Looking at Gratitude

 Thanksgiving. A word we use often, but a holiday that comes once a year. Thanksgiving, full of meaning, imbued with gratitude, receiving and reflection. A time to pause, to consider all that we have been given and blessed with. In the Mass, the word 'Eucharist' -Jesus' body, means Thanksgiving. 

I came to think of a card I received earlier this year- in response to a 'thanksgiving' message. The people (or person) from my internship meaning to thank me for my time at the library. The front of the card was decked out in fall decor, namely a shape of a leaf with orange glitter inside. I ended my internship in late Fall last year (early December), so it was fitting, even if I received the card a bit later once the new year had already started. 

It may seem strange to be thankful for something that was painful or hard. However, we can learn a lot about ourselves and grow in significant ways when this happens. Also, we can become closer to God and grow deeper in our faith. My internship was one of these times, and parts of this year too. 

I think of the year in a general sense, scanning the calendar year like a children's picture book. But what I miss are the details, it could be the colorful drawings, the characters, the humor, the main message, etc. I've done the same for this year of 2024. I've overlooked major pieces. The good, the many blessings and graces, the beautiful, glorious, funny, and inspired times; they're still there too, all wrapped up in God's book, God's story. I just need to remind myself of them a bit more, a bit longer.

And what helps with doing this is going through photos. This week, I 've been saving photos from this year and a few years past to eventually print out. That's when the beauty comes in full view of what happened, what has happened, and sheer proof of it. It could be simple like a beautiful flower, or a family photo or a milestone event like my Master's graduation. They are all big and purposeful in the eyes of God. 

There is something sweet that comes from crosses, in which God shows you not only a sense of personal or spiritual growth, but also a piece of His cross that becomes joy.

Mission San Juan Bautista in February

Right outside Mission San Buenaventura in July

Hunger Games

 It seems I associate this book with a certain time in my life. It comes back to me like a strong sense of smell hitting my olfactory bulb, yet it's my memory instead that has carved out Fall 2012 like a heart in a tree. I recall all the memories coming back to me of where I was, my schedule, and who I was friends with second year into Junior College. I had borrowed this book from a friend in student government, and it was all the rage. 

'The Hunger Games' is what I am referring to, and the students at my school are starting to read it so I'm reading it along with them. I've seen the movie of course when it came out but have forgotten some of the details. 

Upon reading this book again after a little over a decade, I recall what I learned from a spiritual talk I went to recently. One of the ways the evil one gets control, the speaker declared and has influence is through government. Think of Communism, Nazism, etc... These were all purely evil (do those words cancel each other out?). 

With the book, 'The Hunger Games', I realize even more so a corrupt and vicious government only seeking selfish gains, or worse, pure torture for its citizens speaks to this fact and nature of the fallen angel's influence. Of course, it's a work of fiction, but it questions the role of government and what is good entertainment versus entertainment to another's harm or worse, death. 

This book is entertaining, hooking you from the beginning, with a dystopian feel. Written in first person from the main character, Katniss' s perspective, she's also seen as a heroine, a rebel, a nonconformist to the rules of how future North America, now called Panem dictates and rules their citizens with the hunger games. I remember I had a classmate in Math that year who would always say the line from Hunger Games or write it at the end of her emails- 'May the odds be ever in your favor'.

Various things come back to me reading this book again. It's not a classic by any sense of the word, but it's picked to read for the students, and with it for me at least. wrapped up with all the things I've learned and grown all these years in between. 

God Saw It All

 Making a visit like we always do brings back our daily ritual from when we were in high school. Though the time spent at the old church that exudes peace, quiet, stirrings of young adult memories and Christmas Mass, and many rosaries is closer still. God saw that and was appreciative, even smiled. Reliving the old days, and even recent past years of going to a Starbucks, and not usually talking too much but working or reading, writing, or even consciously wondering deep down where our lives were headed and where God was calling us to on our paths. 

She would be working on her credential work or studying for tests, and I would be studying in my own way- languages, reading and jotting down notes, putting my thoughts and feelings down with the pen doing cursive like loops on the paper and having no rush at all.  

But this time, there were no distractions. No work to be done. No computers to block our view of each other or screens to indulge in. We were sitting in the exact same seats as we were on that dreary, wet March 2020, stumbling to grasp the news of Covid-19 and the ominous feeling of it all. I remember it well. All we had today though were the drinks in front of us, and the memories and the eagerness and desire to catch up in real life, and even go back a few months to get back on track.

What happened a few months ago? Did I ever tell you this?, or what I was feeling or going through?  Where to start when life seems to stop, or barely pause for its own breath, when you're trying to do the same with your sweet sister. Maybe, just maybe the baby in her womb could hear our breaths, time stop and just listen and talk, and laughs on repeat. 

Old Carpet, New Carpet

 The smell of the new carpet not only makes the room appear bigger but also feels fresh and clean. We haven't had new carpet since I was in middle school. I remember it was in summertime.

All we could see were the wooden floor and panels, as the old and weathered brown carpet peeled off its memories before the pink carpet was placed. It was like it was naked, and some of my sisters and I were dancing to John Mayer, and I could hear the wood creak a little. It was fun to dance on wood. 

Life was simple, it was either before or the summer after my oldest sister got married. We were listening to a CD my sisters had burned, and I don't know why John Mayer comes to mind, with specifically his lyrics, 'So much sacred in the month of June.' 

Now I look back and think about how that pinkish rose carpet has served us through all the events, holidays, gatherings, cat paws roaming and scratching, babies crawling and being changed, chats and conversation, listening and singing and piano playing. Surprise stains that wouldn't come off from Thanksgiving or Christmas meals, or muddy shoes.

 I walk in the door, and it smells fresh, and brand new.