One of my personal goals was to memorize a world map, and try my best first to label what I already know. I think I got a good amount accurate more or less, but I obviously need more practice with South East Asia, South America and Africa. :)
Tuesday, May 15, 2018
A World Map Means A Lot
On my way to British Columbia, I was interested in looking at a world map from a magazine on the plane and all its complexities, intricacies and dimensions. I love learning about different countries and cultures and seeing it all visually. I have been teaching and informing my students about various countries and continents and the interesting facts and information that go along with it. I am happy and grateful to showcase one of my passions in my tutoring sessions.
One of my personal goals was to memorize a world map, and try my best first to label what I already know. I think I got a good amount accurate more or less, but I obviously need more practice with South East Asia, South America and Africa. :)
Labeling an unlabeled map, I realize how large Canada really is. After traveling to Vancouver, I was able to see what it's really like. The natural beauty, the greenery, the majestic mountains, the city life, and the peaceful waters. How grateful I am to experience another part of North America, a place I've been interested in seeing for some time. Traveling gives you another perspective, outlook, and appreciation regarding the place you're visiting as well as back home. I'm happy to be back home, but I very much enjoyed Vancouver, British Columbia. My unique bracelet and some sea shells from this beach bring me back and make me appreciative and thankful.
One of my personal goals was to memorize a world map, and try my best first to label what I already know. I think I got a good amount accurate more or less, but I obviously need more practice with South East Asia, South America and Africa. :)
Saturday, May 5, 2018
A Long Lost Friend
As of recently, I have found and met a new friend. It was unexpected as most friendships usually are. I met her about 10 years ago initially, but didn't think much of it. It was 10 years ago that I was introduced through my dear soul sister, and that only makes sense because she knows me very well. I have rekindled a friendship with this new friend of mine. I am very blessed and grateful for it. Her name is Gemma Galgani, better known as Saint Gemma Galgani of Lucca, Italy, and also known as the Gem of Christ.
I have become interested in knowing more about her over the last few weeks. I felt an inspiration, a nudge to read about her life again through a small booklet. Like I mentioned, my dear sister gave me this little booklet about this saint, and since the middle of April, I have reread her story numerous times always gaining many things from it. Although Saint Gemma has been deceased for over 100 years, her life is still relevant, important and dare I say interesting! Hence, why I have been so intrigued by her story. I have also come to learn that we have a few things in common. She died when she was at the ripe ol' age of 25, and I am currently 25 years old. She sometimes had severe back pain and I can attest to my back hurting more than I would like. She was a young woman of faith, and I am as well. Her pitfalls and weaknesses I could/can relate with, and I find her more inspiring and essential to pray to and develop a friendship with. After a few days of struggles and my own falls of weakness, I prayed to her as well as her devotional saint when she was alive (St. Gabriel of our Lady of Sorrows), and the next morning I slept so well and felt very much at peace, knowing that they were interceding for me.
There are a number of things I admire about this beautiful saint. These include her great and deep love for Jesus, his sacred heart, as well as Mother Mary. I admire her simplicity in all things and sacrificing a life of glamour, honor and prestige to that of a simple life full of pain and suffering that mirrored Jesus's 5 wounds and the crown of thorns, also known as the stigmata. I greatly admire her bravery in conquering the devil and the prince of lies and death's attempts of temptation. I very much admire her dear friendship with her guardian angel, as well as a lovely soon to be saint she learned about and had visions of, Saint Gabriel of our Lady of Sorrows. Overall, there are many things I have learned and gained from Saint Gemma. I have felt a connection with her that I only want to nurture and develop, she has taught me many things.
There are many interesting things that I am learning from reading a detailed book about the life of Saint Gemma Galgani. One of them in particular is about another Catholic saint who is more well known than St. Gemma, yet this saint is equally as important as St. Gemma. Her name is St. Therese of Lisieux, and she is my patron saint of the year. These two saints' lives are similar as the books states, "Therese lost her mother when she was a child, had a complicated relationship with death and the desire for Heaven, and replaced her earthly mother with the Blessed Virgin, had a vivid imagination, was different from other children, had a privileged relationship with God, passionately in love with Jesus, desired and loved suffering, died in her mid-twenties, her photographs attest to her beauty, did nothing of importance to her life." These two beautiful saints had similar lives and turn of events that happened to them. I feel that I have a deeper devotion to St. Therese of Lisieux, seeing that her life wasn't that much different from St. Gemma's.
While at a coffee shop this afternoon, enjoying the ambiance, sipping my coffee and reading this moving and insightful book about St. Gemma, I came across something that made me stop and think a little. St. Gemma's guardian angel was always at her side, assisting her and protecting her (which is true for all of us). Gemma couldn't eat, it seemed that her body did not wish it, linking and merging her longings, her needs, her wants to Jesus' own. "And when , after eating, she feels unwell, the angel offers Gemma 'a cup of coffee so good that I was healed instantly."
I don't think I've ever been healed spiritually from coffee, not ever will. However, like this afternoon, I needed that cup of coffee and that inspirational time at the coffee shop to process, to recharge, to think, to learn, to hope. All of these important things I usually need a couple of times a week to stay sane, happy and healthy. It also gave me the reminder of how my dear guardian angel should become more of my best friend and confidant, because he/she (I named mine a boy's name) is always looking out for us. St. Gemma even joked around with her guardian angel, which I found to be cool and amusing.
I am grateful and blessed to learn more about St. Gemma Galgani's life and journey of faith. It only encourages and inspires me more to be bolder, stronger, and braver in my faith. I am grateful to have rekindled a friendship with a beautiful soul and example.
