Cafe Musings and First Dates

 It all brought me back to that May afternoon. I parked in the same spot where I did that spring day and texted my sister that I was going on a date and if she could say a prayer.  

As I was standing there, inside the coffee shop waiting for my drink, seeing students' study and write papers on their computers in the evening darkness and sip their hot drinks, the streets wet from the rain, the holiday lights producing sheer glimmer on the streets, I couldn't help but think about that time. The growth, the transitions, the unknowns, it all came back so vividly, so effortlessly. 

It was there in that cafe I remember a date I had in May. It was such a busy and hectic time.  The school year was wrapping up and everyone was feeling burnt out and lethargic of the same routine, and I was finishing up a very demanding spring semester for my classes. Everything felt like a blur, and at times it felt like survival mode between working, and constant assignments. This date came as a surprise. I didn't really know if I was looking forward to it as I didn't really know him, just 2 or 3 encounters before. I guess there was a somewhat relaxed energy about it, and we'll see how it goes type of mindset. 

As I was waiting for my hot chocolate last night, and reliving in my mind this date and I remember where we were sitting for it- near the window, with backless seats, and near the back door. I ordered a lemonade as I didn't want to be sensitive to coffee and feel awake late into the evening. I remember, as I look back just being open to giving it a shot, as I already had 2 dates with another guy under my belt a few months earlier (and it being at the same cafe for that first date too lol).

I also remember he did a lot of the talking initially and felt like he was overtaking the conversation in the beginning, until he asked me some questions and talked about young adult ministry, my program, faith, high school, college, some hobbies. It was a long enough time to chat before his phone alarm rang as he would need to be heading out for a bible study. It worked out too since I felt it was a long enough time and needed to start packing for the retreat I would be going on the next day. 

There were so many unknowns up ahead. It was a somewhat stressful time as work would soon be ending, classes for the semester wrapping up and all the busyness soon would be shifting into a more 'open season', and that feeling of summer was getting closer in the air. I didn't really know what summer would look like or the rest of the year, and that made it hard, uncertain. I didn't have all the answers, I was just figuring it out as I went. 

There was this feeling of embracing the present moment as busy as it was, but knowing it was passing. And maybe just holding on to what felt comfortable, what felt right. As I was looking over to that table last night, (I even remembered what I was wearing! lol), I'm not sure if it was nostalgia or what, but I felt like telling my past self somethings. I didn't know this date would lead into another, and another and then a 4th date and then be dropped with no word. I didn't know the hurt on top of major transitions that held me down throughout the summer months. 

I wouldn't know how the rest of this year would play out, and the raw, painful aches of missing what I was doing before and practically everything had a sweet taste from the past and overlooking all the reality and hard parts. I wouldn't know how much I've grown since then, since slowly drinking that lemonade on a spring Thursday afternoon. I was hopeful, but the hard parts were only soon to begin to start, just underway like racoons jumping down from cypress trees in the nighttime starting their waking hours.

I'm glad I experienced it and faced those challenges and pains. I'm glad I was able to come back to that cafe for a group event and silently waiting for my hot chocolate and letting all the thoughts, feelings appear, as well as new ones to emerge. It's a new season, a special time. I want to embrace and be grateful for it all, with new horizons ahead.