Inspiring (in spring)

This year of 2021 had its own unique feel to it. In the beginning, it was exciting to start out new with my Masters program and just learn new things, enjoy the process and create a blog for one of my classes and research an information community- historians. I really felt connected with the parish I was going to in the early mornings before work and spending more time there praying, adoration and eventually going there more regularly on Sundays. 

At the end of 2020, I took the idea of my sister to write down in little pieces of paper good things that happened that day, or gratitude, with a Bible verse on the back. It was so beautiful and special to do that, and I look forward to reading through them all!! Something new that was spiritual was doing a consecration to Our Lady. I chose the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes- February 11th. It was a powerful, special thing to commit to, and I made a video about it. I want to do that again to recommit the Marian consecration in February. I also did the 54-day Rosary Novena for specific intentions. It was quite a long and intense commitment, but really beautiful. I started it on November 1st and ended on Christmas Eve. 

In terms of writing, I did more writing on my blog, of course:) But I also finished a story in March and have started another one this Fall. Writing always keeps me inspired and motivated and either allows me to process, reflect, or delve into my imagination and creative element. 

I read more books than last year. I read and finished 52 books, which any number is rewarding and an accomplishment! I went on a fun, busy and exciting road trip to Texas with my brother to where he would be moving to. We saw parts of Arizona and the Grand Canyon, New Mexico, San Antonio and into Houston. I will always remember that special trip with him, the miles and distance we made, and all the time we shared and all the sights we saw. We got along well, and it was such a cherished and special time to be together before saying goodbye and helping him settling in. 

Spring Break was beautiful and quite a treat to go to the central coast and SLO and see some missions along the way and spend time at the lovely Avila beach. It was the perfect get away for a busy time during the Easter season. It was quite interesting to read Jennifer Fulwiler's books during this time, it kept me intrigued in a riveting read. Keeping up with French studies with my mom, and reattempting with German! Languages help me stay inspired and think of possibilities and opportunities. 

There were a number of special times with my dear sister at her new house and area. It feels like an oasis with more open land and down to earthiness. And fun times to visit my sweet sister in Marin County and also get away and enjoy special outings with her. 

I got a big enough bookshelf for my books, mostly. And keeping my room in order and inspiring is always a work in progress. I donated my hair for the second time right before my birthday and it was very rewarding to get it cut off, a fresh look. One that I had been waiting for a year! Though I must say, I'm looking forward to having my hair grow out again! It was very special and beautiful to visit the Carmelite House on my 29th birthday!

Reading Elisabeth Elliot's was a real comfort and pleasure, a true kindred spirit. Reading more about St. John Paul II (my saint of the year). And those runs in the mid to late afternoon were always so helpful to get out, get some exercise, and enjoy the scenery. Podcasts or Relevant Radio are always nice to listen to as well on my walks.

That date with a guy I went on was a good muscle to work, though it wasn't the best date I've been on, it's always good experience. I was on Catholic Match for 4 months and got a good dose of being back on after a few years and connecting with other people. Trying to connect in other ways as well with people, like a young adult hike, a bible group and reaching out to contacts in the area. It's all been a learning curve and process but one that carries with its own rewards for getting out of your comfort zone! 

Visiting Ignacio's grave a few times this year has been emotional, but consoling. I feel connected with him, sharing the same birthday as well as being his aunt and God Mother. How close he is and guiding us from above! What wonder and awe that my dear sister is expecting again, due soon in February!

I would say this year was pretty emotional though. There was just a lot of inner depth, growing pains, and time alone in prayer, writing that was always very healing and comforting. I felt God was guiding me and showing me so much, beautiful as it was, it was also quite painful. A unique journey all its own! But there were so many graces as well, so much I've blessed with, it's incredible at times to reflect on it all. 