I have become interested in knowing more about her over the last few weeks. I felt an inspiration, a nudge to read about her life again through a small booklet. Like I mentioned, my dear sister gave me this little booklet about this saint, and since the middle of April, I have reread her story numerous times always gaining many things from it. Although Saint Gemma has been deceased for over 100 years, her life is still relevant, important and dare I say interesting! Hence, why I have been so intrigued by her story. I have also come to learn that we have a few things in common. She died when she was at the ripe ol' age of 25, and I am currently 25 years old. She sometimes had severe back pain and I can attest to my back hurting more than I would like. She was a young woman of faith, and I am as well. Her pitfalls and weaknesses I could/can relate with, and I find her more inspiring and essential to pray to and develop a friendship with. After a few days of struggles and my own falls of weakness, I prayed to her as well as her devotional saint when she was alive (St. Gabriel of our Lady of Sorrows), and the next morning I slept so well and felt very much at peace, knowing that they were interceding for me.
There are a number of things I admire about this beautiful saint. These include her great and deep love for Jesus, his sacred heart, as well as Mother Mary. I admire her simplicity in all things and sacrificing a life of glamour, honor and prestige to that of a simple life full of pain and suffering that mirrored Jesus's 5 wounds and the crown of thorns, also known as the stigmata. I greatly admire her bravery in conquering the devil and the prince of lies and death's attempts of temptation. I very much admire her dear friendship with her guardian angel, as well as a lovely soon to be saint she learned about and had visions of, Saint Gabriel of our Lady of Sorrows. Overall, there are many things I have learned and gained from Saint Gemma. I have felt a connection with her that I only want to nurture and develop, she has taught me many things.
There are many interesting things that I am learning from reading a detailed book about the life of Saint Gemma Galgani. One of them in particular is about another Catholic saint who is more well known than St. Gemma, yet this saint is equally as important as St. Gemma. Her name is St. Therese of Lisieux, and she is my patron saint of the year. These two saints' lives are similar as the books states, "Therese lost her mother when she was a child, had a complicated relationship with death and the desire for Heaven, and replaced her earthly mother with the Blessed Virgin, had a vivid imagination, was different from other children, had a privileged relationship with God, passionately in love with Jesus, desired and loved suffering, died in her mid-twenties, her photographs attest to her beauty, did nothing of importance to her life." These two beautiful saints had similar lives and turn of events that happened to them. I feel that I have a deeper devotion to St. Therese of Lisieux, seeing that her life wasn't that much different from St. Gemma's.
While at a coffee shop this afternoon, enjoying the ambiance, sipping my coffee and reading this moving and insightful book about St. Gemma, I came across something that made me stop and think a little. St. Gemma's guardian angel was always at her side, assisting her and protecting her (which is true for all of us). Gemma couldn't eat, it seemed that her body did not wish it, linking and merging her longings, her needs, her wants to Jesus' own. "And when , after eating, she feels unwell, the angel offers Gemma 'a cup of coffee so good that I was healed instantly."
I don't think I've ever been healed spiritually from coffee, not ever will. However, like this afternoon, I needed that cup of coffee and that inspirational time at the coffee shop to process, to recharge, to think, to learn, to hope. All of these important things I usually need a couple of times a week to stay sane, happy and healthy. It also gave me the reminder of how my dear guardian angel should become more of my best friend and confidant, because he/she (I named mine a boy's name) is always looking out for us. St. Gemma even joked around with her guardian angel, which I found to be cool and amusing.
I am grateful and blessed to learn more about St. Gemma Galgani's life and journey of faith. It only encourages and inspires me more to be bolder, stronger, and braver in my faith. I am grateful to have rekindled a friendship with a beautiful soul and example.
Tuesday, May 1, 2018
Memories of Peace
"Peace, I leave you, my peace I give to you." These words are from the Gospel reading today. I can't help but reflect upon a year ago on May 1st. It was my first time volunteering at my local senior center. It was something that I felt called to do and an experience in which I was longing for for quite some time. I felt a surge of peace while walking into the facility and a wave of welcome and belonging. I knew deep down that this volunteer work was something I was meant for. It may seem like a small endeavor, but to me it was so much more. I knew all the hardships and pains that I had endured throughout the recent months had meaning and the endless wait was worth it. My prayers were answered.
May 1st, I have recently learned is dedicated to St. Joseph. A common name for him is St. Joseph the Worker. Weeks prior to gaining volunteer experience, I had been praying for a job, some kind of work that I desperately needed not just financially speaking but also for the social and mental benefits. I was aiming prayers to St. Joseph because I knew he was a man of diligent and committed work, a man of virtue. On his intercession day, my prayers and desires for work were answered. Though it wasn't a job with money being earned, my needs were met with meeting and talking with new people, learning new tasks and serving others. I was so happy to serve others, and instead of focusing on my needs, the concerns and satisfaction of local seniors were more important, and everyone was better for it. Every time I left after serving and cleaning up and taking off the brown OHK apron, the blue-gray greyhound hat that I borrowed from my Dad and the disposable plastic gloves, I felt a large wave of contentment and peace.
St. Joseph is the patron saint for various causes and places. I was interested to know that St. Joseph is the patron saint of Canada! It just so happens I will be traveling to Canada in a matter of days. I have learned much more about St. Joseph than I knew about him a year ago, and have seen his working hand in my life. I only want to continue to draw closer to him, and receive the peace that I need from him as well as his beloved Son.
