Divine Mercy

 

I painted this back in summer. In memory of little Ignacio, and I gave it my sister in my birthday, and for his celebration of life. It is Jesus' sacred heart, and with today being Divine Mercy Sunday, I wanted to celebrate with his mercy and his beautiful, pure, merciful heart. 

Today is the second Sunday of Easter, and we remember Jesus' mercy and love, as he embraces us and shows us his wounds (Thomas the Apostle). 'Jesus, I trust in you', as the phrase goes, and to continue to trust him in everything and with our very lives. 

A favorite book of mine highlighting Jesus' divine mercy, told by St. Maria Faustina who told the world about it in her diary. 

Sweet Memories

 When I miss my time in Monterey and Carmel, I often think of the little sights and excursions. The beauty and little treasures. I thought of the cute French cafe we went to and the nice ambiance. It stands out in my mind.

And the food, and the sweet tarts were delicious! I love the mural on the back wall too. 

And this mug brings to mind what I was experiencing internally last week. So true!

Easter Joy

 Happy Easter!!

The Gospel reading read today tells us about Mary Magdalen and other disciples such as Simon Peter and John finding the tomb empty and witnessing that Jesus had risen from the dead, as he said he would. There are some differences between the Gospels such as Luke and John. The version from the Gospel of John was used this morning.

"On the first day of the week, Mary of Magdala came to the tomb early in the morning, while it was still dark, and saw the tomb removed from the tomb... " 

This is Luke's version.

"On the first day of the week, at the first sign of dawn, they went to the tomb with the spices they had prepared. They found that the stone had been rolled away from the tomb, but on entering they could not find the body of the Lord Jesus... And they returned from the tomb and told all this to the Eleven and to all the others. The women were Mary of Magdala, Joanna, and Mary the mother of James..."

The subtle differences in language with 'early in the morning, while it was still dark' and 'at the first sign of dawn' were interesting to note. This morning I woke up before dawn while reading these passages, and then as it slowly got lighter, at the approach of dawn I thought and contemplated how Mary Magdalen and the others would have felt approaching the empty tomb unexpectedly. 

I was also thinking of Mary Magdalen and how she was with Jesus and his mother and John at the cross, staying with Jesus until the bitter end. A woman with her background, her sins and 7 demons entered into a life with Jesus, and peace, joy, and forgiveness were the effects.

 I don't think its sheer coincidence that she is used as a witness in these Gospel scenes . It showcases in her actions and attitude what God has done for her, a love for him and a spiritual transformation. And she was the first to witness Jesus resurrected and told the others in her profound joy and surprise. Jesus has immense love and respect for women, their mission and purpose in this world. 

I recently watched the other half of the film, Mary of Nazareth. (I watched the beginning parts right before Christmas). This movie does a wonderful job highlighting the events of Mary's life as well as Jesus's ministry. The transformation of Mary Magdalen is also pretty profound, her life of sin and despair to one of utter joy, peace and tranquility. Her make up and style of dress ultimately change, as well as her demeanor once she's united to Christ.

In the movie, right before the last supper Jesus meets with his mother and has an intimate and endearing moment of conversation before his passion begins. You sense her deep sorrow. In the background, it depicts Mary Magdalen and shows her pouring water for someone from a large jug.

 I thought this was very symbolic- the jar symbolizes our spiritual lives (as related from the woman at the well). And she is pouring water and happy to do so- she is giving someone water, but also giving what she has been given - Jesus' living water since she is now living a pure and converted life. 

This Easter Sunday and season, I want to contemplate more of Mary Magdalen and her witness to stay close to Jesus in his passion and agony on the cross, and her life and trust with him.

*My parents got married on her feast day- July 22nd. 

St. Mary Magdalen, pray for us. 

