Reviewing Goals

I was recently looking through one of my notebooks. It's a notebook that's not really a notebook, but for lists and ideas rather and I enjoy looking through it and adding to it every once in a while. I came across the first list, 'List your goals and dreams for this year'. I saw that I wrote some goals for last year and this year.

2019
-get a full time job at a preschool
-speak in Chinese
-keep learning Arabic
-make a new contact, friend
-continue blogging!
-paint!
-knit
read inspiring books
-try out a hiking group

I reflected upon this list and realized that nearly all of it if not all came true. I remember writing and brainstorming this list at a coffee shop with my dear sister in late January last year. It was a rocky month and start to the year and wanted to regain some compusore and inspiration. I desprately needed  and desired a job, a full time one since nothing was landing or it was only part-time and wanted to put my credits and education to use. I eventually did, and I learned a lot. It was quite a roller coaster of a ride throughout.

Chinese has been on the back burner for a while. As our interests change, its normal to not be so immersed or invested in past endevours. I made a few videos for myself of speaking and teaching Chinese early in the year. Also, in my job woeking with young children I spoke some Chinese to two Chinese boys and I felt proud to say some words and phrases again, even just simple. One of the classes that I was in in the Fall at the High School was a Mandarin class and I was there for a student who needed accomadations. I was mostly there listening and relearning the material, but it brought back memories of my interest anbd passion with the language.

Arabic on the other hand, is a language that I am currently still invested in and want to progress in. Language videos were a side thing for a while and helped me keep up my learning and inspiration with the language, culture and other related topics. I took a break for a while for most of last year learning, but I am back revamping my knowlegdge and dusting off language books and notes.

I wouldn't have thought making a new friend would happen, though it was a desire for a long time. I am still pleasantly surprised with the way it happened. I am very grateful for this friend and proud to say she is dating my younger brother:) We initially met in spring 2018, but didn't officially hit it off with more personal time until last summer. I'm grateful for a friend, especially during this unique time.

I have continued blogging, with my 2 blogs and making more time for writing and relfection.

Painting and water color is a new hobby for me. After taking a class at Joann's, I was eager to start experimenting and creating. I painted for my friend for a Christmas gift, and painted a card for my sister's wedding anniversary. I hope to create more and paint especially during this time.

Knitting has been a hobby that comes around every once in a while. I knitted a green blanket for my dear nephew and glad to see him with it on walks for warmth:) I plan to knit another blanket for his younger brother soon to be born this summer.

There were a number of books that I read last year, and they kept me afloat and inspired throughout the downs and lows during the year.

Try out a hiking group. My sister and I finally made the time to try out a hiking group, and it was a good challenge to meet new people and do something different towards the end of summer.


2020
Some goals I have in mind are learn Hebrew! I started learning Hebrew back in late summer but may continue with it along with Arabic, (and Russian!)

With testing centers closed for now, I had a written goal of studying for the Math CBEST. With all of this open time, I may consider starting on that.

I have been cooking from my recipe binder and marking the recipes I have cooked and made so far. There are a number I have coked ths far, but still many I have not yet tried!

Creating own stationary has been a goal and idea of mine for a while, and making and designing my own stationary is such a rewardinjg expereince and a gift to others. I designed a card for my sweet niece.

And reading 60 books. This is my highest reading goal, but wth enough books to go around and plenty of spare time, I think it is possible:)

Be Not Afraid!

As we finish out this first week of  Easter and continue to celebrate the Easter season, there have been some reflections that I have pondered and prayed about. The main messages and theme for this weeks readings in the Gospels reveals the disciples inner turmoil, confusion and fear with all that has happened in the last days after Jesus' passion and death. They too fear their own deaths, and fear of the Jews, as well as grappling with Jesus' death and what it means for him to rise again.

'Be not afraid!' These are the words that are repeated many times in the Gospels, and not just particularly with Easter when Jesus tells his own disciples to be not afraid. These words also show up when the angel Gabriel tells Our Lady to be not afraid at the Annunciation, as well as at the time of Jesus' birth for the shepherds and onlookers. These words are written and said throughout the liturgical seasons, and God is also telling us in our own lives to be not afraid. Even the first words of Pope John Paul II from when he became pope were these same words, to give us comfort, hope, and deep and reassuring trust.

