The Places On The Map

This book has become my favorite of Dr. Seuss. It's appropriate as today is his birthday. It's a fun book, with lots of twists and turns literally and metaphorically. It's known to be for graduates and I remember my older brother asking for it for his college graduation.

I read and looked through this book a few weeks after my college graduation and felt the instant connection with all the places I'll go. When I was a private English tutor, I read this to my students and explained the funny, quirky and intricate rhyming language and had them explain their own journey and challenges. Now working in a Preschool, I've been reading it to the children and think about the journey, the process, the struggle, and the highs and lows and the waiting of it all to get to this point. When I read it to them, I sing the words- Oh the Places You'll Go!:) It's been a journey to have the job that I have now, and all the in between.

My time as an unemployed person was a journey all it's own that I will never forget and will always be grateful for. Even while I was still working as a Tutor, I felt the very real challenges and painful seasons of waiting for the next step, figuring it out and being patient and hopeful for it all. It all started simmering in the early Summer when my schedule changed, and things were changing inside me. I felt differently about my work and knew I was maturing and growing in a new way that was uncomfortable and somewhat scary. I had more time on my hands and unlike the Winter and Spring, I wasn't as busy or distracted with a variety of things, and this was hard and quite challenging. I felt ready for something new but not fully, and kept telling myself what was eventually to come but again not fully ready, or sure.

I spent a lot of time alone which I see as a blessing now but it was actually quite painful with not enough stimulation. I tried to create variety in my schedule, and make things interesting and engaging. I think I learned a lot about myself, and grew deeper in my faith, trust and trying to live in the present moment. I also have beautiful memories of this time. Sometimes beauty can also be found in the painful, and not so pleasant moments because they can teach us so much as well as more about who we are and how we deal with things. This season was all to help prepare me for an even harder and lonelier season to come.

In the Fall, there were many struggles and most of it pertained to not having a job, waiting to apply to jobs and finishing up my classes. And again, figuring out how to use all the time I had. When I told people that I was going to become a Preschool teacher, I got positive feedback stating that I would be great and they could really see me as one. This really helped me and encouraged me, and nice to know that others could believe in me and see in me something that I could easily doubt in myself.

 There were so many days of preparing myself for the next step, enjoying the free moments, yet also feeling the weight of my specific cross at that time. Every morning during my morning prayer, I would pray to St. Joseph and Venerable Fulton J Sheen for my future job and to help prepare me. I would put my doubts, my worries and my trust in their intercessions. And praying to Our Lady of Sorrows, I knew she would also intercede for me because one of her 7 promises are 'I will console them in their pains, and I will accompany them in their work'.

I truly feel that God and my favorite saints have answered my prayers and prepared me for now with all of the crosses that were sent my way. I'm in a new season now that has it's own challenges and learning curves, but I am very grateful for these past moments and all that I have learned. I look forward to all the places I'll go!!

The Internal World

Our inner selves are a mystery. We cannot see them but it can shape our being and our decisions as well as influence the world around us. Our hearts, our minds, our souls are internal and play a big role in our lives, our thoughts, our personalities, our creativity and our spiritual lives. As I mentioned in a former post, last month was no walk in the park. I felt and was suffering internally and with the annoyances of job situations as well as the unknown and uncertainties of everything. The sky was gloomy and I felt like it too. I didn't know that my TB would be positive as well as my blood test. With going back and forth for health paperwork, I became so exhausted, frustrated and impatient with how everything was unfolding. I had to get a chest x-ray and I was very relieved and happy to find out that there were no issues with my lungs. Now I know that I was exposed to some form of TB and grateful at least for the time being that it hasn't taken over my internal organs, and can look to the saints who had and died because of TB~ Blessed pier Giorgio Frassati, Saint Therese of Lisieux and Saint Gemma Galgani to name a few.

