The (Dry) Well

 It started with a well. Last summer, I was on a road trip with my parents, and we saw various places and missions, one of them was San Luis Obispo Mission. As we were viewing the church and the grounds, I came across a prayer card to St. Joseph. There was just one near the door, and I happened to lose or misplace mine, perfect to find one I could use.

As I was walking outdoors to the grounds, I saw a well. It wasn't in use, but perhaps it was once before. It was pretty and interesting to look at and the plants nearby. I had a deep interior thought and confidence that if I prayed this prayer on the St. Joseph prayer card, I would land a job (which I was desperately searching for and needing). 

This well became a symbol throughout the whole school year, as eventually I did get a job after some responses back, interviews that the Holy Spirit led me to the right one. The school was called Wells, and I couldn't deny the symbolism from the Mission, but also what would succumb to this new season. 

It very often felt like I was digging in the 'well' and trying to be innovative with what I had and what was given to me. In my mind's eye, I thought a well had life, water and nutrients. The season or well, if you will, that I was in felt very dry, monotonous and challenging. The water wasn't overflowing and moving, but rather parched, still and stagnant. There was something wrong, where was the life, the nutrients, the refreshment?

Day in and day out in this job felt rather similar. Of course, there were better and more freeing days than others, yet it all was a learning and growing season. One of the moments of reflection with water and the well was when I would fill up my water bottle on campus. I would try to think of Jesus and the woman at the well. 

I think one of the growths was recognizing that though I was digging hard, finding life and nutrients in this well may have looked differently than I expected it to and may also come later on. Sometimes we see the fruit of various seasons, especially hard ones and appreciate them much more in the future and see more of the graces and what God was doing than in the moment. 

A dry well is a beautiful well, since that's when you really stop and look to see if there is water, and how deep do you need to go; how deep, and then life will spring forth on its own time. 

Last Day of School

 The papers from the large recycling bin were flying everywhere from the wind, as I walked across campus on the last day of school. It felt like God, the Holy Spirit guiding, leading the way, all the memories and hard parts being erased. All the papers, intentions scattered throughout the campus, and all the deeper thoughts, feelings, wishes, spread, let go, freedom. 

The Holy Spirit guided me to this job. I felt such a deep sense of peace, joy and reassurance. God had a way of folding this into His plan when part of my internship was here, and I felt it strongly, undeniably, painfully and saddened I was no longer at a school, with students. 

I've clung and held onto that experience whenever I would walk by that area on campus, outside the library in a hallway. Boy, how long ago that felt, but I sensed the Holy Spirit called me here for some reason. A reason that I myself am not fully sure, especially since it was a very, very long school year, hard in some nontypical ways. 

But I also see it looking back on this journey, that God led me back to the desires on my heart, to be at a school again and with students. It was nothing like my prior experience at a school, and I think that was one of the disappointments, where my expectations and assumptions weren't met. 

On that last day of school, I passed by one of the first people I encountered during that internship time. I was in this teacher's class for a few short months this school year, and he was the teacher who was available to help with a librarian's car battery. He was a science teacher, and I felt uncomfortable and not warm or friendly vibes while in his class. It felt like beginning and the end came together as we walked passed each other, and the papers kept flowing in the wind, and it was the start of a new chapter. 

Confirmation Mass and Memories

 Going to the Confirmation Mass for the teens I had been with for 2 years in their program brought me to so many places in my memory. It wasn't just the official sacrament for them and receiving the Holy Spirit, but I felt that I was recalling so many other occasions in this same church. 

Just 3 years ago, my brother and sister-in-law's wedding, a beautiful day and being part of the wedding part was special and busy. Thinking about all the times my sweet sister and I attended Sunday Mass there together, and sometimes going on outings afterwards-cafe, hiking, shopping or simply talking in the car and sharing out thoughts and feelings, our unique season in life. 

I also remember well the dear pastor who I would frequently go to Confession to and helped me in my prayer and spiritual life and was a deep comfort and source of spiritual fatherhood in those hard seasons. Also, sometimes the former young adult ministry would attend Mass there on Sundays and brunch afterwards. 

So many recollections, memories and even nostalgia, all part of my young adulthood journey. I even thought about my own Confirmation (though at a different parish)- choosing my saint name (St. Maria Goretti) and sponsor (one of my dear sisters.) And now, having been assisting with the Teen Confirmation program, it's been its own journey of guiding these teens, as well as learning along the way, yet truly being guided by the Holy Spirit. 

It was something I never considered helping out with before, however, Summer of 2023, I had a big desire on my heart to share my faith and help others in this way. I also helped volunteer once with my mom for boxing food with the church and it was in the same area as confirmation would be held- only 4 months later that I would be doing that, little did I know. 

There were many signs and praying for discernment when a call and opening came up to help out with this program, in a dry season, a difficult season. I'm so glad I listened and went through with it, even though I didn't know everything at the time, it worked out itself. God worked it out, and it was seamless. 

Morning Traffic, Morning Thoughts

 I was driving around the other day, not lost but rather stuck in heavy traffic. I would be late to work. I knew that, but honestly it felt like it didn't matter as I didn't do much in that first class, or much at all it seemed throughout the day, as most days I felt like I was just 'getting through it.' 

I wasn't panicking, but more just annoyed or even frustrated. I had attempted to wake up earlier in order to try to make it to confession that morning, but alas, the line was too long with not enough time for me, and I got there a little later than I had initially wanted. Drained, tired was already what I was feeling for the beginning of a new day, and not quite Friday. 

As I was getting off the freeway traffic, I stumbled upon side streets and the hills, and cars going every which way to work, trucks chugging through, and the hillsides, beauty and calm, peace. I prayed to my guardian angel to help me find a way back or beat the traffic somehow. I happened to see across the way my alma mater in the distance, my Junior College, and decided to go that way, into the side streets beaming with memories and former carefree and younger days that feel like ages ago now, like butter already melted and evaporated in a pan before the eggs crack open. 

Back on the freeway I went, and though this time there was still traffic that felt slow, it wasn't as slow as molasses in January. It continued only for a little while and then everything was clear. I guess I should have waited instead of taking time to get back on, I thought.

I felt that God was with me in that moment, like He always is. Taking care of everything, and knowing my true desires, frustrations and burnt-out feelings. Feeling more ready for the next season but also wondering what it will be like. Just like those hillsides, God is there, God is watching, and He instills peace and calm.