Jar from Carmel Monastery

Breathing Sea Air

 

I didn't realize the sheer beauty and majestic scenery Monterey and Carmel had. I only associated them with San Carlos Basilica and Mission Carmel, I hadn't really explored otherwise. What breathtaking views! And to be at the beach was gorgeous, something from a painting. The colors are unreal. And to just sit, contemplate and watch the waves, the birds, the dogs running on the beach was a relaxing adventure.

I didn't realize the number of beautiful flowers, vibrant colors, different kinds and especially lupines and lilies- I saw so many in various areas. I can see why so many people come to this area, and my sisters and parents for their honeymoon. It is truly a gem of place that leaves you in awe and takes your breath away. 

Similarities to My Dad

 I have been thinking recently about the similarities between my dad and me. For years, or at least a long while, I never really thought my dad and I were that similar (besides out height, some facial features and basketball..) since we are pretty much exact opposites. I always associated my characteristics and personality more closely with my mom, but actually until a few weeks ago, I saw more clearly some traits connected to my dad and see clearly that I really am a mix! And I am grateful to learn more and see these parallels. 

-Attention to detail

I'm not a perfectionist, but definitely an idealist. However, I am more detailed than some including my mom. My dad notices the tiniest differences and is aware of so much.  I notice things that strike as looking different than before and like to think of detailed things. I am also aware of a lot- sometimes hyper aware! This comes about more so in my planning, as well as for my creative writing and imagination.

-Very good and (overly) detailed memory, especially with dates

I get my strong and detailed memory from my dad, and I am blessed and grateful for that! I remember a lot of detail- a lot that is just extra, but somehow it still sticks. My dad is also especially good with dates from a calendar, events, birthdays, anniversaries, death anniversaries, etc. 

-Particular

I never realized how particular I am until I'm around someone who isn't. My mom is more flexible than me and not as particular, really not at all. I see that this side of me comes from my dad who has his preferences and is particular about things. 

-Thinking (even just a little) ahead

My dad is known for planning ahead into the greater future. I'm not a futuristic person, but I would say I am a planner in some ways. I also like to know what's ahead (near future) and be mentally prepared with little to no surprises. My dad is very much the same!

-Nervous about change, likes routine

Again, with knowing what's ahead, change is difficult for my dad and me. I actually like routine for the most part because its predictable and where I feel safe. I enjoy variety- but something that has a planned intention behind it. My dad enjoyed his work for many years and was used to the routine but change in the sense of more 'open' time and retirement has been good for him too. 

-Follows through what they said (hence: good memory)

My dad remembers so much and this also falls into what people say/said. I also can remember what people say and somehow my memory catches this as well. Perhaps its auditory memory and helps too since my dad is loyal and remembers what he said too. 

-Likes to wake people up in the morning (I'll explain)

My dad is a morning person (I am not) and is naturally an early riser. Ever since I can remember, he has liked to wake people up especially if there's a time constraint and that person is sleeping in and running late.

 I wake up earlier now than I have before in past years. And its easier for me to wake up others since I'm already out of bed and awake. I recall waking up my sister Susie  a few years ago if she was sleeping or if we had a timeline for an earlier Sunday Mass or something, then I wouldn't mind waking her up :)

When we were in Monterey, we enjoyed a really delicious Chinese dinner. When my dad got the check and signed it, I saw that his signature looked very similar to mine, not overly shorthand or sloppy but spelled out in cursive! What similarities we have!

A Good Break

 It is finally spring break, and I can remember a year ago well. I felt similar to how I do now- at my max of mental burnout honestly and so ready for a change. Last year, I went on a shopping spree at a thrift store, and it was fun and therapeutic, and what lasted for a few hours! My time on CM was soon ending as not much was happening, and I was starting to feel anxious. 

This year, March felt like never ending. The cold, wind and rain felt like a constant reminder that it wasn't spring yet, and there were still weeks before an official break. The daily grind was real, and having mental shift and strength was a constant thing to work at and endure. 

I feel that I have neglected some things. And a big part is inspiration and not always feeling like I have the time or mental energy to fully enter into the things I wanted to. There have been constant duties and demands with my classes as well. I was so excited and inspired with the warm, spring weather yesterday and with the start of April- finally a new month! I made a list but also things to do during my break. 