What a surprise, and I felt that I was bombarded with surprises from God. I thought, 'Wow God you are really pushing me out of my comfort zone and how uncomfortable it is, and didn't you know that I dislike surprises?' But as I am learning, God is always shaping us and wanting us to mold into who he wants us to be and being and always staying comfortable isn't one of them. As I was to go into the health clinic once again, (which felt like the 15th time in the past 6 weeks) I ran into an old friend whom I lost touch with a few years back. Another surprise that literally jolted me inside and feeling unprepared for the day let alone unprepared for a surprise appearance made it very difficult to continue living in the present and living in peace. My heart knew more than my head how to respond and sometimes there aren't any words just a deep intuitive feeling about everything.

I was surprised with yet another experience, and not my favorite which pertains to health. I learned that I need to cut my sugar levels low and beyond low than I imagined was necessary. I've always been the sweet tooth and can relate with others who are fond of sweets and desserts. I've never seen myself as a health nut and never appreciated those that were proud of it but in my own sense I've learned to become one because I have to and I want to care about my diet more and overall be more aware of what I'm eating. Luckily, it's been easier than I thought it would be and find that it's a habit like most things. Another internal mystery that I would have never really known.

I can't help but associate the internal with the spiritual and the Sacrament of Confession. It is a very healing and transforming sacrament and experience. It's worth the long waits in line or feeling nervous and it's a plus if you go to a great priest. After going to confession, my car didn't start. I knew it was having some trouble but it was inconsistent. I felt healed and cleansed internally but clearly my car had internal issues and would be parked at the church for some time which is a better place than most places to not have your car working. Very luckily, my dear brother-in-law was able to figure out the problem and fix it and show me how as well.

One of my favorite priests at a local parish says the most reverent Masses, and his messages and peaceful and prayerful presence stay with me. Last week while saying a Mass, he accidentally dropped the host after the consecration and I could sense that something happened. He gave an anecdote about falling and sliding before celebrating a qinceanera and how all the people there were laughing at him. He was in a lot of pain and with a lot of strength got up and said to them 'It's okay, you can keep laughing. I'm sure when Jesus fell people were laughing at him.' And then he said how the people listening started to cry instead. He related this back to how Jesus fell on the floor when he accidentally dropped him and how we all fall because of sin in our own lives but Jesus redeems and lifts us up. Wow, I really loved his connection and although we cannot see Jesus, He is there present in the Host and He spiritually feeds us. What another great internal and spiritual mystery!

Our internal being reveals a part of ourselves that the external cannot, it has its own. I feel that I have learned more my interior in various facets, and to not disregard it but continuing listening and respecting it. God speaks to us in many ways. I think a main way for me is through my intuition and my internal self, so I should continuing trusting in that.

The Former Years, The Blooming Years

One doesn't often think of their childhood and the world happenings and culture at that time until one reads about another. This came to me while reading a book about Former First Lady, Laura Bush's life. I never knew a lot about the First Lady. Her and her husband's time in office was when I was in 2nd grade. I always associated class, refinement, commitment and Christianity to the Bush's Presidency. Now that I'm reading and learning more about Laura Bush, I'm also learning about the time period in which she grew up in which were the 1950's and 60's.

Yesterday evening my sister and I went to a young woman spiritual book club. I had never been to one of these before and somehow felt leery of  a kind of group gathering. I've tried numerous spiritual groups, bible studies and it never felt quite like a fit or something that I wanted to keep coming back to. Yesterday felt different though. It was at a girl's house which made it inviting, intimate, and welcoming. My social life has felt so stagnant and dry for a while. A vast, dry desert is what I tend to think of and the rain and greenery is what I wanted and needed but didn't know how or where to begin. An enjoyable gathering and a great discussion and openness filled the room with the cat of the house looking in through window. It felt like Spring came early with the room blooming with faith filled discussions, joy, hope and generous ears. I couldn't help but think that one of the girls there looked familiar maybe from Middle school. I felt like my mind was depicting the exact grade where I could have seen this person. I asked her but it seemed like there was no prior familiarity.

