A Cacti Full of Contrasts

 Rain came down. Then hail. It was stuck to my running jacket like cotton balls, ice, chill, winter. Such a contrast from this weekend in Arizona. Heat, intense, summer. Glowing sun, dry desert terrain, cacti rooted in the ground, orange rock formations plastered against the saturated blue sky.

 It was a whirlwind, busy weekend. Something I've never experienced, the fast-paced plans, the night life, the social, talking and groups. A fancy, trendy time, an extroverted experience, an exciting time, an exhausting time. Introvert by nature acting like an extrovert, changing, a new excursion, reality, adventure. It brought me realization to my simplicity, to my faith, to my quietness, decisiveness, particularness, homebody self. 

My music made me feel like myself, imagining running on my favorite, familiar streets at home, melting away into my inspiration, rejuvenation that I desperately needed and craved. Writing my thoughts like prayers and like talking to myself, freed my mind like a caged bird while sitting up on my bed in the room. Talking to my sister, sharing our common thoughts and opinions were like gold. Bonding time, quality time, laughter, understanding, companionship, friendship. I am grateful. I am blessed.

Thinking about my singleness and God's plans. At times it was forefront, sometimes even comparison or a lack of hope, so much uncertainty at times. The Mass in Tempe was so beautiful, so restful and full of inspiration and spiritual. Reminded me of God's presence, reminded me of home, a cherished faith, a centered and joyful life. So many graces and blessings.

Spilling thoughts on the page. Regaining where I'm at, and what's in front of me. Cherishing this special time, holding my cat like a baby. Unpacking, thoughts wandering from the weekend. Some things feel like a blur. I feel proud to experience it all, gain perspective, learn more and see a new place full of beauty and adventure. Busy and somewhat stressed with schoolwork and assignments, catching up with student life, feeling committed and determined. 

Work tomorrow, and back to regular life. Tired of Lyft rides, group settings and loud noises. Grateful for fun times, memorable and funny times and taking it all with me to learn and appreciate from. Travel makes you feel different sometimes, opens your mind, shifts and grows something inside. Grateful for open time, freedom and space to read, process, write, pray and continue on this journey and see what's ahead!

Remembering Treasures

 

I was looking back on old emails this week. Sometimes I like to do that, to remember the past in different ways, through writing, from family memories, from fun, inspiring, funny threads between sisters. It shows the different and various seasons of our lives. It shows me where I was or experiencing, as well as my siblings, my family, as well as other events taking place. 

I especially have been enjoying looking back on certain years within these email threads. It's a sneak peek into that time, a time that was unique, so special and grace filled. They bring back a taste of memories for me, that are sweet, full of some newness, growing, learning and inspiration. I have particularly been looking and reading back on 2014. 

Spring, Summer 2014 had its own experiences, feelings and precious and quality times with my sisters. Maybe perhaps that's one of the reasons why I enjoy looking back? I haven't so much focused on my own story on that time, but most specifically my dear sister. Perhaps I think about her journey, her questioning, her discernment during that time. Isn't that what our 20's are mostly about? I find that she was discovering more about herself, actively pursuing what God was showing her day by day, and I had the privilege of watching it all- the rawness and difficult parts, uncertainty, her faithful witness and patient heart for God's plans to unfold.

 I look to her journey, her story, particularly during that unique time as a model for me, a profound and uplifting example! How blessed I am to have so many beautiful examples before me- sisters, siblings to showcase their journeys. 

This picture was from May 2014 in Santa Cruz. It was Memorial Day weekend, and it was her idea for my parents, our sister Susie and us to go to a relaxing place for the weekend! (She's always full of good, dreamy ideas:)). Though there was a long, never-ending string of traffic to get there, we made the best of it with conversation and fun music playing in the car. It was something new for us to do- a getaway trip for us on a holiday weekend. Those were the days when I would always wear leggings with shorts haha, and those sandals were my constant companion, and jewelry, even on a beach.