'Spring' was my word for this past year, and how much meaning brought forth from it. I got my word for this year, even into the new year, and its 'Rest'. I don't see that as coincidence at all, since the bible verse that immediately comes to mind is Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God". And the famous quote from the famous Saint Augustine, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in you". Rest is not just about leisure, but also resting in God's will, plan and time. As the bible verse, I read today regarding Simeon and the presentation of the Lord mentions rest, "He was an upright and devout man; he looked forward to the restoration of Israel and the Holy Spirit rested on him" Luke 2:25-26. 

I started the year with waking up to gorgeous pink sunsets in the early morning and reading the wonderful book, 'Dream and your dreams will fall short'. It was a very beautiful, unique, raw, sometimes painful time to be alone in that classroom at work during distant learning, but I made it all my own and honed in on the spiritual side and inspiration as much as I could. 

I was reading the book early in the year about Venerable Fulton Sheen, one of my favorites. And to close out the year, as a Christmas gift I got socks of him, so special! What a great way to close out the year and entrust more to this amazing man and soon to be Blessed/Saint! God has done so much this year and is/will continue to work and do what He does best, working amidst the unknown and in the dark. How ready, excited, hopeful and encouraged I am for this new year ahead!! A toast to 2021, and cheers to 2022!

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Lessons from George Bailey

 I recently watched the classic, and beautiful movie, 'It's a Wonderful Life'. I can't count the number of times I've seen this movie, but I grew up with it with my family watching it nearly every Christmas Eve on TV. I declare its my favorite movie, and my favorite Christmas movie. I watched with my dear sister when I was over at her house, and what better way to enjoy this season of Advent and upcoming Christmas season than to watch our favorite classic movie. Surprisingly, I got some new insights watching this time around. Maybe because there were no commercials, and I could focus more on the intricate details that I normally miss. I've memorized this movie, with all its characters and lines and intonations, yet missed some fascinating details along the way.

For instance, flowers. They show up in the beginning/middle part of the movie and something I had never really consider before. They're a certain kind if flower- rose and even lily like at some parts. There's a garden when the protaganist, George Bailey and Mary Hatch are meeting again as young adults after the high school dance graduation for his younger brother. And then similar flowers show up again in a rose garden like way in front of Mary's house when Geroge is 'perusing' passed, but not wanting her to notice as well as not quite sure where his life is going (You have to see the movie to understand). 

Once they get married, she's wearing a similar flower to before on her vest jacket on her wedding day, as well as when George and Mary have their first dinner together in their abode of a home after they are married. To me, these details symbolize hope, opportunity, and good things ahead. These flowers don't show up again, and I feel these purposefully show up in the in youth. 

To continue, there are framed pictures that I never fully notice before in George's childhood home. It's his last night before heading off to college and the night when he decides to attend the high school dance from his brother's graduating class (and where he re meets Mary Hatch). His last night or so George thought, he was eating dinner with his Father and talking about George's plans- attend college and travel and do big things. His father seemed a bit forlorn, and has been keeping up with his business, and seems a bit disappointed that his son won't take on the business ,but doesn't force him at all. Behind them, are two framed pictures and each have a couple of butterflies displayed. I immediately got the idea that this could easily symbolize both of them 'flying their wings'. (Spoiler alert: Mr. Bailey has a heart attack and dies soon after), and George is put into a difficult position of taking over his Father's job for his business instead of going to college. Also, the framed pictures of butterflies looked nearly identical, so like Father like son. 

Throughout the movie, and into the middle, George has strong feelings and experiences of being stuck, with the obviousness of his job, and with Mary Hatch (expected that he has to marry her..) But the expected was also unexpected and so much better than anticipated or imagined. 

He was the richest man in town because he was generous, a leader and truly cared about people and the community of Bedford Falls. He made a difference and an impact where he was. He didn't realize his oath was meant to be so simple yet effective. Mundane and hard, sacrificial, but beautiful and joyful. He was the most blessed by it and others. And in the end, he was the most passionate with God's plans for him, the happiest and most fulfilled. 