We all have our fears, doubts, worries, anxieties. And I believe everyone has very similar ones at this particular time in our history, pertaining to the corona virus pandemic. This past week has been difficult for me personally. I am starting to feel more of the weight of not working, not being able to say goodbye and end the school year with my students, and of not being able to be of service at work like I have for the past wonderful 6 months. I also don't know what the future will hold, and have my own doubts and worries what the future will look like with this pandemic still here or not.

I have had my share of anxieties and fear this past week as well, struggling with sleep. The most joyous, beautiful, and hopeful time of the year with Easter has become one of fear for me as I wrestle with light and interrupted sleep and feelings of anxiety and trying not to overthink or let my mind wander too far. When this happens, I go back to Jesus saying, 'Be not afraid' to his disciples, and to me personally. I think about Him in the tabernacle alone at night and being present to Him in my heart and mind when I feel lonely and afraid.

I like to reflect upon the Magnificat Reflection from a few days ago:

You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me joy in your presence. And this pattern continues for us. Jesus met them on their way. That is, our Savior comes to us amidst the every day challenges and circumstances of our lives. Mary Magdalene and the other Mary embraced his wounded feet. They hear those wonderful words: 'Do not be afraid.'

Jesus shows his disciples that He is Risen, and they do not have to let their hearts be troubled (Jn 14:27) or be afraid. Even within their fear, Jesus comes in their midst and gives them (and us) peace. I need to keep reminding myself with great confidence that Jesus is always there! We do not need to be afraid with what we are experiencing now as a community. state, country, world, and in my own needs, yet instead to trust and believe like He desired us to. He comes into our lives just like he did on the road of Emmaus and guiding us on our journeys, and like he did when he lead his disciples to a miraculous catch of 153 fish and being present in their lives, so too with us.

One of the books I am reading is called the 7 secrets of Divine Mercy, and is relevant as tomorrow is Divine Mercy Sunday. I have this image in my room of the sacred heart of Jesus with the words, Jesus, I trust in you. May I continue to learn to trust in his mercy, healing and intimate and loving presence in my life. Happy Easter!

A Memory of Camping

The other day I was reminded of camping. A few of us went to Yosemite and Bass Lake last July for a quick yet very relaxing and enjoyable camping trip. I remember the peacefulness of nature, the adventure of a new excursion, and the nice getaway from the daily routine and busyness in order to escape into a quieter and serene like oasis. I couldn't help but match up these memories of camping to the reality of now with this pandemic in our world, our society and lives. It has changed so much of our daily routine, but in parts that are good such as slowing down and reflecting more.

When I think of camping, I also think of the other neighbors nearby who are also enjoying the beauty of nature and felt called to also camp and live and sleep among the birds and wild animals. With this virus happening in front of us, it also made me think of our neighbors and how like camping, we don't associate with them as much anymore for the choice of not getting too close to catch something and the paranoia and fear that we can all face; yet we are all experiencing together.

The slowness of time has also connected my memory with camping and now. There is less to do and be which allows for more of a forced than encouraged sense of desire of slowing down. Life has become more simple just like camping where the time of day is shown from where the sun rests in the sky. People want to get outside now more than before and take in nature and the breath of freedom and calmness. Like in our camping trip, being outdoors was part of most of our day and taking in God's creation.

This time of more slowness and step back from the daily routine has reminded me of that time in summer and camping. There was a slowness and peace with more reflection from a busier time prior personally and one that really wrecked with my mental, and emotional state but strengthened me spiritually. It was a breath of fresh air to take a rest physically, mentally, and spiritually and to step away from that daily grind even if I had no idea where I was to go next. That time reminds me a bit of this time, with a forced slowness, but one that has fear and uncertainty outside. However, I believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel, a silver lining to all of this.

There is hope and joy still as today is the feast of the Annunciation and this 4th week of Lent is referred to as Gaudete Sunday and meaning rejoice because Easter and the Lord's coming is soon. So too with this time of waiting and patience throughout Lent, it holds for our lives and the times now.