I decided to look at that 8th grade yearbook anyway. I don't usually look at my yearbooks, and I can't remember the last time I peered through this one. All of a sudden, I was brought back in time like I was reliving my 14 year old self again. I feel very glad that I am not let alone a middle school student. Memories flooded back of that school year. Of course, I can't recall every detail but I can remember some main events. I remember my class mates and trying to find out who my friends were amid friend drama and disappointments. I remember the teachers I had, the hard and daunting ones and just the overall normal and fine teachers and classes that were expected. I can remember the lively times in choir and the not so enjoyable ones in English due to my newbie teacher who had his own quirks. I remember my first foreign language class that year, French with Madame Ottoway and singing a solo for my Promotion.

All in all, my memory brought forth that it was a challenging and growing year and finding my place within friendships, transitions and school. I couldn't help but think of my classmates and where are some of them now after a little over a decade. I was comparing this time to Laura Bush's growing up years. When I was in 8th grade there were certain trends and fashions such as the iPod, and cell phones were pretty new, but overall things were more simpler than now. There were no social media outlets and technology wasn't as advanced or modern. Girls had a certain style with their fashion and hair just like Laura Bush's time r any other. There were popularity contests and though I didn't win any of them, Laura Bush won best smile.

It got me thinking that the people I used to know from those days, the people in my past are living in our modern world with our modern day problems, issues and events leading our times. Yesterday at Mass, the priest talked about and mentioned the harmful things our country and world are going through. It was good to hear in an open setting in a priest's homily and I wish all priests were more open and comfortable talking about topics that are more controversial or at times uncomfortable. We need to hear and be reminded as well as lead in this way. Perhaps I should pray for those afflicted with certain struggles who may even include my former classmates, as we all have in our own way, in our sins, brokenness and imperfection.

The days of 8th grade, Middle School, popularity, awkward transitions, first pimples and crushes and loud bus rides are over and gone like the passing of dust in the desert. Our world and time is passing away but God is constant. He knows our past, present and future and has it all in His hands. The modern trends, the fitting in to certain groups, the awkward dances and disappointments with no one asking you to dance, the ambiguous friendships and social groups have all passed away and are like a blink in the amount of time, shut away in a dusty yearbook. I'm looking forward to continue reading about the Former First Lady, Laura Bush, strive to grow more in character and faith and create new friendships.

Farewell the days of January

The last day of January, the 31st and I am glad it is. It has been a long and winter like month that continues and goes on like the bare branches on the tree. There is beauty and rest in this first month of the year. It can be peaceful and joyful, cold but full of warmth in one's heart. There was beauty in this month for me but in hindsight more so. Suffering calls us to beautiful and joyful lives and that is what this month taught and showed me. It started off somewhat rough with the unknown of the job world, medical paper work and finding time for all the things I like to do before the busyness would come over my head like a snowstorm. Plans feel through, disappointment and depression crept in, and a wave of uncertainty and holding on to hope and trust kept me afloat.

I suddenly missed a year ago and the comfort of it all. All of a sudden life and reality felt very uncomfortable and challenging. I could remember so vividly what I was doing, starting my path of ECD classes, busy and thriving with tutoring , taking an exercise class, learning how to make baklava and continuing to study Arabic and make Arabic language videos. It felt so nostalgic looking back, things were really good, and I was learning and growing but not in a painful way. The songs that I listened to brought back memories of driving around as I drove a lot and needed some kind of inspirational CD which included Arabic songs and lessons, Ben Curtis audios, Emily Wilson audio, some random misc music and Liz Forkin Bohannon talking about the journey of her company Sseko designs.

December 26, 2017

Baklava for the first time! Jan. 2018

With silly niece, getting ready to go to Starbucks Feb. 2018

I was trying to find this kind of positive and inspirational energy again to keep me going. On New Years Day the priest who gave Mass talked about in his homily how God is always with us whatever we are going through and we can seek comfort and trust in that. Afterwards, my Mom and Dad and I went to Mt. Diablo and went to the very top summit. It was a fresh and breezy day with a lot of visitors but a great way to celebrate the new year. I couldn't help but think of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati who loved mountain climbing and being in nature. 'To the heights!' was saying and he thought the higher one goes up a mountain, the closer he is to God. Soon after New Years Day, I was so  much on cloud nine or on a peak of a mountain but in the valleys and slopes only looking up to see and wonder what it would be like to arrive at the top.

