Art Inspiration

 

I saw this self-portrait painting of Van Gogh about a year ago in the history class I was in. It was a poster on the wall right near the desk I was sitting at. It made me inspired with art and the art history class I took back in junior college.

I would think of this poster when I was in the classroom next door starting in the new year, and it made me inspired. It was January and new year 2022 and I was getting back into swimming again. 

I would think about how close God is to us-with the symbolic thinking of that wall separating the two classrooms, and on the other side was the Van Gogh self-portrait and on the other side was random papers on the wall, and other miscellaneous things. 

When I went to adoration, this reminder came again- how close He is to us. And then I was inspired again by prayer and swimming which happened after adoration. 

I was so inspired by art and Van Gogh, so I put up a poster in my room, which was Van Gogh's starry night. 

This painting is so famous and can be seen almost everywhere. This poster my sister gave me as she used to have it in her first apartment as a newlywed. And a coworker gifted me with a bookmark with the same image on it. 

As we soon enter into a new year, it gives me inspiration for more art, and possibly learn more about Van Gogh and other artists and relive those art history days. 

Fresh

This picture came back to me. My dear sister gave me a copy of it for Christmas. It was taken on my 29th birthday and there was a freshness, a newness- my hair was recently cut short, we were visiting the Carmelite house in Napa and it was so spiritually enriching to see. There was a freshness with the beginning of summer after a hard and long spring semester at work and finishing up my first semester in grad school. The greenery and warm heat brought about the freshness of summer. The anticipation of a brand-new age, and year.

Two days prior, I had decided to get a haircut literally, since I would be donating it. I thought it would be significant to do so on the feast day of St. John the Baptist. And now, with the feast of Christ's birth almost upon us, St. John the Baptist is also a significant figure- the first person to meet Jesus (while also still in the womb) and jumps for joy in Elizabeth's womb. 

With the shorter days of the year already here, we prepare and celebrate Christ's birth filled with hope, light and joy for his coming. St. John the Baptist's birthday in June is filled with the longest days of the year.

I love the background of this photo as well. It is Jesus with his sacred heart, and I can't help but see him on the water, just like the Gospels of him walking on water. Having this vision really helped me and put all things into his hands and helped me embrace all things in a spiritual manner. 

29 wasn't easy at all, and that's why in some ways it's not filled with joy necessarily that I look at this photo, but I see and remember the hardships and growing pains, and growth. But I also see my sister right next to me. And see Christ behind us, near us, guiding us as well. 

This photo was on New Year's Day 2017 in Santa Barbara while on our special and memorable road trip. This is one of my favorite missions, it is so beautiful! Christ is behind us (in the Eucharist, inside the church) and here we are as soul sisters and dear friends. 

It has some parallels. There was also a freshness, a newness- with the new year and new possibilities. It was a rather difficult and depressing at times Fall semester, so going away and being on break far away from school was a radical, amazing inspiration that I desperately needed and craved, and my sister did as well. 

The freshness also comes with the Christmas wreaths- a symbol of God's love always present and fresh, hence the green for life and freshness and circles in that it never ends. 

A Year Ago

It was a make-up and hair day trial for my sister who would be getting married in the summer. That December day was cold, dreary and wet with some rain. But it was a bright light to be with sisters and officially be on break, ready for Christmas. Going to my sister's house was cozy and vibrant, as she made us lunch- panini sandwiches and salad. Also viewing her Christmas cards from contacts and friends. 

 A year ago, I can remember almost perfectly well and how I was feeling. I had just started my Christmas break and was very ready to have a change of pace and scenery. There was so much in my heart- thinking about and greatly desiring some experience and exposure in libraries. The final days of work where I had so much open time, I was exploring options for my break and into the new year. It felt like my heart was on fire. It was a hard, monotonous and deep semester. 

Most days I remember I felt like I was just trudging along. And part of me was nervous for what was ahead in the new year- wedding talk, bachelorette party and just surrounded with all the festivities at times I knew would feel overwhelmed and like salt in the wound, and I knew that since I had already experienced that. My prayer often was for the grace to handle it well, the strength for it all when it felt too much. And to keep praying for my siblings who were engaged and continue to be supportive and happy for them. 

Elisabeth did her hair, I did her make- up and just experimenting. I love putting on foundation, blush/bronzer and doing eyes with eyeshadow and mascara. I realized I always loved doing make-up on myself and others, though I didn't have too much experience. I had to practice more since my sister, and I have very different features and I get so used to doing my own. I think it started back in high school experimenting with make-up and enjoying it since it was like a creative art form. 

That day had many elements and mixes for me personally. Of course, there was wedding talk, and about other people we knew of who were getting married. I found so much comfort and inspiration from someone we knew of who was also into make-up and had gotten married in her mid-thirties. I felt our personalities were similar and thinking of her was a consolation for me when it was hard. 

We went to CVS to buy some more make-up and browsing the store for fun items. It was just like old sister times shopping and having time together. Elisabeth was very pregnant, just less than 2 months until her baby boy was here! 2022 felt like many events and celebrations coming up. 

On the way home, I was driving in the dark. I don't remember if it was raining or not still, but I saw a car crash that made for a lot of traffic. It was tragic to see an accident on the roadways right before Christmas time. I was also praying the 54-day rosary novena and the 54th day was on December 24th. I couldn't quit now so I continued to pray it in the car on the drive home. I was proud I had committed to it this far. 

Once I got home, my brother and his fiancé were there eating dinner. It was an interesting feeling- not having much time to process much and then also talk about wedding details. She had just had her hair and makeup done for a trial and it looked really natural and beautiful. She also mentioned about us bridesmaids getting our hair and make-up done professionally for her wedding.  

