Thank you, Stress

Stress. We all experience because it's part of life. But there are different kinds of stress, eustress and distress. The first kind is the good kind and it makes us alive and able to keep on living. I felt stressed after a busy week of various things going on. My mind felt like it was racing and like I was on a roller coaster with timing and deadlines floundering in my head. I decided for yesterday to be low key and relaxing with very few commitments and places to go. Being at home re energizes me  and gives me space to relax and process things.

I decided to go on a  run and being in nature since that always uplifts the spirit, mind and soul. After a nice run, I just wanted to sit on the grass and watch the clouds pass by and be more aware of my beautiful surroundings. The trees are slightly fading into oranges and reds and the coolness of the air tastes like pumpkin spice and autumn looming around the corner. I could finally breathe deeply and literally take in the beauty of nature and 'smell the roses' as they say.

I watched a video from Fr. Mike Schmitz about how stress is actually good for us because it keeps us energized and alive. Stress is something that we should challenge on instead of trying to avoid he says, instead of just trying to get something done and over with. That's how I've been feeling lately and how I've been handling stress for the most part. Stress is good for us and it's a natural part of life.

I remember a year ago today attempting at going on a faraway hike with my sister and meeting up with another group there. We didn't manage to make it to the hike because we were seriously lost, frustrated, tired, and dare I say stressed. We arrived safely home after a disappointing turn of events and then decided to go back in nature on a local hike to calm the air and the fumes.

In the car, trying to figure out how to get home. Frustration, as well as laughs while eating our bagged lunch at a gas station.

On a relaxing, local walk :)

Here are some pictures from this week that lifted my spirit and energized my creative soul.

At my alma mater, and the place I would always go- the library!

I have learned that stress is quite needed and should be looked upon with gratitude, excitement and energy. Stress makes life interesting, I guess. So thank you, stress!

The Beauty of the Veil

I have been contemplating the mystery as well as the beauty of being hidden. Some of the most beautiful summer nights are when the bugs and crickets are hidden yet still make their joyous sound to be reminded of the glorious summer day that was lived. I wouldn't necessarily want to see the crickets in the day time. Perhaps it's better that way since we can enjoy their notes and the beauty of their prime season when the curtains have fallen for the day. Their state of being visibly hidden makes them beautiful and appreciated.


I went to adoration earlier this week. I wanted to sit and pray quietly and reflect upon some things that were going through my mind and heart. At first, I was the only one there in the chapel and it was nice, prayerful, peaceful. I felt that I really needed that time because I did not fully feel at peace after coming from one of my classes. I needed to sit and rest with God and contemplate. The Eucharist was exposed and not kept securely in the tabernacle but I was not aware since there was a covering like curtain over the monstrance where the Eucharist is placed during exposition of the Blessed Sacrament. I only realized this once the person who is in charge of taking the host out of the tabernacle or unveils the host in the monstrance came into the chapel. Jesus was right in front of me and I wasn't aware of His presence until the person drew back the curtain.

It dawned on me that this is what it means to have faith and what Jesus is wanting and asking of us when we are in His divine presence, in front of the Eucharist. The Eucharist is merely a veil of His presence, a meek and humble hidden appearance of bread so He does not blind or scare us of His divine light.  But regardless, He is there. The humble and gentle heart of Jesus makes it so that we can come to Him and welcome us into His loving embrace. This hidden appearance is inviting and it is beautiful.

The late, green summer leaves are slowly turning and changing into their next state of oranges, browns, yellows and reds. Some trees leaves still remain green and intact during the cusp of Autumn, and their beauty and the next season of their life is still hidden, and unfolding. Their last season of growth, marvel and wonder is underway before they all crash to the floor to kiss the icy ground. The hidden beauty of Fall is approaching and slowly unfolding. It is here. I can draw back the curtain.

Looking at 50

I have accomplished one of my goals for this year. Some people encouraged and inspired me through it, while one or more made fun of me for it or thought it was weird. I chose to listen to the positive majority.