Jan. 3 hike with Sibs!

Of course, there were joyous moments this month, beautiful and slower paced. Some days were harder than others and some were easier to see the blessings than others. I was able to babysit and bond and spend time with one of my dear nephews. I have seen him change and grow quickly and get to know his personality and temperament more. Being with him and holding him and seeing him smile at random things or softly and soundly fall asleep has made me enjoy the small moments and trust that God too is holding me, and has His plans firmly in His hands.

I was able to continue attending daily Mass which has been a real gift and blessing as well as Eucharistic Adoration. I continued to stay inspired with cooking and create dinners that turned out well. Being in nature and going for walks and runs has been and is important to me. It rejuvenates me and helps me see the beauty in sometimes very fine detail like a bush, cloud formation or the color of the sky or the bare trees that create silhouettes in the dusk time. Starbucks was also a source of energy and inspiration that uplifted my mood and spirit for a time and helped me focus on things that inspire me to re energize the dull and gray that would sometimes take my mood.



My dear sister, brother-in-law and I and nephew tried out a Persian restaurant that looked enticing for sometime. We recreated eating at one after our first taste 2 years back. The first time was for an assignment for an Anthropology of the Middle East class. And the funny thing was that I saw my former professor for that class at the restaurant the second time. Memories came back to me and I remember always looking forward to his class after my long break and feeling inspired and learning new things pertaining to the Arab culture and world. Lastly, my newest niece was baptized this past weekend and that was exciting and joyous. God's grace and gift of faith has been bestowed on her, and may He continue to restore me with His grace so that I can see all His gifts.

Jesus, I trust in You.

Blessed 10 years later

Today marks the 10th Anniversary of my sister's and my Confirmation. January 17, 2009 was the day when my older sister Susie and I received the 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit and proclaimed to be soldiers for Christ, for our Faith. I had seen my older siblings be Confirmed and picked out Saint names. I knew they received oil on their forehead and wore a red sash to signify the Holy Spirit. They had evening classes for a year or more and chose a sponsor, someone who  they looked up to, and who could continue praying for them and helping them in their faith life.

Choosing my sponsor wasn't rocket science or even slightly difficult. I was inspired and knew to choose my dear sister whom I always had had a special and deep relationship with. Our connection was there long ago, and somehow mysteriously not knowing where it even started or began. But it was important and I knew something special was there, and I think the Holy Spirit was leading me. Till this day, day years later, I knew I made the right choice in choosing my sweet dear sister to be my sponsor. We have only gained in deep friendship over the years. :)

Susie and I attended classes at a parish different than our other siblings. It was known to have a better program and not to mention closer. We didn't know anyone since it wasn't our parish and we didn't go to the local high school. Susie was a year older than the other Confirmation students and I was a year younger, we secretly didn't tell anyone. I remember to be and still am very grateful to have my dear older sister experience Confirmation with me and not be alone. To have a companion throughout the process and commitment of it all was essential, and I remember talking about the various people and personalities in our classes and activities.

I decided for my Confirmation name to be Maria, after Saint Maria Goretti. Her story really captivated me and I didn't want to get too stuck on the name that I chose making it fit with my first and middle name but more so the story and message behind the saint. Maria Goretti's story was one of innocence, purity and martyrdom. At 16 years old, I knew what the world was offering and the messages out there and felt and knew that purity was something really important and something to be valued.

I'm grateful for the journey of faith I've been on and continue to be on. I have learned more about Saint Maria Goretti, and have gotten closer to my faith and the Sacraments. I think your Confirmation day isn't the end but the beginning of a deeper and more mature faith journey. Saint Maria continues to intercede for me as I learn from her as well as other saints whom I have looked up to and admire. The Holy Spirit has continued to be active in my life, and I hope to continue learning and growing in my faith and spiritual life through the wisdom and gifts of the Holy Spirit.

