His Daughters'

 

When I hold my precious newest niece, it is a wonderful and special meeting. Anticipating her arrival into the world was a long wait and excitement- to hear her name and see what she would look like. When I hold her, I think of 'daughter'. I think of the meaning of daughter in how God sees us, sees me as His daughter, His child. 

Jesus tells those who meets in the Gospels, to not be afraid, or that their faith has saved them- 'Daughter your faith has saved you, go and sin no more. ' Onne of the episodes I watched of The Chosen depicted the hemorrhaging woman and how she bled for years but found no cure. Her faith was in Jesus and just touching the tassel of his garment, she knew full well that she would be cured of her suffering and ailment. Jesus first said, 'Daughter' and it struck me- it brought tears to my eyes, because that's who we are, His daughters, His children. We can easily be blind to our identity in Christ, as His beloved, as His treasures. 

When I held Araceli, she reminded me of what it means to be a daughter of God, a daughter of the King. My true identity and purpose and mission in this life is as his daughter, His precious one. This niece is precious, beloved and tenderly loved by her parents and all who've met her and who will meet her in our ever growing and expanding family. 

She teaches me to trust more and more as she so helplessly and naturally as an infant is being held and caressed into someone's arms, sleeping, and dozing into her sleepy chamber of baby dreams. 

She is God's daughter, and beloved child. We have so much in common because we are daughters of the King, the Prince of Peace who makes the sun rise and the stars shine. He asks us to trust in Him, and as only a baby can- they trust that their needs will be met, and their whines be heard. Oh, how little and precious, vulnerable and innocent they are. What a beautiful gift and reminder of our dependence and need for God as well, as His daughters'. 

Rosary Graces

 October is the month of the Rosary. I recently finished praying the 54-day rosary novena. I've noticed every time I pray in the car, such as the rosary, I feel some sort of protection. There have been a few instances where I have been protected while driving from a potential car accident. I believe it's the protection of Our Lady and my guardian angel. 

I specifically remember after going to confession one Saturday, I was driving home and praying the rosary. The light turned green for me to turn left, and as I was turning, a car was also coming straight on. It happened so fast and suddenly, I could barely make out what was happening. The car was going straight as I was turning (but I had the right of way, and the driver was driving through a red light!) I couldn't believe it, but somehow, someway we didn't crash into each other. I really felt like my guardian angel was protecting me and my car as I was turning. I could see the driver's face in disbelief and shock, her hand covering her opened mouth and feeling so bad and sorry, realizing that she was driving through a red and could have injured or rather killed me instantly. 

I was in sheer disbelief and as well as gratitude. Grateful for having gone to confession just minutes prior and also for happening to be praying the rosary in that moment. There have been other instances while on the roadway as well where I felt like it was a close accident that didn't happen due to prayers and Our Lady's protection. 

There's this car rosary my sister gifted me when she visited New Orleans, and it has an image of Our Lady protecting the roadway. I find that a beautiful reminder while driving amidst sometimes crazy drivers. 

I want to continue to pray the rosary daily, as a way to stay united and in love with Our Lady of the rosary as well as to contemplate and pray for specific intentions in our world, churches, communities and families. 

Psalm 23

"He leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley I fear for no evil for you are at my side with your rod and your staff that give me courage."

This Psalm has kept coming up. I've seen it in a book I started to reread- He Leadeth Me, as even the title is from this beloved Psalm. I'm reading a shepherd book titled, 'Your Soul's Gentle Shepherd- why you can have absolute trust in Jesus Christ'. And while reading through Gracelaced for some spiritual reset and inspiration, Psalm 23 came up again in the pages.  I couldn't help but think that I need this reminder more than I know. And it was the Psalm reading on Sunday. 

Jesus is our shepherd, our guide. How easy it is to lose sight sometimes when we feel like we are 'in control' of our lives or need to figure things out on our own. Jesus is our guide, our Father and shield. We are the sheep he gathers, takes care of and loves till the end. 

A Library Year

 This whole year of 2023 has been focused on libraries. Ever since New Years Day, or even a few days prior, I was intentionally seeking some sort of experience in libraries. By the second day of the new year, I applied for a program with a research proposal on a certain Marian topic. I would be doing research and writing a paper for a few weeks in Dayton, Ohio. This was after I decided in winter that the Paris program didn't feel like the right thing for me- a week or so in the city of lights looking at and comparing libraries. Something about international travel, the paperwork, the expense and just the deeper uncertainty gave me deeper insight to not go through with it. 