It was the cusp of summer, with much anticipation. I was graduating from Junior College and looking forward to what was ahead. I was getting more into and inspired with language learning (Chinese) and learning on my own. Library Science was something I was thinking about, preparing for as an option. Pinterest was a way to share ideas and inspiration among us sisters.  My dear sister and I would often find the inspiration seep through in our outings to coffee shops and study our languages with one another and chat, and just enjoy the elements of coffee brewing and light music playing in the background. We still enjoy and treasure our Starbucks outings. :)

I would be remiss not mentioning her wonderful, fun idea to host our first rosary bonfire night at our house. We put out an invitation on Facebook inviting friends and acquaintances. She got creative with the set up outside, and baking a chocolate cake, providing lemonade drinks, and her idea making our backyard inviting, and esthetically pleasing. That was the lead up to my sweet sister Susie and I taking after that initial bonfire gathering and doing the same for ministry events a few years later. 

These emails, memories give me a sense of encouragement, hope from those treasured days with sisters, laughs, growing up, fun outings and ideas. A lot of ideas, simple inspiration came through these emails. I can look back and think my dear sister was trying to see the good, find the positive and inspiring things even when it was hard and difficult, a quality I love!

We both went on dates around that time. I had a guy who liked me from my volleyball class, and she went on a date with a guy from a catholic group that Spring as well. We both left feeling not very impressed or interested. I was always impressed by her standards and the certain qualities she was looking for in a catholic man. I enjoyed helping her with some ideas to wear and matching and mixing wardrobes- always fun and appreciated with sisters. 

So many good, uplifting memories from this time that my mind seems to go back to. Now that I don't have sisters living with me, I can only smile of the treasured times that I go back to, in gratitude, and in learning. xoxo

 

Into His Hands, Into His Heart

 "He don't love you like I love you. Don't think about you like I think about you...But I will treasure you. If you give me a chance, I will make you smile and give you a love that's true." 

These lyrics are from an old, favorite song by Daniel Bedingfield. I listened to this song again today after Mass and on my way to work.  The lyrics brought me to how God sees me, sees us. He wants to be loved by us and to give Him everything. He has so many blessings and graces to give us. And this song makes me think of that in its own way, a love that God has for us. 

That's what I feel like during prayer, at Mass, adoration, to keep on giving Him everything. Things I like, and things I don't. Crosses, unknowns, fears, doubts, impatience, sins, weaknesses. Even the good, the graces, the laughter. To give Him the boredom, give Him the loneliness. 

Sometimes I think and pray, that's all I have to give you Jesus, my tiredness and the boredom, monotony I experienced today. I give it to you because you can make it what you will and turn it into good. You want everything. 

So, starting out this this morning I prayed, you will show me the way Lord, like you always do. Keep me close to you, present to you during whatever happens today, and amidst the dryness or unexciting parts of today. You are still there. 

How encouraging those words and thoughts felt, to help me keep on going. The little moments and ordinary are filled with graces. Here are some lovely and beautiful quotes from a blog I enjoy reading.

"By putting things in God's hands, those little things that we do every day, things that seem to be like a waste of time...those things in God's hands take on a sense of eternity." ~Maria Paula Blog

"In God nothing is temporary, everything remains, everything counts, everything gains value." ~Maria Paula Blog

"Knowing that God is waiting for me at the tabernacle. And He, who can do anything He wants just by wishing it, counts on me to carry out His plans." ~Maria Paula blog

"Take a chance and give your heart to me." -Daniel Bedingfield song

Library Wonder, Heart Questing

 Its February, and many things are coming to my mind. It's the exciting arrival of another nephew, and my God son in just a few short days! February is loading up with more birthdays, and it's the month of hearts. I can't help but remember dear Ignacio's heart condition being diagnosed almost 2 years ago. 

I came across thinking of 2 years ago of really wondering, contemplating, what would be ahead for me? And what should I pursue? What route should I take? February was when I was searching more of what my true calling would be, and I felt a deep yearning for that next step, but what felt like a big question mark and a blank slate. There were very real and deep desires on my heart for my vocation, just so much was happening in what felt like all at once! 

