Early June Memories

 June 6. A date that always seems to come so easily to my mind. It brings forth memories from different years.

 10 years ago, was when my dear sister flew off to Italy to be an au pair for the summer. I took her job and started the same day she left. It was a surreal, bittersweet moment to take her place, as well as see her leave. That summer was full of transitions! We kept in touch via email throughout those months, and it was easy to think of her when I was at the job. But I missed her presence at home. In my emails, she would detail her time in Rome and later on with her second host family. I would describe and at times lament to her about all of the hard or annoying parts of my new job which she knew so well and had familiarity with. Though her memory may not had been so crisp due to full immersion in Italia, the schedule, the demands, the beauty, the seemingly familiarity and novelty it provided.

 I remember I would sometimes walk to work, and just enjoy the slowness and nice weather. I was not driving yet (late bloomer) and wasn't always able to get a ride or just wanted to savor the time before work and walk. I would listen to my iPod, and enjoy the scenery of the plants and flowers and passing by the Century House and envisioning a wedding reception there. Those summer days were nice to take slow, and even enjoy going to Nations with my mom before work. I went to Berkeley for circle and social functions with other catholic girls and was ultimately finding my grove after my first year in Junior college. 

2 years ago, my dear sister was pregnant with her sweet baby boy, Ignacio. He would be due any day, but sometime in the month of June (happened to be on my birthday! :)) My sister, brother, parents and I were taking care of Santiago for the month while my sister and brother-in-law stayed nearby to hospital in Palo Alto. We visited them there on June 6th, and it was glorious summer's day, with many people out and enjoying the sunshine and having a picnic on the lawn. It felt as if Covid was over with all those many people. It was a beautiful day to be together, for them to see their son Santiago, and continue to support them while they endured the difficulty and unknown of what was to come with Ignacio's heart condition; we would keep praying.

In 2017, I started my summer gig of working at summer camp/after school enrichment program. I was following in my sister Susie's footsteps since she had worked there 2 school years and summers prior. It felt like a breath of fresh air for me. I was just graduating college and was also actively volunteering at the local senior center serving meals. I was so in need of being busy after an open school year and one that was written in my mind as challenging and lonely. I was so excited to serve and be in charge of a classroom- for the first time! It was a fulfilling summer and one that led me to continue with tutoring more, and fully figure out what I wanted to do whether that was in or outside the classroom. 

Last year, I came home from the busy, amazing, special, exhausting, epic road trip with my brother. We drove from California all the way to Houston, Texas in a matter of 4 stretched days. It was so cool to see so much open land, and states I had never seen before or step foot in. It was the perfect time to go, as I had just finished my school year for work, and it had never happened that my brother and I had that much time together on a road trip. I felt like it was meant to be. And what better way to end the school year and start the summer with a bang. 

It was bittersweet to say goodbye to him as he dropped me off at the airport, and we went our separate ways, him starting out his new life and job, and me continuing with a lot to process, time to reflect, and rejuvenate back home. New roads, adventure, experiences were beautiful to bestow on that trip, so much of what I felt was lacking throughout the entirety of that school year for me. Wonderful quality time, laughs, talking, excursions with my brother as well that will not be forgotten! 

A Tribute to the Inspiration From This Year

 

I guess it starts with this lovely actress, Emma Stone. (I really love her in the movies, The Help and LaLa Land). 

It was the 5th day of the school, and I was assigned to go to a U.S. History class. It seemed exciting and interesting, and I was in a World History class last year. Upon entrance, I told the teacher what I was there for (to take notes and gain information for a student(s)) and had briefly interrupted the teacher talking. She was totally cool with it, and later came to the back of the classroom where I was at a teacher's desk. She introduced herself and knew what I was there for (which was really nice, since there are some teachers who don't really know/understand). She was friendly too, another plus!

I knew from the get-go that I would thoroughly love this class and was instantly inspired, excited and thrilled. The teacher looked pretty young and looked close to my age, reminded me in her demeanor but mostly in some way in her speech of the actress, Emma Stone, (though I mostly made it up in my own head, I don't actually know the actress lol) and it lasted the school year where I always enjoyed going to this class, sitting in the back and listening, taking notes and definitely learning a ton of new riveting and interesting information, and some review of good ol' U.S. History. Every time I went to the library, mostly to study and work on assignments, I would get inspired browsing through some more of the History section and thinking of this class. 

