A Lookback at My 20's (Part 1)

As my 20's are coming to a close, I thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to reflect and write about this past decade. As most say, their 20's hold a lot of ups and downs, plenty of learning curves and growth, and even tumultuous hardships. I would say some of the things that remained for these 10 years have been my Catholic faith, working with students in some capacity, love for language learning, and continuing with my writing whether it be blogging, creative short stories or in my journals. So, here we go!

My 20th birthday was exciting but also held a sour taste- only because I had to work at my new job on my birthday, and nobody knew it. (I didn't tell anyone). But it was rewarded by celebrating in the evening and going on a bike ride in the light summer twilight. The morning of my birthday, my mom gifted me with a book on short stories literature since she knew I was an aspiring English major. 

That year would bring about abundant change and growth in developing my leadership skills by joining Student Government at my Junior College and meeting new people. I was frequently writing on my blog, (at that time called kingfisher writing.) There were many things blooming, and with my first year finished at my school, I was finally settling in and feeling more comfortable and excited. I was growing and learning a lot at my new job at Kumon. It was the first job that I stayed with for a longer term, and it was a good experience.

My sister Elisabeth was an au pair in Italy that summer, and my sister Meghan was dating and newly engaged that Fall to her fiancé.  I finally passed my permit test and got my license, just a few months after turning 20. Though I did enjoy taking the bus to campus, meeting new people and listening to music or reading, it took a much longer amount of time. I was ready and excited to drive. 

Student Gov't ppl at In-N-Out

Another exciting thing in my varied schedule was going to Berkeley once a week to attend Circle- a group of college aged women to receive Catholic formation. It was before the Center was built, so we met in Downtown at a cute and cultured coffee shop called Cafe Roma. In spring, I got my short story published in the school anthology and I was able to read it at an event the school hosted that some of my family went to. That was really special. In April my sister Meghan got married and it was the first family wedding in 9 years after my oldest sister. 

Nasira and I after Student Gov't meeting

That year, and overall, in Junior College I met a number of people and contacts, and I would be amiss of not mentioning the guys I met. I had my fair share of guys who were interested in me or just playing games. I didn't date anyone and found that the quality didn't meet my standards. There were times where I was somewhat interested but was very naive and not knowing the full picture, like a guy who I met from an English class but over time realized he just wanted to get good grades on his assignments so asked for my help. I think he was slightly interested but not mature enough to initiate anything or share his intentions. It all became quite complicated, and it was all meant to be when that 'contactship' if you will end when he moved to Switzerland to pursue a hospitality management program. 

 The summer came around and I took 2 summer classes- Intro to Jazz and a Jogging class. My parents, my brother Steven and I went to Ashland, Oregon to attend our cousin's wedding on the first day of summer. On the way home, we stopped by Chico and the University there, where my parents met and an option for Steven to go. I became close friends with Nasira whom I met in my Political Science class that spring semester. We also hung out that summer. 

Chico

Student Gov friend- DJ, and Nasira

Steven's HS Graduation

That summer of 2013, I turned 21. I made sure I wasn't working at Kumon and though I was taking summer courses they were fairly easy and laid back. The guy who I wasn't fully friends with nor was I dating took me out to Cheesecake Factory and it was my first time there, then we met up with Nasira who was working at Macy's. In the summer, Nasira and I went out often to eat at Afghan restaurants, and she would do henna on my hand, and I remember it smelt so good and it was so relaxing, plus the design was always very beautiful and artistic. She taught me some Russian since she lived there for a number of years with her family before coming to the States, and her knowledge of other languages were always interesting to hear. We also learned early on that we both came from big families and being one of the younger siblings.

Meghan was newly pregnant; Elisabeth was going to Monterey for an intensive language program and Susie was off to Spain as an au pair! I remember feeling like everyone was leaving again, all my sisters were in different phases and opportunities, and I knew I would miss my sisters again who were leaving for the summer. 