There couldn't be a better time for us to slow down, and reflect and pray more during this Lenten season. Just like that camping trip was a perfect time for me to take more time in nature and more time for reading, and reflection before the unknown was upon me. That camping trip was very helpful in the sense of perspective and gratitude. In a similar way with the busyness of our world having to nearly stop at its breaks and try to be innovative and creative. With this shelter in place protocol and isolation for some, it really can feel like we're camping inside our homes and just going outside to the grocery store or taking a walk. Although the future is unknown, it too has allowed some good to happen in our lives and in our world.

Pearl From an Oyster

"Circumstances must not control you; you must control circumstances. Do something to them! Even the irritations of life can be made stepping stones to salvation. An oyster develops a pearl because a grain of sand irritated it." This was an excerpt from a wonderful book I read last summer by V. Fulton J Sheen titled 'Remade for Happiness.'

I came across this point from the book recently as it reminded me of challenging situations and hardships that have happened in the past few years and some of the things that helped me, inspired and encouraged me.

These are good reminders for me now, as every season in life has its own share of hardship, suffering and growth. As of recently, I am undergoing some sadness and melancholy due to a special priest who is being transferred to another parish. It's hard not to get emotional about this change. I will miss his presence, his words of spiritual insight and wisdom, as well as his role as leader, and of course a spiritual father to the parish. I can't help but think of the hard times I was going through internally and this particular priest was a positive and encouraging presence to have around, whether that be in saying Mass, praying in the chapel, or receiving the Sacrament of Confession from him. In all, I have so much to be grateful for and I want to focus on that more.

This pearl from an oyster came in other forms in the last months and years. Just last year, I was looking through an old notebook from school that was used for Shakespeare notes, other English courses and International Relations notes. I was perusing through and looking back, and remembered my sister's old friend wrote on top of certain pages of little notes that made you smile since they were dispersed throughout. The thought of this old friend brought back inspiration as I recalled she was another kindred and creative soul, who also loved English and literature. My dear sister gave me the bracelet that her friend made, (and that notebook from her) that was so original and creative, it helped me throughout my long and hard work days.

I remember back in early 2017, I had an inspiration to make videos on YouTube. It was an outlet that I hadn't tried before and also thought it would be a good idea to be comfortable on camera. My idea was for English lessons, as I was tutoring students in person. This idea of making videos gradually led into Arabic language lessons to help me continue learning the Arabic language and share it with others. It helped me in moments when I didn't have a lot going on and another thing to pursue and find inspiration with on the side.

During difficult internal moments, prayer is always powerful and a way to turn a deep and personal challenging times into a prayer. To surrender to God, His plans, and to ask and hope for what I need. It's also been a beautiful way to turn the pains into something good and unite them with Jesus's sufferings and passion.

Also in 2017, I had the inspiration to get more into cooking, grocery shopping and was inspired to try out different recipes from my international cookbooks. I wanted to create and serve in some way, and first it was at home. But this desire deepened as those months went by, and I didn't know where to look to. With a lot of research and prayer, I was able to volunteer with a senior center and serve food. I feel in love with it and was grateful for those many months of uncertainty due to the fruition of hope and joy. I continue to enjoy cooking, making new recipes and have collected 2 binders full of recipes!

I wrote a lot due to various thoughts and feelings and wanted to jot things down. I would write in the pages of notebook, and still do, but creating Samakti was officially born out of a need and desire to write, to share and to become creative in another form.

These are just a few things that have encouraged me to change a circumstance within my control, to learn, grow from and grow closer to God. I am grateful for these experiences.

The Intricacies of the Heart

We are in the Lenten season, and it's the time of year of sacrifice, and fasting and doing or giving up something. I have come to appreciate Lent as of recently because of what it allows us to do and prepare for- Easter, and uniting more with Jesus' passion and growing closer to Him. I remember learning more about Lent in Confirmation class and it wasn't a very enjoyable time of the year, with winter and the cold weather in session still, on top of having everything feel like a dry desert in the spiritual life in order to mimic Jesus' 40 days in the desert. The lay out of the churches are bare and dry to the bone, usually with a hint of purple and a water jug that is empty to symbolize various things when it comes to the spiritual life. Back in high school for Confirmation, seeing images like these wasn't very inspiring and on top of school work and the work load of being a student or on a sports team, having to do something for Lent wasn't very inspiring or fun.

