Pouring Forth

 I'm reminded of that time that I was invited to break away. Quite frankly, from everything that felt like it was sucking the life out of me. It truly was a feeling that I hadn't experienced in a while but was profound. Like when Jesus would get away early in the morning and find a quiet place and pray there by himself. Or when He would take someone away from the crowd, the noise, sharp opinions and distractions and heal them. 

That felt like me. I felt far away from the noise, distractions, and the sheer exhaustion of everyday working life, and could breathe fresh air, and see the city and town life down below, and with a large, open sky to speak to my restless heart. I unfortunately, forgot what it felt like to be in nature. 

I didn't realize that God would speak to me so effortlessly in little ways, as well as profound ways. Afterall, I was on a retreat for teens during their confirmation program. It was for them. But so many things hit home for me. For example, the loud, boisterous rainstorm that one night woke me up with the sensation of light piercing through my eyes and into the cabin, and the heavy wind that smacked against the windowpanes while the rain pattered continuously. I wasn't so much afraid, as I was inspired by scripture.

I was recalling the verse from Matthew 7:25 " And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat upon that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock." I also felt like the rain signified so many graces coming forward and being poured down on the parched earth and also felt parched and needed God's graces. 

There was a band that weekend that helped with providing a prayerful atmosphere during adoration, Mass on Sunday as well as learning praise and worship songs throughout the retreat. Though they felt more 'Christian/Protestant' I actually liked them since they were simple and felt meaningful to me and couldn't get them out of my head so on the beautiful drive home, passing the wineries and grape vineyards, I sang those songs from the heart, as well as the rest of the week. I even played one or two of them while I was driving during the week or on my run. It helped savor the special spiritual time from that weekend. 

During adoration one evening, the teens had time to pray and also received and opened their letters from their parents that were a surprise for them. They slowly started to cry, as I'm sure it was so touching for them. I also was crying and had tears in my eyes since I felt so deprived of prayer, of being in front of Our Lord in the Eucharist and realized how much was on my heart and this time of silence and prayer I needed. I read the readings for Mass during this time, and they spoke to me with words coming out and phrases to reflect upon. I didn't expect to be so touched during this time, as well as the teens were (and most of them said that was their favorite part of the retreat). 

The last remaining hours, we were cleaning and packing up. The other girls' cabin found out that they had a mouse scurrying around their cabin, so they came into my cabin with my group of girls so the head person could try and get it out. I don't know if it ever was successful, as I heard him moving bunkbeds while trying to capture the rodent with no success. 

Although it's a tiny mouse, it is fast, sneaky and maybe even smart. It came to my mind that it's like our sins. Maybe one or two sins we think are actually harmless, not a big deal. Like this mouse, how it was small, and could easily hide in a hole in the walls or something, but clearly it was fast, and hard to catch even with all the furniture being arranged differently. In the end, vices aren't that innocent after all and can do more to our souls over time if we're not watchful. 

God spoke to me in little and profound ways on this retreat. I felt so spiritually enriched, renewed and joyful at the end. Tired, yes, but grateful I was able to experience it.