Tuesday, April 24, 2018
Understanding Childhood...in Germany
I've been a student since January, learning about Early Childhood Education/Development. I'm not used to semesters, but I've gotten used to the length and the sometimes monotony of 17 week classes instead of a sheer 10. An undergrad student last Spring and a post grad and flux of other things for this one. I enjoy my schedule. I'm lucky that it's fairly flexible, and it ends up being a bit different every day which is also a rare luxury. I'm trying to appreciate all that I have now, the benefits even if they are not the monetary kind, for now.
My classes are now begging the question of what I have to take from the knowledge I've inherited these past 4 months. It isn't easy, but I think it's worth it. I will try to sum it up for you here.
I've learned about toddlers and their needs, and why they love the word no. The importance of developmentally appropriate practices and what they look like, as well as the quality of a center as well as the teachers and educators. I very much learned about the great impact of media and commercialization and socialization on children and how this impacts them, their thinking, behavior, future and everything else that surrounds them. Speaking of surroundings, Bronfenberner has a theory that various things affect and influence a child such as family, their environment, their friends, their school and teachers, their religious activities, sports and so on. Oh, and there are also other theorists such as Piaget, Erikson. And Frobel created Kindergarten, which is a German word and was started in Germany. Interesting, right? Many things influence the molding, shaping and learning of a child. I've also learned that the ECD field is very important, and interesting, fun, rewarding and becoming more respected as well as diverse in our society.
Whew. That was a lot. And that was just a (very) brief summary.
Some other things that have related to this specific and interesting field of study is a book I'm reading. Achtung Baby is a fluid read. I've only just started and it's hard to put down. The author is a Mom and has moved to Berlin, Germany with her husband and talkative 2 yr old daughter for her husband's schooling and job status. Sara (the author) learns all about the culture differences of German culture and how American she really is! Deutsch parenting styles are very independent and free roaming other than the well known 'helicopter parenting' where the parent literally hovers over their child watching their every move on a constant basis. Germans are not like that, and it's a very think for yourself and be responsible type of culture when handling the art, if you will of raising children.
Sara's daughter goes to a German preschool, known as a kita. It's a free roaming type program where play is the main and most important aspect. Sara has qualms about the kita but becomes calmed and soothed learning about the pros of a play based program instead of a solely academic one in America. Her daughter even becomes fluent in German! Herrlich!
Another topic pertaining to ECD is one that is personal. I will be seeing my sweet 4 year old nephew's school, and I know that he is excited and proud to show it off. I am also excited to see it and get a tour. It will be cool for him to share this with me but also for me to learn more about it and add to what I've learned throughout this semester so far.
My classes are now begging the question of what I have to take from the knowledge I've inherited these past 4 months. It isn't easy, but I think it's worth it. I will try to sum it up for you here.
I've learned about toddlers and their needs, and why they love the word no. The importance of developmentally appropriate practices and what they look like, as well as the quality of a center as well as the teachers and educators. I very much learned about the great impact of media and commercialization and socialization on children and how this impacts them, their thinking, behavior, future and everything else that surrounds them. Speaking of surroundings, Bronfenberner has a theory that various things affect and influence a child such as family, their environment, their friends, their school and teachers, their religious activities, sports and so on. Oh, and there are also other theorists such as Piaget, Erikson. And Frobel created Kindergarten, which is a German word and was started in Germany. Interesting, right? Many things influence the molding, shaping and learning of a child. I've also learned that the ECD field is very important, and interesting, fun, rewarding and becoming more respected as well as diverse in our society.
Whew. That was a lot. And that was just a (very) brief summary.
Some other things that have related to this specific and interesting field of study is a book I'm reading. Achtung Baby is a fluid read. I've only just started and it's hard to put down. The author is a Mom and has moved to Berlin, Germany with her husband and talkative 2 yr old daughter for her husband's schooling and job status. Sara (the author) learns all about the culture differences of German culture and how American she really is! Deutsch parenting styles are very independent and free roaming other than the well known 'helicopter parenting' where the parent literally hovers over their child watching their every move on a constant basis. Germans are not like that, and it's a very think for yourself and be responsible type of culture when handling the art, if you will of raising children.
Sara's daughter goes to a German preschool, known as a kita. It's a free roaming type program where play is the main and most important aspect. Sara has qualms about the kita but becomes calmed and soothed learning about the pros of a play based program instead of a solely academic one in America. Her daughter even becomes fluent in German! Herrlich!
Another topic pertaining to ECD is one that is personal. I will be seeing my sweet 4 year old nephew's school, and I know that he is excited and proud to show it off. I am also excited to see it and get a tour. It will be cool for him to share this with me but also for me to learn more about it and add to what I've learned throughout this semester so far.
Wednesday, April 4, 2018
Arab April
April holds some special memories for me. It's the start of Spring and although it can still be rainy, the thought of sunshine, and blossoming of flowers gives me hope. Just two years ago, I was blossoming in my own way. I was dealing with some hard times and depression and was looking for waves of inspiration and sheer distraction from my deep melancholy blues. I had ideas for studying Arabic a few months prior from April 2016 but never got around to it. This creeping and cloudy depression took a turn and needed something to keep me motivated and for the creative juices to continue flowing. Arabic became a strong force for me. I jumped into a new endeavor, and experienced a wave of excitement with this language. Arabic helped a lot in terms of my dark mood which put blinders on my eyes and perspective. It didn't cure me since only God can fully do that, but it helped me in moments of pain and despair.