The school year started with associating it with Emma Stone and the inspiration she brings to her films, and it also ended with relaxing and watching some scenes from the funny and lovely movie, The Help. In the middle of the school year, when I went to the Bachelorette Party (in Scottsdale, AZ, later learned she was from there ha) I instantly felt inspired to get back into my own writing, as her main character was a hungry artist, recent college grad, with a strong sense of gusto, personality and ambition as well as independence. It made me want to read this book again! One of my favorite lines from her, as the guy she went on a lame date with is trying to apologize to her, she says somewhere, 'Well, I have a lot to say'. And I love that, since I feel I have a lot to say too, in my writing but also from this school year, so let's continue!

I mentioned this blessed in another blog post from last semester but can't help but include Blessed Carlo again. I printed out some of these inspirational photos I am sharing here, and I put his picture above my desk in my room. I feel that I can go to him for various needs (vocation, devotion to the Eucharist, as well as Technology), and there is a lot to know and learn in my program with pertains to technology and other topics, so what better intercessor to have!

I can't forget dear Elisabeth Elliot. Her books are gems and her story, witness of faith among others are treasures to bestow, not to mention her talks. She passed away in 2015, but she is still very much alive to me! Browsing the website all about her (her books, talks, story, etc..) was also interesting and inspiring to bestow.

These shoes, and others like them. It seems kind of random but seeing this type of style (without backing) I saw everywhere. I purchased a pair- a sandal dressy type with not backing, and they are nice and felt quite the trend (bought for a bachelorette weekend). I also these types of backless flats all the time worn by the U.S. History teacher, and her style of clothing was inspiring, trendy but cool to see the different components, and somehow it also made me in a fashion inspired mood. As they say, its nit the clothes, but who wear them that makes it great. These cute, spring type shoes (though she wore them in Fall and winter too!) will remind me of that class and teacher. 

I love her blog!!! I was always so amazed, encouraged and yes, inspired with her story, joy, witness of her faith, courageous spirit and her artistic and fashion taste. Her blog writing helped me immensely this year! There were countless days and moments where I was going through a hard time, a discouraging thought or feeling came once again, or just some joy needed to be found. I read her posts multiple times, took notes on them and even began translating some of them from Spanish into English (thanks Google Translate!) She felt like a dear friend beside me, and I would think, how did she go through all that she went? She certainly helped instilled that hope and joy, as well as perseverance through her own journey. 

Good St Nicholas! I have a prayer card of him and found it at the cute little church in Half Moon Bay visiting with my mom in January. I knew I had to take it since I was encouraged from reading on the Opus Dei website about St. Josemaria's devotion to this saint, in many needs, and in most particularly in finances for The Work. I read this in December, and his feast day is December 6th. That time I remember since it was when the first semester was drawing to a close and the cold weather, the tiring, long semester up to that point, this felt like a glimmer of hope and light. 

Another website I often checked and took notes on was Blessed is She. I found some real encouragement and community from my desk, from my experiences, and sometimes just craving a spiritual perspective and inspiration. Many notes came from it, and I am still in the process of typing them up!

I can't forget the library as a source of inspiration! The webpage was a life saver and life source for research for books, renewing my materials, or just curating ideas. Somehow it didn't get old checking my account (though it could happen maybe 3 times a day!)

I can't forget games! These two come easily to mind: Scattergories and Wordle. We played them both online which was convenient. It was another way to stay innovative with the time. And it all came about with the first week of school open ended with extra time and wanting to utilize and connect with students more. Wordle and other online games were ideas from a student, and we really connected and bonded over playing these games. Her asking me, 'Did you get the Wordle today?' or 'Did you do the Worldle today?' 

Creativity, innovation, more creativity, and more innovation is what it has all taught me!! 

If I come up with anymore or remember ones I've forgotten to mention, I will write another post. :)

The Journey

 Why do these thoughts come to me? They seem to become a string, a thread, then a spiral. A downward spiral. But these do not come from God or ensue peace, confidence, grace or even joy. They speak and tell of anything but. They are also lies and schemes from the evil one for me to get distracted of the real purpose and meaning, of God's plan and timing, of the beauty that surrounds me.