By January, I was getting more antsy and anxious to do something about gaining experience. With my coworker's encouragement and help, found a job sighting with a public library that seemed intense for my schedule but also like a good way to get my foot in the door. By the time I was about to continue applying for it, it disappeared and seemed someone else applied quicker than I had. That left me feeling discouraged (again). 

 In February, I was becoming more nervous about prospects. One early morning, while I was driving to Mass, the idea just came to me like a light bulb- but it was really the Holy Spirit who lighted the way. It was interesting because it clicked instantly, and it gave me excitement and peace- to volunteer at a local library that I was going to be a book reviewer for the year prior but then forgot about it. I also remembered there were in person volunteers, even if it was for teens, but I didn't care because I was desperate to land something to get my foot in the door.

So, I started doing that and went after work only about 2 or 3 times but met some people and learned basic skills like shelving and weeding and programs going on in the library. One of the librarians told me there was a joint program with my university for an internship and I could apply for that. I was thrilled to hear that and knew it was providence that led me there. 

But as spring came around, I still hadn't heard of anything from the Dayton program. March came around, and still nothing. I also took a break from volunteering as my schedule was constantly busy, eventful and exhausting. I felt I could really only focus on my demanding classes and my job. 

By April, I was thinking of what was ahead in terms of my plans for Summer and Fall. Would I still be at my same job? Would I be doing something else, like finally landing an internship? Only God knew, but I felt in a perpetual state of being in a standstill and not knowing. I had desires to move on but not sure where or how, I would have to keep praying and trusting. 

I applied for a summer internship late March for the same library I volunteered at, not sure if I missed the deadline, but it was worth a shot. I got a response later that they already had somebody for Summer but if I wanted to, I could apply for an internship with them for the Fall. So, although I wasn't fully sure of public libraries, it still was worth the experience of an interview if nothing else. 

The busy school year ended, and then I had my interview just a few days later. I was nervous and felt like my mind was in a big cloudy mess after confusion, disappointment and uncertainty, also for the future. I didn't feel settled and knew I didn't do a good job. This 'failure' would lead to the interview I had and internship I have now at a library that I'm familiar with. 

In August, right when my internship was starting and in September I shadowed Academic librarians at my local junior college- the place where a little seed was planted where I was only briefly to start thinking about becoming a librarian. Academic librarianship looked a lot different than I had imagined and questioned if it was really for me and fit my interests and skills. 

 I came back to that library that I volunteered and interviewed with the first time for a staff day recently and I feel like I have come full circle. I've learned a lot more about public libraries and getting hands on experience. I remember those February afternoons tediously shelving in the children's section and hopeful for entering into this space- so different and rather opposite from the noise and chaos of the classroom.

 I wouldn't have imagined where I am now and being at a staff day with all these library people and trying to see myself in it or imagine where I fit in to all of it. I guess that's where I am- seeing what's my path, where is this all headed and these experiences. But for now, I just want to be grateful and let it all sink in and see all God has done with his hand, leading me to where I'm meant to be. 

Fortitude

 I've been thinking about fortitude a lot. Some days, I question how to get through the hard parts or how I did it before in months or years past. I recall how I was able to cultivate and make things my own, and actually make the hard parts more bearable, even enjoyable. There's a sense of responsibility but also accomplishment when you can dig deep- like a well searching for and scraping for water- and make the experience rewarding, memorable and even inspiring.

I've been thinking about that recently- how to make my experience currently enjoyable, inspiring and even rewarding. I feel that I am so hard on myself, and idealistic that I forget all the good things, how I've adjusted and adapted and landed something and learning a lot all at once. It isn't at all easy, but it's also easy to forget what I have been doing well. 

So, when I gave a talk to the confirmation students the other night about Fortitude, it resonated with me again. I also talked about St. Bernadette and how she models this virtue well. I can't help but see the deep connections- I did a Marian consecration that ended on the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes a few years ago. St. Bernadette saw this apparition of Our Lady. The parish where I prayed out front once the consecration ended has a grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes with St. Bernadette, and this is the same parish where I am a catechist. God doesn't overlook the details. 