April 2017 wasn't a breeze or a piece of cake either. I had my share of suffering and growing pains in various ways. It was a waiting game, in terms of graduating, and figuring out the next steps as well as looking for volunteer work and ways to give. I was getting frustrated with the results of how these two waiting situations made me feel since it was difficult not to focus on them.There was a day in April last year when I didn't have class and really wanted to see a Israeli cooking documentary. It was only playing in the city and I persuaded my mom to come see it with me. Luckily, she was open and interested enough so we made a day trip of it. It just so happened that it was the last day of showing, so we were extra lucky. This Israeli cooking documentary ('In Search of Israeli Cuisine') gave me a strong power of inspiration and conviction of my interests in Israel, the Arab world, cooking and especially Middle Eastern cooking and how the surrounding regions are influenced by the food. I recognized a good amount of the food being mentioned in the film and it made me excited that I was in the know of this rich culture of food and cooking. My spirits and hopes lifted and I knew my path was somehow, somewhere linked with Middle Eastern cooking, the Arabic language and all that relates to it.
A year later, I have gotten more comfortable with Arabic cooking and only more inspired to learn more and try out more. I have also been keeping up with my Arabic language learning and only want to improve! I now have 3 Middle Eastern cookbooks and love looking through them and using them. For Christmas this past year, I got the large textbook- like cookbook by the director of the documentary film, In Search of Israeli Cuisine who also has his own restaurant. His cookbook inspired by his restaurant makes me reminisce about the day I saw his film, and also how much I still have to learn about the incredible and influential food in Israel.
So, what's next? I guess more discovering and learning which is always exciting! Here is my other blog that goes through everything Arabic and a challenge and learning process for me.
hummusha.blogspot.com
April 2017 wasn't a breeze or a piece of cake either. I had my share of suffering and growing pains in various ways. It was a waiting game, in terms of graduating, and figuring out the next steps as well as looking for volunteer work and ways to give. I was getting frustrated with the results of how these two waiting situations made me feel since it was difficult not to focus on them.There was a day in April last year when I didn't have class and really wanted to see a Israeli cooking documentary. It was only playing in the city and I persuaded my mom to come see it with me. Luckily, she was open and interested enough so we made a day trip of it. It just so happened that it was the last day of showing, so we were extra lucky. This Israeli cooking documentary ('In Search of Israeli Cuisine') gave me a strong power of inspiration and conviction of my interests in Israel, the Arab world, cooking and especially Middle Eastern cooking and how the surrounding regions are influenced by the food. I recognized a good amount of the food being mentioned in the film and it made me excited that I was in the know of this rich culture of food and cooking. My spirits and hopes lifted and I knew my path was somehow, somewhere linked with Middle Eastern cooking, the Arabic language and all that relates to it.
A year later, I have gotten more comfortable with Arabic cooking and only more inspired to learn more and try out more. I have also been keeping up with my Arabic language learning and only want to improve! I now have 3 Middle Eastern cookbooks and love looking through them and using them. For Christmas this past year, I got the large textbook- like cookbook by the director of the documentary film, In Search of Israeli Cuisine who also has his own restaurant. His cookbook inspired by his restaurant makes me reminisce about the day I saw his film, and also how much I still have to learn about the incredible and influential food in Israel.
So, what's next? I guess more discovering and learning which is always exciting! Here is my other blog that goes through everything Arabic and a challenge and learning process for me.
hummusha.blogspot.com
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Right after seeing the film, In Search of Israeli Cuisine |
Thursday, March 29, 2018
Spring, Easter, Rain, Qalb
Easter is just around the corner. Holy week is here and I must say it's one of my favorite times of the year. This week is filled with reflection, meaning, spiritual understanding and awakenings for the soon to be new. I have strong and vivid memories from last year at this time. I was in a different place emotionally, spiritually and mentally. It's hard to wrap it all in one, but it was very difficult and my own personal suffering and crosses, whether big or small were in my mind and heart and in my prayer often and usually daily. I was either writing them down on paper or voicing them into a mesh of words. During holy week, I was trying to remember Jesus's own suffering and all that he went through and did for us. Somehow, it felt somewhat distant because all I could hear were my own thoughts, struggles, worries and such. They were clouding up my vision and what I was supposed to be focused on, the holiest week of the year, and the most important and powerful celebration, Easter.
My heart was somewhere else. I was focused on what I was going through and some days it felt hard to express it all. My heart wasn't entirely focused on Jesus's death, suffering and rising. I was more focused on the great leaps of sin that I caused Christ and solely that pain rather than just as importantly focusing on His great desire and love for us. I had a direct view of Good Friday and it was more bitter, remorse and sad than focusing on the greatest depths of sacrifice and thirst to save us as well as pour out His love for us. This year, it has been a lot of focus and reflection on Christ's deep love for us and the sacrifice of dying on a cross for his beloved. It's not a week to take in lightly and I find each year to be different and each passage, character and Mass to showcase and represent something a little bit deeper.
The heart is something very intricate, real and powerful. In Arabic, the word is qalb. The book that I recently finished reading talked about this word, qalb in one of the chapters, and the differences in meaning and association compared with English. How interesting it is! From the book, "When I asked Google to switch qalb into English, I got heart, center, middle, transformation, conscience, core, marrow, pith, pulp, gist, essence, quintessence, topple, alter, flip, tip, overturn, reversal, overthrow, capsize, whimsical, capricious, convert, change, counterfeit...My own concept of heart did not include flip, capsize, or reverse. Our two cultures did not have the same idea of what was happening at the core of our beings...Whatever it was, qalb seemed more fluid and less constrained than anything I had imagined happening inside of me."
I think there is a lot of movement within our hearts and God taps into this control, yearning for our hearts to be closer to Him, strong, mighty, happy and full. But what happens when our hearts, our beings are not full of joy and radiating a sense of strength and contentment? Hindsight is 20 20, and the slumps that I was going through last year, the pain and even heartache was allowing God to enter into my being and my qalb that needed more, essentially needed His strength and love.