Elisabeth came back home in early summer, and I have fond memories of our times together such as language learning and going to Starbucks to study our languages- her, Spanish and me, German. Fall lingered in and I was busy with work, 3 or 4 classes and Student Government. My dear sister Elisabeth and I had a lot of fun memories together then as well as she was navigating jobs. We became closer since she had been living at home. We slowly began preparing for our color run race by creating an exercise schedule and even going to a ministry event from an old contact in town that late summer. I was getting interested in studying German and was inspired by talking to my cousin at her wedding about German since she had also learned it. 

I was growing my hair out and it had been sometime since I had cut it, but I was trying to grow it out to donate and it had basically been a life goal. So in February 2014, I got it chopped off! It was quite an accomplishment and I had an idea of how I wanted it took look, I wasn't fully pleased with the short hair cut and bangs- it was what I wanted but learned Great Clips wasn't the best place if you wanted a lot of hair cut off. 

Waiting at Great Clips

January of 2014, I started will full force to learn Chinese! I was inspired and motivated by the difficulty in the language and was up for the challenge. I received a red notebook from Susie from the last Christmas, so I used it for my Chinese studies. It was an exciting time learning a whole new language, an Asian language. I found that it was a lot easier to pick up and learn compared to German because of all the learning tools online and books. 

Siblings! After Mass, early February

The spring semester was fun, lighthearted for me mostly. Meghan had her baby, Daniel Clement in February and I remember we went up to see her and meet and hold little Daniel. Susie had moved back home from college and I got her the job at Kumon, so Steven, me and Susie were all working there! Elisabeth and I were getting in shape for our 5k run and had a memorable time getting doused with color in March.

There were fun Student Government events that were being planned such as a Masquerade dance, and I had a good schedule with my job. I remember really enjoying one of my classes that Spring semester- Art History. I learned so much from my teacher and still recall a lot of that knowledge till this day! It was my last semester at my Junior College and I was slowly starting to transition to my new school and transferring where I didn't know anyone. It was exciting to think about but also a bit daunting and scary. That soring semester I recall I was delving more into my faith, going to daily Mass and things were starting to shift for me, and that came slowly with the people and friends I knew from student government and being more present to God in my life. 

Student Gov't

For Memorial Day, we went to Santa Cruz for the weekend. It was crowded and full of people going there, but it was a special time with my sisters and parents since we stayed over night and enjoyed the sun. Susie really got into her camera skills taking pictures. And yay, I was complete with my journey through Junior College and received my AA. 

In May, we hosted a bonfire gathering with other Catholic young adults. Elisabeth planned things well and baked and we decorated and set up music. It was our first ministry event by just pulling from the people we already knew. That was special. 

It was a busy summer working at Kumon and saving money. We went on an extravagant family camping trip in Sonoma area. It was beautiful scenery, and it would be the last full on family camping excursion. And it would be where we celebrated my 22nd birthday. It was special to be with family and I remember going on a hike and seeing Jack London's grave. 

Family Camping Trip-Matthew and I

Just a few days after, Elisabeth and I were in Berkely exploring and went to a cafe and I wrote in my notebook that my uncle gave me for graduation, "I feel that turning 22 is pretty cool. I think I'm going to like being 22. It's better than 21 because that can be overrated..." 

And my next entry was, "I don't like casual relationships, that don't seem like a big deal and are super informal and anything goes. Like there's no room for growth or love or generosity, creativity, faith or hope to reside in. I want more than that. I desire more than that...It shouldn't be complicated but instead simple. There should be lots of laughter but some seriousness too. Reflection and deep spirituality, reverence for God and the church as well as for the woman, respect and love."

That summer was a long one, but a good one. As I said, I was working a lot at Kumon with Susie, and relishing in my 3 years in Junior College and reflecting on those memories while preparing for transferring to University. I remember Elisabeth and I went to a TOT in South Bay with the Navarini's, and Susie, Elisabeth and I had a fun day trip in SF touring the city one day in July. I decided to stick with Chinese as I was bouncing back between German and Chinese. I have fond memories of going to Starbucks sometimes on those summer days after going to Mass together with Elisabeth and enjoying our study sessions. 