The priest's homily today was spot on with surrendering and letting God take control of our lives even if we are afraid to do so. It's a scary prayer to give God all when we think it lies within our comfort or control. Emeritus Pope Benedict the 16th and St. Pope John Paul II said something along the lines of, "When you give God everything, you don't lose anything, but rather gain everything and become more of yourself." I heard this from the Cale Clarke Show recently and found it to be an encouraging reminder. 

Perhaps I've been reflecting on this past year, and how difficult and raw it was at times, and looking at the future, not gleaming but rather feeling like it will be the same old story, or nothing new. Perhaps I'm facing a challenge in my young adulthood, questioning, wondering what's next and how to cultivate the things I'm seeking. And even thinking what it is that I seek when I'm still on a journey.

Journey. I think of the coffee shop~ Journey's coffee that is nearby to my sister's place and how inspiring, inviting it is. The founders' story is encouraging and full hope, as well as inspiring. Their company coffee shop wasn't part of their plan at all, but God continued to write their story in the thick of the unknown, in the foggy mess and the hazy disappointment. They still felt called to where they moved to and now saw it as an opportunity and were on a mission.

God continues to write and leads with a pen that only he can see, and I will see later. Just like a painting, as you look closely (such as in impressionism), the dots, the strokes, the faint colors and the randomness all create and provoke meaning, but the observer will only see this as they draw back, look with clear eyes that are unbiased, and clear. How beautiful our lives are like paintings, and everything becomes lovely from there. 

Filling Up a Desert

 It was a beautiful spring day, and I was on my walk. Something in me didn't want to listen to music anymore for the remainder, but something with more awe provoking, inspirational and spiritual realm. Elisabeth Elliot came to my mind all of a sudden and I realized I hadn't listened to her in a long time. Listening to her voice and some topics on the podcast felt relaxing, therapeutic and peaceful. It also was reassuring because she was such a devout, convicted, courageous and strong woman of faith. It was just what I needed to be reminded of from a kindred soul. 

Reading her books or listening to her speak reminds me of last Fall. That was when I read a couple of her books and got really into her story, her speaking and who she was. I was going through a difficult time, sometimes dry, other times disheartening, discouraging, still others flat, boring, unknown. Her voice got me through and sharing a love of her with my sister was a compelling connection. It was like we had met another friend who was wiser than us, spiritually gifted and devout, and had the gem of 3 marriages teach her lessons about God, waiting, trust, and hope. 

I would often look at her website which had devotionals, quotes, a list of her books. It encouraged and inspired me to keep my heart up on some of those heavy days. Her wisdom flowed, expanded and melted in my heart and soul, and I didn't feel so disheartened. 

I plan to read more of her books. And listen to more of her talks. She's an old-fashioned lady, classy and proper. She's like a grandmother figure to me and reminds me of my own grandmothers. She was traditional, and true to herself. Her melancholic spirit comes through just as much as her streaks of choleric did. I'm grateful for the gift of being inspired by her. Sometimes, you never know how God will answer your prayers or even fill up a dry season, a lonely or difficult season with a spring. 

That Note

 The memories came back to me all at once. I was easily reliving certain feelings, conversations, visual memories from this time, this precious time. Some became full of nostalgia, beautifully and delicately reminiscing in hindsight. Sometimes even wishing I was where I am now at that time. But I think I've held on to these memories good enough for me to replay them in my mind, to ponder, pray and immerse myself again whenever I feel is necessary and whenever I like. 

I was looking one evening for some inspiration. I was going through some letters and came across the one from when my sister was moving 2 summers ago. I read through it again, and the memories, feelings were so much stronger, deeper and meaningful than they were when I first read her lengthy note. 

This was the inspiration I was looking for. And now I could start to write and begin on her wedding toast. I felt like I had everything I needed and could go from there. And I did, and I finished my long note, and I'm excited to read it aloud on her wedding day. 

Mother's Day

 It was a few days before my brother's wedding, and I had my nails nicely done and manicured. It was the feast day of one of my favorite saints, St. Gianna Molla. I decided to wear my Grandma's engagement wedding ring since it fits so well and what better way to remember here when a wedding was so soon. I thought of her also with this saint Gianna because they both had later vocations to marriage, and it gives me comfort, support and consolation in a unique way where I am. 