What can I say, life is always changing, progressing and transitioning, but Christ's love is there for us throughout each moment. I am very grateful to be on the other side of this slump, and uncertainty of where I am and how to play whatever role I'm supposed to be in well. My qalb is still beating, hoping, and it's been breathing and dancing way more than it did a year ago. I've been trying to allow some time taking in God's immense love especially during this time of reflection, prayer and preparation for Easter.
These photos remind me and produce vivid memories from Spring time/Easter 2017:
My heart was somewhere else. I was focused on what I was going through and some days it felt hard to express it all. My heart wasn't entirely focused on Jesus's death, suffering and rising. I was more focused on the great leaps of sin that I caused Christ and solely that pain rather than just as importantly focusing on His great desire and love for us. I had a direct view of Good Friday and it was more bitter, remorse and sad than focusing on the greatest depths of sacrifice and thirst to save us as well as pour out His love for us. This year, it has been a lot of focus and reflection on Christ's deep love for us and the sacrifice of dying on a cross for his beloved. It's not a week to take in lightly and I find each year to be different and each passage, character and Mass to showcase and represent something a little bit deeper.
The heart is something very intricate, real and powerful. In Arabic, the word is qalb. The book that I recently finished reading talked about this word, qalb in one of the chapters, and the differences in meaning and association compared with English. How interesting it is! From the book, "When I asked Google to switch qalb into English, I got heart, center, middle, transformation, conscience, core, marrow, pith, pulp, gist, essence, quintessence, topple, alter, flip, tip, overturn, reversal, overthrow, capsize, whimsical, capricious, convert, change, counterfeit...My own concept of heart did not include flip, capsize, or reverse. Our two cultures did not have the same idea of what was happening at the core of our beings...Whatever it was, qalb seemed more fluid and less constrained than anything I had imagined happening inside of me."
I think there is a lot of movement within our hearts and God taps into this control, yearning for our hearts to be closer to Him, strong, mighty, happy and full. But what happens when our hearts, our beings are not full of joy and radiating a sense of strength and contentment? Hindsight is 20 20, and the slumps that I was going through last year, the pain and even heartache was allowing God to enter into my being and my qalb that needed more, essentially needed His strength and love.
What can I say, life is always changing, progressing and transitioning, but Christ's love is there for us throughout each moment. I am very grateful to be on the other side of this slump, and uncertainty of where I am and how to play whatever role I'm supposed to be in well. My qalb is still beating, hoping, and it's been breathing and dancing way more than it did a year ago. I've been trying to allow some time taking in God's immense love especially during this time of reflection, prayer and preparation for Easter.
These photos remind me and produce vivid memories from Spring time/Easter 2017:
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| I love this pic! My dear sister and I love our books and things:) |
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| Taking in the most beautiful part of the day, on a street I came very familiar with. |
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| Surprised, and happy to be in Half Moon Bay |
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
A Sense of Comfort
I have known for a while that I am a comfort seeking person. I need comfort in my life to keep me unstressed, to know that everything will be okay, and to not loose my mental balance. Comfort in a listening ear, a reassuring word, a caring touch- these are some ways that comfort speaks to me and I'm sure many other people as well. But comfort shows up and speaks to me in other ways as well, perhaps even at a deeper and connecting type of way.
Just recently, I was thinking this whole comfort thing over and began to see a couple of different things that connected with me and helped reaffirm that I need things, ideas or people that I can connect with on a deeper level that give me this 'comfort.'
I read a book by an awesome priest writer, and this book was more like a journal. It had the day of the week and the date and a long or semi-short synopsis of his feelings, thoughts, observations like prayer words and thoughts that all spiraled and formed this book. This was the third spiritual reading book I have read by him, and I was impressed by his ways with words, descriptions of interior life whether that be issues, resolutions or a mix. Gliding through his entries made me feel more connected with myself since I know that I could connect with how described various things, and it consoled me and gave me a sense of comfort.
Yesterday, I was going through a new and favorite art and spiritual book I received from Christmas from my dear sister. It has beautiful pictures, paintings, reflections and psalms and the book is divided into the four seasons. I want to know, reflect upon and memorize more psalms and so I have been taking notes on the psalms listed. This book, its many artistic facets is inspiring and comforting to me, and helps me connect deeper with my faith.
Although I'm not a big bake lover, I enjoy watching others bake and the process, the art, the messiness, and the preciseness of it all. I wouldn't consider myself a great baker (yet). I quadruple check the ingredient servings, I shake while measuring salt, any sweet liquids and I'm as slow as a turtle. Maybe that's why I thoroughly enjoy watching the Great British Baking Show. Viewing bakers from all backgrounds who are British and see them in this non competitive like competition. The show is now down to the final three, and I've had my favorite ever since the beginning of the episode. I sensed that I could connect with her. Her demeanor, and personality made me not feel so alone in that I too could be like that- seem more shy or quiet or even hard on myself, to be fearless and believe in yourself.
I find this talented baker, Ruby to keep things interesting; she really just knows how to be herself. Even when things weren't going her way, she would admit it and try to appear calm and even if her result didn't look the best, she made it become the best since she made it her own. She is usually or almost always hard on herself and sometimes even surprises herself when she did a lot better than she thought and smiles big. I've been rooting for her to win and didn't want her to get off. Ruby gave me comfort with myself to keep pursuing my passions even if it's hard or I don't see any progress. It's inspiring to see her come this far and prove her talent on this baking show.