I have also neglected language studies- attempting to study 3 languages at once~ Russian, Brazilian Portuguese, and French. Maybe the idea is better than the reality, but it keeps me motivated and inspired. Thinking about a hair trim, since it's been a veryyy long time. I also have not printed out photos in a few years and have so many just stationary on my phone. 

As this week starts Holy Week, I want to enter more fully into Christ's Passion and slow down. That's it really, slowing down into a more prayerful mode, and a deeper reflection. The Bible in a Year is a great way to enter more fully into scripture and slow down. There is still so much I want to learn and growth with! Hopefully this break will help do just that! 

 

The Clouds Breakthrough

The alarm sounded and I felt utterly exhausted mentally and sleep deprived. Using my phone right before bed wasn't a good idea, even if it was for a somewhat 'good' purpose, looking up the French actress Marion Cotillard for inspiration with the language. I was trying to maximize my social media use on Sunday, the day of rest, but surely wasn't the best idea before hitting the pillow. And to be honest, Sundays in Lent can feel not always as restful and intentionally prayerful as they should be! Those habits are powerful and sometimes the week can just take you for a spin and trying to regroup yourself.

Well, I ended up being and feeling awake for a chunk of the early morning hours. And my thoughts began to wander, and to be honest my heart became kind of heavy and downtrodden. Thinking about the present, the future, the past. Reminiscing about 2 years ago, when I was working solely and just a trying and difficult time and how much I learned and gained from it in the end though- perseverance, strength, hope. 

How easy it is to compare others' journeys and timelines to your own. Remembering the details when my siblings got engaged, and I was in the same spot, actually harder because it was a new, heavy cross that had emerged and felt at times unbearable. 

My heart has ached numerous times, a depth I can't fully describe nor feel words can ultimately express for what God has placed there these past couple of years. Sometimes it brings me to tears, frustration, doubt, sensitivity. Other times, I just live with it, and it doesn't really impact or phase me to the core. So many ebbs and flows. 

But last night was one of those nights, where I was contemplating and thinking about a lot. Feeling a source of melancholy, and deep unknowns for what's ahead, God's timing and plan. I wonder. I keep trying to trust.

So, waking up this morning I felt sleep deprived, yes, but also not certain if I was ready for another day and week. It's been hard to fully gain the renewed vigor and energy, inspiration I need. Perhaps it's the routine, environment- its good- but need that refresh and change every once in a while. 

I was surprised that though I wasn't fully prepared mentally for the day and rushing a bit, I was trying to instill a good attitude and positive words. And actually, the routine helped. It didn't so much feel like another day and just getting by, but rather the routine and predictably helped me to settle in and start again. Becoming grateful for my job, for the routine, since I needed that sturdiness when it was rocky.

I had to take this photo right when I parked and got out of my car. The sky, the breakthrough of the clouds depicts hope and a promise for a beautiful day, whatever it will hold. 

Fresh Face

 

When I was at Target last week, I had the idea recently to do more skin care. I was inspired by these face masks, different types. Washing your face via face wash, masks are a form of self- care and how important that is. I was also thinking more of creating my own face masks from a recipe. I haven't tried that in a long while, and my sister used to be into that. 

Ideas, even small ideas like these can help with getting out of routine and doing different things in a form of self-care. 

French Songs

 There are some things that are related to French as recently. Exactly a month ago, was the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes and I finished the 33-day consecration. Our Lady of Lourdes originates from Lourdes, France. Just shortly after that, I went to a French cafe- Paris Baguette for an interesting and fun event- speed dating. The week after or so, my dear sister and I met up at a French crepe place that was unique and had delicious food! 

At my job, I'm now in 2 French classes - French 1 and French 2. It brings back its own memories of high school taking French. But I have my own association with it now, having studied it once again 2 years ago. But being in these classes, has in some ways invigorated my interest in the language once again. I didn't really think it would- but it is my first foreign language. 