They were both mothers. One became a saint by sacrificing ad giving up her life for her 4th baby, and the other (my Grandma) gave birth to 3 children, one of them being my Dad. My dear sister created and composed a beautiful, touching and deeply moving book of our Grandma a few months ago since most of us were not born in order to meet and remember her. Somehow, she has a touching and delicate presence in our or my live(s) now. Perhaps family weddings bring upon certain feelings, depth and reflections. 

Celebrating Mother's Day, I feel is always somewhat bittersweet. How do you showcase through a card and or a gift all that a Mother can mean to you? Has done for you? And will continue to do for you? You don't want it to be a let down or a disappointment, but something special, meaningful and most certainly generous and thoughtful. 

I can't help but think of Our Lady, who is a Mother to us all. This is her month and what better opportunity to continue with the rosary and other beautiful devotions to her. And the feast day of Our Lady of Fatima is coming up this week too! Motherhood is difficult to describe the beauty, the significance and depth in just a few words or strung out sentences that could deflate like a balloon after reading them. What sticks, and holds some meaning and value?

 I know there are many saints and blesseds who have shown devotion and importance to mothers, including St. Pope John Paul II. I really love what my cheerful said wrote to me today,

 "A woman by her very nature is maternal- for every woman, whether married or unmarried, is called upon to be a biological, psychological, or spiritual mother-she knows intuitively that to give, to nurture, to care for others, to suffer with and for them-for maternity implies suffering- is infinitely more valuable in God's sight than to conquer nations and fly to the moon." -Alice Von Hildebrand

Easter Sunday, 2020

A Place in Time

 These past few days have felt quite stressful and hectic. So now that I seem to be back to where I need to be (in terms of school assignments) and organizing my thought processes, blogging came to mind! And what better, more relaxing way than to write about a coffee shop. :) A few weeks ago, when I met up with a contact at a Peets coffee shop, while waiting for her and her sister, I typed in my phone, memories of this place. 

As I typed, I wrote down:

Studying English CBEST:

In the summer of 2019 after gratefully and willingly quitting my job, I started to open the books and focus on something academic and create goals for myself! In some ways, it was exciting and refreshing to have an open schedule and study. I would frequently go to the library, Starbucks as well as my favorite Peets to get immersed in reviewing and learning for this CBEST test.

Time with Susie:

That same summer, Susie and I had some time here and when she was going through a difficult time. She was doing her schoolwork and sipping on something, and I was either studying or trying to enjoy the time with reading or writing. I recall this memory because although we were in very different phases of our journey, we were there together, in a coffee shop, on a warm day and savoring that unique time. 

Rainy day with Santiago and Mom:

On a drizzling day in May, my mom and I had some ideas to take sweet little Santiago whom we were babysitting while my dear sister and brother-in-law were packing up to move. I remember something about quickly going into Half Price Books, and then to Peets. I also remember we didn't stay too long because it was difficult to entertain him in a small coffee shop. But I savor that time, while the rain was falling, I was writing thank you notes, and maybe looking at an Etriean cookbook I got from Half Price Books. And Santiago got some love and attention with onlookers in the cafe. :)

Sister day November 2020:

Thus was a beautiful, but challenging, raw time for me personally. The season of Fall was beautiful, but I felt a big void in my heart and life of something more I should do. My sisters were visiting for Santiago's 2nd birthday party, and Susie was home for a visit after moving out. We had some good conversations, and nice beverages. If I look back at a photo of this time, I can remember exactly what I was thinking and feeling. And I remember I loved French names, as I was getting into writing my story. I had just applied to the MLIS program.

Time with Elisabeth September 2020:

This was also a beautiful and unique time! We were just entering Fall season and creating up lists in our heads to continue to stay inspired, motivated and energized amidst the ordinary while sipping on our cappuccinos. Later on, we each made our own Fall lists. This was the start of a challenging time, but these memories of sister time made it lighter and enjoyable. In the afternoon, we swung Santiago around in the background with a sprinkler and enjoyed the Fall lighting. 

