Coffee and Straightened Hair

 

I came across this photo yesterday. It was spring 2018. Overcaffeinated with too much Starbucks, my sister and I were chatting it up at a cafe.  I was visiting her and her hubby at their place. She had just freshly washed, dried and straightened my hair! I loved wearing that sweater and enjoyed thrift shopping. I was happily freelance tutoring, navigating post grad life and taking ECD units and going down the path of Preschool teacher profession, or so I thought. 

Books were my life force as well as language, as I was really passionate about Arabic. Ministry wasn't so much my thing as I was tired of group functions and seeing past guys who asked me out on dates. I was though on an online dating site- as a challenge by my sister to try out for 6 months, which to me felt more like a year! Lol

But there was a lot of hope, and joy since I felt like the hard roads and days were behind me, but only for a time. By the time I turned 26 (my golden year) things didn't feel or look so much the same. Of course, I didn't know what was ahead. And I see this true for now too- there is so much unknown, and just in life in general. I wasn't sure how to continue or pursue my interests and passions all the time during that newly postgrad season. But tutoring and working with students was its own life force and would help prepare me for the next stage and season. 

2018, and especially starting in spring was when I took my faith even more seriously and closely. I started going to confession more regularly and frequently than I had before. I started (unintentionally) confessing to a regular priest as it just so happened. It was a fruitful time and attending adoration and Mass and just starting to dive deeper. I felt like I was on my own path. 

I had a lot of more memories with Susie and sharing our time together at home, ultimately our communication became better, our friendship closer and special, and expectations revealed. It was such a gifted and treasured time, more so as I've looked back these years. 

I loved watching Catholic speaker Emily Wilson's videos and found her faith and joy so inspiring and uplifting in such a secular, downtrodden world. I still enjoy listening to her words of encouragement, as another example of a young woman of faith. At that time, I burned a CD of some music, and put some audio of her talks/videos so I could listen while driving. I found that to be helpful, just navigating all that life was bringing and what I was doing. 

I remember that spring, the ministry saw the movie ' The Dating Project.' I originally heard about it on the Leah Darrow podcast and decided to go with the group to see it. It was well done and focused the problem with dating in modern society and the toxic hookup culture, as well as hope and intentionality.  One of the guys I met from that movie night got my number from my sister and asked me out for an ice cream date. (encouraged by the film to go on dates, with a purpose in mind). Here we go, another ministry date!

 I think of that time of just so much growth, and though the date wasn't great and felt misunderstood, and off with myself, it was still another (good) learning experience and to laugh at it later on. I decided to focus on my studies and language learning that ultimately gave me fuel and inspiration. 

I look to this season that I'm in now as one of so much growth and learning too! Starting to finish out my masters and my internship and figure out and navigate what's next. This photo is a good reminder to look on ahead with hope, and joy, knowing God will take care of it all. 

A Pro-Life Week

 This week has been a pro-life week. It started with hearing the homily on Sunday from the Deacon about choosing God in all things- 'Give to Ceasar what belongs to Cesar and give to God what belongs to God.' Essentially, everything belongs to God, even our very lives. He mentioned and gave examples about the Pro-Life movement, and volunteers praying outside abortion clinics for an end to abortion. Their lives and safety are at stack in some cases, those peaceful praying volunteers have been put in prison. 

This made me think and want to continue praying for the end to abortion and also be present again for the 40days for Life campaign. I wasn't sure if I would go out this week, but sure enough someone reached out to me personally if I could sign up for an hour this week, and so I did.

While listening to Sunday's homily, I thought of rereading the book, '40 days for Life' a book about miracles and hope and lives changed and transformed during the campaign and witness of people praying and sharing the truth. I started reading again after many years, 'Won by Love', a personal story about the woman who helped legalize abortion in 1973- Jane Roe, her real name Norma McCorvey, and how she became Pro-Life and against abortion. 

I also thought or relistening/rewatching the debate with Lila Rose and another woman about the topic of abortion. It was a very long podcast, but good to refresh my memory and points and arguments made about an issue that can so easily be misinterpreted, miscommunicated and misrepresented of the truths behind the facts. 

 I also thought of the movie that came out a little over 10 years ago, October Baby. It's loosely inspired by Gianna Jessen, a young lady who founds out she's a survivor of an abortion (her mom aborted her, but the procedure failed) and has health repercussions such as cerebral palsy. I watched that movie again this week and remembered seeing it in Theatres with my mom when I was in Junior College. There's a lot of extra story lines and fluff added with okay acting, but it's still a pro- life movie. 