Candy is one of my students. Her personality can be bold, silly, loud, hardworking and attentive. Her English name is Candy and I can connect with her name because I like eating sweets. I enjoy teaching her English and being in her presence because she is naturally an interesting person. She can be high energy at times and go on tangents and she can also be really engaged and enjoy my lessons. She also loves to read and appears to be the non-conventional type. She'd rather read a book in her room than go to a Middle School dance. She likes to learn and has ambition to open her own business when she is older. Her Chinese name was the same as my Chinese name when I was in College and minoring in Chinese language. I know it's still a part of me because when her Mom calls her name, Menglin then I also look but soon realize she's no talking to me. I am not super neat or organized with my notes and lesson assignments, and she too finds random and out of order pages to take notes in her notebook. I feel a sense of comfort and reassurance about myself every time I am with Candy.
Friday, February 2, 2018
Lessons Tied Up in Bow
"Your greatest lessons in faith are often learned in the dark." This was the my spiritual quote of the day from yesterday that I read each day, and try to think about more in reflection. It got me thinking about all the times I spent alone in college and how they all felt lonely, painfully so. I felt in the dark, not sure where to go to feel more part of my college campus, more tied to the people, campus events or clubs. Or perhaps my major or minor which were incredibly small and difficult to create connections in. Yep, another day that I was alone, and headed again to the library to read my book, study language, and talk with my sister~ really anything that gave me some sort of energy or inspiration while inside my disconnected cocoon or library cubby.
I really did feel in the dark, not sure where to turn to make my situation and the perspective behind my situation better and so gloomy. I put myself out there in ways that were a little at a time, going to a Student Government Event, trying out the Newman Center, and the Toast Masters club. Even if I felt like I didn't succeed in these things because I wasn't receiving the results I had hoped I would, in hindsight, I feel that I did at least try and make an effort. I could have done more if I was brave enough, and stepped another ring outside my comfort circle, but I at least tested the waters.
My lessons that I learned in the moment were fuzzy and gray, and it was difficult to keep up hope. To me it was all trial and error over and over again. I felt like I had a 0% success rate. But again, looking back I think I really only succeeded because it made me stronger and learn how to persevere.
Last Spring, I read a really cool book about the Olympic Gold Medalist swimmer, Missy Franklin, written by her. There was a quote that I had to write down because it connected with me so much at the time and helped me with faith and seeking the good even in times of hardships and trials. "I am so happy you are going through such a challenging time, because that means God is going to do incredible things in your life, and he is working through you right now, in ways you cannot yet know." This was said by a man on a plane seated next to her after they had been talking. I resonated with this, and it gave me divine hope!
Another quote that awakened my memory of my trials that started to shine bright, positive light on them was a quote from a blogger and/artist whom I admire. "So much of what I share here was learned through seasons never affirmed by social media and joys and tears no one ever saw through little squares. The truths we learn in secret will ultimately speak the loudest in public. Our stories are written in the mystery of God's faithful timing." I could deeply connect with what was voiced here. There were so many tears, frustrations, and uncertainties that pinned me down and got me down, and how much I have learned and gained from it all!
And finally, another quote from a favorite YouTube women empower-er speaker that also hit home for me. "I've heard many times about how God is always with me, but for some reason when she said this it stuck in college when I was painfully lonely...all the times where I just wanted someone to acknowledge my existence, to be important to someone, anyone. And it really is an incredible thing-God was always there. There has not been a moment when He has taken his gaze off me. God is right there with you. He is paying attention to you, noticing your every movement, walking with you whether you are in a season of painful loneliness or incredible joy. You are not alone. You are never alone."
Wow, all the days and times when I felt sooo alone and really just needed some consolation, connection, something , and I had it all with me since God has never left me, and was with me in all those times. All those times, and he continues to still be there for me. What a great lesson.
I really did feel in the dark, not sure where to turn to make my situation and the perspective behind my situation better and so gloomy. I put myself out there in ways that were a little at a time, going to a Student Government Event, trying out the Newman Center, and the Toast Masters club. Even if I felt like I didn't succeed in these things because I wasn't receiving the results I had hoped I would, in hindsight, I feel that I did at least try and make an effort. I could have done more if I was brave enough, and stepped another ring outside my comfort circle, but I at least tested the waters.
Last Spring, I read a really cool book about the Olympic Gold Medalist swimmer, Missy Franklin, written by her. There was a quote that I had to write down because it connected with me so much at the time and helped me with faith and seeking the good even in times of hardships and trials. "I am so happy you are going through such a challenging time, because that means God is going to do incredible things in your life, and he is working through you right now, in ways you cannot yet know." This was said by a man on a plane seated next to her after they had been talking. I resonated with this, and it gave me divine hope!
Another quote that awakened my memory of my trials that started to shine bright, positive light on them was a quote from a blogger and/artist whom I admire. "So much of what I share here was learned through seasons never affirmed by social media and joys and tears no one ever saw through little squares. The truths we learn in secret will ultimately speak the loudest in public. Our stories are written in the mystery of God's faithful timing." I could deeply connect with what was voiced here. There were so many tears, frustrations, and uncertainties that pinned me down and got me down, and how much I have learned and gained from it all!
And finally, another quote from a favorite YouTube women empower-er speaker that also hit home for me. "I've heard many times about how God is always with me, but for some reason when she said this it stuck in college when I was painfully lonely...all the times where I just wanted someone to acknowledge my existence, to be important to someone, anyone. And it really is an incredible thing-God was always there. There has not been a moment when He has taken his gaze off me. God is right there with you. He is paying attention to you, noticing your every movement, walking with you whether you are in a season of painful loneliness or incredible joy. You are not alone. You are never alone."
Wow, all the days and times when I felt sooo alone and really just needed some consolation, connection, something , and I had it all with me since God has never left me, and was with me in all those times. All those times, and he continues to still be there for me. What a great lesson.