Runs, walks past here:

There were many spring, fall, and summer evenings where I would run nearby to a park and then pass this Peets on the corner, reveling in those memories and thinking of coffee and inspiration being brewed. I recall Susie and I in this area on one of her last weeks before moving, and we enjoyed our summer run/walk in the twilight.

I didn't mention a date with a guy at this same location a couple years ago, but my memories of that have since dispersed into nothing significant, but just a simple, very distant memory. 

And I smile, since these are the favorite memories that come to mind. Although its just a place, a location, it carries with it experiences, moments in time that reveal something more. 

Easter Flowers

 This week, the first week of the Easter season was beautiful, glorious, busy. I wanted to keep attentive to this joyful, and full of hope and light season. One of the easiest things to do was attend daily Mass to keep the readings in my mind and heart throughout the day. I had learned that each of these Octave holy days was like the first day of Easter! I thought it would be a good idea to think and start planning for Divine Mercy Sunday by rereading St. Maria Faustina's diary and praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet. 

Something about waking up in the early morning was special, and to savor that time before the sun comes up. Listening to the Bible in a Year Podcast, prayer cards to St. Josemaria and Father Joseph, it's a precious time to start the day even if its quick before getting ready and having breakfast. 

Walking passed these lovely white flowers every day on way to work, now in bloom make me think of hope and Easter joy, as well as Ignacio Rafael. They showcase spring and it makes me smile.

The busyness of this week has been due to planning ahead for assignments, staying on top of work and being attentive to what's ahead. I know I'm feeling ready to close out this semester with all the demands, and a lot of things going on to make it far away from boring. I feel like I've learned and grown a lot in small and big ways!

Before and after my exercise class, I notice these beautiful and rich in color and bloom red roses. Another lovely reminder of Easter joy in flowers, and my dear God son and nephew, Ignacio in the heavenly resurrection. Memories come back of my volunteering days here when I would water the plants with the extra pitchers of water the Senior citizens didn't use. 

When I would go to the library this week, I would still get inspired with books, ideas though I didn't have much time to think about it with the other more important 'to do's'. But still being in that space, that environment was helpful in making me feel studious and productive. I could feel like there was a sense of 'push', of continuing to keep on going after the workday to do some more work. But it felt rewarding, knowing it was a time well spent. 

This Easter season is so beautiful! But it feels full, with my brother's wedding next weekend, and May feeling somewhat full of family things and closing out the school year and semester! This time of year is precious, and one if my favorites. :)

Easter Vigil

 

Last night, I went to the Easter Vigil. It's the eve of Easter Sunday and it's the holiest feast, where we welcome the new Catholics into the church who are receiving their sacraments for the first time. I had never been before, but this year, I decided I wanted to go and make extra time to attend. It's a longer service, around 2 in a half hours. 

I can see more clearly why Easter is the biggest, the greatest, the most joyful feast day in the church. (It is also the longest season- 50 days!) Attending the Easter Vigil really showcased that. Its the excitement and anticipation of Christ rising from the dead, the first time singing and proclaiming 'ALLELUIA' and having beautiful flowers and decorations, mostly white and yellow gold to symbolize Christ's triumph over and his Resurrection for us. 

I really loved the symbolism and the powerful witness of declaring our faith and being a shining light to those who were coming into the church. This was when everyone in the church was holding a candle (and the church was packed), and then with all the lights out in the church, we had our candles lit. The big, tall Easter candle was processed in, and other smaller candles were ignited from there. The other priests walking down the aisle shared their flame with the first person in each pew, who passed on their flame to be lit by another's candle. It was really quite amazing to witness and experience! Eventually, we extinguished our candles and all the lights in the church were turned back on. 

I decided to wear my medal of St. Maria Goretti, my confirmation saint. It was there in that same church that I received the sacrament of Confirmation 13 years ago. In support and commemoration of those catechumens who were entering into the church as a catholic for the first time, I wanted to remember my own confirmation. 

 I am learning more and more that this is one of my favorite liturgical seasons! How bright, joyous and full of hope it is! Without the Resurrection, our faith is meaningless. He is Risen, He is Risen Indeed! Happy Easter!!

