Reviewing Goals

I was recently looking through one of my notebooks. It's a notebook that's not really a notebook, but for lists and ideas rather and I enjoy looking through it and adding to it every once in a while. I came across the first list, 'List your goals and dreams for this year'. I saw that I wrote some goals for last year and this year.

2019
-get a full time job at a preschool
-speak in Chinese
-keep learning Arabic
-make a new contact, friend
-continue blogging!
-paint!
-knit
read inspiring books
-try out a hiking group

I reflected upon this list and realized that nearly all of it if not all came true. I remember writing and brainstorming this list at a coffee shop with my dear sister in late January last year. It was a rocky month and start to the year and wanted to regain some compusore and inspiration. I desprately needed  and desired a job, a full time one since nothing was landing or it was only part-time and wanted to put my credits and education to use. I eventually did, and I learned a lot. It was quite a roller coaster of a ride throughout.

Chinese has been on the back burner for a while. As our interests change, its normal to not be so immersed or invested in past endevours. I made a few videos for myself of speaking and teaching Chinese early in the year. Also, in my job woeking with young children I spoke some Chinese to two Chinese boys and I felt proud to say some words and phrases again, even just simple. One of the classes that I was in in the Fall at the High School was a Mandarin class and I was there for a student who needed accomadations. I was mostly there listening and relearning the material, but it brought back memories of my interest anbd passion with the language.

Arabic on the other hand, is a language that I am currently still invested in and want to progress in. Language videos were a side thing for a while and helped me keep up my learning and inspiration with the language, culture and other related topics. I took a break for a while for most of last year learning, but I am back revamping my knowlegdge and dusting off language books and notes.

I wouldn't have thought making a new friend would happen, though it was a desire for a long time. I am still pleasantly surprised with the way it happened. I am very grateful for this friend and proud to say she is dating my younger brother:) We initially met in spring 2018, but didn't officially hit it off with more personal time until last summer. I'm grateful for a friend, especially during this unique time.

I have continued blogging, with my 2 blogs and making more time for writing and relfection.

Painting and water color is a new hobby for me. After taking a class at Joann's, I was eager to start experimenting and creating. I painted for my friend for a Christmas gift, and painted a card for my sister's wedding anniversary. I hope to create more and paint especially during this time.

Knitting has been a hobby that comes around every once in a while. I knitted a green blanket for my dear nephew and glad to see him with it on walks for warmth:) I plan to knit another blanket for his younger brother soon to be born this summer.

There were a number of books that I read last year, and they kept me afloat and inspired throughout the downs and lows during the year.

Try out a hiking group. My sister and I finally made the time to try out a hiking group, and it was a good challenge to meet new people and do something different towards the end of summer.


2020
Some goals I have in mind are learn Hebrew! I started learning Hebrew back in late summer but may continue with it along with Arabic, (and Russian!)

With testing centers closed for now, I had a written goal of studying for the Math CBEST. With all of this open time, I may consider starting on that.

I have been cooking from my recipe binder and marking the recipes I have cooked and made so far. There are a number I have coked ths far, but still many I have not yet tried!

Creating own stationary has been a goal and idea of mine for a while, and making and designing my own stationary is such a rewardinjg expereince and a gift to others. I designed a card for my sweet niece.

And reading 60 books. This is my highest reading goal, but wth enough books to go around and plenty of spare time, I think it is possible:)

Be Not Afraid!

As we finish out this first week of  Easter and continue to celebrate the Easter season, there have been some reflections that I have pondered and prayed about. The main messages and theme for this weeks readings in the Gospels reveals the disciples inner turmoil, confusion and fear with all that has happened in the last days after Jesus' passion and death. They too fear their own deaths, and fear of the Jews, as well as grappling with Jesus' death and what it means for him to rise again.

'Be not afraid!' These are the words that are repeated many times in the Gospels, and not just particularly with Easter when Jesus tells his own disciples to be not afraid. These words also show up when the angel Gabriel tells Our Lady to be not afraid at the Annunciation, as well as at the time of Jesus' birth for the shepherds and onlookers. These words are written and said throughout the liturgical seasons, and God is also telling us in our own lives to be not afraid. Even the first words of Pope John Paul II from when he became pope were these same words, to give us comfort, hope, and deep and reassuring trust.

We all have our fears, doubts, worries, anxieties. And I believe everyone has very similar ones at this particular time in our history, pertaining to the corona virus pandemic. This past week has been difficult for me personally. I am starting to feel more of the weight of not working, not being able to say goodbye and end the school year with my students, and of not being able to be of service at work like I have for the past wonderful 6 months. I also don't know what the future will hold, and have my own doubts and worries what the future will look like with this pandemic still here or not.

I have had my share of anxieties and fear this past week as well, struggling with sleep. The most joyous, beautiful, and hopeful time of the year with Easter has become one of fear for me as I wrestle with light and interrupted sleep and feelings of anxiety and trying not to overthink or let my mind wander too far. When this happens, I go back to Jesus saying, 'Be not afraid' to his disciples, and to me personally. I think about Him in the tabernacle alone at night and being present to Him in my heart and mind when I feel lonely and afraid.

I like to reflect upon the Magnificat Reflection from a few days ago:

You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me joy in your presence. And this pattern continues for us. Jesus met them on their way. That is, our Savior comes to us amidst the every day challenges and circumstances of our lives. Mary Magdalene and the other Mary embraced his wounded feet. They hear those wonderful words: 'Do not be afraid.'

Jesus shows his disciples that He is Risen, and they do not have to let their hearts be troubled (Jn 14:27) or be afraid. Even within their fear, Jesus comes in their midst and gives them (and us) peace. I need to keep reminding myself with great confidence that Jesus is always there! We do not need to be afraid with what we are experiencing now as a community. state, country, world, and in my own needs, yet instead to trust and believe like He desired us to. He comes into our lives just like he did on the road of Emmaus and guiding us on our journeys, and like he did when he lead his disciples to a miraculous catch of 153 fish and being present in their lives, so too with us.

One of the books I am reading is called the 7 secrets of Divine Mercy, and is relevant as tomorrow is Divine Mercy Sunday. I have this image in my room of the sacred heart of Jesus with the words, Jesus, I trust in you. May I continue to learn to trust in his mercy, healing and intimate and loving presence in my life. Happy Easter!