I look back and see all that I was feeling, experiencing and suffering in the pain, desires and uncomfortableness, but also how much God was and still is shaping and showing me everything through the small details, the mundane, ordinary, disappointments, joys and everything in between. 

"He became small because you were small –understand how great He is, and you will become great along with Him. This is how houses are built, how the solid walls of a building are raised. The stones brought to construct the building increase, you, too, increase, understanding how great Christ is and how He who appeared to be small is great, very great indeed…” Saint Augustine

“Jesus was born in cave in Bethlehem because, Sacred Scripture tells us, "There was no room for them in the inn.” I am not departing from theological truth when I say that Jesus is still looking for shelter in your heart.” // Saint Josemaria Escrivá

“If we would please this Divine Infant, we too must become children, simple and humble. We must carry to Him, flowers of virtue, of meekness, of mortification, of charity. We must clasp Him in the arms of our love.” Saint Alphonsus Liguori

Shining in Darkness

 Driving this morning to Mass it was all foggy and dark. There was a bleakness that only the light from my car's headlights could penetrate. How much more so with God's light, His grace and mercy with the anticipation of His birth, of His coming into the world. To make our world a place of peace and order and structure our weary and sinful hearts. We have so much to be thankful for and look forward to. 

"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone." -Isaiah 9:2

I also think of the divine mercy image, Jesus, I trust in you. He is walking in darkness, but he is filled with light from his skin to his glowing, white garment, to his sacred heart bursting forth with blood and water. 

Droplets of God's Grace

Rain being drenched on a rose. 

Those droplets reminded me of God's grace. And I was the flower, the rose- practically wilting in my frustration, discouragements and impatience. I thought it was a compelling, beautiful vision of God's grace surrounding us like a rose on a wet, rainy day.

How much I needed that consolation on a day where my hope felt nearly thread bare, and I missed the everyday and ordinary regular living so much. You don't realize all the blessings you have until you are taken out of them, and you have a new perspective.

I was trying to put things into perspective too. There were still so many things that were good and 'not wrong'. I could walk, I wasn't in pain, I could breathe, think, see beautiful nature around me. I have my faith, my family, food, shelter, etc... This helped in its own way and gave me a new appreciation.

I was literally drenched from the rain. But I loved it. It made me feel so alive and filled with fun and vigor when I was couped up for a week in a half. I needed to do something, something different! I love running in the rain on most days, and it was an amazing feeling to just be outside after not being able to do so for a while. 

I thought of putting myself in others' shoes- who are going through way worse and painful scenarios. I thought maybe there's some way that I could help them, volunteer, or just pray. Yesterday evening, a video just popped inside my head. I felt compelled to watch it. It was well known Catholic speaker Matt Fradd interviewing his wife Cameron Fradd on her chronic pain. I didn't know anything about his wife and had only briefly heard her name. I then realized I had heard her speak before on the saint summit my sister and I watched last year. She did a video about St. Maria Goretti- my confirmation saint! 

When I heard her speak again, I was captivated by all she had to say and share about her heavy cross of living with chronic pain. Her spirit, her personality, her wisdom and faith were so compelling and beautiful. Clearly, this woman knew what it means to suffer, and experience deep, excruciating pain because of her illness. But it doesn't define her. 

I was so encouraged and inspired, someone who experiences pain and suffering on a regular, daily basis and sharing their journey of diagnosis. My time being sick and just waiting to feel better and go back to normal has been hard- but barely anything to what this woman has had to go through. Perhaps the Holy Spirit guided and inspired me to watch this video that puts things into a new perspective, a new light. 

"God is within her, she will not fall." - Psalm 46:5

Hair Story

 

A picture of long hair style I've had over the years. It looks knotted, a bit messy, and growing long but those were some of the things that I missed when I had shorter hair (besides the knots)- to actually do something with it.

This picture was taken nearly 9 years ago. It was an unconscious effort to grow out my hair. (It would be almost a year until I would chop it off for donating). But I think I enjoy longer hair because I think it looks better on me, and I feel like myself. 

I never felt that way, until last year I could really sense the lack, if you will, of longer hair that I took for granted. I was so ready and tired of my long hair but then instantly missed it when it was cut (much shorter than I wanted by the way). And knew it would take quite a while to grow back. 

Last year, I was really conscious of how fast, or rather how slow my hair was growing. It felt like each month, it had barely grown much. (I know, a bit excessive concentration). But this year, I have barely 'kept count' of the growth, or how long it is. Maybe because I already recognize it is longer and I'm not as focused or concerned. I like the length I have much better- though it's taken about a year in a half to get it to this length!

 I think I will need to get a trim soon. But for now, when I actually focus on my hair, it feels nice to have it longer and know it will continue to grow!

Scriptural Verse Reminder

 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." -Matthew 7:7-8

This was the verse of the day from yesterday. It touched me because I love this scriptural verse and I 'put it as my theme' since my birthday this year. It also touched me because this week has been rather hard and challenging. 

With being sick from Covid and not knowing when I will officially get better and receive a negative test result has really tested my patience. It's been so hard to not have a regular schedule and with missing work, it really has put things into perspective. 

So, this scriptural verse reminded me of how I am feeling and to continue to trust, but also ask for the grace and keeping persisting for that negative test result and full recovery. 

And this verse showed up in many ways too. A year ago (on Dec. 1st), I wrote in my notebook about this verse and the deep meaning for me at that time. It was also related to a talk I watched from a priest using this same scriptural verse last year.

And before I went to bed last night, I was reading through the Advent devotional. At the end of the text, this same bible verse came up and I thought God has really been trying to teach me something!