Good Friday Reflections

 "The mystery of the spiritual life is that Jesus desires to meet us in the seclusion of our own heart, to make his love known to us there, to free us from our own fears, and to make our own deepest self-known to us. In the privacy of our heart, therefore, we can learn not only to know Jesus, but through Jesus to know ourselves as well." -The Only Necessary Thing

"God is saying, 'I want to be weak so you can love me. What better way to help you respond to my love than becoming weak so you can care for me?' God becomes a stumbling God who falls at the cross, who dies for us, and who is totally in need of love. God does this so that we can get close.

The God who loves us is a God who becomes vulnerable dependent in the manger and dependent on the cross, a God who basically is saying, 'Are you there for me?' In a very mysterious way, God is dependent on us. God is saying, 'I want to be vulnerable; I need your love. I have a desire for your affirmation of my love."

"My child, pay attention to what I am telling you, listen carefully to my words; do not let them out of your sight, keep them deep in your heart. For they are life to those who find them and health to all humanity. More than all else, keep watch over your heart, since here are the wellsprings of life. Turn your back on the mouth that misleads, keep your distance from lips that deceive. Let your eyes be fixed ahead, your gaze be straight before you. Let the path you tread be level and all your ways be firm. Turn neither to right nor to left, keep your foot clear of evil." -Proverbs 4:19-27

"How lovingly Jesus embraces the wood which is to bring him to death! In the dark loneliness of the Passion, Our Lady offers her Son a comforting balm of tenderness, of union, of faithfulness; a 'yes' to the divine will. 

Hand in hand with Mary, you and I also want to console Jesus, by accepting always and in everything the will of his Father, of our Father. In the whole context of the Passion, this help does not add up to very much. But, for Jesus, a smile, a word, a gesture or a little bit of love is enough for him to pour out his grace bountifully on the soul of his friend. 

At times the cross appears without our looking for it: It is Christ who is seeking us out. But this suffering is our purification; the sweat and the blood which disfigure and tarnish his features, serve to cleanse us. To our falling again and again into evil, Jesus responds with his determination to redeem us, with an abundance of forgiveness. And so that no one may despair, again he wearily raises himself, embracing the cross."

A Library Week

 This week is National Library Week, and I didn't even think of it with all of the times I've been to the library these past couple days. It's been a much-needed breakthrough spring break, with a change of scenery, change of pace and some more time and space for thoughts, reading, sleeping. On our mini day trip, my mom and I ventured into Fremont's library. I could tell it was a big library on the outside with 2 stories, but it wasn't the nicest or most updated library. Walking in, I could feel from its layout, walls and extra space, an old school vibe. 

There was a plethora of space for books, books and much more books in rows reminding me of my college library that was also musty and rustic. I wasn't too inspired with the overall look and layout, but the various options for seating was nice. And it was cool to see an old mini poster of the Dewey Decimal Classification (DDC) which is exactly what I am learning now in my program. 

The library yesterday was nice and crisp in the late morning and retrieving more books for Link + pickup is always a joy and an inspiration. Funny, I had requested a Matthew Kelly book and the same one I had found for free while scanning through the little free library in the sandwich shop on Wednesday. And that cookbook, Sirocco reminds me of cooking and inspiration way back in 2017. Those memories made me want to check it out again. And The Shadow of the Bear, by Regina Doman reminds me of my oldest sister who had gifted me with one of Doman's books for my 16th birthday. Somehow in my open moments at work, I had researched her again and was compelled to read this Catholic author's Fairy Tale retold stories again. 

On Saturday, I just wanted to relax and look through a cooking magazine, write down a few delicious recipes for the future and read, write and dabble into language studies- Arabic! I just started a new notebook (my 3rd), and I decided it would be the olive-green notebook from my dear sister for my birthday last year. Something reminded me of the date as I was writing, it seemed so familiar. Sure enough, when I looked back at my first notebook for Arabic studies, I had started learning on April 2, 2016, exactly 6 years. Wow!

And I will be going to a library again today, though a different one than yesterday. It feels like the best place to do focused work, schoolwork and usually a great option - similar to a cafe to get ideas, some inspiration and quality reading time in. And this week, it all started talking to a librarian, a contact and friend of my sweet sister, whose Bridal Shower it was on Sunday. And just a number of weeks left until this semester is over and I can process more all that I've learned and been challenged by!