Teacher Life

I feel I've been in a mental fog. It can be hard to get out of it fully, as it takes time to decompress, rejuvenate and maybe even feel inspired. I've never fully known teacher life, only from a distance and sidelines, but one can't know it fully unless one does and experiences it for themselves. 

I've noticed how easy it is to feel overwhelmed, and preoccupied with so many things, to dos, figuring things out and learning as I go. It's an exciting time of growth, learning curves, busyness, and discernment. It's a time to feel stretched and maybe even at times uncomfortable or just merely exhausted, maybe discouraged and trying to keep things that are important for me still existing and lively. 

I hardly can even think about the past season- my job, my thoughts, struggles....though the times that I briefly do (even if a lot of it is a blur), it creates more gratitude for the season I am currently in. Discernment was huge last year and prayers were answered to be where I am now. I do remember feeling so bored, and mentally unstimulated which was challenging on the regular. 

I can't even think about a lot of things while in the classroom, there are so many things up front for my attention. Which in some ways is kind of nice- I'm busy, I'm serving, I'm thinking of others and doing important things, challenging things that require energy and a lot of patience.

Patience, this is something I want to work on. Generally, I believe I'm a pretty patient person but there are some (or many!) moments that really test me. I've been starting to think and realize Jesus is watching and seeing and loving me in those hard and exhausting moments. It helps to give me peace and encouragement. The days and moments where I feel that I am failing, I know I am doing my best. 

Today's Gospel reading and message was a wakeup call. Priorities, faith, prayer, relationship with God, evangelizing, all things I need to work on, as this is a busy season and prayer is even more crucial and essential. Trying to stay off screens, phone use to lessen and instead focus on God's goodness, presence and provision when I feel like I'm just surviving. 

Holly and New Year Fruition

 Just 8 months ago, my dear sister and I met up and celebrated the new year together by going to Mass and a nice cafe spot we hadn't tried before. It was an inspiring, refreshing and enjoyable time. We sat inside initially, the holiday bustle was beginning mid-morning with people coming in for their coffee, with family and friends, or their dogs. Winter coats, scarves, boots were galore powdered like snow with winter chill, caffeine and hopes and dreams in that coffee shop. (I'm actually looking forward to layering up again come Fall/Winter!) 

Her and I sat against a wall with pinkish colorful decor, and it looked like cherries or holly on some painted parts of the wall. It was still the Christmas season, but this stood out to me. I remember some of our conversation- before we moved outside, was about teaching. I was already thinking about it, an inkling about it, a stirring about it during that new year season. 

I later researched about this Christmas plant holly, and though there are different hidden meanings and symbols, the ones that stood out to me were related to Jesus with the crowning of thorns and his blood, and hope as well as endurance during the winter, as it's a festive Christmas plant. I later noticed that one of my sister's Christmas cards had holly depicted on it as decor with family photos that I've had up this year. And I've kept the fake holly plant my dear sister intwined with her delicious homemade cranberry bread she made for Christmas. 

I guess symbolically, I've depicted this plant with a future teaching job/career and facing my unknowns and fears. There is always anticipation and hope starting the new year, and today, my dear sister and I met up at this same cafe. And now, 8 months later- I am living out this plan, vision, even dream- I am teaching! It's cool and quite amazing having an idea, a hope, a discernment come into fruition.