February 2020, how raw some days felt, and so much unknown and growing pains. I even wrote about it on here, it was hard. I find it so interesting, since I would ask those who knew me well, what should I do? What did they see me doing or be good at? I asked my mom these questions, and she immediately answered, a librarian. For some reason, I almost felt appalled, surprised. Really? Me? I didn't feel the least bit enthused or connected to the possibility.

 I searched it up online (nearly forgetting that this had been one of my plans for post grad right before transferring to University) and saw that there was only an online program with the closest University- SJSU's program. There weren't too many programs unless it was further out or out of state. 

I closed that door immediately and thought that's not going to happen. I was saying and thinking, 'I don't want to do that, I love working with students. Being a librarian, you're not working with students.' Looking back, I find it funny because I'm in my 2nd year of the program now, (the one I had looked up and decided I wasn't interested) And I can say with certainty, I wasn't ready yet. I wasn't ready to be in that place of commitment or to really see that it would be something that I would find interesting, meaningful; something that I'm good and passionate about. 

For me, I was too closed to see what was ahead. I needed more growing, learning, detachment in order to fully know and see clearly. God was still preparing me, and it took long stretches of time, patience throughout the pandemic to keep on questioning, praying and praying and seeing what would happen. Months would go by, and I forgot all about that program. It didn't come up again until my sisters brought it up that Fall. 

 It would take several months to fully be convinced and see it for myself and commit to this program, this passion, and delve into it all. There would be many ideas in between. All of them soon fell flat and never seemed fulfilling or like the path for me. In some ways, I would never have guessed it for myself, but in others, it really feels like it fits like a glove. Sometimes, what you're looking for happens to be right in front of you. I'm grateful for this journey! 

Write Your Story

 "I'm an empty page, I'm an open book, write your story on my heart"

As I was listening to this upbeat, and encouraging song by Francesca Battistelli, all the memories came back to me from that August evening. It was the final cusp of my dear sister Susie's time before she would move out and transition to a new area, a new job, a whole new life ahead!

 I made a video for her with photos from the past 6 and a half years of our time and memories together with music, and this was one of the songs. Here are some of the other beautiful lyrics: "Author of my hope, maker of the stars, let me be your work of art... My life, I know it's never been mine, so do whatever you like, I don't know what your plan is, but I know it's good."

How rich, joyful and beautiful these lyrics are, an openness, a trustful heart, a restful heart. I think that's what my sweet sister had, an open heart before she moved, and a joyful and restful heart of God's plans, timing and what He would do next. I could sense it, and I can remember it now. My heart looked quite different at that time. I felt some sorrow, overwhelming sense of the unknown, not knowing how daily life would like without a sister around, not sure what my path would like, what would be next for me?

 I had many doubts, and I took it day by day, settling into a new of life. This song spoke of an emptying of sense, of being open, yet things felt empty around me, but it was surely a way for God to find me more willing to accept the hardships and crosses He was giving me at that time.

How different I feel now, a year in a half later. So much has happened, and transitioned into a new mold, a new season. And there have been different seasons in between since I made that video for Susie. I feel more like what the lyrics say, "an empty page, I'm an open book.... come on and make your mark." More as in invitation, a sense of being, belonging and resting in Him more and more. 

This symbolism of writing and open pages relates to a song I have had on repeat as of recently, Natasha Bedingfield's 'Unwritten'. I love this song. I love it while I'm running, driving or just thinking and reading. Those lyrics have a similar openness to life and what's ahead, it has a positive tune. It never gets old. Those lyrics my dear sister wrote in one of my notebooks for my birthday. That birthday, I needed those reassuring and beautiful lyrics since that was a hard and trying year, beautiful but stretching me, and growing my faith. 

I remember that song the summer I took the English CBEST, and it felt so empowering, inspired after I took that test after studying and I could just run and let all my creative energy out. I still think of that song when it comes to writing, whether it be journaling, notes, creative writing, it's a force that breathes inspiration and energy in. I think about it as I'm now writing my own story, a creative one.

 "I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned... the rest is till unwritten". 

