Feast day of St. Andrew

 Today is the feast day of St. Andrew. I love this time of year and this feast day. We only know some things about him- that he was the brother of Simon Peter and brought his brother to Jesus, telling him that Jesus is the Messiah. Also, bringing the loaves and fish from the little boy, and Jesus performing the miracle of the multiplication of the loaves. 

There's a Christmas Novena dedicated to St. Andrew. I want to pray it this year. I believe it starts today and goes through December 24th. You pray it 15 times a day. 

In The Chosen series, I like the character of Andrew. He is humorous and is opposite in personality of his brother. He's also relatable, he gets worried and anxious easily, but also trusts deeply in Jesus. 

Today's feast day is also so close to the starting of Advent, not just a new liturgical season but also year. With St. Andrew, one of the first apostles, and bringing Simon Peter to Jesus, what better way to pray to him so he can help us draw nearer to Christ, especially during this upcoming Advent and Christmas season.

  

Abundance

 This time of year, with Thanksgiving is good to remember and recall all our blessings, the many gifts in life we don't deserve or did anything to deserve them but have them anyway from God. It's always good and appropriate to give thanks, but Thanksgiving allows us to perhaps go deeper, experience with one another and share a special meal.

I've been thinking recently of abundance. This word gives off a divine fragrance that can only be held in gratitude, optimism and trustful, humble hearts. This word rings our ears with joy, that we have and will continue to have all that we need. Again, trust.

It came forth when I went out to lunch with my mom last week, and just getting things off my mind, and off my chest. Her viewpoint was refreshing, and nothing but hopeful and positive. Pure abundance, and I wanted to carry that disposition and see life, even hard and discouraging at times, as part of the plan, the bigger plan at work. 

This growth that is formed and made in pain and difficult times allows us to witness and experience it and still claim it as good. There are abundant blessings. 

Happy Thanksgiving!! 

Boaz

 Last night, I looked back and read some of my former prayer journals. It depicted what I was thinking, experiencing, and going through. All of the challenges, sufferings, pains, unknowns and insights. And I would say it didn't just bring back strong memories but also some nostalgia I would say. I think it showcases that particular time and season- the growing pains and learning curves but also the real blessings in the moment and spiritual growth. 

One of my prayer entries, I quoted somewhere about praying for your future husband, and finding 'your Boaz'. I loved the quote and insight, so I wrote it down. The date was yesterday's date- 11/21 and I couldn't help but some see some cross over.

"Waiting for your Boaz means learning to love yourself, right where you are. Waiting for your Boaz means letting God form you into a modern-day Ruth who knows who she is in Christ...Waiting for your Boaz means preparation, it's time to prepare for wifehood and pray for your future husband and yourself."

*Boaz means strength is within him

In the evening, I was reading a book about women in the bible. The story I'm currently on is about Rahab who is a harlot but eventually marries Salmon and becomes the mother of Boaz. I thought that was interesting timing noticing that.

Yesterday morning, I wasn't so much in conversation but rather was bombarded about my personal dating life by a mere acquaintance after Mass. Long, drawn out storytelling to get to a specific point- figuring out why I'm (still) single or when I'll have children and trying to set me up with poor matches just for a charity case. It can be disheartening, frustrating, annoying, and even hurtful. Somehow, God's graces led me not to feel too much of any of those discouraging feelings. I trust He knows what He is doing and in God's unique and perfect design for my life, though I have to say somedays I experience these graces stronger than others. 

Rereading that quote last night reassured me of all the good reminders I needed- to let God form you, to love yourself and know yourself. Ultimately, cultivating joy in your life through the good and bad. The anchor of my life and heart should be in Him, and He continues to guide. 

Encountering Faith

 I realize the importance and impact of being physically present to the sacraments and elements of my faith such as Mass, adoration, etc. It just isn't the same to 'watch Mass' online or attempt to pray and envision Jesus in the Eucharist in the chapel when you're not physically there. 

When I was sick for a few days and mostly lying in bed, I missed attending Mass, praying inside a church and chapel, and receiving the sacraments, essentially receiving graces. I could feel it, the lack of, but also really missed the 'routine' even of going to Mass on a Sunday or weekday. You realize the things you miss and can easily take for granted just from being sick for a few days.