Merry Christmas!!

My favorite moment

A Semester to Remember

 I've been taking some time for reflection from this past semester. I've been looking at these past few months and want to write down some of the things I learned in this busy, fast, sometimes challenging, yet rewarding semester!

August leaf

It's weird looking back at August, and the last days of summer vacation and right before things would start up again and get busy. I remember our camping tent cabin trip to Mt Lassen with my parents that got shortened due to the approaching fires. It was the last cusp of summer and what felt like the perfect opportunity to go away and enjoy the beautiful outdoors up north ,didn't actually turn out as planned. But we had a nice visit with my Aunt and her husband on the way back, though of course the skies were still smoky, at least we were safe.

I wasn't sure how to feel starting up a new school year at my job and commit to taking 2 classes that semester for my program. It was hard to put in words, but it felt like something new along with something that felt rather routine with not a lot of enthusiasm behind it. It was a mixed bag. 

There were a lot of thoughts percolating in my head, adjusting to a lot and knowing that it would be a whole different semester and latter half of the year. I described it to my sister as a whole different type of cross, of growing pains than before. It's sort of silly, but I remember really not liking my hair length. It sounds ridiculous and vain, but after getting my hair cut in June and donating it, it was just so much shorter than I had wanted. I was missing my longer hair haha 

There was exciting news with my sister getting engaged at the end of July! It was beautiful to hear and read about the engagement and how her boyfriend proposed, at the Conservatory of Flowers! And just a few weeks later in mid August, my brother proposed to his girlfriend of 3 in a half years! Shortly after I heard about it and was even able to see the ring after it was resized and cleaned (a family heirloom). I recall those days in August joyful, yet at times painful. So much was on my heart, once again, but in a new way. And with two engagements it was initially a lot to handle. Most of the time when it got to be too difficult or emotional, prayer and writing down all my thoughts and feelings were the best remedies. 

And that was a busy weekend, with a Mass that we went to for the installation of a new pastor at my childhood parish we went to with my parents and Steven and Ali. And it was nice to have Steven visiting that weekend after not seeing him since our road trip together in early June. And that Sunday, the feast of the Assumption of Mary, was our sister day in Davis. It was the last official breath of summer for me, but it was memorable to spend it a new place with sisters, lunch, shopping and talking. It was great to chat more with Meghan about our love and devotion to the Carmelites!

When I think about the start of the school year, my mind goes back to dinner at Blue Agave. It was my Mom's and sister's birthday, and my parents and I went out to a nice local restaurant to celebrate her birthday. It truly felt like a summer's evening, with people dining outside and the lighting lingering and the air warm. We sat inside near the window to look out. I couldn't believe growing up here, I had never step foot in this restaurant, it was a real treat to have a nice meal together and celebrate. 

It was the first week of school both for my job, and my program was just starting up again. I was adjusting to my schedule again and remembering feeling very tired with the long block schedule and no longer being on zoom, but in the end so much better! We celebrated my sister's birthday that weekend by going to Santa Clara to the Shrine of Our Lady of Peace and then out to lunch in San Jose, and passing by my dad's childhood home.

Late August, my two sisters and I made plans to go to the city for a Sunday and check out some sites. That was a full day, but a lot of fun, and it was lovely weather. We attended Mass at St. Ignatius Church, walked around a museum, got lunch at a burrito place, and walked in the areas where we had our Hot Chocolate run in early 2020- feels so long ago! And also the place where Susie got engaged. It was a lot of walking, but worth it.

Susie looking out

The weekends were starting to feel more busy with plans on the weekends as well as assignments for my classes creeping up. I was enjoying what I was learning and especially liked my Professor for Information Retrieval Systems, and felt like I was learning so much. Labor Day weekend, we had sister time again with visiting Susie in Marin County and sleeping over. We talked a lot of wedding planning and just had fun being together, relaxing. We had a nice Mass in Petaluma and goodbye lunch for Ricardo's mom and met more of his family.

