The Harvest Moon

 I saw the largest moon on Sunday evening. The largest I think since New Years Eve. It was a beautiful dusk sky, with hues of pink and purple, and a tint of summer's breath. I just wanted it to stay that way for a while. I was with my sister, shopping as she was briefly visiting dropping off Navidad, the beloved black cat. We had a fun and enjoyable time browsing the store together, shopping for needed items and putting it into our carts.

 I have an easy time looking back, especially on a year ago. So much was changing around me, within me, it was a lot. Most days I felt like I couldn't handle it, carry this heavy and unique cross. I remember coming to the same store my sister and I went to after work one October day. Shopping for some needed things, a few fun items (like a Freida Kalho shirt). I felt a sense of missing, missing something, and missing someone, my sister. Who doesn't love shopping with their sister, with a girlfriend? Shopping alone is good too, but it always seems so much more fun and special to shop with a sister, one who knows your style, you know theirs and the light heartedness of sharing ideas and opinions about shoes, clothes, etc..

I know that I've grown a lot since then, I've also learned more about myself. I had my sister with me on Sunday, and it didn't feel so much of 'I don't want you to leave, I wish you could stay, I miss the old times' type thinking. It was very much just embracing the present moment together, appreciating and loving her presence since it is such a gift. 

I could recall even in February that we also went shopping on a evening week night. That was special, since I typically don't go to stores/shop on those days, but what more fun with a sister! But I felt such a longing for more in my schedule, in my life. Distant learning was burning me out and I felt so alone, isolated most of the time. My sister had a nice break in February for 'ski week' so she could visit for a bit. Although my schedule hadn't changed, we still made some quality time together. But it brought with it so many memories of our times together, her memories and ours, when she was living at home, just so much. It was hard not to notice the nostalgia and sadness creeping in, difficult to shake off. 

But on Sunday, I didn't feel like that. I felt more sturdy and stable in my own two feet where I am, and doing what I'm doing. It's not perfect or easy all the time, but its improved a lot in my attitude, thinking, gratitude and what I focus on. So far, nothing compares to the rawness and deep challenges of last year.

Picture I took a few years ago

That harvest moon, its brightness, depth and glow reminded me of an evening where I took a run in the dusk time, right before the Fall equinox a few years ago. (There's a Chinese celebration based off the harvest moon, and awaiting the change of season due to the size of the moon). 

That moment brought wonder, appreciation, and beauty. Just like my time with my sister on Sunday evening, the moon we saw portrayed its abundance, its fullness. I felt an abundance of gratitude, as well as beauty, awe being with my sister and looking up at the harvest moon.