Not only was I missing this, but it also became easier to almost forget about those daily routines, and not feel as drawn to them. Again, being physically present is so essential to our human nature and actually receiving the graces bestowed upon us from God. I realized this even more so- my attitude and demeanor once I was able and healthy enough to pray in the chapel, to be physically present; it made all the difference. 

On Friday evening, I was watching an episode from The Chosen. I came to a part where Jesus is walking after a long 2 days of preaching in the wilderness. It is now evening and becoming dusk. He encounters a pharisee who is perplexed about the crowds, the situation and the teaching he has heard from the people amongst the crowd. He sees Jesus, and is stunned- his confusion, doubts up front and face to face with Jesus. Jesus invites him to pray with him a while, as Jesus on his way to a hillside to pray. The pharisee had many questions, and Jesus tells him that he may no longer have those questions once he prays with him. 

I wanted to go to adoration that evening, as it had been a long while since on a Friday. To encounter Him just liked portrayed in the scene in The Chosen, and to find him, speak to Him, and be there in prayerful silence. Ultimately, to absorb His presence. 

Cocktail Meatballs

 One of my go to dinners to make is meatballs- chicken meatballs, turkey or beef are all great! However, the recipe I made 2 two nights ago by far beat the regular steps and routine of cooking what I usually do. 

It was a bit of a different process- instead of just combining and mixing together bread, eggs, spices and the meat together, I first mixed together milk and breadcrumbs. This makes it more of a paste and a consistency to be a good layer for the rest of the recipe. And instead of a whole egg, it called for just the egg yolk. 

There was also a tomato sauce to go with that was easy to make. After you cook the meatballs, you take them out of the skillet and heat the remaining grease and oil, add the onions, chicken broth and white wine and stir, yum! I knew it would be a tasteful combination at the end. You add tomatoes and tomato sauce as well, stir and simmer and then add the meatballs for continuing cooking with the sauce. 

It was a delicious result and so much better than my standard Syrian meatball recipe. This one is definitely a keeper! 

*I used ground chicken in this dish. It originally calls for ground beef and ground pork.

Language Unexpected

 I don't know if it was the fire in the fireplace or what, but inspiration came swarming around me like honeybees that I couldn't deny or ignore. I think reading by fire light helped, but in all honesty, it was the book I was rereading, 'The Stories We Tell' by Joanna Gaines.

 I had read this book in the beginning of the year when everything feels fresh, new, and exciting with more than a dash of hope for what's ahead. It feels like you are flipping to a new page, peeling a sheer piece of clean, fresh paper. I felt like it was a good start to the new year, as there were exciting things ahead. And I was continuing with Russian study, finding an online conversation partner and studying when I could and blogging about it.

These days those times have felt long behind me. With rather challenging and hard months passed me, I've lost sight of the joy and inspiration of language study, and especially Russian. It hasn't been on my radar for quite some time and the days when it did now feel distant, obscure and from the past. But I know I've missed those times and felt nostalgia for them, remembering when there was enjoyment and for the sake of just because I wanted to. 

Like I wrote, rereading Gaines' book resurfaced those memories and inspiration for it. In some ways also, her writing style has allowed me to be honest with myself too- to remember my story with language learning and in particular with Russian. To let those true feelings of inspiration and purpose come back in full view, not to force anything but to allow for things to flow, and to just be me, with no pressure or expectation on the horizon. 

So, right after reading for a little bit, I left the fire, went to my room, pulled out my Russian textbook and notebook and picked off again where I left off. It felt nice. But more than that, it felt natural, inspiring. It was like I was opening up a part of myself I left closed or semi- forgotten for weeks on end. And the cool thing is to see progress, and I knew my interest and passion hadn't faded nor my memory of learning. That's what makes it also worthwhile, to see the process and also to notice the progress. 

*I wrote a similar blogpost on my Russian language blog, kofeynya (kofe-ynya.blogspot.com) 

Speed Dating Event

 Every time I pass by that Paris Baguette Cafe, I think about that cool, winter evening- it was Valentine's Day eve and it just happened to be a speed dating event. 

I had been in that cute cafe once before a few years prior. When I my sister mentioned to me about this event and thought I should attend, it was like I already had a slight intuition she was going to tell me something like that. She also encouraged me to think about it and go- there was nothing to lose! I try to always take that into account, the benefits of lessons learned always outweigh the risks so to speak.