I became so invested in Mandarin and wanted to learn as much as I could before school started that I decided to go to a meetup group in SF. I felt pretty brave because I was going alone and didn't know anyone and had never been to the group before. In the end, it wasn't what I thought it would be like since it was mostly native speakers, and one guy trying to talk to me who I felt was interested in me. That was the last time I went to that group. lol

September came around and I will always remember that was when the Haslam girls- our nieces, came to stay with us for 2 weeks. It was a busy time, having our young, cute nieces be on a schedule and entertained like doing dance parties, going to parks, getting In-N-Out. Late September I started school, and it was a whole new world, bigger, exciting, as well as daunting. 

Park Time with Haslam girls, and Sharja

delicious Tunisian dinner Sharja made

The rest of the year was filled with many things, such as a big family gathering for the funeral for my grandparents. The year ended with the three of us girls going to the city for NYE and Elisabeth seeing Salvador again and them officially starting dating. I was so excited for them, and it was amazing to finally meet him in person after all the things I had heard about him from their online language exchanges. 

The rest of being 22 leading into 2015 was discernment about my major, since I didn't really feel acclimated or enjoying my English classes. So, by early Spring I changed my major (with the help of Elisabeth's ideas) to International Studies, which was more a self-disciplinary major with a wide set of classes, and I felt excited for this new experience. 

There was also a big part of me that was thinking about transferring schools. There was dissatisfaction, loneliness, missing the days of community in Junior College. In my journal I wrote, "Growing is always painful but it's truly the best way for us to know ourselves. I know that I have grown by being alone and not feeling part of something bigger. We become creative when we feel that we need to change something. I'm not fully sure why, but I feel afraid or unsure of things.... Never give up on God, yourself or hope!" 

It was still difficult connecting and meeting people. I had already tried out Student Gov't the Fall prior and getting into a position, but within 2 weeks left since it was too overwhelming and didn't yet feel part of the campus community. In the end, I decided it was best for me and meant to be to continue with the school I was already at.

Commute to school

That spring Elisabeth and I took a local exercise class together once a week and tried to stay in shape through the 7 minute work out app! In April, I had the unique and cool opportunity to attend a Chinese Language competition in SF. My Chinese teacher recommended me and I was able to see and meet other Chinese language learners like myself all competing and memorizing their speeches. It was fun and special to have Susie attend with me. 

Summer came around and somethings that were happening were Brian and Kellie's wedding coming up in late June. I was also thinking about switching jobs, a change of scenery and learning other skills, since by then I had been at Kumon for 3 years. I was thinking about maybe working in customer service or a food place. 

We celebrated my 23rd birthday a few days early. And with other family, right before the wedding since my birthday was the day of the rehearsal dinner. 

Rehearsal dinner birthday

Sister-in-Law!

In late July I started working at In-N-Out and early August I left Kumon. It was a busy turn of events, but I felt ready for a change. I quickly learned though that I was missing the quieter and slower paced at my former job, I wasn't used to the high noise level, the sever busyness and the overcrowded feeling like you're in a fishbowl. I was working around 35 hours a week and felt merely drained and exhausted. I was feeling intimidated and like I wasn't getting better at the register. I liked helping out with the drive-thru drinks because it was a bit more predictable and not as direct. I was 23 but felt like I was 17 and was mostly around younger workers, who probably also thought I was younger than my age (story of my life lol). I was stressed and not enjoying the work, the many days of working in a row and so I decided to quit late August. I realized I had been working straight for 3 years and needed a mental break before school started up again. 

That summer brought with it its own transitions and challenges as well since Elisabeth left for El Salvador to be with her boyfriend- soon to be fiancé! It was 2 months of not having her at home. I had experienced that before but this time in some ways felt different. But luckily, we were able to Skype a few times and keep in teach daily on Viber. It was so wonderful and interesting to hear about her time, learning curves in culture and special times with Salvador. And come late July, she was engaged!!

Painting my room with Mom's help

Half Moon Bay

That Fall quarter was a little load where I could just focus on my classes and trying to progress with Chinese, though I didn't like my class as much since it was Intermediate, and I felt that there was big jump of information that was skipped. There was Ethan, a guy who I met the prior quarters from Chinese class and sometimes we would see each other on campus. He was a few years younger than me, and he asked me on a date earlier in spring. I wasn't very interested after that date but later on I felt like we could chat sometimes and at least knowing someone else on campus was comforting. We would go to the library and sometimes work on homework, but I wasn't interested, we were just friends, contacts even. I assumed he thought the same, and I pushed back any other thoughts away from my mind. 

