The Clouds Breakthrough

The alarm sounded and I felt utterly exhausted mentally and sleep deprived. Using my phone right before bed wasn't a good idea, even if it was for a somewhat 'good' purpose, looking up the French actress Marion Cotillard for inspiration with the language. I was trying to maximize my social media use on Sunday, the day of rest, but surely wasn't the best idea before hitting the pillow. And to be honest, Sundays in Lent can feel not always as restful and intentionally prayerful as they should be! Those habits are powerful and sometimes the week can just take you for a spin and trying to regroup yourself.

Well, I ended up being and feeling awake for a chunk of the early morning hours. And my thoughts began to wander, and to be honest my heart became kind of heavy and downtrodden. Thinking about the present, the future, the past. Reminiscing about 2 years ago, when I was working solely and just a trying and difficult time and how much I learned and gained from it in the end though- perseverance, strength, hope. 

How easy it is to compare others' journeys and timelines to your own. Remembering the details when my siblings got engaged, and I was in the same spot, actually harder because it was a new, heavy cross that had emerged and felt at times unbearable. 

My heart has ached numerous times, a depth I can't fully describe nor feel words can ultimately express for what God has placed there these past couple of years. Sometimes it brings me to tears, frustration, doubt, sensitivity. Other times, I just live with it, and it doesn't really impact or phase me to the core. So many ebbs and flows. 

But last night was one of those nights, where I was contemplating and thinking about a lot. Feeling a source of melancholy, and deep unknowns for what's ahead, God's timing and plan. I wonder. I keep trying to trust.

So, waking up this morning I felt sleep deprived, yes, but also not certain if I was ready for another day and week. It's been hard to fully gain the renewed vigor and energy, inspiration I need. Perhaps it's the routine, environment- its good- but need that refresh and change every once in a while. 

I was surprised that though I wasn't fully prepared mentally for the day and rushing a bit, I was trying to instill a good attitude and positive words. And actually, the routine helped. It didn't so much feel like another day and just getting by, but rather the routine and predictably helped me to settle in and start again. Becoming grateful for my job, for the routine, since I needed that sturdiness when it was rocky.

I had to take this photo right when I parked and got out of my car. The sky, the breakthrough of the clouds depicts hope and a promise for a beautiful day, whatever it will hold. 

Fresh Face

 

When I was at Target last week, I had the idea recently to do more skin care. I was inspired by these face masks, different types. Washing your face via face wash, masks are a form of self- care and how important that is. I was also thinking more of creating my own face masks from a recipe. I haven't tried that in a long while, and my sister used to be into that. 

Ideas, even small ideas like these can help with getting out of routine and doing different things in a form of self-care. 

French Songs

 There are some things that are related to French as recently. Exactly a month ago, was the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes and I finished the 33-day consecration. Our Lady of Lourdes originates from Lourdes, France. Just shortly after that, I went to a French cafe- Paris Baguette for an interesting and fun event- speed dating. The week after or so, my dear sister and I met up at a French crepe place that was unique and had delicious food! 

At my job, I'm now in 2 French classes - French 1 and French 2. It brings back its own memories of high school taking French. But I have my own association with it now, having studied it once again 2 years ago. But being in these classes, has in some ways invigorated my interest in the language once again. I didn't really think it would- but it is my first foreign language. 

This week the classes were listening and voting on French songs, and I liked some of them, so I had to write them down so I would be able to find them once again. And listening to them often, and even when I ran yesterday, brought back a sense of joy and inspiration, and like a time stamp of March 10th.

 It made me want to start studying the language again and relearn and review. Isn't that how inspiration comes- it comes in varied settings, and different parts of our lives when we are hardly looking and paying attention. 

Positivity

 The feeling of walking in was nice, inspirational and positive. Just what I needed after a busy week, and negative thoughts looming in my head at work- the environment can be stifling at times.

The lady at Starbucks who was handing out the drinks was also greeting people when they walked in with 'Hello, good morning!' and a nice smile. What positive energy that makes all the difference in a place. I knew my drink was ready after about 10-15 mins because I heard the nice lady say loudly, 'Annie', and I figured it was mine, as my Starbucks name is Anne. And then she said, have a nice day with smile as she handed me my drink. How nice, pleasant and intentional, to create a place, an atmosphere full of joy, and positivity. 

It's hard to just sit down and do work when all I really want to do is everything else - read, write, language studies, zone out and just think and process. 

Just to catch up and breathe, and soak in the inspiration, and just be me, out of work mode. There's a sense of slowness while in a coffee shop, as well as a pace that's fast. With time going by quickly, but also noticing details in the surroundings, appreciating every sound, activity. And I forgot to take a picture of the decorative, interesting and creative pictures on the walls. 

That's what I need to do- create, make with my hands, restore my creativity! Something to make my own, and reading does that- creating images, stories, words and feelings that I can process and articulate. Language studies does this- I can interpret and understand a new culture and way of expression. Writing does this- forming new words, thoughts flowing, descriptive words and details. 

But maybe there's something more- another craft, hobby. I like to think of painting, or knitting, something else that uses my hands, motion and innovation. I think of cooking/baking since that definitely uses your hands. And this morning I made ginger pancakes, a nice way to start out Sunday morning! Little things like that to break up routine, but also give in different ways.