Things From Last Week

Watching cake decorating videos. Artsy and inspiration come. Eating delicious chocolate cake. Trying to stay away from sweets.

Lap swimming with mom in early evening. Warm air, calm water, until my strokes set in. Waves and ripples, brings me back to summer swim meets.

Rising before dawn, early Mass, special.

Listening to The Bible in a Year Podcast, enjoying it. Knitting at the same time.

Blogging. Loving the writing process and sifting through my thoughts.

Running, music loud and long strides. Pink sunset all a glow.

Pretty sunsets, makes the painter's brush stop and take it in.

Buying birthday cards, and notebooks for school.

Starbucks drink to uplift, with a cheese Danish of course.

Tears and emotions. Prayer, writing, recovering, healing.

Praying in church while teen choir practice was going on

Library time, perusing through aisles and reading.

Inspired by paintings/impressionisms, brings back memories from my Art History class

Running late, sleeping in

Adoration, chapel, silence, peace.

Babysitting Santiago, playing Legos, coloring and throwing plane. Laughing and enjoying time together.

Talking to my dear sister. Feeling better. Encouragement, understanding, inspiration. 

Julie and Julia movie. Inspiration, goodness, laughs, creativity.

Winter 2015: A new inspiration

 As I was browsing the library aisles, I came across a book I had read a couple of years ago while in college. Thinking about it, and checking it out, brought certain memories with it. The book title is called, 'The Kitchen Counter Cooking School' by Kathleen Flinn. That winter of 2015, I was in my second quarter at university and becoming more etched in my major as an English literature major. But I needed some flavor and inspiration in that dull environment of a classroom. 

Some days, I felt like falling asleep and dozing off in my own world. Before class would begin, I would soak up as much juice as I could from the book I was reading before a stone, cold feeling would hit- that professor reminded me of beige, plain walls and brown and dark panels hovering around a dark room. Where was the life? I thought I would feel inspired studying and reading English novels and writing essays. I began to feel like an orange being sucked out of zest and motivation, as well as creativity. I wasn't so sure of English literature was my thing anymore, where I belonged or fit in. 

Reading Kathleen Flinn's first book, 'The sharper your knife, the less you cry', was an instant catcher in the inspiration department. I would soak up the words before the dreary and plain English class would start. I couldn't wait to get back into it at the break. I would sit next to my new acquaintance, Sefali whom I shared a class with the quarter before. We connected, at least on a class and academic level. I didn't feel so alone or isolated in that drab class, (besides a nearby picture of Frida Kalho on the wall near me) and her forceful energy and determination to do well in the class encouraged me to enhance my reading speed- we read at least 5 books in that quarter! 

Cooking became a more focused pursuit and interest of mine. Now cooking more regularly for family at home, I became engrossed and inspired in cooking memoirs. I loved learning about chef's experience in the kitchen, their motivation, their story. I enjoyed reading about food and recipes, techniques, and all the learning curves. I later became interested in Jacques Pepin's cooking show. He's a lot of fun to watch, and his cooking memoir is wonderful as well!

That Winter quarter of 2015, I was thinking a lot. I contemplated what was ahead for me, and I calculated just a lot of English classes where I didn't feel that I fit the type or agreed with the certain liberal agenda being presented. With the help of my dear sister, a lot of talking and even tears, I gulped my way through another new transition and learning curve- declaring my major in International Studies. And I couldn't wait to see what the next quarters would be like. 

I knew based off of the class curriculum, I would need to do an international internship or study abroad. And the class listing was varied and exciting, not just an extended list of pure English classes. I would take a number of history and geography classes, and economics class and keep studying and pursuing Chinese classes. And of course, more cooking memoirs and books to keep me going. I was looking forward to what was coming!

Close Friends

 

I love this painted image of modern day blesseds and saints. My dear sister gave it to me after one of our visits and I have put it up on my wall and look at it often. I immediately noticed after looking at it yesterday that a few of these blesseds or saints were so close and relevant to me. I was wearing Fulton Sheen socks, reading a booklet about Bl. Pier Giorgio, and started reading a book about St. Pope John Paul II (who was also my patron saint last year) yesterday. Actually, all of them are relevant in some way or another. 

