To the Cross, To Joy

"Love comes in the shape of a cross." This was a reflection from last week and it came on a hard day that made me realize suffering is a gift and that there's a deeper meaning behind it. Holy week felt like its own purification for me and honestly, I missed when I could really prepare for Ester more and have more time for prayer and reflection but God was showing me something different this time and instead of just reflecting on his cross, to give me my own which felt hard, heavy and very unlikely for me continue carrying it alone without his grace.

The Gospel from last Wednesday was about betrayal and how Judas bought the price of his betrayal for an equivalent of $500. Not only is this heartbreaking to hear as we relive the story leading up to Jesus' crucifixion and death, but also how much it can play in our own lives. We are all sinners and like Peter, have denied Christ through our actions, selfishness and sin. The priest on Wednesday said that we need to pray for those souls who are needing God's mercy because Jesus wold have forgiven Judas if Judas was open to his divine healing and merciful heart.

That Wednesday was an internally hard day where I felt I was caving in in my thoughts and many things were frustrating and challenging for me. I tried to pray when there were slow periods throughout the day and remembered part of the Divine Mercy Chaplet. It felt like I was going in circles or getting lost at the what part I was on but maybe it could be of use. As I was driving back to work from my lunch break, I heard the speaker on Catholic Radio say, 'you don't know how you are helping souls when praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet, you are saving souls.' This convicted me and gave me more encouragement to not loose sight of those in need through my prayer, even if it was distracted.

Now that we are in the Easter season, I want to take heart in the joy, goodness and beauty of this special time in the Church. Yesterday was such a joyous day not only because of Easter but also because my dear nephew was baptized. The weather was beautiful, the gathering with family was special and precious and the Mass celebration was done by my favorite priest in his native tongue. The church was St. Mary's and it's become more familiar to me throughout the summer and fall when my dear sister was pregnant with her baby boy. So many changes were happening inside of her and a lot of things were changing internally for me in a maturity and spiritual kind of way. The days were long, slow and hot and my sister was waiting and waiting for her son to be born and I was waiting and waiting for the next chapter in my life to begin- work, and steady schedule and income.

Yesterday, some of those memories came back to me and I thank God for all that happened, though it was hard and thrust with suffering moments. But the suffering is still there at times but just in a different way. Easter is about the celebration, joy and trust in salvation, in new life and Jesus' conquer over death. My nephew was born into the Church yesterday and cleansed of sin. Jesus rose from the dead and may we all rejoice in this Paschal mystery, mindful of Jesus' promise, love and mercy.