Christmas Retreat

 I heard a Christmas song yesterday and it felt like I was right back in the car with my dad and sister on our drive home from our Christmas retreat. It was a few short days until Christmas, and we could tell it was all hustle and bustle, while we were on our silent weekend retreat preparing our hearts, minds and souls for Christmas.

 On that drive home, it felt like we usually had the radio on playing regular and classic Christmas songs.  It was an exciting time to come home from being spiritually renewed, and also ready to start our break and finish up Christmas shopping.  To come home to our mom was decked out in Christmas cookie dough and wrapping paper, and it wasn't long before Christmas Eve and Mass. 

I have distinct and special memories since we did that for many years, throughout our high school and college days. And to experience that together and become ready the last few days of Advent and ready and awake for Christmas, Jesus' birth was a beautiful thing. 

Listening in a Cafe

 I was at Starbucks last week in the mid-morning, getting some written assignment done for a class. I couldn't wait to finish out the semester and come to a coffee shop and do something relaxing (language studies, write, read..) 

I was focused on my work, but it was crowded there, with all tables taken but one. It was right near where the baristas are who are making drinks and also talking. I heard all their conversations and it was funny commentary and banter. But actually, it was nice. It has been a while since I've been in an environment where the coworkers were talking and could casually joke around. It makes all the difference who you're around and how that impacts you.

It was interesting as I was continuing to do my work and simultaneously hearing the Starbucks workers. One of them struck me as interesting- she always had some kind of funny remark or comment back to her guy coworkers, and was one of the main experienced ones, knowing the ins and outs of the store. Shew sounded confident in her speech and had her own way of expressing. 

I heard her speaking Spanish to a customer and one of her coworkers was surprised and didn't know she spoke Spanish. She also said she knew Japanese and a few words in Irish Gaelic. It was interesting and even inspiring hearing that, as it seemed she had her own interests and goals. 

When I saw her, she also had a very unique and bold style, bright and stark green short hair, wearing a black sweatshirt, black shoes, more like a goth style. I wouldn't have guessed that hearing her talk and everything. Sometimes appearances can be just the tip of the iceberg to a person. 

Being at this cafe uplifted me in some ways, just being in a new environment, that had a lighthearted feel among the workers. And I finished up my assignment there and was looking forward to the future of entering into my projects. 

Summer Painting

 I look back on this painting often, thinking about that time. It was still summer, the middle of August. And I felt like painting something and getting creative again. There was a lot ahead to think about- the Fall semester was going to be starting soon, and my internship a week after that. Things already felt like they were shifting, new things and experiences on the horizon but also the unknown. 

I was painting water, but it kind of looks like mountains or hills. Water is calming and soothing to look out at, in my opinion. I was also trying to paint a sun, that had its rays extending. Perhaps it has a Van Gough sense about it. 

For my mom and sister's birthday, we had a family gathering out at the water, in the still summer days. With most of the family together, it felt like a summer picnic bash and the last cusp of summer vacation mode. And looking out at the water was refreshing and calming.

 I think about that, just the beginning of the last parts of the year and semester and all the rest until now. How different it feels now, and just a whole new season as well entering into Advent and approaching Christmas and winter. 

And that's all I want to do now is 'look out at the water' of life, of this year and just process, contemplate, heal and spiritually refresh. To prepare for the coming of Christ and embrace the specialness of this favorite season of mine. 

Running in Mind

 Running together at night around the track, picking up a sweat and staying side by side with similar pace feels like a beginning of a new season.

It was just the beginning of the semester, still summer when we went running together, or rather started training- when I was getting back in shape, and he was timing me. It was for a bigger goal, to do a race together later in Fall. 

There was so much ahead and unknown. With the Fall semester just starting, there wasn't yet a distinct feeling to how things would turn out. 

Now looking back, running has been a big part of this time. Trying to stay in shape and motivated amidst other parts of my schedule. And always looking forward to a run either before the busyness of the day or after. The Fall colors vibrant and inviting on trees and crunching leaves on my feet. 

But it also feels like an ending. With a hard and trying semester almost behind me, running with my brother feels like an accomplishment. To keeping pace with each other and talking, I don't feel as out of shape or breath as I thought I might. But I do feel sore! And some of the things from these last months have made me feel tired and 'sore' too. But just like muscle soreness, there is only growth and strength from enduring hardships and pain. 

Something about running on a track, in the stillness of the darkened sky brings upon reflections and thoughts. As well as reminders of endurance, motivation and purpose. I feel a sense of accomplishment both ways. 

Blessings

 This week brought about various things. The beauty and anticipation of a new liturgical year and the Advent season is always so enriching and exciting!

Sunday was a day to recharge and relax. It helped so much since I'm so used to being busy and doing work on Sundays unfortunately. Realizing I could take a break and set aside time to work on Monday was helpful and allowed for a breather- mentally, as well as spiritually. If we give God that time, He will reward us and give us enough time to do all that we need to do.