I went to an evening Mass for Ash Wednesday, and the church became full to the brim rather quickly. Once again, the memories of daily mass at this church a year ago brought back reflections of what things looked like for me, and how things were. I saw how the church was displayed for Lent, and the water jug that I mentioned earlier brought back memories of that Confirmation class. I understood the meaning in that we need to empty ourselves, and reform our old ways. As the verse goes, 'Rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the Lord, your God.' (Prophet Joel 2:12) Lent is about transforming our hearts, not just about giving something up, but how whatever we are doing is making us pray more, more generous, and ultimately drawing us closer to God.

So many things come to my mind when speaking of this water jug, and our hearts. Only 2 weeks ago we had Valentine's Day, but I'm not speaking of a Valentine's heart that is perfectly shaped, since we are broken people with real hearts. The priest who gave the Ash Wednesday Mass used the message of Pope Francis for his homily, and he talked about taking out the dust from our lives, our hearts. Ashes we are and they are on our foreheads as a reminder, but the dust is also in other places that we need to get rid of. I thought that was a very powerful message and viewpoint to start out this season.

I recently finished a good spiritual book called Jesus the Bridegroom:The greatest Love Story Ever Told. It was very insightful, and part of the book the author went into further detail of the Woman at the Well, and the significance of it, one that I had never heard of before. I think most people are at least familiar with the story, but I did not know that it was a sign of betrothal for a Jewish man in that time to wait or meet a woman at a well in terms of getting married. Jesus was in that position with this woman in order to lead her to the truth, and to lead her to Him. Her water jug she had as well but everything she was doing in her life,  her 5 former relationships with men and another who were not her husbands were not fulfilling her. I happen to have this image of the Woman at the Well and Jesus there speaking truth into her life on my bedroom wall with the words on the image from St. Augustine, 'Jesus thirsts that we may thirst for Him.' How relevant it is to each of us, especially during this holy time of Lent, to deepen our hearts, minds, and souls.

Our hearts are not only spiritual but also physical. For the past week or two, I've been walking past chalked hearts on campus from a Science class learning about the structure, function and shape of this fist shaped muscle. Every time I walk past it, I say a little prayer for my dear nephew inside my dear sister's womb who has his a heart condition that we are all praying for. Our hearts speak to us, as I know the Holy Spirit has spoken and guided my own heart in ways that can be hard to describe. Right now I am reading a book called To the Heart of the Matter by the founder of 40 days for Life, Shawn Carney. It's such an enriching and insightful read that talks about abortion, but how we can be witnesses to life and the pro-life cause just in our daily actions and lives. During this Lenten season, I want to make time to pray outside Planned Parenthood with 40 days, as lives and hearts our changed through our efforts and prayers.

There are moments that speak to our hearts in ways that are not always serious but rather fun, lively and full of God's beauty, like an awe filled sunset, or making jewelry with your dear sisters and laughing and talking like sisters do. May there be joy in our hearts this season on Lent, and to continue to draw closer to our Lord.

A Reminder From the Fish

This year has had an interesting start. It's already shared its own growing pains, discernment, and deeper thoughts. Contemplating my younger brother who didn't live after a day of being born due to his own health complications has got me thinking about him more, as his birthday and death date come around in the next month. I think about how his presence in my life would have changed me, strengthened me, renewed me and shaped me in different ways that I can't fully imagine or comprehend. Working with students with their own special needs on varying levels and seeing other students around campus with higher needs makes me think of him, who is my little brother, my angel, and my family's guide when looking to heaven, for he is guiding us all.

There have been many thoughts also as to where's the next step for me. It's an interesting place to be of not sure where the road ahead leads and which one to take if that. There are options, ideas, hopes, and sometimes a blank space, an empty canvas. I can focus a lot on the present, but when I look to the future I become scared and unsure, and not always wanting to think about it. But looking towards it forces me to plan ahead, and create something, and become invested and excited.

While in college as well as post-grad, there has been plenty of room and experiences for innovation and making something my own. At times I can feel like a pro of attempting or trying to entertain and preoccupy myself since it didn't always feel like there were many options, or options that peaked my interest. There's been a lot of solo journeys, mostly inside my head as to how to make a situation better. These almost 3 years of post-grad have taught me a lot as well as similar but also very different from what my own experiences in college did.