Monday, January 22, 2018
Making Patterns
This picture was taken a year ago. I started my Arabic course a year ago, and it's funny and weird to reflect upon this 365 days later. I haven't been at this particular Starbucks since but I have had my share of good, productive and inspiring times at other Starbucks locations. I've learned in ways that were not solely academic, and were definitely far from fun or easy in 2017.
In this picture, I am studying for a Social Justice Philosophy class, and getting mentally ready for my first day of Arabic class. I went to a yarn shop that day with my mom, and the lady who owns the shop and who we were talking with had a couple of different pieces of knits on her and around her neck. I didn't knit at all last year, and have only just recently picked it up again. It feels nice to make progress and visually see and touch the yarn and the needles as they glide together and form pretty patterns. Language isn't like that. It's difficult to see the progress and visualize all the steps I'm making. But in the end, it is like knitting because it does make beautiful sounds and can form beautiful meanings that are woven in with the sounds and words. I couldn't see the progress I was making internally, only God could.
I was so over being a student last year, and starting up again this month with classes and homework and passing interactions, I don't see it as bad as I once did. I thought I would miss my volunteer experience terribly because I am now going to school 4 days a week. However, I'm surprised to spell it out that this is not the case. I've learned over time that adaptability is one of my strengths, and when I'm in a certain environment I hone in on it, and everything seems to be focused on the environment that I am in, and it becomes fuzzy thinking about another.
Although it's been 365 days, there have been many notes taken, miles driven, mochas and lattes sipped, books read and many other activities and events. A year ago isn't so fuzzy to me now, it's actually fairly clear. 2018 has been very good so far, and I'm grateful it hasn't been as emotionally draining so far either. I'm glad I'm taking up knitting again and continuing on with Arabic at my own speed and style. I think I've learned patterns for both, and how vocabulary builds upon vocabulary and yarn upon yarn. I've followed a pattern whenever I've needed a dose of inspiration, I can always get it from a coffee shop and spill into what I'm doing. Cheers to a new year, with new ideas and a bright hope!
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Following Another Way
As this year of 2017 comes to a close, I can't help but reflect upon it and recall the blessings, the very real challenges and all the growing pains involved with it. I have very special memories from last year's New Years Eve. I was on a road trip with my dear sister and brother-in-law to see some of the missions. It was a needed break from the busyness of Christmas and also a nice way to spend the end of the year and the start of a new one.
While on my walk/run this afternoon, I couldn't help but put the words of Shania Twain's oldie song 'Gonna Getcha Good' into a like metaphor of my own experience. She eagerly declares, 'Don't wantcha for the weekend, don't wantcha for a night, I'm only interested if I can have you for life.' I remember feeling strongly this way to a certain degree about our local mailman, and just craving a connection with someone and so I moved towards the USPS carrier's way and very much hoped something could be made of it. Nothing did, and the attachment of it all was very hard and letting go of what I wanted and had made up in my head wasn't easy at all.
These same lyrics from Shania also reminded me of God's own desire of pursuing us, and wanting us to develop a closer relationship with him. He doesn't just want us for a night, or a weekend, but for life. He is the one who is eager to 'get us while he's got us in sight, and if it takes all night..'
I enjoyed being in Santa Barbara last year on NYE and eating at a Thai restaurant, and contemplating the year and excited to see what's ahead. I'm glad that I can just relax and be at home this year, and reflect on this full year- so much happened, and in the end it's all a blessing. God has a great plan for us in 2018, and as Shania says as clear as day, 'I've already planned it-here's how it's gonna be..'
Happy New Year!!:):)
Friday, December 15, 2017
Winter Inspiration
Finding the FA LA LA LA this time of year a year ago wasn't easy. The joy of Advent and peace of preparing for Christmas was not present in me and it was very difficult to conquer. The Winter blues had hit hard and they weren't going away. My memory of good times and extreme hard ones don't seem to fade away easily, so I'm left with reflection and learning more about myself through the past.
A year ago, I had cried myself to sleep, angry, frustrated and feeling a lack of hope with not having what I needed and so desperately going back to it and asking God and craving it like a child would crave a chocolate bar or something like that. I woke up the next morning with heavy and puffy eyelids, still sad and frustrated, yet trying to pave the way for the silver lining. I had a chiropractor appointment that morning and I wasn't thoroughly looking forward to it, mainly because it was not the best day for it- emotionally and mentally speaking. Rushing out the door, trying to look like I hadn't cried so hard less than 12 hrs ago wasn't very successful, but I went anyways and trying not to let it matter to me so much.
If you're anything like me, I really dislike doctor offices, and anything medical really and also anything I have to fill out a lot of paper work for( hence medical). Being 24 was a very rough age for me, and this just reconfirmed that. Not knowing my place in the world, yet, still a student, but not knowing what the next step will be...all very challenging and scary things and also all very solo figuring out. The receptionist lady who looked about my age or younger asked if I was happy it was Friday. In all honesty, it didn't really matter to me since I wasn't working a full time job, and just finished finals and figuring out my emotions, life and such.
The doctor who saw me asked me some questions regarding my back and did some tests. I got some cracks out in my neck and back, my neck especially. I wasn't inclined to go back though, I felt I could figure out other solutions for my back, and felt rather uncomfortable with the whole set up of the place, and the puffy eyes, sweaty shirt and messy hair didn't help much either. I was told at the end that my mascara smeared and black stuff was under my eyes, which made me feel like a 6 year old, and questioning why I put on the non water proof mascara this time.
