The Fall Glow 10 Years Ago

 I've briefly thought back to 10 years ago. I had just transferred to my university, and I was grappling with the newness. Everything felt so unfamiliar, and even uncomfortable of finding my way and adjustment like all students new to college or like me, as junior transfers. 

I remember walking far, quite far all the way across campus from a parking lot to my class. It was very spread out and somewhat hilly or bumpy, not what I was used to from my Junior College campus that I liked a lot. I felt like everything took so much time! To drive and put my car in second gear to go up the huge hill, to find a parking space, to park and then walk, then walk to my classes or back to the far away parking lot, drowning in my thoughts, my big adjustment, loneliness.

What kept me afloat and inspired was my Chinese language classes. I was determined to minor in the language and the teacher and seeing the progress made it fulfilling. It was step by step, like all language learning, but I had already learned the language for 9 months on my own prior to taking any classes. Even if it was niche with my smaller class sizes as the levels increased, it helped me make the campus, the experience and my time there more of my own.

The warm late summer and early fall heat I remember well, especially with the long walks across campus. Fall was already starting once the quarter started, and quickly looked and matured like Fall too, which I had a love hate relationship with. I love Fall and all the things surrounding it, but what cropped up most Fall seasons during this time was a darkness, a loneliness, hardship. Sometimes it felt that it went with the gloomy November days or the dark evenings and crisp, cloudy mornings. Life just felt hard, heavy even, and very solo. And normal and natural, there was a lot to figure out- people, friendships, major, jobs, the future. 

It wasn't solely language that helped and inspired me though, but most predominately my faith. It gave me comfort and reassurance throughout the harder and lonely parts. I only got stronger in myself, and tried to make the best of things I couldn't change like gaining a sense of community or even 1 or 2 good friends. 

I think about that time in 2014 only so often, and not very much at all. But sometimes I like to reminisce, and remember the past- in the ways I've grown and learned, and that time of crosses that felt present like the Indian summer heat pounding in my car or while walking on the pavement.