 One of the similar things from college and now is my high interest and passion is for international related things. I still am curious, interested and wanting to keep up my language learning and studies, as I have branched out from my Chinese studies in college. My major and main focus was international studies, and this still interests me today, whether it be historical, geographical, cultural, or even economical; my mind and my heart still move towards this, still pawing and researching for more. More books based on it, a news article or clip, a language book, a book about someone experiencing language or culture immersion, or learning from someone going abroad themselves for various reasons and learning and gaining a whole new experience, vantage point, and many other things in the process.

With all of these thoughts, reflections and discernments on my heart, I can continue to put full hope, and trust in God's guidance and hand in all things, for he puts the stirrings on my heart, desires I never knew I had but prayed for. He has a plan that is beautiful, wonderful, completely in his hands, his timing, and in his way.

I have yet to learn Sign language (another language:)), and want to converse with a dear friend of mine and also know it is very useful. On Sunday, I will (finally) take a jewelry making class with my tow dear sisters. I have wanted for a long time to learn how to make my own jewelry and wear it. :) I also have yet to get back into water color, and make my own stationary. There have been various to-do lists in my head, whether small or big to accomplish and check off or enjoy and rejuvenate while in the process.

While babysitting my sweet nephew last weekend, we went to a near by lake area and saw the nice fish with different colors swim around. My nephew was so intrigued by them, and I was too. It's not common I see fish, let alone big and bright colored ones like some of those. I rarely cook fish, but maybe more now once Lent starts up. As this blog of mine depicts fish in the name, (and the main roots and foundations of how and why this blog started in the first place relate to some thing mentioned earlier), I couldn't help but think what it means reflecting back on those fish that my nephew and I saw together. The metaphor that I give it here on this blog gives me a sense of encouragement and hope to not doubt or become dreary but to continue 'swimming' and seeking that inspiration, enlightenment, and joy even amidst the pain, unknowns and suffering. So, that's what I will continue to try and do, as this season has its own lessons to learn, along with the helpful reminder of the fish, and of course, with the grace of God.

Grateful for These 10 Years..

I have been inspired to think about this past decade. The beginning of the year can call for reflection on the year before as well as the past 9, as we turn a new year and decade! I was also inspired by my dear sister's post regarding this topic. So much happened for her in these past 10 years, the highlights, the low points, difficult as well as beautiful and joyful times. I also wanted to reflect and look back on these years for me. :)


2009: The big moments that stuck out for me were playing JV basketball for my high school. It was a very good yet hard experience. I learned a lot, grew a lot, and learned more about basketball, and playing as a team. I also learned more how to manage my time and the commitment and time constraints of a sport. I was proud to receive the Most Improved Award at the end of the season. In mid January, my sister and I were confirmed at St. Micheal's. I chose my dear sister as my confirmation sponsor, and chose my confirmation saint, St. Maria Goretti who is the patroness of youth and purity. That summer, the 4 of us sisters made a day trip to San Jose and stopped by our dad's childhood neighborhood. :)

Confirmation day

2010: I can recall a lot of things that happened this year. I was starting my Junior year in high school that Fall and I could tell the responsibilities heightened, not to mention the noise and excitement of being an upperclassmen were also real. My classes were difficult, and seeing my four dear older sisters all leave within one week of each other to start their own journeys was very painful and hard. I had always had a sister at home and it was an adjustment to get used to without them. This was also during the time when my dear sister was in Italy studying abroad. I would think of her often, and always count the 9 hours ahead to know what time it was for her there. I would always look forward to her creative handwritten letters in the mail, and email, as well as Skype calls! I also started writing letters to my dear older brother who lived in Southern California, and writing and receiving snail mail from him was enjoyable, as our friendship blossomed.

I had the privilege, and opportunity of being President for the Students for Life Club that my sister and I had restarted. Just like basketball, it was a great learning experience but very difficult and learned I was not a natural leader or group person. That summer, I helped out with my oldest sister's day camp in Santa Maria just like the summer prior. Also that summer, my three older sisters and I drove up to Ashland, where our cousin lived and visited her for a few days.

2011: This year was exciting as it was the year I graduated high school, and learn and grow in friendships. A few days after graduation, I made the quick decision of attending a program in LA called Lights, Camera, Action. I'm really glad I did it, and met other catholic girls, and see famous sights in the area that I always heard about. I will always remember that trip! That Fall, I started College at a local Junior College. There was a lot of growth that Fall adjusting to a new school and requirements, but I turned it over into inspiration and created a writing blog (inspired by my dear sister) that November.

