Highlights and a Flicker of Melancholy

 It's hard to believe this month of radiant, autumn glow of golden, reds and browns is transitioning to a close, another leaf falling. These weeks have felt like they have flown by with the warm sunshine, cooler morning air and quiet, and serene evenings that have let the Libra moon showcase the midnight  sky. I've been thinking why October happens to be my favorite if not one of my favorite months, since November is also high on the list. 

As most would say, Autumn gives off a nostalgic and even melancholy vibe, making it easy, pleasant and soothing to remember past Autumn seasons. There's something about the shifted sunlight, the cooler air and the green leaves turning into a leaves full of painted hues. There's also something about this special season that makes it even more enjoyable and interesting to think and look ahead into the near future- the end of the year, as well as into the new year that looks fresh, bright and positive. 

Fall brings in a new perspective for me. It's a time that I usually feel more inspired, creative, even motivated at times to pick up things once again- crafts like knitting or watercolor or embrace the hidden baker in me and add a list of certain desserts or treats that I would like to bake, or simply pick up creative writing again and let the world of ideas inspire me. Activities like walks and runs and just being in nature allows me to gather the creative spark I need. Seeing the sun set gradually over the hillside, waving the sunset pigments like a flag for all to see, or a leaf fall ever so gently and quietly as a hush. This month has been full of enjoying outdoors and creating a new energy, motivation and letting my thoughts run and merge together. 

There haven't been all  easy days this month. Some have turned out to be better than others, while others have been harder than I anticipated or wanted. But there's been beauty all around, and reminding myself of that has been helpful. Reminding myself  to enjoy this time, the nature, the people right in front of me has shown me a renewed spirit of gratitude, hope and joy. 

But this time of year makes it easy to reflect, upon these past many months. I think looking back in the year is a time of self reflection and seeing how much one has grown, learned, and even changed. It can be one of sadness, or melancholy from things that used to be. Also of hope and faith for things ahead. October comes with its charm, but also its gradualness of change and feelings of stillness and nostalgia..

 Here are some highlights of the past Octobers/Fall seasons:

Loving Pumpkins on Magazine (October 2016)

Giving a toast to my dear sister and brother -in -law at their wedding reception (October 29, 2016)

Dressing up as Mexican Painter Frida Kalho (Halloween 2016)

Finding a beautiful colored leaf after a nice run (Fall 2019)

Eating out at a Persian Restaurant (Nov. 2016)

Made a squash pizza! (October 2018)

 Walk near Lake (Nov. 2016)

The gray sky with the orange leaves (Fall 2016)

Pumpkin Pie from a pumpkin patch (October 2020)

 

Celebrating Halloween with dear Santiago (Halloween 2019)

Loving the colorful leaves! (Fall 2017)

Making Chicken Soup (Nov. 2018)

Here are just some special memories and glimpses. There are some nostalgia with certain memories but imbued with beauty, graces, fun, stillness and creativity. Let the leaves continue to Fall, the crunch among steps taken and the crisp air arise, and the harvest glow, pink and burnt, and pumpkin flicker. 

Something Good

 This past week I wanted to make a list of ideas to challenge myself with, to look forward to as a way to keep track of the week better and hopefully remember the good things (big or small), interesting, funny or simply take in the moment. There are some things I didn't cross off, that I didn't start to do yet, and others that I tried to do but throughout the midst and business, or mere routine of the week, it got lost. 

I started the week out with early morning daily Mass. I knew it would be a bit tight for my schedule, but I was willing to give it a shot. I knew I needed all the graces that Monday to start out the day, a new week. It was a beautiful Mass and was grateful I made it there early enough to get in on time. And something about waking up early enough to still see the stars, the shining crescent moon before sunrise appears every so gently, brightly is so special, glorious, and grace filled. A whole new day ahead, what will God bring, and how will this new gift of a day unfold? 

The Mass and the priest giving it was very nice, and reverent, however, not a very nice or reverent thing happened right before communion. A young man announced something walking into the church with a face covering and a blanket over him, and everyone looked at him, tense, pensive, afraid as I was. Who was this random guy making a big scene during Mass, right before the most important part of receiving the Eucharist. He claimed he was Christian, and Catholic in a haughty way very well knowing he was disturbing and interrupting the Mass. He turned around to walk right out of the church and shouted loudly enough for all to hear regarding priests and abuse scandals. The few of us at Mass all got in line to receive communion like that occurrence never happened, returning peacefully, silently and prayerfully, as well as the priests.

