This week has surely been a smoother, lighter, more joyful week. I can't say last week was, it was mostly everything this week wasn't- deeply hard, isolating, emotional, and sad. It came with a bitter feeling doubts, pain and a depth of darkness and discouragement I have never experienced nor want to again.
I prayed for consolation, and peace, even if things wouldn't change overnight, but that there can be some sort of sign, consolation for me to know that I'm doing the right thing, and on the right path. Of course at times, the consolation we seek doesn't always come to us right away either. And that was true for me. However, after confession and some spiritual direction on Saturday to a good priest, I felt so much lighter, joyful and peaceful. I was embracing the gorgeous spring weather, and the calm and relaxing weekend to set right again.
However, these consolations I've noticed have developed this week. I have begun to notice the little reminders of God's beauty, gifts, presence in even simple events, encounters, and experiences. On Sunday, Fr. Luke mentioned in his homily, that despite what these treacherous 11 months have brought us, all the pain and sorrow there have also been silver linings. Little angles helping and carrying us along this difficult journey, just as Jesus had angels ministering to him during the 40 days of the desert.
Yesterday at Mass, Fr. Mark's homily was all about signs and how wee seek them, ask for them to know God's will. And I immediately thought of my own experience with this just recently, and as many others can relate to in their own way. But the priest went further to say that the cross is the center of our lives, and we should to look to Jesus on the cross as our sign, as his sign of love, sacrifice and all that he endured for us. He chose that way, trusting in the Father's will, and how we can better trust and choose the way inspired by that.
It's so true that crosses will show themselves in our lives, perhaps even without any notice or preparation for it to be there. And this is what I was mentioning to my sister on the phone the other night, regarding our own crosses and seasons of life. How beneficial and consoling our conversation was!
Going to Our Lady amidst these crosses, sufferings, doubt, discouragement is something the good priest for confession told me, and how great a thing that is, to continue to trust in her, as she too had trust and embrace many sufferings in her own life. While reading the classic, Little Women I came across a beautiful part where Marme is talking to Jo about her temper and personality and what she's going through. I found it to be relevant and comforting.
"My child, the troubles and temptations of your life are beginning, and may be many, but you can overcome and outlive them all, if you learn to feel the strength and tenderness of your Heavenly Father..." (p. 117).
How many gifts, graces and beautiful things this week, small reminders of prayers answered and a continual hope. This is the sign to have hope, peace and a renewed strength in our everyday lives.
Some signs of consolation this week:
- A beautiful Mass for First Sunday in Lent (in doors!)
-Lovely runs
- Beautiful spring weather
-Adoration
-Mass
-My sweet sister calling me and talking on the phone
-A coworker calling and talking on the phone
-Remembering my late Grandma's birthday and wearing her jewelry
-Making a good confession
-Talking to neighbors
-Reading Little Women
-Reading Consoling the Heart of Jesus
-A new nephew born
- Listening to the last week of host Chuck Neff on The Inner Life on Relevant Radio
-Listening to The Cale Clarke Show on Relevant Radio
-Receiving full credit on my first assignment for my Program
-Making a delicious lentil soup and zucchini fritters for dinner
