Finding My Own Space

I had no idea I would be in a job that I am in now. I never would have thought or imagined it because I simply thought I couldn't do it. I didn't have the energy, the confidence or perhaps even the interest in it. I put a limit to what I could do, and that was that- only searching for what I felt was reasonable, safe and good enough for me. The job that I have is working with children, in a classroom type setting and facilitating a classroom with academic packets. The thought of it sounded so scary and foreign to me, mainly because I never had experience like it before (being a teacher, and leading a whole classroom of grade school students.)

Right before I was to start this job (in early June), I was just about to have the onslaught of finals and graduate college. Not only was this a transition, but also getting back into working for a company which had been a while. For a year in a half I had freelance tutoring jobs which I really loved but I felt more like a starving artist and definitely needed more stimulation and activity in my schedule. I was excited to soon be graduating and finally be done with school and enter the work world and be able to make some money as well as experience. But I was scared and some what sad to end my routine of what I knew, of entering into a new space and leave my comfort zone behind. I had gotten into the rhythm of volunteering a couple times a week and filling up my time with things I loved and enjoyed- such as going to daily mass, watching cooking shows, studying Arabic, cooking, reading, running. Some days it didn't feel like I could get enough of it and at other times, I was so desperate to land a job and be busy and preoccupied with work, and service. I had mixed feelings about this job that I was about to enter into. I was joyfully leaving being a student and nervously and somewhat excitedly becoming a teacher figure. I had switched roles so fast and quickly, now I was on the other side of the classroom, and all of my days of being a student were behind me.

Tired teacher, and no more being a student!

I was happy and thankful to know that I could still volunteer on occasion, and still have a flexible schedule. I wasn't quite yet used to working part-time everyday, but overall it was good for me and much needed. I had to quickly get used to the non stop noise and loud volume in the halls as well as in my own classroom. I had to learn the names of all of my 28 students, and understand, handle and interact with 28 personalities. And I had to learn how to be more assertive, confront issues, reprimand, and even shout, get angry and discipline students. Fairly quickly, I learned about my students on a different level- their behavior, who they were friends with, their motivations and work ethic as well as their strengths and weaknesses.

What truly helped and inspired me was to start with a quote of the day. These quotes could usually be found in my dear and fully filled quote book. It would almost always be from a well known famous person, and we would dissect the quote, and I would ask my students what it means to them, and also learn something new about the author of the quote. It was nice because I could educate them about someone I knew a good amount about or cared about. This daily routine instilled in me that I have the power to inspire others, and teach them something new, even if it's just a simple quote. Most days my students were invested in it and they would be interested and intrigued by what I was saying or explaining. Some times my class clown would interject and make the whole class laugh. Then I knew it was time to change gears and start the academic time. I learned how to control this classroom, and I could tell they all liked me on some level and grew to respect me. I instigated table points and every two weeks the two winning tables would get prizes. Though it was a bit more work for me, with adding up points and being more aware of behavior and productivity, it created a space to be creative with how I went about it and to reward my students instead of focusing solely on negative behavior. I was surprised to witness that 5th graders still cared about table points and prizes- they mostly went for the candy!

There were some days where I would rapidly become mentally exhausted and drained. Hearing my students call my name so frequently and a few at the same time forced me to focus on the moment and take one situation at a time. To develop more patience and understanding and gain more mental stamina. To try to become more innovative and not let the environment take hold of me or negative energy poison the work day and think of the good and funny things that were amusing instead of the things that were ugly, annoying or monotonous. To try and smile more to my co-workers and students and know that I am a role model for them, even more so because they know that I am young. I learned that I can make a positive impact even if at times it doesn't feel like I'm making an ounce of it, but you never know who you are helping or influencing for the better.

I am grateful for this summer and this time of growth, learning and in all, new experiences!