2012: This was an inspiring time, as I was getting more adjusted at school and with my classes and especially enjoying my English classes. I met more people and joined Student Government on campus as a student senator. This was a highlight for me as I got more in touch with my school, the students and meeting more people and feeling more apart of my campus. I learned a lot and really blossomed with this new and exciting experience.

I also have good memories of visiting my sister in Sacramento by train, and meeting her boyfriend, and going to a swing dancing event. In February, my mom, sister and I started a Theology of the Body class and enjoyed learning and our out to lunch excursions at Nations. During spring break, my younger brother, my mom and dad and I went to Alexandria to visit my oldest sister and her family and saw parts of D.C., and also found our her 2nd baby was a girl. In the summer, I took my dear sister's old job at Kumon after she left for Italy and worked a lot that summer. I got to see Lake Tahoe for the first time with Meghan and Colin, their friend and my mom and dad.

2013: This was another eventful year, one full of excitement and opportunities. In the spring, I ran for Vice President for Student Government. It was a very busy time with campaigning, working at Kumon, classes, and getting ready for my sister's wedding. I was also inspired again with short story writing, and submitted a short story for my college anthology and got accepted! It was cool to read my story in front of a small audience for the anthology gathering. I also got the courage to give blood for the first time and found out my blood type- AB positive. My sister got married at the end of April, and my four other sisters and a friend were the bridesmaids. I remember catching the bouquet:) It truly was a family wedding, as it had been 9 years since my oldest sister got married. In the summer, our cousin got married and my mom, dad and younger bother and I were able to make it to Ashland and be with extended family and relatives. I started learning German (inspired by my cousin and our family roots). We visited Chico and the University on the way home.

Bridal Shower

2014: At the beginning of the year, I was inspired to start learning Mandarin Chinese and was surprised by how quickly I was able to learn and pick it up. In the spring, my dear sister and I did the Color Run together, and we were training throughout the winter months. It was a really fun experience and especially getting decked out in color! I donated my hair for Pantene as I had wanted to do that for a long time. Later that spring, I graduated from my Junior College with an AA, and continued to work throughout the summer and prepare for my University at Cal State East Bay. It was an exciting and new experience to transfer and start a new college, but also one that was very challenging as it was very different than my prior experience. I was interested in joining Student Government and easily got a high position, but decided it wasn't the right fit or time for me. It was a quarter that was full of growth and learning.

Right before donating

2015: Winter quarter started and I felt ready to make it better than the last quarter. I was getting more into my Chinese studies and thinking of ways to make my experience better and get involved. I questioned if English literature was the right major for me, and later that quarter changed my major from English to International Studies and declared a minor in Chinese language and cultural studies. My Chinese professor recommended me for a Chinese Language Competition in San Francisco and helped me write and edit a script. It was cool to see other Chinese language learners just as passionate as me about the language.

That summer my brother got married in LA, I left my job at Kumon applied to In-n-out and got the job. It was an experience unlike any other, with its fast past loud environment. I now know how to make a neopalatin shake and put an order in for a double double or any thing on the secret menu. During that time, my dear sister was in El Salvador for 2 months visiting her boyfriend (soon to be fiance and now husband) and his family. I missed her a lot but our frequent Viber texts, emails and Skype calls helped with the distance. In the Fall and Winter, I stated attending Catholic ministry events from the group my sister was inspired to start. I also was questioning my travels abroad to Taiwan and my job status.

2016: At the beginning of the year, I started English Freelance tutoring with local clients. My experience in tutoring at Kumon really helped with this and my dream job had come true and making it my own. The number of clients kept growing and they were all Chinese so this also helped my language and cultural studies. My sister and I had more time together with ministry events as the group expanded and became more official. I started learning Arabic on my own and started this blog! (which was named  'Plum Tree' before). That summer I got accepted into the study abroad program linked with my college campus and went to Rio de Janerio for 2 weeks. I learned some Portuguese and saw beautiful and amazing sights and ate very delicious food. I didn't feel homesick but it was a very busy itinerary and felt exhausted by the end of it. Overall, it was a great experience!