What a Year

Here we are, another year. Happy New Year 2019! I've had some time to reflect upon this past year of 2018 and recall what this year meant to me; the various experiences, blessings and challenging moments. I want to recall and reflect upon some of them here. 

Last year on New Years Day, I went to Starbucks with my mom and relaxed. I was enjoying a really good book called 'The Genesee Diary' and writing down some quotes from it. It's always exciting ringing in the new year whether that's something mire low key and relaxing or more exciting and invigorating.

I tried out some new recipes this year which is always inspiring to me. The key is having the motivation and energy to start it, the time and perseverance to go through with it and an empty stomach and people to enjoy it with. :)

Whoppie Pies!

Chicken and couscous soup

Autumn squash pizza

Pastel- meat pie

I got reading glasses this past year. Initially, I was hesitant since I thought glasses wouldn't look very good on me. But I've come to use them often and like them.

There were beautiful sights including the beach on the 4th of July, going to the Fair, seeing Vancouver and Victoria and pretty sunsets while on walks.

I wrote and designed a few cards to be sent to refugees and immigrants coming to the United States. Even if I never meet them, I think it's empowering to send a message of welcome and support.

There were some challenging and lonely times this year. Each season was full of graces and blessings, yet each felt so different and full of growth and new experiences. In the summer, one of the harder days that I remember brought me to take a picture so I could recall how I was feeling then when things would be different and better.

There were many, many beautiful moments this past year. Not all of them can be taken by a picture, some need to be experienced. I'm grateful for the laughs, and quality time with my dear sisters Susie and Elisabeth who I see frequently and am in touch with and blossoming in relationship with them. I was able to see St. Mary's a private Catholic College, and it's beautiful chapel and campus.

My sister Susie and I were able to spend more time together on weekends and think of fun things and activities to do together throughout the summer and year. One of my favorites was this local and beautiful hike that had an amazing view. I remember this day well.

My sister Elisabeth and her husband had their baby boy later in the year. It was very endearing, touching and full of joy meeting and holding him. I've been so blessed being able to get to know him and see him frequently. Not to mention becoming more comfortable with newborns:)

The end of the 2018 year has been a time of preparing for transitions, appreciating and grateful for all the times with family, and extended family, a lot of growth and learning, and lovely moments that consisted of solitude, busyness, deserts, and waiting.

I was able to visit the beautiful Carmel Mission and revel in the beauty, rich history and exquisite paintings and manger displays for the Christmas season. I now only want to learn more about this beautiful and deep history of the California missions as well as St. Junipero Serra.

Last but not least for my overview of the year includes growing closer to my Catholic faith, some of my favorite saints, Mother Mary, and learning and growing in devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I only want to continue to increase in the Faith this new year, whatever it may bring! Cheers and blessings for 2019!!

A Christmas Message

It's Christmas Eve and I can recall last year's. Every year I watch the Pope's Mass at Midnight in Rome on TV. It's so special to watch from the other side of the world and reflect upon the Christmas message. One year even my dear sister was present there while she was living in Rome during Christmas time and I remember we were trying to see if we could find her in the vast crowd.

Last year, the Pope's message was about accepting the stranger, the immigrant. With our refugee crisis in our world Pope Francis related it back to how there was no room for Jesus to come into the world, only a small and lonely stable that was hidden and left over. The Pope's inspiring message was related to welcoming others, welcoming the stranger.

I was inspired to hear this message, and have it be related back to our current day. I was thinking of ways to help those in need and welcome the stranger, the refugee. I did some research and found an organization that welcomes those who are fleeing persecution and seeking asylum. In the beginning of the year, I wrote some cards to refugees writing them that they are welcome here and to know of my support, thoughts and prayers for them.