Monday, morning confession and daily Mass at my childhood parish to mix it up and change routine and scenery. And also allow for less distractions are good too. 

Sitting near the stain glass windows and see St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avila on glass windows. And remember that I was reading her book, Interior Castle and want to continue reading it.

Finishing out a big assignment and doing work on my computer for 3-4 hours. 

Coat shopping with mom for early Christmas gift, as I desperately needed warm coats. Trying on coats in the store with her and found two I liked for good prices.  

Stopped by Starbucks drive -thru and both got a hot chocolate. 

Tuesday was time with my dear sister and helping her out and spending time with her and her kids. Went for a lovely Fall walk in the morning, pushing 2 strollers and talking along the way. The beauty of the trail and being in nature - so calming and inspiring. 

Got Panera for lunch, so good! And afterwards, talked some more and read books to Santiago and held baby. Christmas decorations all aglow in her house, and the tree so beautiful with lights and ornaments. 

Wednesday, internship and just trying to get through it, and finish up the hours. Got air in tires checked. Went to help out with confirmation class in evening and enjoy being with the youth and discussing and teaching the faith. 

Thursday, woke up on the wrong side of the bed, with only negative thoughts and feelings of my internship, and basically not looking forward to it. Harder to stay inspired and focused. The biblical verse came to me- 'I can do all things in Him who strengthens me.' (Philippians 4:13) Watched episodes of The Chosen to pick me up and finish the day with some Russian language learning. 

This whole week had Russian language studies embedded into it, to keep me motivated and inspired and to keep progressing. Doing this language challenge alongside my sister to keep up the studies and do what we can each day, little by little. 

So many blessings each day this week!

Feast day of St. Andrew

 Today is the feast day of St. Andrew. I love this time of year and this feast day. We only know some things about him- that he was the brother of Simon Peter and brought his brother to Jesus, telling him that Jesus is the Messiah. Also, bringing the loaves and fish from the little boy, and Jesus performing the miracle of the multiplication of the loaves. 

There's a Christmas Novena dedicated to St. Andrew. I want to pray it this year. I believe it starts today and goes through December 24th. You pray it 15 times a day. 

In The Chosen series, I like the character of Andrew. He is humorous and is opposite in personality of his brother. He's also relatable, he gets worried and anxious easily, but also trusts deeply in Jesus. 

Today's feast day is also so close to the starting of Advent, not just a new liturgical season but also year. With St. Andrew, one of the first apostles, and bringing Simon Peter to Jesus, what better way to pray to him so he can help us draw nearer to Christ, especially during this upcoming Advent and Christmas season.

  

Abundance

 This time of year, with Thanksgiving is good to remember and recall all our blessings, the many gifts in life we don't deserve or did anything to deserve them but have them anyway from God. It's always good and appropriate to give thanks, but Thanksgiving allows us to perhaps go deeper, experience with one another and share a special meal.

I've been thinking recently of abundance. This word gives off a divine fragrance that can only be held in gratitude, optimism and trustful, humble hearts. This word rings our ears with joy, that we have and will continue to have all that we need. Again, trust.

It came forth when I went out to lunch with my mom last week, and just getting things off my mind, and off my chest. Her viewpoint was refreshing, and nothing but hopeful and positive. Pure abundance, and I wanted to carry that disposition and see life, even hard and discouraging at times, as part of the plan, the bigger plan at work. 

This growth that is formed and made in pain and difficult times allows us to witness and experience it and still claim it as good. There are abundant blessings. 

Happy Thanksgiving!! 

Boaz

 Last night, I looked back and read some of my former prayer journals. It depicted what I was thinking, experiencing, and going through. All of the challenges, sufferings, pains, unknowns and insights. And I would say it didn't just bring back strong memories but also some nostalgia I would say. I think it showcases that particular time and season- the growing pains and learning curves but also the real blessings in the moment and spiritual growth. 

One of my prayer entries, I quoted somewhere about praying for your future husband, and finding 'your Boaz'. I loved the quote and insight, so I wrote it down. The date was yesterday's date- 11/21 and I couldn't help but some see some cross over.

"Waiting for your Boaz means learning to love yourself, right where you are. Waiting for your Boaz means letting God form you into a modern-day Ruth who knows who she is in Christ...Waiting for your Boaz means preparation, it's time to prepare for wifehood and pray for your future husband and yourself."

*Boaz means strength is within him

In the evening, I was reading a book about women in the bible. The story I'm currently on is about Rahab who is a harlot but eventually marries Salmon and becomes the mother of Boaz. I thought that was interesting timing noticing that.

Yesterday morning, I wasn't so much in conversation but rather was bombarded about my personal dating life by a mere acquaintance after Mass. Long, drawn out storytelling to get to a specific point- figuring out why I'm (still) single or when I'll have children and trying to set me up with poor matches just for a charity case. It can be disheartening, frustrating, annoying, and even hurtful. Somehow, God's graces led me not to feel too much of any of those discouraging feelings. I trust He knows what He is doing and in God's unique and perfect design for my life, though I have to say somedays I experience these graces stronger than others. 

