Making It My Own

 I thought about this photo. When I first saw, it I didn't like it. It seemed random, unposed and not sure the motion with my hands. 

But that night was special, it had twinge of feeling interesting, formal, and youthful. I saw some familiar faces from afar and met some new ones. But I knew I would play to the beat of my own drum, therefore dancing when and for how long I wanted to dance, and not let the gals I went with influence if they weren't up for dancing. Honestly, that was the most enjoyable and memorable part (besides getting ready beforehand :)). 

I didn't care about sipping drinks and wine or looking like I was by holding a silver champagne glass. The photo booth was fun and fine, though it felt more meaningful with close friends or significant others, which I didn't have either of. So dancing was the best option, despite the sweat. 

The food was delicious too. Really rich and homemade lasagna that was classy (besides not having knives), and that tiramisu for dessert was mouthwatering and delectable. 

Now I like the photo of me, a quick snapshot- as there were photographers throughout the night. Now it makes me think of the enjoyable parts, getting ready and all dressed up, eating nice food, dancing, photos and mostly being true to myself, even if I wished I had a close friend or sister nearby to share it with. I made it my own. 

Notebook Writings

 As I looked out the window from the first period classroom, I would often get lost in thought. I wouldn't be busy, productive or merely super helpful, just passively so. A student here or there to talk to, to ask some questions of and walk around the classroom for the 10th time in 5 minutes it felt. There wasn't anything inspiring about that teacher's classroom for me besides the great view from the window in the morning.

The classroom was on the lower level, so no great heights or views, but looking out during the morning was a pretty and refreshing sight. There were lots of trees (not many trees inside the campus), the grass was dewy and the sunlight stroked the grass and pavement at a gentle and lovely angle. I wrote a little about nature in my notebook that I kept with me throughout the day, in case I had inspiring thoughts to jot down, reminders, lists to create, or also just to look somewhat busy. :0

Describing a rainy, wet morning

The soggy leaves drip with clear, cold dew, dripping with anticipation for the new day. The air is moist, fresh like New Year's Day, nothing can scorch it. There's a flavor that is hard to describe, it's full of new life, spring and bloom. The mornings are darker, but the evenings are filled with light. The day doesn't want to end, and the clouds and sun take the center stage. March can be peculiar with its heavy rain and wind, on the flip side there's heat, blue skies and roses, tulips and daffodils sprouting on the other side of the green grass. It's a special time. 

Hospitality

 I've been thinking about hospitality a lot recently. Last week's gospel reading spoke to me quite profoundly regarding hospitality and service among other important topics too like contemplative prayer, our God given gifts, and relationship with God.

Martha was comfortable enough to share how upset she was by voicing her frustration to Jesus in front of her sister Mary. She must have had a close relationship with Our Lord and have her sister know about it too. The main message to take away isn't so much to not be a doer like Martha, but to put into prayer what you are doing, create a deeper meaning with it. It's not solely actions but a conversation or prayer throughout with God.  It took me sometime to fully grasp and understand this gospel message.

This is important as it relates back to her sister, Mary who sits at Jesus' feet listening and soaking in his words. It also highlights Our Lady, who is connected with her son and in tune with his message and voice. 

This month of July has been pretty full and busy. I haven't had so much hosting, hospitality and service going on for nearly as long before, or at least in a long while. Let me say, it really stretches, grows and humbles you. It makes you think less of yourself, question a lot of things about your own vices- selfishness and self-centeredness and put them in God's hands more willingly. 

It can stretch you like a rubber band and invite you to plead for God's grace to intervene when the hard and exhausting parts come. It humbles you to ask for more cheerfulness and charity in your heart. I don't think you learn so much as hospitality; there's just something about service and hosting that pulls that not so good out of you like the wheat versus the weeds.

Between a big family reunion, my sister sick in the ER then hospital, helping take care of her two precious daughters alongside my parents, her husband and a few other family members who were still in town- it was a lot. I felt like I and we were carrying the other side of the cross that my sister was. A unique cross for an inopportune time, but fortunate enough to have more family around. The stress wasn't nearly as intense, and God knew what we could handle and juggle, even in the unknown. 

I look to my parents as great examples of hospitality, charity and forgoing their own wants for serving and helping the family's needs. That can be very hard to do, but its admirable and necessary. I need to be better at this, even in the exhaustion or feeling that things are on hold. I knew God was in control and would and (did!) give me all the graces to continue. 

This gospel message put things into light and just what I needed to hear, learn from and pray with.

St. Martha, Mary and Lazarus, pray for us (feast day July 29)