Last year on Christmas Eve, I made a video of how to say Merry Christmas in Arabic. I was inspired to learn and teach this phrase as the birthplace of Jesus was in Bethlehem or somewhere nearby where Arabic is also a spoken and known language. Tomorrow, I will be making an appetizer that is from my Jerusalem cookbook. It's a mackerel dish with orange and sweet salsa flavors to go over the salty fish. I've made it a couple times before and thought it would be appropriate and nice to make it for a pre-Christmas meal.

I just finished watching 'It's a Wonderful Life'. The movie never gets old as it's relevant, meaningful and special each year. Life and the beauty and sacredness of it is the main message. This is also the message of Christmas, Jesus' life is given to us and received into the world.  His beauty and sacredness as a baby makes us draw closer to him, and our hearts fond over him. I am still growing and learning every Christmas of how to grow closer to Christ and revel over his gentleness, his humility and his love.

The Present is Fresh

While on my walk yesterday I noticed the freshness in the air from all the rain the night and day before. The ground was nice and damp and the leaves were being cleansed with water droplets. I couldn't help but notice and see the profound meaning with the nature and this time of year in Advent.

These leaves immediately reminded me of this time of Advent and preparing for Christmas. The freshness, the green is the ever new that Christ brings us, not only during this time of preparing for his coming but always and throughout the rest of the year. There is joy, there is new beginnings, it is fresh because Jesus has made it so. The water droplets on these leaves will fade away and dry out in the sun and soon come again with more rain in the forecast. Just the same, Jesus has blessed us with his coming and will continue to do so the rest of this preparation time in Advent and upcoming Christmas season. He will shine his holy light on us and make us fresh and ever new in his presence.

His grace is sufficient for us. As I saw water strewing from trees and leaves touched by the large quantities of water, I was reminded that his grace is being poured out onto us leaving us filled and redeemed. As I make way to prepare last things for Christmas and the coming of Jesus in the world, I want to be reminded of his grace being poured out onto us, and our needs. It's naturally a busy time of year with shopping and gift wrapping, card sending and cookie baking and preparing food and place for guests. But it's also preparing spiritually for Jesus and knowing his beginning in this world and how we can be ready and prepare for it. He is the true present of Christmas and his presence is in the present, and it is always fresh and new.

Swedish Fish

I have shared my favorite chef's story with various people. With my former students, I became passionate telling them his story. Telling about his background and how he became a chef and his journey. I could tell they were interested enough, their 5th grade minds processing things and trying to stay afloat before their attention spans withered. 'Swedish fish!' One of my boys called out, and his group of friends joined in the laughter. Their love for candy and the Swedish fish candy in particular made them relate my favorite chef, Marcus Samuelsson's story to their sweet tooth imagination.

Samuelsson was raised in Sweden but he wasn't born there and isn't Swedish by blood. He is Ethiopian, but his sister and him caught tuberculosis along with their mom who died because of it, but Marcus and his sister survived and were able to treated at the hospital. They were later adopted by Swedish parents. His upbringing, language and world is Scandinavian and not until much later did he go back and visit his home village in Ethiopia and meet his birth dad, siblings and step-siblings.

The point being for why I brought up a man named Marcus Samuelsson to my tutoring students, my class of 5th grade students and even some friends is because I find his story inspiring, motivating and despite all of the challenges and views people had of him because of his skin color- rewarding and energizing. I really love his passion and drive to become a chef despite some of the hard moments and situations he endured and despite that he waned to become a soccer star but didn't make it. That energy to get back up again when you fail and don't succeed made Marcus even more aggressive and passionate in his interest and love for cooking and combining flavors and cultures together.

 I wanted to give my students a taste of his journey to the kitchen and eventually owning his own restaurant. All of the hard work, determination and perseverance and finally he achieved his dream, his calling of becoming a chef. It wasn't just for my students to hear a little bit about a man they never heard of who grew up in Europe but was African, it was also for me to continue to stay inspired and strong in my endeavors and dreams. This isn't the first time that I've written about Marcus Samuelsson on here. http://samakti.blogspot.com/2016/09/the-summer-when-it-all-began.html 

I just finished reading his memoir 'Yes, chef' for the second time and it really is a page turner. I am excited to cook one of his recipes from his restaurant cookbook tonight. I admire his enthusiasm, energy, eclectic taste and optimism. Even the challenges and the very long and hard work ethic a chef has to put in, and opportunities that he didn't always receive after fighting for it but didn't give up on his dream. I really like his quote, "Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you, could actually be the best thing that happens to you."