But fortitude is so important and essential in our lives and spiritual lives. I see the fruits of it from past years and experiences but feel I always need to cultivate and renew it again as we are always growing, and the seasons of our lives change. 

I love the symbolism of this virtue- also known as courage or endurance, as I think of running or a runner who's not stopping and sees the end goal and wants to finish the race. 

I've had this in my own ways many times with my program- usually tired, burnt out, and even discouraged and doubtful of where it will all lead. Or just waking up and starting the day, but instead just wanting to sleep in and get a late start instead. 

There are so many ways and scenarios of fortitude/endurance/courage that present themselves. Giving this talk makes me more aware of it in my own life, circumstances and cheering myself on with God's grace and help instead of focused on the pitfalls or discouraging parts that the evil one only wants me to see. 

Jasmine Flowers

 It feels like an ending of a season but also a beginning of a new one. Summer is over and that's when my schedule was more open and available to babysit for my sister with all her many appointments for her pregnancy. It came at a good time for me too because I was able to serve and do something different than what I was doing before. I felt that time slowed down a lot in summer, for good, and a chance to catch my breath, think, process and heal. 

Being with dear Isaac and Santiago brought a source of freshness with their lively energy, childhood innocence and cuteness. It was an internal growing season for me but one that didn't lack fruit.

It all started when I was highly emotional, and just mentally exhausted and discouraged and my sister took me to a local Starbucks, and we sat outside on a sunny Saturday afternoon. I lamented and cried to her, and it was very therapeutic. It was right at the cusp of summer, and I felt like I was walking on rocky ground. Things felt topsy turvy and adjusting to this new season and schedule and figuring things out was really hard. 

I noticed while we were outside, the beautiful plants and vines wrapped around the pillars and the jasmine flowers. Everything was green, and mid-June had a summer feel in the air. I thought of Our Lady and how she said yes to God's plan with trust and joy and those flowers made me enter into hope, trust and joy when it was at times difficult to adopt. It was the start of new growing pains, realizations, and struggles but also learning and discovering. 

I remember that moment, her listening to me, reassuring and comforting me to be so pivotal.  I felt heard, seen, validated but also it was the start of a whole new chapter that felt different than before during the school year and needed to enter more into my faith and look ahead and not so much behind me. 

Monday was the last appointment my sister had before her baby girl is due! These months and weeks have flown by in some ways and regular babysitting and having a lot of quality time with Isaac was so special. His little personality coming through, his likes and dislikes, trying to talk, and his sweet laughter helped with the healing in the early summertime and giving of my time in that way. Now a new little one is soon on her way! 

Fall Reading Inspiration

I'm starting to reread 'Digital Minimalism' by Cal Newport and reflecting on using less social media. Last night, there was an urge to use social media since I was feeling tired and just wanted to relax, but instead I decided to read.

 I got into the 2 book club books I'm reading that are middle school reads.  And I know that it made me more relaxed but also more energized as well as more tired. Something about using a screen in the later hours into the evening can make me feel less inspired, more awake before bedtime and less productive.

I was able to get into the storyline and characters of the books I'm reading and totally lost track of time. But I could tell I was enjoying it and was getting immersed into it. 

It makes me think of Fall, how time seems to slow down a bit. The wind can pick up, but there's a stillness in the air- changing leaves, faded sunlight, sitting pumpkins. 

The harvest moon came out last night and I saw it this morning- so big and visible. Activities like reading can bring about certain realizations of how we're using our time, our motives, stillness and diving more into creative elements like our imagination. 

Feast of the Archangels

 Today is the feast of the Archangels. I find such comfort and connection in them. 

My dear sister named her three boys' middle names after them, so beautiful!

My nephew and Godsons' middle name is Miguel, and Rafael.

One of my favorites, if my not my favorite Mission is Mission San Miguel near the Central Coast.

The parish I go to is St. Michael's.

I have a medal I chose from the National Shrine of the Basilica in D.C. of St. Raphael that I am wearing today- and I found out St. Rapheal is one of my sister's guardian angel's name. 

I got confirmed at St. Michael's with my sweet sister. 

A random memory, our confirmation sponsor got married on today's feast day at St. Michael's that my sister and I attended 11 years ago!