That Fall, I went to a concert with him, it was his favorite band and he didn't want to go alone. He took me out to a sushi type restaurant and then headed to the small concert. It was fine enough, but didn't really think anything of it. It wasn't until the next time he wanted to hang out, and I declined and said I was busy. It all kind of crumbled from there because I found out that he did like me (him trying to pass by me on my route on campus was a give away..) and I told him I wasn't interested in him like that, he seemed sad and then we went our separate ways.  

One of my favorite classes from that Fall was a Hip Hop dance class. I never took any dance class, but that was an interesting and fun one. 

Tree I saw after Hip hop class

Meghan and I

The closing of the year came with a nice hike for my Dad's birthday, attending a Muslim wedding for Nasira's sister, and celebrating NYE at the Navarini's house with Susie with games and laughter. There was discernment of what I should do for a job. It was a Gid send when our neighbors had a friend who wanted an English tutor. I got in contact with them and started in January 2016 creating English lesson plans for Chinese students. I loved it and that I was in education, and could still be creative. 

2016 rolled around, and I will remember it to be a very difficult and challenging year the whole way through. That spring I went on a date with a guy from the ministry Susie started up. The second date was awful actually, more like horrendous. I learned a lot from that experience of really seeing and getting to know the person in person and not via texting, phone or other devices. It took me a long while to fully recover, process and heal from that and I was feeling depressed, the first time experiencing this odd and uncomfortable lingering feeling. What helped a little was learning Arabic and getting immersed in a new language and culture.

Transitions were happening with planning to go aboard for my major. I had scratched out Taiwan and China but wasn't sure how to go about this required experience for my major. I was praying and praying, deeply unsure of what to do. Finally right before I was about to apply to summer program in China, I got accepted to the 2-week program in Rio de Janerio, Brazil!! I was filled with gratitude and anticipation. And I saw that I would be gone for my 24th birthday while there, so we celebrated early again, and I left around Father's Day and wouldn't be back until the fourth of July. 

It was a bittersweet time, and I had an intuition that it would be hard. In some ways it was, but I was blessed to see that my many prayers were answered when I met a girl with the study abroad group who was also Catholic, at least culturally (I saw her necklace she was wearing was of Our Lady of Guadalupe), and then I knew I could to Mass with someone. And we connected right away, and did things, similarly, thought about the other people who were with us on the trip similarly, and it was comforting to know I wasn't alone. 

It took a good 2 weeks to fully adjust back home. (I felt culture shock when I came back home but not going to Brazil lol). I remember going to some Ministry events with Susie that summer. And then in August, we were off to El Salvador with Mom, Dad, Susie, Elisabeth and me for Elisabeth and Salvador's wedding. That was a really special time to celebrate and witness, and to be there for love and support of them. I felt it was pretty easy to acclimate to the culture since parts of it reminded me of Brazil. It was super humid, but those memories are really special and beautiful, and to see Elisabeth and Salvador's love for one another and meet his lovely family were treasures. And it all happened on Salvador's 30th birthday! 

Visiting San Salvador Cathedral

We had a short trip there and I wish we had more time to see and explore. When we came home, I felt inspired to start up another blog (I had tried in the years passed but I never stayed with them -Give me a Clue and Chalk for Pyat'). So, on August 15th- the feast day of the Assumption of Mary I wrote my first post, which is on this blog! :)

 Unfortunately, it wouldn't be long that I felt very anxious (my first time feeling that way) due to an individual I had met earlier at the library. It was the worst week of my life, and luckily it went away and was able to talk about with family. I can always remember how horrible and uncomfortable that feeling was, but grateful to God and our Lady for protecting me. 

In October, Elisbeth and Salvador had their reception for the rest of the family here. That was very special and beautiful. Mom made the cake, and I gave a toast. It was also a melancholy time as she would soon be moving and starting a new life and chapter.