 My dear sister got married in El Salvador in August and I, my sister, mom and dad had the privilege of being able to attend their beautiful wedding and witness their vows to one another. It was a very special day, and the strong humidity and rain was a sight! In the Fall, they had their reception here and I was the maid of honor and gave my toast. This was a difficult year internally, a lot of inner and spiritual growth. At the end of the year, my dear sister and Salvador and I did a road trip across the coast and saw a couple missions, and slept over in Pismo Beach and on NYE, Santa Barbara. It was a very special way to end the year with two special people. :)

2017: It started out as a hard Winter with my last 2 quarters as a student. But I tried to keep up the inspiration with learning how to sew a shirt, making English videos on You tube, writing and finishing a short story, and attempting to take an Arabic language class. I also became more interested and invested in Middle Eastern cuisine and cooking. The summer paved way into college graduation which was a very exciting, warm June day filled with emotion because of the long journey. I continued tutoring and worked at day camp/ after school program where I had my own classroom of 5th graders for the summer. I was also able to go on a 4 day Jesuit retreat in Ocean Side at the San Luis Rey Mission. Before graduation, I had the pleasure of getting involved with volunteer work at a local senior center and serving Senior citizens their lunches. I felt more fulfilled than I had in a long time. In the Fall, I received more tutoring clients than I had before and was enjoying Freelance work and making videos for Arabic.

2018: At the beginning of the year, I started my ECD classes. It was very interesting to learn about this field and be a student again at my alma mater. In the spring we had the opportunity to travel to Canada with Elisabeth and Salvador and bebe in womb because of Salvador's work conference. It was so beautiful and special to see parts of Vancouver and Victoria, as well as so many Starbucks on every other block:) It was a slow summer with one ECD class, and less tutoring clients. Mom, dad, Elisabeth, and Salvador and I went to the Fair and especially enjoyed the animals and the warm heat that day. :) The Fall was beautiful but raw emotion. 3 babies were born in 2 months in the family and exciting to meet the little ones. There was a lot of patience, waiting and unknowns.

Susie's bday!

2019: In January, it started out rough with many unknowns about job applications, and learning about my latent TB after many medical visits. I landed a full time job at a lovely preschool where my dear sister had worked a couple years prior. It was a great experience in that it taught me a lot about myself, my strengths and the beauty of young children as well as the demanding parts. It was a very difficult time and adjusting to a lot and not feeling fully settled. I had the privilege of being able to attend daily Mass before work which was a huge blessing.

I had an open summer that was full of discernment, healing, and lots of praying and thinking after a difficult job experience. I studied and passed the English CBEST,  Isabel visited for a week and spent quality time with her. Enjoyed camping at Bass Lake and seeing Yosemite. In September, I stared working at a local high school in the realm of Special Education and have been enjoying it thus far. In the Fall, finished writing 2 short stories (sequels to the other one), started learning Hebrew and visited San Raphael Mission during Christmas time. Had a lovely NYE and New Years with Elisabeth, Salvador and Santiago and watched Coco and stayed up past midnight playing games. It was a great way to ring in the New Year!

2020: Welcome to this new year and new decade! Ran the Hot Chocolate Run 5k along with Susie, and Steven and Ali ran the 15k. It was a very chilly winter morning, but a great achievement. So far it's been good with keeping up exercise challenge, learning Hebrew, and most importantly trusting in God and His plans for this new year and decade ahead!

What a decade it has been, and interesting to look back on! I am thankful for all that has happened, so much to be grateful for! I hope you enjoyed reading and getting this far:) Cheers to the next post, year, and decade!

A Beautiful Plan

A few days ago, I was looking through my collage and creative scrapings as I like to call it. I came across a half part of a card that I kept that reads, 'God has a beautiful plan for your life.' It made me think about this year ahead and all that God has in store. I came to think about a year ago and what God was doing. I can recall a year ago today, January 7th, the feast of St. Raymond of Penafort and going to that church. I felt so sad inside since I knew I would no longer be able to go to daily Mass since my schedule would be changing, when I didn't know, but the thought of it and the transition was hard to bear. Little did I know that God knew my deep desire and answered it beyond my hopes with being able to attend daily Mass for the months ahead.