Mug!

I was just thinking of this sweet mug from my even sweeter sister. It feels like a snapshot through time, receiving it almost two years ago for Christmas. It says, 'The best is yet to come.' Perhaps I was holding onto something that would change everything and that would help me or rather heal me from my slump and blues. Perhaps I was putting too much confidence in whatever that was.

Maybe the best that will come and what we are hoping for isn't a big and grand thing. I have come to realize that it could be fairly simple, ordinary and even not so grand the way our minds play it out to be. It could be something you see or do everyday and it could still be the best. Maybe you're waiting for something big to occur but really the best is something very different, something minor or insignificant at first glance, but who would want to miss it if it's the best and even important and fulfilling.

I think we are always searching for that thing or maybe even multiple things that will lead us somewhere or change our lives in big or small ways. But we could be looking at this something the wrong way. We could be viewing and going through life with our eyes and focus peeled on something that wont lead us down a path of  fulfillment. Life can be full of surprises which I think often times is more true than false. I see this special mug in a different way than I did before. The best is yet to come is always coming, and it might be something that we least expect. Perhaps we just need to change our outlook and our focus to figure out what that is.

I'm trying to appreciate this time of last assignments and work for my classes, and the eve of falling leaves and orange and red color that backdrops the sky nicely. There is a lot ahead and it's all good, beautiful and exciting. There is a lot that I am grateful for and I am learning to see it as the best, as I look forward to the rest.

The Knock

It feels like the holidays are almost here. I can feel it in the air, feel it in the mood. The end of the year is swiftly approaching closer and the smell of turkey, pumpkin pie and a Christmas tree are right near the doorstep, soon to knock. The knock of guests will come and enter, the knock of generosity and joy and all things that fill the heart throughout the holiday season.

The knock on my heart as of late is more about the next step and preparing for it. I've had some time to really sit and process things, to mentally prepare, hope and enjoy the present moment. Even if some days feel more busy or productive than others, I am continually growing, learning and getting ready for what's ahead.

I have been very blessed with growing and learning so much from former job of Freelance English Tutoring. God knew that my heart was yearning for a job to utilize my skill set for individual's needs and see their progress up close. I was able to call the shots and take control and ultimately lead and plan in the direction where I felt was right. I encountered various students and learned so much from each of them. Some I connected with more than others and some were easier to motivate and tutor than others. Almost all of them I was welcomed into their homes and absorbed into their culture, daily living and native language. The many hard moments of learning solely and not connecting with others in my college classes for my language study (Mandarin) paid off when I could use my knowledge of the language, culture and customs when needed as well as fulfill my role and passion in teaching English as a second language.

I remember earlier in the year right before I was going to go into my student's home, I quickly prayed to God that he was the one who made my job of tutoring possible and I had these clients, some longer than others, but always a few to tutor. There was a reason that I was given this opportunity. If He wanted to take it away, then I would trust Him. I felt this later on, in later Summer that my heart was in a different place with tutoring. I had grown a lot over the Summer and things just weren't the same, my energy and enthusiasm were different and I could tell that I had stopped growing in it. I felt that my prayer earlier in the year had been answered and acknowledged and could tell that my time was coming to a close. I was becoming ready for the next chapter and to focus on other things to help prepare me.

I am continually trusting that God continues to prepare me for the soon to be changes in my schedule with a new job, new opportunities and new challenges. It has been a beautiful season even if some of it has been hard and at times painful. I am looking forward to the celebrations of the holidays, the turning of the liturgical year as well as the new year. There is so much ahead, and I feel more excited, ready and blessed!