A Library Year

 This whole year of 2023 has been focused on libraries. Ever since New Years Day, or even a few days prior, I was intentionally seeking some sort of experience in libraries. By the second day of the new year, I applied for a program with a research proposal on a certain Marian topic. I would be doing research and writing a paper for a few weeks in Dayton, Ohio. This was after I decided in winter that the Paris program didn't feel like the right thing for me- a week or so in the city of lights looking at and comparing libraries. Something about international travel, the paperwork, the expense and just the deeper uncertainty gave me deeper insight to not go through with it. 

By January, I was getting more antsy and anxious to do something about gaining experience. With my coworker's encouragement and help, found a job sighting with a public library that seemed intense for my schedule but also like a good way to get my foot in the door. By the time I was about to continue applying for it, it disappeared and seemed someone else applied quicker than I had. That left me feeling discouraged (again). 

 In February, I was becoming more nervous about prospects. One early morning, while I was driving to Mass, the idea just came to me like a light bulb- but it was really the Holy Spirit who lighted the way. It was interesting because it clicked instantly, and it gave me excitement and peace- to volunteer at a local library that I was going to be a book reviewer for the year prior but then forgot about it. I also remembered there were in person volunteers, even if it was for teens, but I didn't care because I was desperate to land something to get my foot in the door.

So, I started doing that and went after work only about 2 or 3 times but met some people and learned basic skills like shelving and weeding and programs going on in the library. One of the librarians told me there was a joint program with my university for an internship and I could apply for that. I was thrilled to hear that and knew it was providence that led me there. 

But as spring came around, I still hadn't heard of anything from the Dayton program. March came around, and still nothing. I also took a break from volunteering as my schedule was constantly busy, eventful and exhausting. I felt I could really only focus on my demanding classes and my job. 

By April, I was thinking of what was ahead in terms of my plans for Summer and Fall. Would I still be at my same job? Would I be doing something else, like finally landing an internship? Only God knew, but I felt in a perpetual state of being in a standstill and not knowing. I had desires to move on but not sure where or how, I would have to keep praying and trusting. 

I applied for a summer internship late March for the same library I volunteered at, not sure if I missed the deadline, but it was worth a shot. I got a response later that they already had somebody for Summer but if I wanted to, I could apply for an internship with them for the Fall. So, although I wasn't fully sure of public libraries, it still was worth the experience of an interview if nothing else. 

The busy school year ended, and then I had my interview just a few days later. I was nervous and felt like my mind was in a big cloudy mess after confusion, disappointment and uncertainty, also for the future. I didn't feel settled and knew I didn't do a good job. This 'failure' would lead to the interview I had and internship I have now at a library that I'm familiar with. 

In August, right when my internship was starting and in September I shadowed Academic librarians at my local junior college- the place where a little seed was planted where I was only briefly to start thinking about becoming a librarian. Academic librarianship looked a lot different than I had imagined and questioned if it was really for me and fit my interests and skills. 

 I came back to that library that I volunteered and interviewed with the first time for a staff day recently and I feel like I have come full circle. I've learned a lot more about public libraries and getting hands on experience. I remember those February afternoons tediously shelving in the children's section and hopeful for entering into this space- so different and rather opposite from the noise and chaos of the classroom.

 I wouldn't have imagined where I am now and being at a staff day with all these library people and trying to see myself in it or imagine where I fit in to all of it. I guess that's where I am- seeing what's my path, where is this all headed and these experiences. But for now, I just want to be grateful and let it all sink in and see all God has done with his hand, leading me to where I'm meant to be.