The goal was to read 50 books. But just because I can cross it off doesn't mean I'm done for the year. I'm still going to keep on reading and learning, and in the  meantime cross off other goals and challenges I made for this year. I think the sparkle of the Autumn sun and the beautiful shades of the leaves distract us from the near future of the holiday season and the end of the year. I'm just trying to enjoy this season, my favorite season that brings along comfort, food, family time, slower rays and pumpkins and a time to process and reflect more. And of course these days bring about more time to stay inside and enjoy a good book.

I've learned through reading more that I'm more productive and have more creativity and inspiration. I encompass another world that brings about ideas, characters and story lines that I couldn't have imagined or created in my own. I also notice that reading (good) books enhances interesting conversations and helps with conversation starters. Reading has kept up my interests and passions and has allowed me to bring them everywhere I go (I always bring a book with me in case I have time to kill). Ultimately, I have learned a lot about various topics, people and ideas that have become important and of interest to me. Though the value isn't so much of the quantity of books, but rather the quality. Reading inspires, uplifts and energizes me. I hope to continue to read inspirational and thought provoking, turn pager books throughout this Fall.

Fall Lights

This cute and fun piece of wrapping paper brings back a lot of memories. It's from my sister's birthday last year and when I saw her unwrapping a gift, I wanted to keep it. I decided to paste it onto the front cover of my new notebook (as of last year) that is a different shade of green of which I can't think of the name for right now. I was reminded of this when I opened this notebook recently, and use it fairly often to jot down notes, thoughts, ideas and the like. These party zebras brought me back to a time and place last year that is very vivid, and distinct, yet a place that I am no longer in.

Early September and the rest of Fall last year was an interesting time. I was trying to adjust to all the changes in my job but felt the severity of sinking rather than swimming. On the contrary, I was living up the excitement of postgrad and finally felt the weight of it all lifted, as well as behind me. My tutoring freelance was starting to evolve more after a slow spring season and everything seemed just right. I made my schedule filled with variety and I was enjoying every moment of it. My runs were filled with energy and enthusiasm, and that compelled me to have the same feelings for Fall and cornflakes leaves scattered over the ground (which I often take pictures of). This energy made me eager to continue on learning regardless of being a non student, and I was proud to say I wasn't to those I volunteered with to serve local seniors their meals. This motivation reached to a point of interest to learn more about the Holy Land and Israel, and my desire to travel there one day strengthened more. I decided to continue studying Arabic on my own and to help teach myself as well as others, I made videos of myself teaching Arabic. This has helped me to continue to stay inspired and challenged throughout this year too.

All in all, I have very fond, personal and lovely memories of this time of year last year. I'm not sure what this year will bring, but I want to savor and appreciate it for what it is. It's a special, unique and personal time that needs to be lived and embraced. Maybe the zebras with the party hats can help lighten the mood, and God will take the lead.

Summer Hush

The crickets are still chirping in the evenings and the leaves still announce their summer green, but the days are becoming shorter and the sunlight dwindles faster. These are the days of Fall transformation when the sun doesn't feel as bright and the air feels cooler. I've always looked forward to Autumn but part of me doesn't want Summer to end. I love Summer evenings, and the slow pace of time, the air feels light like sifted cream. To prepare me for Fall I want to make a list of things to do and look forward to. It feels fast approaching, and holding on to these Summer days will soon be out of my reach. I still have some things on my Summer list that I want to cross off. This season has whizzed by, but I am grateful for all that has happened, and look forward to what's ahead!

A Spiritual Gain

Finding something that inspires you and ignites the spirit is a profound moment. A few short weeks ago, I had made an Arabic language video. I was having fun with it and didn't care too much about the mistakes that I was making. One of the first mistakes was my CD player causing a couple of books to fall at once. This lead to a large noise and made these books from my bookshelf fall behind it. I forgot about these books and they were soon starting to be speckled in dust. I came across one of them the other week, and I was so grateful I did. I can't believe I actually forgot about it or missed it. 

This book is an older spiritual book, and it explains the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist and the benefits of this wonderful sacrament. I feel that this little red book has taught me more about my faith in a much deeper way than I have encountered before. 