That day for me though didn't turn out to be so peaceful as I would have liked, hoped or prepared for. It actually spun  around to be one of emotional turmoil, with a constant flow of tears, questions, doubt, upset, confusion. It was a day that I wanted to end as quick as the heavy emotions came that drained me and took the life out of the beauty of the day. I can't help but think now about how that young guy came in to disturb and bring in unrest and a loud disposition for all to hear. I didn't understand the point of it, but perhaps a gnawing conscience or seeking attention in a way that is anything but peaceful or silent as our world is experiencing today. 

How quickly the turn of my thoughts, my emotions came that lasted the rest of that day and I remembered the nice Mass that morning (besides the intruder) and the list I had made for the week and  I felt like I had already failed. But I had to let things subside before I could regain control again of my thoughts, my feelings and emotions and take charge again to let God continue to work amidst the puffy eyes the next morning. Luckily, things turned out better as I focused on things other than the previous day, and God's graces to help me. 

I finished my notebook that I had been writing in for the past few months (quarantine time made me write a lot!) and I jotted some things down on this last page. "And here I am, the last page of this notebook, so fast! Today was a much better day, better attitude and energy going forward. And trusting God will lead me through, as well as my favorite saints. Loved St. Maria Faustina's diary and parts that I read today. 'Do not fear anything. I am with you. These matters are in my hands and I will bring them to fruition according to My Mercy, for nothing can oppose My will.' "

Some other highlights from this week, beautiful, peaceful and glorious late afternoon/early evening walks and runs. The perfect weather and time of Fall season to be outside. Going to Apple Hill with some family members. :) Nice prayer time at church and adoration, picking up many books from library- about some saints, and language books! Received spearmint yarn in mail to start knitting my project, finished watching the classic old movie, 'The Bells of St. Mary's' with Bing Crosby and Ingrid Bergman. I loved every minute of it, funny, engaging and interesting story line and dialogue. The ending had a lot to do with accepting God's will even when its against yours and how trusting and later understanding in it comes joy. 

Here's to a happy and peaceful Fall weekend, as a new week will begin again!

 

Bonjour October!

 October is here! And I remember the many beautiful things about October and Fall in general. The lighting, the coolness to the air, the crunch of leaves and the orange and red highlights in dispersed in the leaves are some of the outward depictions and changes that I love. I can't deny that I'm looking forward to wrapping up this year overall, and seeing how these weeks, and months unfold. 

What I also love about Fall is the deeper awareness, appreciation of reflection, and contemplation. There's a real beauty of connecting with nature in this way, and I always feel like this distinct season does that for me. It comes where I can depict previous Autumns and reminisce and go back in time to what was happening them. 

I have vivid and special memories from when I was a student in Junior College and actively participating in student events and creating them, getting to know the other people involved in student government and finding my place, and inspiration in my English classes. Or the days after college and enjoying the freedom of no longer being a student and embracing planning lessons for students, and walks and runs on crisp and cool Fall mornings at a favorite park. Even the hard parts and days come back to me in full swing when not a lot was going on, like in Fall 2018 or feeling stuck, uninspired and undergoing big transitions like in Fall 2016.

This Fall also has its own unique vibe to it. It's the first Fall without my sweet sister above me in a couple years, and a time when distant learning has its own learning curves, adjustments or even lack of real stimulation. It's a time that is very special and distinguishable, but also one of a little nostalgia from years past. I can recall many memories from last Fall season and how enjoyable they were and sharing time with my sister at home. Those nail times, classic movie dates we would make for ourselves, and going together to Mass, how precious they were! But this time has its own intimacy, uniqueness and describable feelings of growth, realizations and a surge in faith and continued trust for what's ahead.  

Something that I've had on my mind lately as a dose of inspiration and goals is to study French! I haven't touched it in years and years, but the desire of starting it up again has rekindled a side project and a deeper awareness of the culture, history, and even a lot of the saints whom I didn't even know had a French background. I feel that there are many saints who I will grow in devotion to and feel more connected to due to embracing the French language again. 

There was a memory that came up for me recently from a former contact back in Junior College, and how for a little bit of time we would text each other in French. And I realized how much came back to me and the advantage of communicating through writing in a foreign language can be, also the fun and enjoyment. That Fall I had a burned CD of songs I liked that my sister burned for me and I named it 'Bonjour Ami', since that's how my old friend and I would start our French conversations. 

I feel these (French) saints can inspire and help me throughout this season and journey; Sts. Louis, Zelie and Therese of Lisieux and the many others that I have come across that I want to learn more about and grow in devotion to.  Happy start to Fall, all things festive, pumpkin and apple, scarves and caramel and spice lattes and a list of inspirations to carve out the year!