From left, Saint Mother Teresa. I want to reread the beautiful and enriching book, 'Come be my light', as its on my bookshelf. St. Josemaria, well there's so much to say. His birthday was yesterday, and his feast day is on my birthday! I am reading through a book about the start of Opus Dei and have ordered a few others regarding him or the Work. I also often look at the Opus Dei website for spiritual enrichment and encouragement. 

St. Edith Stein looks like she's right next to him. I read a great book regarding her writings on women. It was really beautiful and powerful. Venerable Fulton Sheen, I have socks of him, like I said. I love his books and his writings as well as his powerful way of speaking on his radio show. I want to read more from him!

Next to Saint Pope John Paul II is St. Gianna Molla. I love her and her story. I felt especially connected and comforted to her last year, and read books about her, have a prayer card of her on my desk and made my screen saver on my computer of a quote of hers. Chiara Portrillo Corbello has an amazing story and have read the book about her. 

St. Padre Pio, I have prayer cards of him around, and find his priestly devotion, stigmata and sufferings, his witness and holiness always so beautiful, powerful and enriching. And St. Bakhita, is a saint I don't know too much besides she is the first saint who was an African slave. I know her feast day is February 8th and is the due date of my soon to be newborn nephew, Isaac! Also, every time I enter into the chapel, I see her picture up- a relic. Now, I want to learn more about her and her story. 

How close these saints are to us, their stories, their struggles, their ambitions and faithfulness and devout life pleasing to God. Even amidst the ordinary, they are here. They are cheering us on, they understand and make things light and full of hope. How glad I am to have friends who are so close.

That Priest's Faith Shines

 While listening to one of my favorite shows on Relevant Radio, 'Trending with Timmerie', I enjoyed hearing an interview she had with a young priest, who's around my age about his vocation story. He sounded like an interesting person and very much in love and on fire for his faith. His story of discernment and into seminary was very interesting, and just his total faith and trust in wanting to do God's will for his life was inspiring. He had thought about marriage in his late teens, but felt God was calling him in his heart to the priesthood, but he was also discerning if he should go to law school. 

I remember listening that day in mid-August and just feeling so encouraged and inspired from this young, millennial priest. Wow, a young man who is living out his vocation as a priest and has a passion to serve, is truly amazing in today's world. He was interesting to listening to because he was real and honest. This priest from Texas gave me some hope in my own faith journey whilst I was feeling very much alone in my faith as well as young adult years. 

That night was when I decided to go to a young adult group I had always heard about and committed to actually going for once. I got there early, so I sat in my car and listened to the rest of the show with the priest being interviewed. I wish I could meet someone like that, I thought. Just a spiritual person who knows what they are about and knows whose they are and is cool and normal. That evening, the young adult group wasn't what I expected but I felt like a made a good effort even if it was only a married couple who showed up.

Today, I had plans to go to adoration. In the afternoon though, I was feeling a bit tired and wanted to rest. I then wasn't sure if I was going to make it there at all. I did a quick scroll on my phone, thinking of any catholic speakers I wanted to listen to or be inspired by. I came across a video about this priest (he has a you tube channel and that time in August I watched some of his videos). I decided to watch this video which was a version explanation of his vocation story to the priesthood. I already knew some of the details already due to Timmerie's show, but I think he's an engaging speaker and has a joyful presence. It showed clips of him praying, and talking about his journey, and I knew I wanted to also pray and go to adoration and not put it off. His words made me get up and be with Our Lord; I wanted to be close to Him too. 

I couldn't help but give thanks for this spiritual inspiration and example from this priest who is only in his late 20's. It brings me back to that time in August, that difficult time and how I was feeling. I want to keep being encouraged and know that there are people out there living out their faith and their call. I want to reflect; how I can also do the same, and to live it out faithfully and joyfully. 