Susie and I had some nice bonding times as Elisabeth was married and would soon be moving out. It was a unique feeling for all of us and Susie and I attended some ministry events together too. It was a rough time interiorly knowing that my dear sister would be heading out and just the transition of not seeing her on a daily basis was bitterly painful. It took a good 6 months or more to transition and get used to the changes. Fall of 2016 was quite melancholy and hard for me. I felt super alone at school and isolated. 24 was already becoming a rocky road with emotions, and I will remember it to be lots of growth, learning curves and one of my harder years. It gave opportunities for Susie, Steven and I to have more times together! And it was special to meet up with Elisabeth when we got the chance, those were unique and distinct days of our own transitions and growth. 

The closing of the year was with most of our family coming together for Christmas. It was a busy, blessed time. I was so looking forward to closing out the 2016 year. I went on a very memorable, beautiful and special road trip with Elisabeth and Salvador down the coast. They picked me up in SLO after I took a bus there, and we saw a few missions, I think my favorite being Mission San Miguel and Mission Santa Barbara. We went to Mass there on New Years Day. I will always cherish that time, bonding with them and looking forward to what was ahead in 2017.

pismo beach

Come spring, I was so excited and beyond ready to graduate! I had been freelance tutoring students but was also looking for an opportunity to volunteer. I was researching for several months and praying which way to look. It would come about on the feast of St. Joseph the Worker that I would start volunteering at the local Senior Center, and I was excited! (It would be a month or so prior where I saw the add in a magazine and I instantly felt inside a calling or a feeling that I was interested in volunteering there). Thise times of volunteering there were amazing, and I enjoyed serving food and cleaning and being there for the seniors. I felt productive and of service. I was inspired with food since I had gotten more into cooking and making different dishes and looking at cookbooks. I knew I was in the right place. 

Within the week of graduation, I was volunteering and also got a job at an afterschool program that was doing a summer camp. I would be a classroom teacher for 5th grade. I was excited but also a little but it felt daunting so I would ask Susie for advice of how to lead a classroom full of 11 year old's. In the end, the summer turned out to be a good experience, and I was happy to be busy. I was still tutoring on the side, volunteering, and studying for my CBEST Test. Then it was my 25th birthday. To be continued in the next post!

Recalling memories and flowers

 

Upon praying in front of the Holy Family statue after Mass, (my favorite) I remembered that 5 years ago today, I graduated college. These flowers reminded me of the beautiful bouquet of bright flowers I held that my dear sister and family gave me as we took photos on that hot day on the field. 

Right now, it feels just like summer with the summer heat creeping in, the school year finished and relishing and enjoying these slower paced days, and the month dedicated to the sacred heart of Jesus. There is so much sweetness and beauty to bestow and take in. As John Mayer said in one of his songs, 'So much sacred in the month of June.' 

5 years, and so much has happened! I remember upon graduation, I was so ready and excited to close the chapter of what was a loopy, difficult, and lonely navigation of a road for those 3 years at university. It felt like I was finally coming out of a dark tunnel and could begin to see the light, with my family by my side. It was a breathtaking, joyful and surreal moment after all the isolation, and struggle. 

I remember I had my full name called for walking including my middle name, confirmation name as well as my Chinese name (meng lin) since I felt it was a symbolic gesture to include as I was graduating from college and my Chinese studies. We celebrated by going out to lunch at The Counter, and I received sweet cards and gifts, like a one-hundred-dollar bill from my brother, (thanks Matt!) and just enjoying the celebration with my family.  

You could say I learned a lot and although was beyond ready to start the undergrad journey, I didn't quite know what it would entail. I was just about to turn 25, and it would become one of my best and enjoyed years throughout my 20's (more on that later). I guess I felt like there was so much to look forward to after a rather trying time. That looking back on now was actually a very sacred and precious time despite the large learning curves, adaptability and disappointment in undergrad. I look at that season as making it my own and coming alive, and I'm thankful for that. 