I am surprised that I didn't notice this book in my bookshelf before it fell. Through my video(s), I have learned and become more comfortable with just being myself with or without mistakes, and practicing and progressing in Arabic. I feel also that this spiritual book has provided a lot to me as well, and am grateful that I made a mistake on my video so that I could find and be more aware of this treasured book. 

An Introvert's World

The chitter chatter, words spilling out going there and coming here, testing if it will be perceived well or not.  What a lot to take in as an introvert. Sometimes I don't realize how sensitive I am until after the fact. Last night, there was a social at my house. In the beginning, I wasn't looking forward to it and only wanted to hide in my introvert- creative place and not be forced into small talk. But as the days got closer, I began to warm up to the idea of being more invested with this young adult social/bonfire night. I actually became so invested that I started thinking of ways to add detailed touches. I had a fun time creating a welcome art sign in different languages on the front door. I created a 40 something song playlist to play throughout the night of various high and low beats, indie and soul alike that spoke to my personality and feelings of summer. I made a baklava dish and I think now I have perfected it. Now I know to drizzle oodles of honey on top instead of making a lemon syrup since I like the taste of the former better. I set up the outside and made the table look more detailed with plants, some candles, a few rosaries and a Our Lady of Guadalupe picture for added effect of a rosary night.

As a melancholy introvert, I deeply enjoy heart filled conversations that are fluid and jump over the small talk by a landslide. However, I didn't receive much of this tall hope last night, and to me if I don't receive this in a certain amount, I become unstimulated and dare I say bored. Watching the fire was entertaining, but doesn't compare to a human interaction, but thanks for the heat, fire.

What I came upon reflection from all of this was that I can do socials but it depends on the interactions because quality always trumps quantity in my book. I learned that I can enjoy preparing and planning an event but I need to be intrinsically motivated and add my own personal touches, personality and flair to it or else I wont want anything to associate with it. If I can personalize something and have a vision for it then I can mentally prepare myself for the social event. I may or may not have had a good time, but at least I made an effort and added touches and subtleties that lifted my spirit and my creative energy even if I wasn't feeling it prior.

Tonight is exactly opposite of last. I am here by myself and soaking in the soft twilight summer air, the quietness and the space that I can call my own. No side conversations, entertaining with fire to feel the mood, or chitter chatter that lingers like the embers. I will enjoy the quiet peace tonight.

Coffee Inspired

It just so happened that as I took my seat at my preferred, cozy Starbucks my dear sister texted me saying that she had just left to go to a Starbucks close to her neck of the woods. Slightly amazed that we both set out to do the same thing at precisely the same time~ soak in the ambiance of our favorite coffee shop and simmer in the inspiration much needed. The smell of caramel coffee beans and others alike, the low dim lighting and the chitter chatter of alluring conversations or far from it, and the pitter patter of instant customers coming in, craving for a personalized cup.

Starbucks puts me in the mood to become inspired and motivated. I always remember to bring my notebook where I jot down ideas, goals, quotes, thoughts and challenges that need to be written down or else they will be lost in my intricate and messy, free flowing mind. There is a large possibility that it could be lost and not retrieved again. This coffee shop's space makes my thoughts more organized since its opposite of how my mind can store information; I need a clean and uncluttered space to dish out organized content.

 I've just recently started a book about the Starbucks Coffee Company and how it made its turn around when it wasn't doing so well, and the means in which Howard Schultz made the pause and rewind for the flowing and successful company possible for its even greater achievements. In the book it says, "Starbucks, a social yet personal environment between one's house and job, where people can connect with others and reconnect with themselves" (Schultz, pg.13).