What cheered me up was the new movie that has just come out and my mom and I were going to see. La La Land had gotten great reviews and I was excited to see it. From the excerpt, it sounded like it had a mix of classic old times and modern and hip vibes. I really enjoyed the movie, the score, the acting, the story line, all the bright colors and all the dance moves. It was creative, classy and original which is super hard to find these days in the movie world.
My FA LA LA LA was found in the film, La La Land. My inspiration was tuned into Emma Stone's quirky character and witty remarks and Ryan Gosling's piano playing and smooth dance moves. The film had lifted my spirits enough to feel hope, and comfort through what I was going through then.
December was a hard and emotional month last year, and so were the months to come. It felt like the pain lingered on with Winter. The bare trees were symbolic for the internal desert that resided within me. Looking back, it's very interesting to recall all of these feelings, emotions and memories. I can feel and see how much I've grown with suffering times that seemed to have no expiration date or even at times no reason, the tears would just come without notice.
In contrast, this Advent season has been a nice one in the sense of no heavy tears, or aching internal or spiritual pain. I can appreciate even more because I know what I had to go through to where I am now. God works like that at times. Allowing our hardships and defeats shape us into our better selves but also keep us seeking Him and to keep on trusting Him no matter what. It's almost like a testimony of our Faith, and at times all we really have to hold on to. This is what I was reminded of from reading a prayer excerpt in the Magnificat today, and it made me think and reflect upon my experiences.
I feel that this year, I can express more of the joy and hope that Advent and the special season of Christmas bring. The simplicity, the prayer reflections, being more intentional with my time, and really valuing and appreciating this Christmas season as something to be cherished, and treasured. I would say that there is no barren desert that is bleak and dreary anymore like there was before. Christ is coming, and He will take care of the rest. He is the joy, the hope, and all of the FA LA LA LA's. Although I would love to see La La Land again, I know what I need way more than a clever and entertaining movie to set my mood right and attempting to lift my spirits will never compare to what Jesus can do, for He is the star, the light and the show.
A year ago, I had cried myself to sleep, angry, frustrated and feeling a lack of hope with not having what I needed and so desperately going back to it and asking God and craving it like a child would crave a chocolate bar or something like that. I woke up the next morning with heavy and puffy eyelids, still sad and frustrated, yet trying to pave the way for the silver lining. I had a chiropractor appointment that morning and I wasn't thoroughly looking forward to it, mainly because it was not the best day for it- emotionally and mentally speaking. Rushing out the door, trying to look like I hadn't cried so hard less than 12 hrs ago wasn't very successful, but I went anyways and trying not to let it matter to me so much.
If you're anything like me, I really dislike doctor offices, and anything medical really and also anything I have to fill out a lot of paper work for( hence medical). Being 24 was a very rough age for me, and this just reconfirmed that. Not knowing my place in the world, yet, still a student, but not knowing what the next step will be...all very challenging and scary things and also all very solo figuring out. The receptionist lady who looked about my age or younger asked if I was happy it was Friday. In all honesty, it didn't really matter to me since I wasn't working a full time job, and just finished finals and figuring out my emotions, life and such.
The doctor who saw me asked me some questions regarding my back and did some tests. I got some cracks out in my neck and back, my neck especially. I wasn't inclined to go back though, I felt I could figure out other solutions for my back, and felt rather uncomfortable with the whole set up of the place, and the puffy eyes, sweaty shirt and messy hair didn't help much either. I was told at the end that my mascara smeared and black stuff was under my eyes, which made me feel like a 6 year old, and questioning why I put on the non water proof mascara this time.
What cheered me up was the new movie that has just come out and my mom and I were going to see. La La Land had gotten great reviews and I was excited to see it. From the excerpt, it sounded like it had a mix of classic old times and modern and hip vibes. I really enjoyed the movie, the score, the acting, the story line, all the bright colors and all the dance moves. It was creative, classy and original which is super hard to find these days in the movie world.
My FA LA LA LA was found in the film, La La Land. My inspiration was tuned into Emma Stone's quirky character and witty remarks and Ryan Gosling's piano playing and smooth dance moves. The film had lifted my spirits enough to feel hope, and comfort through what I was going through then.
December was a hard and emotional month last year, and so were the months to come. It felt like the pain lingered on with Winter. The bare trees were symbolic for the internal desert that resided within me. Looking back, it's very interesting to recall all of these feelings, emotions and memories. I can feel and see how much I've grown with suffering times that seemed to have no expiration date or even at times no reason, the tears would just come without notice.
In contrast, this Advent season has been a nice one in the sense of no heavy tears, or aching internal or spiritual pain. I can appreciate even more because I know what I had to go through to where I am now. God works like that at times. Allowing our hardships and defeats shape us into our better selves but also keep us seeking Him and to keep on trusting Him no matter what. It's almost like a testimony of our Faith, and at times all we really have to hold on to. This is what I was reminded of from reading a prayer excerpt in the Magnificat today, and it made me think and reflect upon my experiences.
I feel that this year, I can express more of the joy and hope that Advent and the special season of Christmas bring. The simplicity, the prayer reflections, being more intentional with my time, and really valuing and appreciating this Christmas season as something to be cherished, and treasured. I would say that there is no barren desert that is bleak and dreary anymore like there was before. Christ is coming, and He will take care of the rest. He is the joy, the hope, and all of the FA LA LA LA's. Although I would love to see La La Land again, I know what I need way more than a clever and entertaining movie to set my mood right and attempting to lift my spirits will never compare to what Jesus can do, for He is the star, the light and the show.
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Looking back is an interesting experience. It stirs upon deep feelings of sometimes nostalgia and memories of God's hand and grace at w... -
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