I came upon my prayer journal from a few years ago. Sometimes I peruse through these journals and remember vaguely or distinctly that time period. I felt like through my writing and processing it was hard. There were definitely ebbs and flows, and I feel that's true for a melancholy temperament, but also life!
In this particular entry, it was late January 2022. There was a lot of growth and coming out of a hard 2021, and still feeling isolated from Covid, transitioning still with my sweet sister moved out late summer 2020, but in person classes for my job had been back in session for a good while. There was also a business of wedding season and being a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding and then later my sister's. Additionally, my Masters program was constantly demanding.
I felt quite alone in my thoughts at my job. Inspiration wasn't always a flow, and some days were harder mentally than others. Those memories of being in that classroom from most of the school year prior were becoming more distant yet were so personal and raw.
Here is some of what I wrote in that entry:
"Keep my focus on you, my joy on you, and to be in the present moment, for that is where you are, as well as your gifts and graces. I have been given so much, and it all bestows your love and generosity. I have to trust that you know me and know what's best for me now.
But I believe you really are preparing me for something, something that you have planned for me and I'm meant to do. Who knows what, how, when, but you do, and I can hope, rest and trust in that."
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