To help me throughout the week was attending Mass before work. It would sometimes feel like a sacrifice to wake up earlier, but in the end it was worth it and it would always make my day go better and have the graces I needed. I already knew my favorite class to sit in on at work was a U.S. History class. The teacher had so much passion and enthusiasm, it wasn't in an overwhelming or exhaustive way, but for me since the moment I stepped foot, it was inspiring and enjoyable. I've been relearning a lot ever since. 

My dear sister and I met in mid September and it was so nice. We enjoyed lunch at Panera and perused around a bookstore. I was touched and honored when when asked me to be the god mother of her baby in her womb, immediately I started crying and said yes!:)  In my thoughts, in my prayer journal, and in lamenting to my parents or sisters, this semester I admit has been one of complaining and frustration. There have been days where I'm not sure the next step, or how to make things better when they are hard and feeling unstimulated at work. That's been a big part of my prayer to God too. How much I've been cultivating this thing called creativity and innovation to make the inspiration come again, and to make the hard parts lighter.

 Another focus had been loneliness. I hadn't fully realized it was a gift in the form of a cross until my dear sister and I started reading Elisabeth Elliot's books, and what she shares about her own life and sufferings and loneliness. Finally, it felt like this burden could be brought forth in a more spiritual way, and for a particular reason. Through the Fall months, I was enjoying reading some of her books and gaining consolation as well as inspiration. 

I remember late September was Ali's good bye party at out house before her big move to Houston. It was exciting and joyful to celebrate, but again one that left me a thorn in my side. There was a lot going on with wedding details, and just things that I couldn't fully relate to now that sometimes it just feels like a lot, that I can't contribute and that's where it gets hard. It really has been its own cross! I remember going back to work that week and feeling slightly off, but then realizing that the Fall feeling was in the air and other things was exciting. Knowing that its it own season, everything is passing. 

October came and that's when my parents went up to Yosemite for a few days (still some smoky air), and I had Navidad to myself to keep me company. :) I made brownies for a baby shower I was attending at work, but then decided to buy them instead. It was exciting celebrating 2 teachers at work who were pregnant, but of course comes the interesting side of navigating conversation with co workers. In the end, it was better than I anticipated. We met up with my dear sister one day in October when she wasn't feeling too well, and we kept her company and helped with Santiago. We had lunch all together with my Mom, and then her and I did some shopping together for much needed Fall clothes- that was a real treat!

October left me the feeling of where can I connect with others like me, in my situation? Some days more than others brought that further into my heart and desires. It wasn't until a phone call with Meghan when we were able to chat and she brought up reaching out to an old friend of hers who was in the area and same stage of life/situation as I am. I had only briefly considered reaching out to this person, but then thought against it, perhaps it being rather obscure. But her encouragement made me more motivated to do so. 

Again, the weekends were fairly busy with work to do for my classes, assignments and even projects. It kept me challenged and motivated. Later in October, I babysat my sweet nephew Santiago and then the next day we celebrated Halloween together, and did trick or treating with him, that was a fun night! A few days before, I was inspired and encouraged hearing about the first Blessed Millennial, soon to be Saint Carlo Acutis. He would be around my age if he were still alive today, and I found his story and witness to the faith so beautiful and encouraging. At work, I researched him more and wrote down quotes from him to help and remind me. My dear sister sent me this prayer excerpt and it made me feel so blessed, and also enriched my faith, and trust. It was truly comforting, I love it.

November came around and I was excited for the Fall season to continue! And with the feast days of All Saints Day and All Souls, how beautiful and rich. I realized that November is at the top of my favorite months. With the anticipation of Thanksgiving and a break and Advent, there is true excitement in the air. I got inspired semi- randomly to learn German again after many years.