In the Fall, I used to keep the statement brown coffee holders whenever one purchases a hot drink. I would put the date when I purchased a drink and went to Starbucks. I would stuff it in my purse. I think it was supposed to be some way of showing myself how often I went to Starbucks (on gift cards, of course!) but soon realized I didn't want to keep all the brown cardboard coffee holders anyway. A few months ago cleaning out my wallet from mostly stuffed receipts, I came to find that a majority of them were from Starbucks. I gazed at the dates and locations and I could retrieve the memories associated with them. Who knew that little pieces of paper could portray memories of good conversation, semi- productive reading and work to do, and gathering good tunes from the coffee shops's play list. :)

There have also been times where language has been an interesting topic. Last year on the 4th of July while listening to patriotic music on the speakers and studying Arabic, an Israeli family came up to me noticing my Arabic book and was intrigued that I was studying their language. Another time, a young Indian man saw my Hindi language book and was interested that I was studying Hindi and stating that Hindi movies are the best. And lots of other times, I've heard conversations in Chinese, listening closely for familiar words.

On a older post from a year in a half ago, I wrote about experiencing the ambiance of a coffee shop, primarily Starbucks, titled 'What Happens in a Coffee Shop' https://samakti.blogspot.com/2016/12/what-happens-in-coffee-shop.html I still concur.

While in Vancouver, there were an exceedingly amount of Starbucks, practically on every corner. It wasn't hard to notice how much the British Colombians love their coffee. Also realizing that the border from BC to Seattle is a close coffee neighbor. The next time I go to Starbucks will most likely be in the near future, and I will sip my white chocolate mocha drink or something else, write, look out the window and keep reading about the Starbucks Coffee Company among other things.

The 25 List

  I've been contemplating turning 26 soon and what I've put on my list for 25. A day before I turned  25 last year I wrote down 25 things I wanted to do throughout the year. I thought of some new and fun things I wanted to do and accomplish. I didn't do all 25, but wanted to share the few that I did.

Number 4 on my list was to write a sequel to my short story that I wrote back in March 2017 called Noor's Spring. I had a a lot of fun writing that story and felt that everything came together quickly yet it was challenging and slow to continue writing a sequel or anything creative really. In the recent few weeks, I have created a sequel to the story and although it's not finished yet I plan to finish it soon. :)

Number 5 on my list was to sew a skirt. I didn't sew a skirt but I did learn how to sew a shirt!

Number 8 on my list was make baklava. Baklava is a Greek/Middle Eastern dessert that is sweet and crunchy. The first time I tried baklava was in the 6th grade when my American Iraqi classmate made it for the class; I've never forgot it since. Every time I look in a Middle Eastern cookbook I want to see if there is a recipe for it. Fortunately, one of the cookbooks I own had a recipe for this sickly sweet dessert. The first time I made it was at my brother's place. It was cool because we were both learning as we went, figuring out how it was supposed to be made and look like. We enjoyed our hard work after. :) The second time I made it was much easier and I avoided the mistakes I made the first time. I've learned the recipe is just one way to make it since there are other versions of it. I only want to keep learning and getting better with this kind of cuisine.

Number 9 on my list was to study for the CBEST and take it. I am proud to say that I began studying for this test soon after graduation, and took studying more seriously a few months later with a strict schedule and try to really understand the concepts. I took just the math portion and though didn't pass it on the first try, I am motivated and readying to continue studying again and see how I do.

The street facing the High school where I took the test. It was a relief to finish with the nice view and a day trip with my dear sister. 

Number 10 on the list was to read the Bible and spiritual book in the morning. Before last summer when I would wake up I would say a few prayers but not spend much time processing things and taking things into prayer in the morning. I've never been much of a morning person but decided to give more time in the morning for spiritual reading. I've definitely noticed the difference ever since I've begun more of a morning prayer routine. It's more about being intentional and taking some time to read scripture or any spiritual book, reflect upon it instead of rushing to start the day without much of a thought or a thank you to God.

Number 15 on the list was to create a shirt online. I've wanted to do this for sometime. I'm not sure why but creating my own shirt sounded fun and cool to wear something original. I was inspired reading the book 'The book of Joy' and while reading a quick note hit me and I had to write it down. "Humility is essential to any possibility of joy." And "The word humility comes from the Latin word for earth or soil, humus. Humility literally brings us back down to earth." And my own notes in my notebook, "Humus is the root word for humility, which is also similar to the word human. And hummus is the yummy Middle Eastern dip. Although the words look similar, could they also be in relation with one another?"

