An Introvert's World

The chitter chatter, words spilling out going there and coming here, testing if it will be perceived well or not.  What a lot to take in as an introvert. Sometimes I don't realize how sensitive I am until after the fact. Last night, there was a social at my house. In the beginning, I wasn't looking forward to it and only wanted to hide in my introvert- creative place and not be forced into small talk. But as the days got closer, I began to warm up to the idea of being more invested with this young adult social/bonfire night. I actually became so invested that I started thinking of ways to add detailed touches. I had a fun time creating a welcome art sign in different languages on the front door. I created a 40 something song playlist to play throughout the night of various high and low beats, indie and soul alike that spoke to my personality and feelings of summer. I made a baklava dish and I think now I have perfected it. Now I know to drizzle oodles of honey on top instead of making a lemon syrup since I like the taste of the former better. I set up the outside and made the table look more detailed with plants, some candles, a few rosaries and a Our Lady of Guadalupe picture for added effect of a rosary night.

As a melancholy introvert, I deeply enjoy heart filled conversations that are fluid and jump over the small talk by a landslide. However, I didn't receive much of this tall hope last night, and to me if I don't receive this in a certain amount, I become unstimulated and dare I say bored. Watching the fire was entertaining, but doesn't compare to a human interaction, but thanks for the heat, fire.

What I came upon reflection from all of this was that I can do socials but it depends on the interactions because quality always trumps quantity in my book. I learned that I can enjoy preparing and planning an event but I need to be intrinsically motivated and add my own personal touches, personality and flair to it or else I wont want anything to associate with it. If I can personalize something and have a vision for it then I can mentally prepare myself for the social event. I may or may not have had a good time, but at least I made an effort and added touches and subtleties that lifted my spirit and my creative energy even if I wasn't feeling it prior.

Tonight is exactly opposite of last. I am here by myself and soaking in the soft twilight summer air, the quietness and the space that I can call my own. No side conversations, entertaining with fire to feel the mood, or chitter chatter that lingers like the embers. I will enjoy the quiet peace tonight.