This week the classes were listening and voting on French songs, and I liked some of them, so I had to write them down so I would be able to find them once again. And listening to them often, and even when I ran yesterday, brought back a sense of joy and inspiration, and like a time stamp of March 10th.

 It made me want to start studying the language again and relearn and review. Isn't that how inspiration comes- it comes in varied settings, and different parts of our lives when we are hardly looking and paying attention. 

Positivity

 The feeling of walking in was nice, inspirational and positive. Just what I needed after a busy week, and negative thoughts looming in my head at work- the environment can be stifling at times.

The lady at Starbucks who was handing out the drinks was also greeting people when they walked in with 'Hello, good morning!' and a nice smile. What positive energy that makes all the difference in a place. I knew my drink was ready after about 10-15 mins because I heard the nice lady say loudly, 'Annie', and I figured it was mine, as my Starbucks name is Anne. And then she said, have a nice day with smile as she handed me my drink. How nice, pleasant and intentional, to create a place, an atmosphere full of joy, and positivity. 

It's hard to just sit down and do work when all I really want to do is everything else - read, write, language studies, zone out and just think and process. 

Just to catch up and breathe, and soak in the inspiration, and just be me, out of work mode. There's a sense of slowness while in a coffee shop, as well as a pace that's fast. With time going by quickly, but also noticing details in the surroundings, appreciating every sound, activity. And I forgot to take a picture of the decorative, interesting and creative pictures on the walls. 

That's what I need to do- create, make with my hands, restore my creativity! Something to make my own, and reading does that- creating images, stories, words and feelings that I can process and articulate. Language studies does this- I can interpret and understand a new culture and way of expression. Writing does this- forming new words, thoughts flowing, descriptive words and details. 

But maybe there's something more- another craft, hobby. I like to think of painting, or knitting, something else that uses my hands, motion and innovation. I think of cooking/baking since that definitely uses your hands. And this morning I made ginger pancakes, a nice way to start out Sunday morning! Little things like that to break up routine, but also give in different ways. 

A Visit from Childhood Land

 It was the stir of the busyness. It came with laughter, stomping feet, soft and loud voices, and inquisitive eyes. The 5 days my nieces and nephews were here in some ways felt like a whirlwind - constant chatter, needs, eating, water usage of either toilet flushing, washing hands, taking a shower or needing another cup of water. But it was a sweet time, a joyful, giving time. 

The best part was getting to know them better and seeing their personalities shine through. It was the longest time we were with them without their parents, and I also felt seen. No longer in a busy, group setting with siblings, children, noise galore. I could be seen using 'Aunt Colleen' style. I've been an aunt many times over again and counting, but there are times when I'm part of the big family and seen as another aunt in the mix (isn't that how it is in a big family?)

And yes, I do have things going on. I'm not just living at home, and that's it. There is so much more, even though from the outside it doesn't seem like it. Perhaps that's the hardest narrative, even with growing nieces and nephews who are learning and understanding more. 

I felt I was able to embrace so much when they were here, anticipating and waiting for the news of their new sibling entering into the world. Seeing their home routine, help out in ways I could like bath and shower time, braiding hair, nighttime wake ups and reading books. There was a sense of giving, generosity, but more precisely sacrifice such as wanting to go on a run for some alone/rejuvenation time before it got dark. But instead, helping out my tired parents with bath time. 

 That small sacrifice was powerful, because I noticed I felt more joyful of doing the task at hand- helping my younger niece with her shower. The day quickly progressed into evening with no run, but it was something small enough I could offer up and recognize those little 'dying to self' married couples with kids talk about often. 

It was a sweet and joyful time. At times, the house felt like it was stretching at it seams, the floor and stairs were constantly being jumped or ran upon, and the walls soaked up their laughter and sibling dynamics. The joys of childhood.

getting better at my French braiding skills