And there's something being on the sidewalk out at 40 days for Life campaign, outside the abortion clinic, Planned Parenthood. You never know who you're going to meet, what will impact and inspire or impower you. As well as what impact you will make on others- what seed will be planted- even if you witness anger, hatred even, or just plain apathy as cars drive by. You just keep praying and hoping for God to work in the lives of the young mothers choosing abortion for their babies, for those who don't see clearly the severe and devasting impact they are doing to their child and themselves.

One of the ladies I met today, had us pray the rosary in Latin. I don't know much about the language, ither than that it's considered a dead language, but also a language of the church and of course used in Latin Masses. But the effects, the peacefulness of praying in this language was interesting, and different than praying and saying the words in English. She said it's a powerful language because it was one of the languages above Jesus in the Cross, including Greek and Hebrew as well. Also, the devil hates Latin, so even greater protection and effects. I always find it interesting to learn to pray prayers or the rosary in another language, but would never consider Latin, though I have heard it prayed before out loud before. 

October is Respect Life month, and as its wrapping up, life is still precious, and sacred. I want to continue to be knowledgeable, active and prayerful in this mission of pro-life activism. 

Number 7

 As I was in line for confession the other day, I saw behind me one of the stations of the cross. It was station number 7. I instantly thought of how the number 7 in the Catholic Church is seen as the number of perfection- with 7 sacraments, 'On the 7 day He rested', 'Forgive your brother 77 times' among other examples in the Bible.  

I then thought of how this particular station also has significance, Jesus falling the second time and getting back up again. This holds true for our lives, as especially with the sacrament of confession- getting back up again after falling into sin.  But also helping Jesus on his way to Calvary like Simon of Cyrene did- our chances to help and assist Jesus on the way, in his sufferings, and ultimately uniting ours with his, as a way to not leave him alone or abandoned. And as a way to express our gratitude, love for all he has done through his passion, suffering and torture on Good Friday. 

His Daughters'

 

When I hold my precious newest niece, it is a wonderful and special meeting. Anticipating her arrival into the world was a long wait and excitement- to hear her name and see what she would look like. When I hold her, I think of 'daughter'. I think of the meaning of daughter in how God sees us, sees me as His daughter, His child. 

Jesus tells those who meets in the Gospels, to not be afraid, or that their faith has saved them- 'Daughter your faith has saved you, go and sin no more. ' Onne of the episodes I watched of The Chosen depicted the hemorrhaging woman and how she bled for years but found no cure. Her faith was in Jesus and just touching the tassel of his garment, she knew full well that she would be cured of her suffering and ailment. Jesus first said, 'Daughter' and it struck me- it brought tears to my eyes, because that's who we are, His daughters, His children. We can easily be blind to our identity in Christ, as His beloved, as His treasures. 

When I held Araceli, she reminded me of what it means to be a daughter of God, a daughter of the King. My true identity and purpose and mission in this life is as his daughter, His precious one. This niece is precious, beloved and tenderly loved by her parents and all who've met her and who will meet her in our ever growing and expanding family. 

She teaches me to trust more and more as she so helplessly and naturally as an infant is being held and caressed into someone's arms, sleeping, and dozing into her sleepy chamber of baby dreams. 

She is God's daughter, and beloved child. We have so much in common because we are daughters of the King, the Prince of Peace who makes the sun rise and the stars shine. He asks us to trust in Him, and as only a baby can- they trust that their needs will be met, and their whines be heard. Oh, how little and precious, vulnerable and innocent they are. What a beautiful gift and reminder of our dependence and need for God as well, as His daughters'. 

Rosary Graces

 October is the month of the Rosary. I recently finished praying the 54-day rosary novena. I've noticed every time I pray in the car, such as the rosary, I feel some sort of protection. There have been a few instances where I have been protected while driving from a potential car accident. I believe it's the protection of Our Lady and my guardian angel. 

I specifically remember after going to confession one Saturday, I was driving home and praying the rosary. The light turned green for me to turn left, and as I was turning, a car was also coming straight on. It happened so fast and suddenly, I could barely make out what was happening. The car was going straight as I was turning (but I had the right of way, and the driver was driving through a red light!) I couldn't believe it, but somehow, someway we didn't crash into each other. I really felt like my guardian angel was protecting me and my car as I was turning. I could see the driver's face in disbelief and shock, her hand covering her opened mouth and feeling so bad and sorry, realizing that she was driving through a red and could have injured or rather killed me instantly. 