Rereading that quote last night reassured me of all the good reminders I needed- to let God form you, to love yourself and know yourself. Ultimately, cultivating joy in your life through the good and bad. The anchor of my life and heart should be in Him, and He continues to guide. 

Encountering Faith

 I realize the importance and impact of being physically present to the sacraments and elements of my faith such as Mass, adoration, etc. It just isn't the same to 'watch Mass' online or attempt to pray and envision Jesus in the Eucharist in the chapel when you're not physically there. 

When I was sick for a few days and mostly lying in bed, I missed attending Mass, praying inside a church and chapel, and receiving the sacraments, essentially receiving graces. I could feel it, the lack of, but also really missed the 'routine' even of going to Mass on a Sunday or weekday. You realize the things you miss and can easily take for granted just from being sick for a few days.

Not only was I missing this, but it also became easier to almost forget about those daily routines, and not feel as drawn to them. Again, being physically present is so essential to our human nature and actually receiving the graces bestowed upon us from God. I realized this even more so- my attitude and demeanor once I was able and healthy enough to pray in the chapel, to be physically present; it made all the difference. 

On Friday evening, I was watching an episode from The Chosen. I came to a part where Jesus is walking after a long 2 days of preaching in the wilderness. It is now evening and becoming dusk. He encounters a pharisee who is perplexed about the crowds, the situation and the teaching he has heard from the people amongst the crowd. He sees Jesus, and is stunned- his confusion, doubts up front and face to face with Jesus. Jesus invites him to pray with him a while, as Jesus on his way to a hillside to pray. The pharisee had many questions, and Jesus tells him that he may no longer have those questions once he prays with him. 

I wanted to go to adoration that evening, as it had been a long while since on a Friday. To encounter Him just liked portrayed in the scene in The Chosen, and to find him, speak to Him, and be there in prayerful silence. Ultimately, to absorb His presence. 

Cocktail Meatballs

 One of my go to dinners to make is meatballs- chicken meatballs, turkey or beef are all great! However, the recipe I made 2 two nights ago by far beat the regular steps and routine of cooking what I usually do. 

It was a bit of a different process- instead of just combining and mixing together bread, eggs, spices and the meat together, I first mixed together milk and breadcrumbs. This makes it more of a paste and a consistency to be a good layer for the rest of the recipe. And instead of a whole egg, it called for just the egg yolk. 

There was also a tomato sauce to go with that was easy to make. After you cook the meatballs, you take them out of the skillet and heat the remaining grease and oil, add the onions, chicken broth and white wine and stir, yum! I knew it would be a tasteful combination at the end. You add tomatoes and tomato sauce as well, stir and simmer and then add the meatballs for continuing cooking with the sauce. 

It was a delicious result and so much better than my standard Syrian meatball recipe. This one is definitely a keeper! 

*I used ground chicken in this dish. It originally calls for ground beef and ground pork.

Language Unexpected

 I don't know if it was the fire in the fireplace or what, but inspiration came swarming around me like honeybees that I couldn't deny or ignore. I think reading by fire light helped, but in all honesty, it was the book I was rereading, 'The Stories We Tell' by Joanna Gaines.

 I had read this book in the beginning of the year when everything feels fresh, new, and exciting with more than a dash of hope for what's ahead. It feels like you are flipping to a new page, peeling a sheer piece of clean, fresh paper. I felt like it was a good start to the new year, as there were exciting things ahead. And I was continuing with Russian study, finding an online conversation partner and studying when I could and blogging about it.

These days those times have felt long behind me. With rather challenging and hard months passed me, I've lost sight of the joy and inspiration of language study, and especially Russian. It hasn't been on my radar for quite some time and the days when it did now feel distant, obscure and from the past. But I know I've missed those times and felt nostalgia for them, remembering when there was enjoyment and for the sake of just because I wanted to. 

Like I wrote, rereading Gaines' book resurfaced those memories and inspiration for it. In some ways also, her writing style has allowed me to be honest with myself too- to remember my story with language learning and in particular with Russian. To let those true feelings of inspiration and purpose come back in full view, not to force anything but to allow for things to flow, and to just be me, with no pressure or expectation on the horizon. 

So, right after reading for a little bit, I left the fire, went to my room, pulled out my Russian textbook and notebook and picked off again where I left off. It felt nice. But more than that, it felt natural, inspiring. It was like I was opening up a part of myself I left closed or semi- forgotten for weeks on end. And the cool thing is to see progress, and I knew my interest and passion hadn't faded nor my memory of learning. That's what makes it also worthwhile, to see the process and also to notice the progress. 

*I wrote a similar blogpost on my Russian language blog, kofeynya (kofe-ynya.blogspot.com)