Number 16 on my list was to cook a Jacques Pepin recipe. This was a challenge for me to create because he is known for more elaborate and gourmet French cooking. He's enjoyable to watch on TV and makes everything look so easy. Just the other night I decided to make a dish that I've seen him make and I had the recipe in his cookbook. The recipe is called Corn Fritters and they always looked so good when he made them. I'm glad I tried out one of his recipes.

Number 17 was Read 5 classics. I felt that I technically read 5 classics this 25th year. They include 'The Great Divorce', 'Their Eyes Were Watching God', 'To Kill a Mockingbird', 'Man's Search for Meaning' and 'Sophie Scholl and the White Rose'.

I'm glad I created this 25 list to look back on and did a few things on it. I'm not sure if I'll create one for turning 26. I feel that seeing where this next year leads would also be just as exciting. Cheers!

Things I Have Taken With Me

Students, noise, discipline, quotes. This was my life a year ago, adjusting and transitioning to working at an after school program/summer camp and saying farewell to life as a college student. I had to learn quickly how to lead a classroom full of 5th graders, and literally switch my thinking from student to teacher. It was an exciting adjustment, but it was a challenging and exhausting one as well. I was happy to be busy working and be around various people and students, and see where my life was headed next come post grad. On my graduation day there were tears of joy and relief due to all the struggle and deep suffering bottled up for 3 years.

A year later, I am teaching students but I don't have to keep relearning their names. I have the privilege of learning about them on a more individual and personal basis, and I get to decide what will brought to the lessons and what will be learned. While I was in that crowded, noisy classroom a year ago, to keep me inspired and sane, I wrote a quote on the board each day. This quote was by someone famous or well known and if my students didn't know who the person was or what they were known for, I would tell them. I would also give them points for participating and telling what the quote meant to them. Some of the authors of the quotes included, Julia Child, Marcus Sameulsson, Albert Einstein, Indira Gandhi, Walt Disney, Elon Musk, Mahatma Gandhi, Matthew Youlden, Eleanor Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln among others. After many academic quarters at University of thinking to myself and learning solo, I had a burst of knowledge and inspiration to share with my students.

There are some things that I have taken from that special, delicate, challenging, enriching, busy and growing experience that were seeped in those walls, and in the loud and quiet voices of my former students. I took with me the power of fortitude, knowing myself and knowing when enough is enough. I took with me a white board that has carried over with me in my lessons now. I have taken with me inspiration, new ideas and a closer look into the classroom. I have taken with me memories of those hot summer days, the lining up, the role playing of teacher and juggling various things at once, the kind words and gestures from my students, the very hard, annoying and exhausting days that made me burn not so much from the heat but from the grind of the work. I breathe a sigh of relief that I made it through a year of post grad, and the experiences of last summer and that I'm in another place because I was there first.

A World Map Means A Lot

On my way to British Columbia, I was interested in looking at a world map from a magazine on the plane and all its complexities, intricacies and dimensions. I love learning about different countries and cultures and seeing it all visually. I have been teaching and informing my students about various countries and continents and the interesting facts and information that go along with it. I am happy and grateful to showcase one of my passions in my tutoring sessions.

One of my personal goals was to memorize a world map, and try my best first to label what I already know. I think I got a good amount accurate more or less, but I obviously need more practice with South East Asia, South America and Africa. :)

Labeling an unlabeled map, I realize how large Canada really is. After traveling to Vancouver, I was able to see what it's really like. The natural beauty, the greenery, the majestic mountains, the city life, and the peaceful waters. How grateful I am to experience another part of North America, a place I've been interested in seeing for some time. Traveling gives you another perspective, outlook, and appreciation regarding the place you're visiting as well as back home. I'm happy to be back home, but I very much enjoyed Vancouver, British Columbia. My unique bracelet and some sea shells from this beach bring me back and make me appreciative and thankful.