 'My vocation is love'. How true it is, that our life is meant to be one of great love, giving, self-sacrifice and all for the glory of God. It's easy to forget that when some days are more dragging and harder than others. 

I feel so much connected to this French family, the spiritually enriching story of all the 5 sisters who became convent nuns (4 Carmelite, 1 Visitation Order). I only recently connected my wearing the Our Lady of Mt. Carmel scapular to this family, these sisters, and St. Therese. And also, learning that Leonie joined the Visitation Order after a few attempts. This order was found by St. Francis de Sales, another saint whom I was intrigued learning more about and happened to come across one of his famous books regarding spiritual direction, I was amazed. 

I feel there are so many crossovers with these saints, this family that feels more and more like home. And they are home, home in heaven, interceding for us. (My dear sister received the parents, Sts. Louis and Zelie as her patron saints of the year!)

I feel that my flowers are many, various things that can bring upon sainthood, holiness, I guess you could say the everyday, the ordinary. The above picture is an example of that, at my job, and doing my best to remain joyful, and attentive to how I can make it better. I was wearing a green scarf that brought me to reflection of these dear French sisters/saints, since the scarf is originally from France, a gift from my brother-in-law's mom. 

And I couldn't but help but think of Leonie's story, and how much I could relate in my own way. Her doubts, struggle, cricked path towards her vocation and seeing all her sisters- younger and older as well as a cousin go before her in their consecrated lives to God, full of joy, certainty and confidence for their clear path. How much beauty God bestowed on Leonie, yet how many thorns along the way of her suffering, and crosses in order for Him to lead the way.

While at Mass, I see mostly rose bushes, but I have sighted two or three luscious and vibrant red roses. I have roses in a vase on my desk now, and five more downstairs, all somewhat different but beautiful just the same. It reminds me of these 5 sisters, each their own unique path, yet facing the same direction, God. 

Just this week, we visited Ignacio's grave and put red and white roses on his grave. How beautiful it was, yet how melancholy and emotional. I feel more of his consolation, his presence guiding his little God mother. How much he can teach us who is so young, so pure, innocent and so wise in heaven. 

My flowers feel an array, with some of my favorites, roses, lilies, carnations.. Each day brings its own beauty, its own struggles, demands, its own graces.  But in the end, it will all be a gift back to God. 

As we visited the gravesite, how wonderful, enriching, eye opening it is to be near death, near our destination looking at all those who have gone before us, with their own journey, story, pain, joy. May all the various experiences of life be turned to flowers, a way to grow closer to faith, to God and become all the more beautiful because of it. 

Springing Forth

 'Spring' is the word that I drew for this past year of 2020. It was a random draw on a website I heard from my dear sisters, and I wanted to give it a try! I usually do a saint of the year to grow more spiritually connected to, learn more about and pray to. And a word of the year I would sometimes generate myself, depicting the details, events, happenings,  joys and struggles into a phrase or one worded summary. This year, I wanted to pick one and see how it could be folded into the intricacies of a past year that overflowed with depth, struggles, hardships, newness, rawness and interior growth.

I got the word 'spring', and at first I was a bit confused. I wasn't sure if I picked right, but trusted that this would be my word. Later, I reflected more and pondered upon this word. I didn't see it so much as pertaining to the season though it could. I delved more deeply into the 'springing up', if you will of new endeavors, growth, interior realizations, discernment, hope, trust, faith, and courage to name a few. 

It made me see 2020 as more than just a year that most would depict as the 'worst, or hardest year ever', but rather as a gift from God. It bestowed beauty, a beauty that most often wasn't present since it was so deep within me, growing fruit that was mostly painful and at other times unknown. 

Reflecting more upon this word brought me to think more about purpose. Purpose in the suffering, doubt, and unknown. I could see more so the inner workings, yet desperately wanted to in the moment. But isn't it true, that hindsight is always 2020, and I think there is a lot of growth and wisdom built upon last year. 

Spring makes me think of hope, as the season also brings that upon us with its blooming flowers, sunshine, singing birds and lighter evenings, as well as the celebration of Easter. One has to experience the dead of winter in order to fully appreciate and experience the fullness and beauty of spring. 

Spring brings to mind of water, a fullness of water. It's what Our Lady of Lourdes told St. Bernadette, "At these subsequent visits the Lady asked for a chapel to be built on the grounds, for Bernadette to pray for the conversion of sinners, and for her to drink  the spring water that was revealed to her at the grotto... the spring that the Lady asked Bernadette to drink from quickly revealed itself to be blessed water with miraculous healing properties." I can't help but smile connecting this as I'm doing a Marian consecration and it will end on the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes, (Feb. 11th).

Just as St. Bernadette drank from this healing spring, so too does Jesus have us come to Him so we can have life everlasting, as the sacrament of Baptism is issued with water. And as our dear Lord stated, "Let anyone who is thirsty come to me! Let anyone who believes in me come and drink." (Jn 7:38). 

And another beautiful Bible verse that I love from Isaiah and put as main quote to remember. "The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring. " (Is 58:11). 

I feel grateful to see more of the growth, the inner workings and beauty instilled due to various circumstances, trials, happenings last year. God knows what He's doing and will continue to lead the way this year of 2021!

My Path Towards Now

 I can't help but think back to the beginning 2014. It was my last semester before I transferred to University and there were a lot of changes and discernments happening. I knew where I would be going to school and fulfilling my English degree (though that would change later), yet I was uncovering the discernments that naturally happen as a student with what to do with that degree, what job or career path will it lead me to, and would I be a fit or good at that? 

These were one of the main questions that was circulating in my head come that last semester of Junior College and feeling ever ready for a change in scenery, new contacts and friends, as well as more independence in that I wouldn't know anybody where I was going next. 

March 2014, Student Government 'March in March' walk

I knew English was a large interest and passion of mine. Some peers and friends knowing that about me asked me to edit and look over some their essays. I was a tutor at an after school educational program  aiding young learners. I was thoroughly enjoying my literature class where we read, wrote and discussed women's literature, one of them being a beloved favorite, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. 

But there was something new for me which was pursuing and studying Chinese. It was a side hobby and one that I became passionate about to learn and use, and even Student Government friends and contacts would see me studying and engrossed in this new language. Language and culture had started developing in interest for me as I had befriended or met people from various places and backgrounds at school; either hearing their native language spoken in passing or trying out their cuisine and favorite food was eye opening into cultures I had never considered, delved into or really known. 

With regards to my pursuing English, I had briefly thought about becoming a librarian. I didn't know much about it or the different pathways, but saw it as a potential option (though not my only one) if I were to studying and receive a degree in English. I remember asking a librarian on the school campus a brief question and I think I learned from them that you would need to get a Masters. The thought of it didn't last very long, but I do remember researching a bit more on my own. That spring even, my sisters, parents and family friends of ours saw the play, 'The Music Man', and there is a character called 'Marian the Librarian'. I think we saw that play in the idea of a field of study/career I had, and also just for the fun of it. 

A few weeks ago, I was going through old prayer journals, and I came across me mentioning being a librarian from that year, but not too sure of it. Looking through that particular notebook brought back so many various memories from friends and contacts at that time and dilemmas, more interior growth, one of my sweet sisters moving back home from college, work and its own struggles, and desires to meet great friends and large pursuits once I transferred. 

I can't help but smile and ponder about it all, and see all the shifts, changes and journeys these past few years! And to know that I will be starting a Masters in Library Science this month is surreal, amazing, exciting, nerve wracking, and hopeful all at the same time.