I had some things to figure out and work out. But I was up for enjoying the process of it all, and not being a student for a time. I felt free and liberated. Of course, I was still navigating the friend thing and forming community but was wide with wonder of being in the working world after craving it for a long while. I was able to serve and be busy, and it was an active, and rewarding summer of really enjoying what I was doing. 

It was that summer where this blog got a new name (plum tree to samakti), and I began writing more on here as well as attending some ministry events with my sweet sister, volunteering weekly at the senior center, administrating and teaching a whole classroom of 5th graders and being innovative with inspiration strategies like a quote of the day, table points and prizes. I was also tutoring a student and studying for the CBEST math portion and just enjoying the ways and various excursions of learning outside the classroom. 

I was creating variety in my schedule, and it was a nice change! I would run at a local park for some new scenery, cook new and fun ethnic recipes- especially middle eastern, create Arabic videos, and join a church choir for 3 weeks. Life was good and I was so grateful to be on the other side of those challenges. 

In the kitchen, cooking Shakshuka or another middle eastern dish

Early June Memories

 June 6. A date that always seems to come so easily to my mind. It brings forth memories from different years.

 10 years ago, was when my dear sister flew off to Italy to be an au pair for the summer. I took her job and started the same day she left. It was a surreal, bittersweet moment to take her place, as well as see her leave. That summer was full of transitions! We kept in touch via email throughout those months, and it was easy to think of her when I was at the job. But I missed her presence at home. In my emails, she would detail her time in Rome and later on with her second host family. I would describe and at times lament to her about all of the hard or annoying parts of my new job which she knew so well and had familiarity with. Though her memory may not had been so crisp due to full immersion in Italia, the schedule, the demands, the beauty, the seemingly familiarity and novelty it provided.

 I remember I would sometimes walk to work, and just enjoy the slowness and nice weather. I was not driving yet (late bloomer) and wasn't always able to get a ride or just wanted to savor the time before work and walk. I would listen to my iPod, and enjoy the scenery of the plants and flowers and passing by the Century House and envisioning a wedding reception there. Those summer days were nice to take slow, and even enjoy going to Nations with my mom before work. I went to Berkeley for circle and social functions with other catholic girls and was ultimately finding my grove after my first year in Junior college. 

2 years ago, my dear sister was pregnant with her sweet baby boy, Ignacio. He would be due any day, but sometime in the month of June (happened to be on my birthday! :)) My sister, brother, parents and I were taking care of Santiago for the month while my sister and brother-in-law stayed nearby to hospital in Palo Alto. We visited them there on June 6th, and it was glorious summer's day, with many people out and enjoying the sunshine and having a picnic on the lawn. It felt as if Covid was over with all those many people. It was a beautiful day to be together, for them to see their son Santiago, and continue to support them while they endured the difficulty and unknown of what was to come with Ignacio's heart condition; we would keep praying.

In 2017, I started my summer gig of working at summer camp/after school enrichment program. I was following in my sister Susie's footsteps since she had worked there 2 school years and summers prior. It felt like a breath of fresh air for me. I was just graduating college and was also actively volunteering at the local senior center serving meals. I was so in need of being busy after an open school year and one that was written in my mind as challenging and lonely. I was so excited to serve and be in charge of a classroom- for the first time! It was a fulfilling summer and one that led me to continue with tutoring more, and fully figure out what I wanted to do whether that was in or outside the classroom. 

Last year, I came home from the busy, amazing, special, exhausting, epic road trip with my brother. We drove from California all the way to Houston, Texas in a matter of 4 stretched days. It was so cool to see so much open land, and states I had never seen before or step foot in. It was the perfect time to go, as I had just finished my school year for work, and it had never happened that my brother and I had that much time together on a road trip. I felt like it was meant to be. And what better way to end the school year and start the summer with a bang. 

It was bittersweet to say goodbye to him as he dropped me off at the airport, and we went our separate ways, him starting out his new life and job, and me continuing with a lot to process, time to reflect, and rejuvenate back home. New roads, adventure, experiences were beautiful to bestow on that trip, so much of what I felt was lacking throughout the entirety of that school year for me. Wonderful quality time, laughs, talking, excursions with my brother as well that will not be forgotten!