A Letter to Myself

 Dear Colleen,

You are in the thick of it. There is so much uncertainty, fears, disappointments, it all feels like a big gulp to swallow at a constant speed with the many questions you have to add. Its January 2019, and you feel like your world is upside down. That positive TB test has left you confused and scratching your head as well as impatient. You thought the job you landed so easily and effortlessly on Christmas Eve would be your future. Of course, you may not have realized all the red flags along the way, but you also won't fully admit to yourself that you're desperate for a job, eager to use your knowledge of classes and finally gain some experience and make some money to pay back your college loans! Slowly, you will start to feel like you're sinking and an emotional wreck, what joy! But the story doesn't end there, luckily. God is with you and holding you close and dear and is teaching you so much in this testing ground! You will say that it's so hard, and post grad is underrated in how much preparation there is for 'adulting'. All those doctor visits will make you question God, 'Why me? Don't you know I hate medical things? Why is this happening?', etc... But you can tell your faith is growing stronger as well as your emotional state. 

There are many gifts being presented to you moment after moment, day after day even when things feel up in the air and topsy turvy. These include going to daily Mass, spending time with Mom and your dear sister, Elisabeth. She had just had a baby boy and you get to hold him so close and care for him and feed him his bottle when your sister and mom enjoy their time lap swimming and going to Mass while you care and look after that precious baby. How much you will feel like a baby yourself, desperately needing God's tender care and help in what you are going through. And feeling like a beginner in the working world.

God is also teaching you about patience as well as trial and error. And of course, humility, in your plans not working out and letting go. You will think that people who have a job are the luckiest people in the world! You will suddenly miss being a student, as well as tutoring your freelance job and how much you made it your own. It all felt like a safety net in some ways. This season is one of trust essentially, and that He has a plan. 

Your saving grace will be prayer and spending time at Mass, adoration, as well as the essential breath of inspiration cultivated in your schedule. The first person you meet that year you thought would be your co- teacher at your supposed to be job, but of course that fell through, and all you can do is struggle, get up and try again. Isn't that what Jesus did on his way to Calvary? You will appreciate all the hard work to get a job, and you will fight for it like no other. This testing ground like I mentioned will only be a precursor to what's ahead. I don't want to scare you, but you will know and understand the thought of not going to Mass due to your schedule with that supposed to be job made you sad, and melancholic. Well, the good news is that the job you will get soon enough will work so perfectly with your schedule that daily Mass will be your ritual and very much a part of your sanity throughout the long and learning days. In all honesty, you will be stretched like never before, so enjoy what you have now since you will need all the graces you can get! 

You are on the right track, Colleen. Don't sink into any lies, discouragement, or overwhelming worries. God hasn't left you, and never will. Enjoy the runs in the lowering sunset, and just breathe. Inspiration will come back with Arabic and making videos. Even if sharing your knowledge of the language feels scattered, it doesn't matter since you are trying to find the light in a season of darkness. Count your blessings also and keep finding the humor. It's only a season and it's toughening you up so you can be ready for the next, and a better version of the woman God created you to be. Good luck!

early January sibling hike

Sincerely,

Colleen (Your future self, 1/5/2022)

*Inspired by Emily Stimpson Chapman's book, 'Letters to Myself from the End of the World', and my dear sister's recent blog post

Inspiring (in spring)

This year of 2021 had its own unique feel to it. In the beginning, it was exciting to start out new with my Masters program and just learn new things, enjoy the process and create a blog for one of my classes and research an information community- historians. I really felt connected with the parish I was going to in the early mornings before work and spending more time there praying, adoration and eventually going there more regularly on Sundays. 

At the end of 2020, I took the idea of my sister to write down in little pieces of paper good things that happened that day, or gratitude, with a Bible verse on the back. It was so beautiful and special to do that, and I look forward to reading through them all!! Something new that was spiritual was doing a consecration to Our Lady. I chose the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes- February 11th. It was a powerful, special thing to commit to, and I made a video about it. I want to do that again to recommit the Marian consecration in February. I also did the 54-day Rosary Novena for specific intentions. It was quite a long and intense commitment, but really beautiful. I started it on November 1st and ended on Christmas Eve. 