Starting out 2023, I already 'make up a decision' that I was just over the dating scene and trying to intentionally meet people in that manner. I really just wanted to focus on my life right in front of me. I think I also was very exhausted with set ups that just weren't happening or working, and I was over it. But that was New Years Day talk. By February, I was becoming more open to give an event like this a chance, I guess and not take it too seriously. I also knew it wasn't a religious affiliated event, so my catholic faith and beliefs most likely weren't going to be the same with the guys I would meet- even better idea to just feel it out and learn from it. 

I was a bit nervous on the drive to this cafe. It was a rushed evening- having an early dinner, getting ready and everything, and really just seeing it as a fun event, not much more expectation. I remember I kept it somewhat casual, but a little bit dressy. I straightened my hair, wore one of my favorite pairs of jeans, favorite (and only) gray long boots, earrings/jewelry, lavender coat type blazer I recently bought, and instead of shouldering a purse, I brought a bright orange clutch. 

I thought I was late- but upon walking in, check ins were still happening, and nothing had quite yet started. I noticed guys and girls mostly sitting and waiting for the speed dating to start. One guy in particular sitting down noticed me and was just staring at me. I wasn't sure if he was with the speed dating event or not, but he seemed to be waiting around. 

Once I checked in, I was told to where to sit at table #8 and that I could order something. I ordered a strawberry smoothie. They also had treats like strawberries dipped in chocolates we could have for free and had handouts of questions we could refer to, as well as any notes we wanted to take after each speed date and whether it was a 'yes' or a 'no'. 

I didn't really prepare myself of what questions to ask perfect strangers, I just trusted that conversation could flow in the moment, and it would be pretty obvious if planned questions were needed or not. Us ladies had our own individual small tables with a number on it, and the guys would rotate to each table after 8 minutes. The guys could pick first what table they wanted to go to, essentially which girl that wanted to talk with first and the speed dating event would start from there.

I remember some of the guys from the night, or what we talked about. Sometimes the 8 minutes flew by, and sometimes it felt a bit too long or hard to know what to say exactly. Some guys had better conversational skills or asked good questions than others. A few guys seemed really nervous, and some were calmer. I was surprised that I didn't feel nervous. After each 'date' we would write any comments to remember the person, and if we were interested in getting to know them further or not. The nice thing that once the bell rang to let us know that the 8 minutes were up, it was always a pleasant transition with saying to each other 'it was nice meeting you' or 'good luck'. 

What I still think is funny is that somewhere in the middle of the event, when one of the guys came to my table and introduced himself, I immediately recognized him! He not only was the guy who as I entered was looking at me, but he was also the guy who randomly approached me while at a Starbucks on New Years Eve. So, I already knew who he was, and I started laughing when he introduced himself at my table, and I just thought it was awkwardly funny. I then said we already met and told him where (Starbucks last year), and then it clicked, and he became very excited and knew why I looked familiar. 

Once the night was over and we made our final decisions about our potential matches before handing in our papers, the guy who recognized me was somehow hovering around my table and almost waiting to see if I picked him as a match, (I didn't) and tried to talk to me further. It ended up that we had parked next to each other too lol 

Overall, it was a fun and interesting experience. (Of course, would have been better if it was Catholic related), but I did get a date out of it, and learned from it. Even if it feels it doesn't lead you anywhere, I think it's just the fact of trying something new or different, having a simple and good time because you want to. To feel confident in yourself and see what happens or what you will learn along the way! 

This is the Library...

where I grew up and remember middle school days with my sister checking out CDs and books.

where I adjusted to the feelings and rhythms of undergrad, read, studied languages and looked around for books.

where I did my ECD homework, asking for various and diverse children's books for assignments.

of summer visits to stay cool and away from the heat and look at cooking magazines and write the recipes down. 

where I studied for the English and Math CBESTs at different times and seasons, unsure of where the next steps would take me.

of requesting too many link +books or finding so many books, I don't have room for them all in my hands, but somehow in my mind. 

that gave me inspiration, purpose and hope during covid and the shutdown- still finding books on the website and able to pick up at the curbside...it was an oasis of being and working alone so often.

where I would utilize the library webpage so often throughout my workdays just to look busy, or to browse the catalog and gain inspiration and ideas, or see if my requested books came in. I never seemed to get tired of it those years working at the high school. 

of doing work and assignments for my Masters and coming on weekends or simply after work to cram in sometime for assignments and projects before dusk.

where I would come in on a weekday during my lunch break to get some 'fresh air' of inspiration, quiet and change of scenery, browse at books, or check out the ones that I requested. It was a helpful and inspiring 15 mins. 

where I currently am an intern at. The memories collide like waves on a dark, stormy night. The worlds of both patron and gaining experience library student somehow seem to merge and blend like a pen that bleeds through the page. 