I was in sheer disbelief and as well as gratitude. Grateful for having gone to confession just minutes prior and also for happening to be praying the rosary in that moment. There have been other instances while on the roadway as well where I felt like it was a close accident that didn't happen due to prayers and Our Lady's protection. 

There's this car rosary my sister gifted me when she visited New Orleans, and it has an image of Our Lady protecting the roadway. I find that a beautiful reminder while driving amidst sometimes crazy drivers. 

I want to continue to pray the rosary daily, as a way to stay united and in love with Our Lady of the rosary as well as to contemplate and pray for specific intentions in our world, churches, communities and families. 

Psalm 23

"He leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley I fear for no evil for you are at my side with your rod and your staff that give me courage."

This Psalm has kept coming up. I've seen it in a book I started to reread- He Leadeth Me, as even the title is from this beloved Psalm. I'm reading a shepherd book titled, 'Your Soul's Gentle Shepherd- why you can have absolute trust in Jesus Christ'. And while reading through Gracelaced for some spiritual reset and inspiration, Psalm 23 came up again in the pages.  I couldn't help but think that I need this reminder more than I know. And it was the Psalm reading on Sunday. 

Jesus is our shepherd, our guide. How easy it is to lose sight sometimes when we feel like we are 'in control' of our lives or need to figure things out on our own. Jesus is our guide, our Father and shield. We are the sheep he gathers, takes care of and loves till the end. 

A Library Year

 This whole year of 2023 has been focused on libraries. Ever since New Years Day, or even a few days prior, I was intentionally seeking some sort of experience in libraries. By the second day of the new year, I applied for a program with a research proposal on a certain Marian topic. I would be doing research and writing a paper for a few weeks in Dayton, Ohio. This was after I decided in winter that the Paris program didn't feel like the right thing for me- a week or so in the city of lights looking at and comparing libraries. Something about international travel, the paperwork, the expense and just the deeper uncertainty gave me deeper insight to not go through with it. 

By January, I was getting more antsy and anxious to do something about gaining experience. With my coworker's encouragement and help, found a job sighting with a public library that seemed intense for my schedule but also like a good way to get my foot in the door. By the time I was about to continue applying for it, it disappeared and seemed someone else applied quicker than I had. That left me feeling discouraged (again). 

 In February, I was becoming more nervous about prospects. One early morning, while I was driving to Mass, the idea just came to me like a light bulb- but it was really the Holy Spirit who lighted the way. It was interesting because it clicked instantly, and it gave me excitement and peace- to volunteer at a local library that I was going to be a book reviewer for the year prior but then forgot about it. I also remembered there were in person volunteers, even if it was for teens, but I didn't care because I was desperate to land something to get my foot in the door.

So, I started doing that and went after work only about 2 or 3 times but met some people and learned basic skills like shelving and weeding and programs going on in the library. One of the librarians told me there was a joint program with my university for an internship and I could apply for that. I was thrilled to hear that and knew it was providence that led me there. 

But as spring came around, I still hadn't heard of anything from the Dayton program. March came around, and still nothing. I also took a break from volunteering as my schedule was constantly busy, eventful and exhausting. I felt I could really only focus on my demanding classes and my job. 

By April, I was thinking of what was ahead in terms of my plans for Summer and Fall. Would I still be at my same job? Would I be doing something else, like finally landing an internship? Only God knew, but I felt in a perpetual state of being in a standstill and not knowing. I had desires to move on but not sure where or how, I would have to keep praying and trusting. 

I applied for a summer internship late March for the same library I volunteered at, not sure if I missed the deadline, but it was worth a shot. I got a response later that they already had somebody for Summer but if I wanted to, I could apply for an internship with them for the Fall. So, although I wasn't fully sure of public libraries, it still was worth the experience of an interview if nothing else. 

The busy school year ended, and then I had my interview just a few days later. I was nervous and felt like my mind was in a big cloudy mess after confusion, disappointment and uncertainty, also for the future. I didn't feel settled and knew I didn't do a good job. This 'failure' would lead to the interview I had and internship I have now at a library that I'm familiar with. 

In August, right when my internship was starting and in September I shadowed Academic librarians at my local junior college- the place where a little seed was planted where I was only briefly to start thinking about becoming a librarian. Academic librarianship looked a lot different than I had imagined and questioned if it was really for me and fit my interests and skills. 