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I took a photo of the display after Mass, and a lady wanted to take my photo with it- she told me to put my hands like that. 

Mission San Miguel

Brothers-in-Law

 I have 4 brothers-in-law and each of them are so different and unique from the other. I was recently reflecting upon this and my distinct memories of them- some have been in the family longer than others and some I've had more time with. However, they are all special because they are a husband to a sister. I am blessed. 

Ryan

His energy and humor come out and various times. He's passionate, strong, direct and his middle name is sarcastic. He is smart, attentive to detail and enjoys politics for the most part, and other parts tolerates it. He loves his sweets, ice cream and big parties, social gatherings and dramatic events.  I enjoyed visiting him, my sister and their family this past summer for a week. It was very special to have more quality time with them. 

Colin

An intellectual, a reader and lover of learning. He is curious about many topics and is passionate about ministries, book clubs, wine/beer and Gregorian chant.  He is a hard worker and a quick learner. He is an introvert by nature and a great host, hosting several baptism parties at his house. And this past year, the 4th of July- that was so special and fun! 

Salvador

A true giver, asking good follow up questions, and always thinking of other people and ways he can help. He is very smart and a hard worker. His positive and optimistic energy about his work, family and life are truly inspiring. He loves his Salvadorean food and always ready to share or make it from scratch. Have hosted many family gatherings and events, and always feeling welcomed, and encouraged when I'm with him and my sister and their family. 

Ricardo

He is lighthearted, relaxed and has a good attitude about many things that would be hard for others. He is a hard worker, hopeful and a good solver of problems. He has funny stories to share and keeps the mood light and fun. He loves his Paraguayan tea that helps reduce stress and brings calm to the senses. I enjoyed staying over and visiting with him, my sister and their baby girl recently.

Less is More

 With not using social media and not actively scrolling and utilizing platforms such as YouTube primarily and occasion Instagram, I can think easier. I notice less brain clutter, more mental space and room for creativity, and originality.

Just the other day, I was thinking about Chinese and reviewing it again. It's been so long since I've been active with it and used it, but I still have my roots in it and recall what I've learned years ago. Just the stillness of this thought, this idea would not have come about if I was too distracted on social media. 

And I can also review with books, not necessarily audio or on YouTube though that can be helpful. I also notice that there are less distractions when I just want to listen to an audio on YouTube such as Bishop Robert Barron talks and really just hear what he's saying and enter into it when I want some spiritual content.

There are more ideas for books. I have around two stacks from the library alone and perhaps it's the season of Fall or just feeling ambitious and inspired with rereading good reads. 

I want to enter more into this silence, trying to be more intentional and create more in good thoughts, praying, writing, reading, etc..

Autumn Musings

 Fall is in the air, and it feels like Autumn is giving me a big hug. It wraps its arms around me by remembering past Fall memories so distinctly. The lighting feels more nostalgic, and a dim hew, the leaves on certain trees are starting to change to golden and reds. And I am reminded this is my favorite time of year! 

There is anticipation on the air for what's ahead- October, pumpkins, Halloween, November chill, rains, sweater and scarves and Thanksgiving, pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie and pumpkin spice latte. I ordered my first pumpkin spice today and, it's a warm welcome to the season. 

Memories of being a university student at my college and even if classes were hard, busy, and I didn't have much of a social network, Fall was always a happy anticipation. I felt like I could enter into my own world and make things better- ideas and inspirations would come to me easier and creating Fall lists. While at the library, books would jump out at me and the November rains hitting against the windowpane would add for a quiet and still reflection. 

Crafts would speak to me more- baking and cooking recipes with distinct Fall ingredients or creating a scarf with beautiful colored yarns. 

I remember working in that classroom alone during the pandemic and though some days were brought with a heavy hardness, I tried to make it my own and embrace that Fall that had its own thorns of transition. 

One year, going to Apple Hill and trying the best apple cider donut. Studying languages and reading in coffee shops, even amidst all the required readings for my classes. Last year, it was Russian, one year it was Arabic, another Hebrew, and sometimes I feel like I've come full circle with starting to review Chinese again. 

Fall brings about something new despite the season of harvest, transition and closing out of greenery, heat and summer. Each year brings about something different, some new growth, realization, spiritual strength and growth.