 It was such a breath of fresh air to finally have a day off on Veterans Day and take it slow, go to Mass and go to Starbucks and do some French studies with my Mom, that's always a joy! There was beautiful sunset glow through the vineyards that evening.  A little later on, I did meet up with an old friend of my sister(s), and it was wonderful. We had a great time catching up and getting to know each other better. 

In early November, my Uncle was visiting, and it was great to catch up and see him. We had an early birthday celebration for him and Santiago. Thanksgiving was almost here and my dear sister and I met up in Martinez like we did before during the pandemic and it brought back those summer memories. We had a lovely brunch and walk. 

Shortly after was break and my oldest sister and her family were coming to visit, so it would be a busier yet exciting and full break to see them and have some more quality time with them! Thanksgiving was very special and memorable with my dear sister and brother-in-law hosting, and having a good number of family members. We stayed up late and had a late drive back home, but it was so special. 

And then Advent started, and November was nearly over and a new liturgical year was in tow. How fast the year and semester had gone! My projects for my classes finished up and it was rewarding to look back on all that I learned. I reflect upon this past second half of the year, there has been a lot going on both inwardly and outwardly, but everything has been a blessing, a learned experience as well as a grace from God. 

A reminder from a picture from my sister

As I'm recovering from a cold and fever these past few days, it has taught me to slow down, breath and be present to the moment and just rest. I've enjoyed listening to the saint summit talks along with my sister and learning more about the saints, as well as speaker's podcast I really like. Although I haven't finished all my Christmas shopping yet, it will get done, this time in Advent is so special. Here's to the approaching Christmas season and closing out 2021! 

237 Apartment Memories

 I am reminded by my dear sister and brother in law's first apartment in Fremont. They lived there for their first year in a half of marriage, and I would visit them often. It was those days of adjustment, change and often times nostalgia and sadness of not having my sister at home anymore. But it was those days of bloom, joy, richness and growth that we were able to meet up and visit each other and do fun things like go to our favorite Starbucks in Union City, take walks, watch movies, have sleepovers, go to Mass and thrift shop!

Many precious memories come back to me when I think of that time of Fall 2016, leading into 2017 and eventually until they moved, May 2018. Those were days where a lot was on my heart and mind. A lot of the time, things felt dark, and cloudy, heavy and melancholy. It wasn't until I would visit my sister that it would help those longings go away, rekindle much needed inspiration and learn how to continue on without her directly in my life, directly where I lived. 

I have sweet and fond memories of taking walks, and bike rides to the little nursery, and to Quarry Lakes. Of seeing the water sparkle as we took a break at a bench nearby to look out during our walks or bike rides. We would easily spend a number of hours at Starbucks chatting away, reading, and studying language with a black and white map of the world displayed nicely and inspiringly in the background. So many conversations, and deeper ones too, so much that was going on interiorly.

I remember Thanksgiving dinner we had there, their first year of marriage hosting and providing a wonderful and memorable meal. Just a week later we went out to a Persian restaurant for a report I had for an Anthropology class. I still have that photo. I loved the ambiance and little touches my sister displayed in her new home, and the big, glowing Christmas tree for their second year of Christmas and how it enlightened the room. We watched our favorite movie, Little Women that night and the lights sparkled, and our hearts laughed.

In the spring, I brought red orange roses and they were displayed on the table, and I talked about job prospects and the very real, hard transition of college to work, of being lonely and figuring things out. I remember being there for the exciting news of her first pregnancy, as well as the very devastating and sad news of her miscarriage and supporting her through it all. 

Those walls, that space held our hardships, our hearts that were at times aching, other times laughing and connecting, crying or just thinking and praying. Those walls and the company in it helped and carried me through a difficult season, one that I'm sure I will always remember and hold dear, because it taught me a lot and showed me a lot even through the pain. I look back on those days with gratitude, hope, inspiration and lessons to hold on to in these cold days of winter and light and grace filled days of Advent.