As I was going through my room, organizing and redecorating, I began to notice all the flowers I had. Pictures of various types of blooms from a watercolor artist, a Van- Gough flower poster from my sister, a poppies framed picture, fake flowers, a handmade rose, dried roses from my sister's wedding reception,a lovely flower on my calendar for January, a rose for Our Lady..In all, I could count many flower displays and I find they lift the spirit and exude beauty and hope. Flowers also symbolize growth, either gradual or fast, hard or smooth; the saying, 'bloom where you're planted' is an important and relatable one. It suggests and highlights learning, patience, fortitude and hope.

I came to think of the beautiful verse from the Gospel of Luke 12:48, 'Think how the flowers grow; they never have to spin or weave; yet, I assure you, not even Solomon in all his royal robes was clothed like one of them. Now if that is how God clothes a flower which is growing wild today and is thrown into the furnace tomorrow, how much more will he look after you, who have so little faith?' 
 This Gospel verse doesn't necessarily have to do with 'bloom where you're planted' mentality but rather trust, hope, and faith. I thought of this verse while driving by a field of yellow flowers in spring on the way to my former job. Recalling parts of this verse from the Bible and Jesus' words gave me a sense of hope and encouraged me to trust fuller, not just with my mind but my heart as well. Faith is a gradual thing and like most things in life, it takes time to bloom, it calls for patience.

When I was looking through my bag of collage and creative scraps that same day as mentioned, I also came across a notebook that I kept. It was a gift from one of my sisters for my high school graduation, and she knew I loved to write, particularity short stories. I re read what I wrote over 8 years ago, when I had first started college and getting adjusted to it all, and being in my head a lot. I normally have a poor habit of starting a story and planning it out and then not finishing it. I could tell how much my writing has changed over the years, yet how similar my ideas of stories, and characters have not and the importance of them, as well as inspiration and creativity.

 I feel I have gotten better and more mature as a writer, and telling a story but know I can always improve, as I continue to grow as a person. Like a flower blooming in a field, or writing with an idea, an inspiration and keep going with it, with hope and faith ahead even when it looks bleak and like a blind curve, there is always room for more. There's no beauty if there's no struggle and there's no great story if it was all easy. Life's a journey they say, and God has a beautiful plan.

Behold a New Year!

January 2019, baby Sophia's baptism

A new year is always exciting to create new inspiration, goals, resolutions. I've pondered and reflected more on this past year, the joys, the sorrows, confusion, crosses, and all its happenings. It was a different kind of year with different focuses than before. I was just getting into the work world, full time work and putting all that I learned from my ECD classes into practice. There was excitement but also a lot of unknowns of how everything would go and turn out. There was a dose of wishful thinking in there as well! 

 I had looked forward to working full time for a while and felt ready to make more money, use my time better with having less of it, and learn new things and be around different types of people. I had an idea of how things would be and in a way idealized it all. I saw my sister go to work everyday, and would hear about her day, the interactions she had with co workers and students. She was busy but thriving from it all and I wanted the same, and felt ready for it. I enjoyed picking out outfits for work for her with the intention of professionalism and class over comfort. These thoughts progressed my mind into the next step, the next phase but God knew I wasn't quite ready. He sent me crosses that were very unique to me and were severely strong and heavy. He also knew that I needed them and needed to cling to Him more.

I came across this quote from a spiritual reading book, and it struck me as how relatable it was.  "The certainty that God wants what is best for us is the ground of a serene and joyful confidence, even regarding the unpleasant things we never expected." I have learned to have hope but not blind hope but rather hope in Him. Every year brings with it its own failures, and crosses, discomforts and frustrations, but the same is true for joys, and thankfulness, peace, and love. I can focus on last year and all that happened and look onward to this year in greater strength and hope, and not let the hard parts from last year bring me down but instead lift me up, and focus on the good, all the graces and blessings I've received. And the gift of a new day, and new year!

Here are some pictures and highlights from this past year:)

Carmel Mission, Dec. 2018

New Years Day 2019, Mt. Diablo

Sibling Hike:) Early January

Dinner at Persian Restaurant

Isabel's visit, Summer

House warming, early Summer

  

Fruit picking in Brentwood

Yosemite!

Birthday celebration for niece, and Santiago's bday 2 months later, Fall

I love this image,as it represents the two most important feasts. This year will also have it's won joys and sufferings, but Christ will be there through it all. Happy New Year!