 I came back to that library that I volunteered and interviewed with the first time for a staff day recently and I feel like I have come full circle. I've learned a lot more about public libraries and getting hands on experience. I remember those February afternoons tediously shelving in the children's section and hopeful for entering into this space- so different and rather opposite from the noise and chaos of the classroom.

 I wouldn't have imagined where I am now and being at a staff day with all these library people and trying to see myself in it or imagine where I fit in to all of it. I guess that's where I am- seeing what's my path, where is this all headed and these experiences. But for now, I just want to be grateful and let it all sink in and see all God has done with his hand, leading me to where I'm meant to be. 

Fortitude

 I've been thinking about fortitude a lot. Some days, I question how to get through the hard parts or how I did it before in months or years past. I recall how I was able to cultivate and make things my own, and actually make the hard parts more bearable, even enjoyable. There's a sense of responsibility but also accomplishment when you can dig deep- like a well searching for and scraping for water- and make the experience rewarding, memorable and even inspiring.

I've been thinking about that recently- how to make my experience currently enjoyable, inspiring and even rewarding. I feel that I am so hard on myself, and idealistic that I forget all the good things, how I've adjusted and adapted and landed something and learning a lot all at once. It isn't at all easy, but it's also easy to forget what I have been doing well. 

So, when I gave a talk to the confirmation students the other night about Fortitude, it resonated with me again. I also talked about St. Bernadette and how she models this virtue well. I can't help but see the deep connections- I did a Marian consecration that ended on the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes a few years ago. St. Bernadette saw this apparition of Our Lady. The parish where I prayed out front once the consecration ended has a grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes with St. Bernadette, and this is the same parish where I am a catechist. God doesn't overlook the details. 

But fortitude is so important and essential in our lives and spiritual lives. I see the fruits of it from past years and experiences but feel I always need to cultivate and renew it again as we are always growing, and the seasons of our lives change. 

I love the symbolism of this virtue- also known as courage or endurance, as I think of running or a runner who's not stopping and sees the end goal and wants to finish the race. 

I've had this in my own ways many times with my program- usually tired, burnt out, and even discouraged and doubtful of where it will all lead. Or just waking up and starting the day, but instead just wanting to sleep in and get a late start instead. 

There are so many ways and scenarios of fortitude/endurance/courage that present themselves. Giving this talk makes me more aware of it in my own life, circumstances and cheering myself on with God's grace and help instead of focused on the pitfalls or discouraging parts that the evil one only wants me to see. 

Jasmine Flowers

 It feels like an ending of a season but also a beginning of a new one. Summer is over and that's when my schedule was more open and available to babysit for my sister with all her many appointments for her pregnancy. It came at a good time for me too because I was able to serve and do something different than what I was doing before. I felt that time slowed down a lot in summer, for good, and a chance to catch my breath, think, process and heal. 

Being with dear Isaac and Santiago brought a source of freshness with their lively energy, childhood innocence and cuteness. It was an internal growing season for me but one that didn't lack fruit.

It all started when I was highly emotional, and just mentally exhausted and discouraged and my sister took me to a local Starbucks, and we sat outside on a sunny Saturday afternoon. I lamented and cried to her, and it was very therapeutic. It was right at the cusp of summer, and I felt like I was walking on rocky ground. Things felt topsy turvy and adjusting to this new season and schedule and figuring things out was really hard. 

I noticed while we were outside, the beautiful plants and vines wrapped around the pillars and the jasmine flowers. Everything was green, and mid-June had a summer feel in the air. I thought of Our Lady and how she said yes to God's plan with trust and joy and those flowers made me enter into hope, trust and joy when it was at times difficult to adopt. It was the start of new growing pains, realizations, and struggles but also learning and discovering. 

I remember that moment, her listening to me, reassuring and comforting me to be so pivotal.  I felt heard, seen, validated but also it was the start of a whole new chapter that felt different than before during the school year and needed to enter more into my faith and look ahead and not so much behind me. 

Monday was the last appointment my sister had before her baby girl is due! These months and weeks have flown by in some ways and regular babysitting and having a lot of quality time with Isaac was so special. His little personality coming through, his likes and dislikes, trying to talk, and his sweet laughter helped with the healing in the early summertime and giving of my time in that way. Now a new little one is soon on her way!