In terms of writing, I did more writing on my blog, of course:) But I also finished a story in March and have started another one this Fall. Writing always keeps me inspired and motivated and either allows me to process, reflect, or delve into my imagination and creative element. 

I read more books than last year. I read and finished 52 books, which any number is rewarding and an accomplishment! I went on a fun, busy and exciting road trip to Texas with my brother to where he would be moving to. We saw parts of Arizona and the Grand Canyon, New Mexico, San Antonio and into Houston. I will always remember that special trip with him, the miles and distance we made, and all the time we shared and all the sights we saw. We got along well, and it was such a cherished and special time to be together before saying goodbye and helping him settling in. 

Spring Break was beautiful and quite a treat to go to the central coast and SLO and see some missions along the way and spend time at the lovely Avila beach. It was the perfect get away for a busy time during the Easter season. It was quite interesting to read Jennifer Fulwiler's books during this time, it kept me intrigued in a riveting read. Keeping up with French studies with my mom, and reattempting with German! Languages help me stay inspired and think of possibilities and opportunities. 

There were a number of special times with my dear sister at her new house and area. It feels like an oasis with more open land and down to earthiness. And fun times to visit my sweet sister in Marin County and also get away and enjoy special outings with her. 

I got a big enough bookshelf for my books, mostly. And keeping my room in order and inspiring is always a work in progress. I donated my hair for the second time right before my birthday and it was very rewarding to get it cut off, a fresh look. One that I had been waiting for a year! Though I must say, I'm looking forward to having my hair grow out again! It was very special and beautiful to visit the Carmelite House on my 29th birthday!

Reading Elisabeth Elliot's was a real comfort and pleasure, a true kindred spirit. Reading more about St. John Paul II (my saint of the year). And those runs in the mid to late afternoon were always so helpful to get out, get some exercise, and enjoy the scenery. Podcasts or Relevant Radio are always nice to listen to as well on my walks.

That date with a guy I went on was a good muscle to work, though it wasn't the best date I've been on, it's always good experience. I was on Catholic Match for 4 months and got a good dose of being back on after a few years and connecting with other people. Trying to connect in other ways as well with people, like a young adult hike, a bible group and reaching out to contacts in the area. It's all been a learning curve and process but one that carries with its own rewards for getting out of your comfort zone! 

Visiting Ignacio's grave a few times this year has been emotional, but consoling. I feel connected with him, sharing the same birthday as well as being his aunt and God Mother. How close he is and guiding us from above! What wonder and awe that my dear sister is expecting again, due soon in February!

I would say this year was pretty emotional though. There was just a lot of inner depth, growing pains, and time alone in prayer, writing that was always very healing and comforting. I felt God was guiding me and showing me so much, beautiful as it was, it was also quite painful. A unique journey all its own! But there were so many graces as well, so much I've blessed with, it's incredible at times to reflect on it all. 

'Spring' was my word for this past year, and how much meaning brought forth from it. I got my word for this year, even into the new year, and its 'Rest'. I don't see that as coincidence at all, since the bible verse that immediately comes to mind is Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God". And the famous quote from the famous Saint Augustine, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in you". Rest is not just about leisure, but also resting in God's will, plan and time. As the bible verse, I read today regarding Simeon and the presentation of the Lord mentions rest, "He was an upright and devout man; he looked forward to the restoration of Israel and the Holy Spirit rested on him" Luke 2:25-26. 

I started the year with waking up to gorgeous pink sunsets in the early morning and reading the wonderful book, 'Dream and your dreams will fall short'. It was a very beautiful, unique, raw, sometimes painful time to be alone in that classroom at work during distant learning, but I made it all my own and honed in on the spiritual side and inspiration as much as I could. 

I was reading the book early in the year about Venerable Fulton Sheen, one of my favorites. And to close out the year, as a Christmas gift I got socks of him, so special! What a great way to close out the year and entrust more to this amazing man and soon to be Blessed/Saint! God has done so much this year and is/will continue to work and do what He does best, working amidst the unknown and in the dark. How ready, excited, hopeful and encouraged I am for this new year ahead!! A toast to 2021, and cheers to 2022!

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