Why do these thoughts come to me? They seem to become a string, a thread, then a spiral. A downward spiral. But these do not come from God or ensue peace, confidence, grace or even joy. They speak and tell of anything but. They are also lies and schemes from the evil one for me to get distracted of the real purpose and meaning, of God's plan and timing, of the beauty that surrounds me.
The priest's homily today was spot on with surrendering and letting God take control of our lives even if we are afraid to do so. It's a scary prayer to give God all when we think it lies within our comfort or control. Emeritus Pope Benedict the 16th and St. Pope John Paul II said something along the lines of, "When you give God everything, you don't lose anything, but rather gain everything and become more of yourself." I heard this from the Cale Clarke Show recently and found it to be an encouraging reminder.
Perhaps I've been reflecting on this past year, and how difficult and raw it was at times, and looking at the future, not gleaming but rather feeling like it will be the same old story, or nothing new. Perhaps I'm facing a challenge in my young adulthood, questioning, wondering what's next and how to cultivate the things I'm seeking. And even thinking what it is that I seek when I'm still on a journey.
Journey. I think of the coffee shop~ Journey's coffee that is nearby to my sister's place and how inspiring, inviting it is. The founders' story is encouraging and full hope, as well as inspiring. Their company coffee shop wasn't part of their plan at all, but God continued to write their story in the thick of the unknown, in the foggy mess and the hazy disappointment. They still felt called to where they moved to and now saw it as an opportunity and were on a mission.
God continues to write and leads with a pen that only he can see, and I will see later. Just like a painting, as you look closely (such as in impressionism), the dots, the strokes, the faint colors and the randomness all create and provoke meaning, but the observer will only see this as they draw back, look with clear eyes that are unbiased, and clear. How beautiful our lives are like paintings, and everything becomes lovely from there.
This is a gem of a post, Colleen!!! We have all been in that spot, and we are destined to return to it, for this is the place where growth lives. It's a place of intense growth and learning how to stand tall with God our Father as the Head & Leader of our humble lives. You have such beautiful imagery in this post, relating it all back to what we can see only after God has built his masterpiece, building one heavy brick at a time to build and buffet something incredible. I love you sis and I have high hopes for what God is (already) doing in your beautiful life!! It may not at all seem like it, yet this is a time that will be treasured beyond what is comprehensible now. I love you & I admire you greatly, beautiful sis!!! <3 susie
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Susie, for your heartfelt comment, it was endearing to read! Xoxo
DeleteColleen,
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written reflection on life and the struggles, doubts and challenges along the way. It is these times that you are being stretched in different ways, that result in growth spurts in the interior life, perhaps only seen clearly by God. Your writing captures the uncertainty, but yearning and striving towards the unknown future and what God has planned for you. He is in control, and everything will work out for the best.
Thank you so much, Mom!! Your comforting and consoling words and listening ear are very appreciated!!
DeleteI enjoyed reading this post and how you captured dealing with uncertainty and doubt, but striving to discern the will of God for your life. Well detailed, and heartfelt post!
ReplyDeleteEverything we experience, even the difficult times, and especially those times, contribute to our spiritual growth. Maybe only God can fully see the growth spurts from our challenges, but nothing is ever wasted effort. Everything will work out for good in the end, if we stay close to God. Thanks for sharing!! God Bless!!
Love how open and real you are with this post, sis. The glimpses you give of the challenges faced show forth a woman full of true faith. There is such richness in that questioning and remembering that our lives are like paintings, as you wrote, can help make sense of the hurdles and hardship that come our way. Reading your writing is a treasure and a gift.
ReplyDeleteYou are sooo sweet sis! Thanks so much, muah! 😘
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