Walking in Hope

 It feels so interesting going back to a place you've been and see things differently, in a new way, a different form, past memories, thoughts, feelings. It's like everything is drifted away somewhere in the sky like a balloon, and it wont come down. I can recall these memories from before school closed due to COVID-19, there were so many questions as to how things would look and the outcome of it all. I remember back in the middle of March hearing about the closure of school for a definite 4 weeks was a blow for me but I heard some students exclaiming in excitement from a 'break'. 

As I was walking on campus and headed back to my classroom I remember the daunting thought of it all. What would I do for 4 weeks? I felt sad and unsure of what things would look like and for how long. It was all very strange, and felt out of control. Of course, those 4 weeks extended themselves and added up to the rest of the school year and though summer was different it wasn't much easier either. 

It has been such an interesting journey these past months as many can say the same based on their own unique, difficult, and heavy situation. It feels almost surreal that I am back where I once was physically but feel interiorly different- grown, changed, experienced. These past 5 months have really shaped me and stretched me in ways I would have never imagined, wanted or anticipated. No one saw what was starting to happen in March coming, or the effects and extreme aftermaths. 

It was a deep challenge and loss to not be able to finish out the school year, and instead have things turn out the way they did. There would have been a lot of joy and excitement ending a school year, saying goodbye to students and starting off summer that was well deserved, appreciated and enjoyable. 

However, I wouldn't be in the spot I am now if it weren't for all the suffering, waiting, anticipation, and disappointment these past months. I feel like I've learned a lot about myself and I wasn't even in the classroom, or on a school campus. The school of life was the teacher, I was the student and the test was perseverance, faith, courage, and hope.

Now with a new school year ahead, journey and added doses of faith and hope, I'm excited to see what God has in store. It wont be an easy breeze as its a whole new chapter that looks similar on the outside but very different on the inside. But I feel grateful for where I am now, and see all the graces from God. I don't feel as attached to what was as my mind is a bit blurry since the sense of pain, suffering and waiting are more vivid and clear, yet they have and are providing virtue and a testament of faith. Hindsight is always 2020, and isn't it interesting, funny, ironic even that we are in the year 2020, when hopefully the hardships will be more clear later on. 

And to give this year of 2020 more credit, and a positive stroke, I want to think of 20 things I am grateful for either in general or from this year, and 20 things I am looking forward to. The year isn't over yet and even if its been a debilitating, frustrating, uncertain, challenging year, good things will come from this, even simple things that I continue to remind myself of. 

So with this next step, journey in the road, the little steps of every day are important. And though it can feel dry (not just with the air quality) but also in other facets, God is the fountain of life and will water where I am planted, grounded and blooming even when it doesn't feel like it.