Hope Does Not Disappoint

Hope, it's what I've been thinking about lately, and how to incorporate it into my mind, heart, and my everyday. Hope is something that is intangible but so important since feeling hopeless is a heavy weight to bare. There are have been somethings that have helped me to enhance a brighter hope, and a confident one since a hope that is just wishful thinking isn't solid enough nor is it rooted in faith.

Upon exiting church after mass before I would head off to work (and really feeling I needed a lot of help and strength from Our Lady), I would pray the Memorare in front of the serene and peaceful image of Our Lady of Guadalupe at the back of the church. For the past few years at the end of that prayer, I always say in prayer, 'Our Lady of peace, hope and confidence, pray for us.' It just came to me 5 years ago when I went to daily mass more frequently and took it more seriously. I have continued saying that prayer ever since and believe it has worked and helped increase in my peace, hope and confidence.

These magnolia trees have been so beautiful, especially during this summer time. I always enjoy looking at them during my walks and runs in the still and warm but pleasant summer evenings. I am currently rereading the book, The Magnolia Story by Joanna and Chip Gaines. I stumbled upon this book a few years ago, and was inspired to read it again partly due to my niece loving them and their story to pieces. My niece left a few days ago from her trip here to California, and it was a pleasure to send time with her. Her exuberant energy, cheerfulness and spark for homemade crafts like baking and gardening and being in the company of those she loves was a joy.

At her age, I did not have the same energy she does and I hadn't even been on a plane. She is the same age I was when my oldest sister (her mom) got married. With my niece around and me being 'the big sister', tour guide and friend, it gave me a new perspective, a different one and a brighter one than I've had in a while. Her presence gave me a sense of hope in dealing with and processing the many things that I've experienced these past few months. And it was nice to witness a young girl's mind, and how she views the world and all its possibilities, opportunities, and adventures.

I've learned a little lesson while shopping today. In that, I really only wanted to buy what I found to be useful and have the gift of versatility. It's easy to purchase more than you need because its right in front of you, it's tempting and appealing and you're in the shopping mode for another whimsical excuse. The numerous array of shoppers could be a bit annoying, claustrophobic and even a little stuffy. But I was another one of them adding to the stuffiness and the heat of browsing around while getting drowsy, so I couldn't blame anyone else. I bought three items and without even noticing I dropped one of my own belongings, a sweater of mine that I happened to like (shown above). And I saw it as a way of letting go and becoming detached in a way, but if I don't find it in lost and found then I'll see it as a sign. Plus, I have three more pieces of clothing that I've added to my wardrobe for a positive reminder. :)

Life is full of surprises sometimes and little twists that can lead into inspiring turns. What gave me a sense of hope, inspiration and a deep connection was reading the creative and kindred spirit letters from my sister's old friend. Her friend and I didn't know each other too well, but the memories and descriptions I have of her are enough. And having those letters from their exchanges from a few years back helped me, and gave me hope due to the connection, and understanding of her. This was especially true when I was going through difficult moments in my job and knowing that she also had her fair share of hard and lonely moments in one of hers. I wear the bracelet that she made, and love the meaning behind it and its originality. It's comforting to know of people who are similar to you, and something you can connect with.

Since my birthday, this quote has been more and more relevant, beautiful, meaningful and full of hope for me from Jeremiah. "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11). My sister has this verse displayed on a table to remind her to continue writing out inspiring verses to memorize and I find it encouraging that this one has gotten the limelight. My other sister gave me a daily prayer verse and on the cover is this bible verse. I'm going to keep on living and trusting on it, and be inspired, encouraged and filled with hope from His holy light.

Empowered By Wounds

I have known this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt for a while in its abbreviated form, "You must do the thing you think you cannot do." I have it on my bedroom wall, and I discussed it with some students of mine at one of my former jobs. It was relevant to me 2 years ago when I graduated from College as those were difficult and trying years, and it felt so rewarding to be able to relate with her quote, "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself; I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along... You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

 June 10th, 2017 was the day I graduated from my University and June 10th, 2019 was the day I proved enough courage, conviction and honesty. I was most afraid of leaving my job because it was scary to come to terms with what I actually thought and my true feelings. It was nerve wracking to articulate what I felt and believed and others know about it. It was scary because it wasn't part of the plan, my plan that I had for myself. I thought and dreamed that I would stay here for a year or more to gain enough experience and exposure and enjoy it and love it. Boy was I wrong. It was nothing close to how I imagined it to be. God threw another curve ball my way, and it was up to me to have the courage to face the reality and be okay and at peace about it. He was leading me in another direction that I hadn't anticipated or expected. I resonated with Eleanor Roosevelt's famous quote again, but in a new way I hadn't experienced before.

Throughout the few months I was at this job, I was able and lucky enough to go to daily mass before work. That was a huge blessing for me because I was battling so much when I entered those doors to my job and when I entered and they closed loudly behind me, I felt locked in for the day and needing all the help from God, Mary, the saints and my guardian angel. I would look at the cross, Jesus crucified while at Mass and feel I could connect in some ways to his sufferings and passion. My heart felt heavy in many moments before, while and even after work and many times from different people by feeling judged, persecuted and treated poorly for whatever reason. It made my heart ache. I only wanted and tried to unite this to Jesus and his pierced and sacred heart.

 I would often think of how I could be of service through my hands, feet and spirit. My hands and feet were in constant motion from wiping tables, handing out snack, changing diapers, playing soccer and basketball with the children, coloring and drawing for them, and rubbing their foreheads and backs in order for them to rest, relax and fall asleep. Some of these tasks made me reflect upon and even miss what my former schedule looked like. Wiping and cleaning tables reminded me of volunteering for senior citizens and serving them their lunches and cleaning up tables. Driving to work made me reflect on and miss my days as an ESL tutor because of the similar route to work, but also because of how fulfilled, useful, and happy I was and what a contrast it was for me.

I was very grateful to have spent quality time with my dear niece this past week while visiting us. I would have been working and tired and mostly unavailable but because I left my job when I did, I was able to enjoy this special time with her. My sister got sick for a few days last week and going through her own sufferings, and unknowns and I was able to attend to her needs. While massaging her hands and feet to help her relax, I couldn't help but realize that I was also attending to Jesus and his wounds in his hands and feet, and it brought me to tears.

This time of figuring out the next step, the road to take whether it be to stay on the one I'm already on or take the fork in the road has been interesting. I've also had to deal with my fair share of unknowns as well as healing from a painful and roller coaster experience. I've looked to what my heart, mind and intuition have been telling me as well as my real interest and passion. I am feeling a lot more at peace, excited and reassured for the next step and just trusting that God and the Holy Spirit will continue to guide and lead me on the way to where I'm meant to be.