___________________________________

It came to me one day after interning- I was coming out of the back room and made my way to the front of the library, where I was finding the book(s) that were on hold for me. I then had to ask for my link + books at the checkout desk.

 I was inquiry about the books I had requested to check them out. I was just a minute ago doing work for my internship in the back (looking like an employee even), and then the worlds just switched to patron again and picking up my books. I was entering/exiting both worlds seamlessly. As I walked out, the sky was growing darker and the air becoming, the moon glowing, large and bright in the sky. 

A Scapular Story

 I started wearing a scapular on the first day of the year 2020. I had always heard about it but never felt inclined to wear one. My brother's girlfriend, now sister-in-law, gifted me one for Christmas 2019 and that's when I decided to wear one for the new year. I preferred the longer ones than the shorter ones since you wear it underneath your clothes and it's easier to hide it. 

I didn't know about a blessing or being enrolled, and so I kept wearing it. By that point, it was the start of the pandemic. I heard about an enrollment blessing happening at a local parish that a priest was giving. I came right at the end and missed most of it but thought it could still be counted as valid. 

It became a regular habit to continue to wear the scapular and I hardly noticed it. I was wearing a longer one that my brother had, and it was a nice reminder of the Carmelite order and some of my favorite saints, St. Therese of Lisieux and her sisters. I also heard about a spiritual article/devotion like this to be a form of protection. 

The scapular that I was wearing was becoming more worn out and wasn't brand new when I started wearing it. It actually ripped and my mom sewed it back together. When I was in D.C. this summer visiting family, it ripped again, and I wanted to officially become enrolled on the feast day of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, but it wasn't able to happen.

While we were shopping at the Basilica Giftshop, I found many wonderful gifts for family and some for myself. One of them was a new scapular and I picked out one I liked, with one side depicting Mt. Carmel symbol.

 Once I returned back home, I went to confession and then was enrolled by the priest, and it was a long scapular. I hadn't realized since it was still in its package. It was a really healing confession and I could notice the effects of being enrolled finally and wearing this new scapular and all the graces and peacefulness from it, it was beautiful. I remember Our Lady's promised and protection from wearing the scapular, as well as a devotion with the Carmelite Order. 

Coffee and Straightened Hair

 

I came across this photo yesterday. It was spring 2018. Overcaffeinated with too much Starbucks, my sister and I were chatting it up at a cafe.  I was visiting her and her hubby at their place. She had just freshly washed, dried and straightened my hair! I loved wearing that sweater and enjoyed thrift shopping. I was happily freelance tutoring, navigating post grad life and taking ECD units and going down the path of Preschool teacher profession, or so I thought. 

Books were my life force as well as language, as I was really passionate about Arabic. Ministry wasn't so much my thing as I was tired of group functions and seeing past guys who asked me out on dates. I was though on an online dating site- as a challenge by my sister to try out for 6 months, which to me felt more like a year! Lol

But there was a lot of hope, and joy since I felt like the hard roads and days were behind me, but only for a time. By the time I turned 26 (my golden year) things didn't feel or look so much the same. Of course, I didn't know what was ahead. And I see this true for now too- there is so much unknown, and just in life in general. I wasn't sure how to continue or pursue my interests and passions all the time during that newly postgrad season. But tutoring and working with students was its own life force and would help prepare me for the next stage and season. 

2018, and especially starting in spring was when I took my faith even more seriously and closely. I started going to confession more regularly and frequently than I had before. I started (unintentionally) confessing to a regular priest as it just so happened. It was a fruitful time and attending adoration and Mass and just starting to dive deeper. I felt like I was on my own path. 

I had a lot of more memories with Susie and sharing our time together at home, ultimately our communication became better, our friendship closer and special, and expectations revealed. It was such a gifted and treasured time, more so as I've looked back these years. 

I loved watching Catholic speaker Emily Wilson's videos and found her faith and joy so inspiring and uplifting in such a secular, downtrodden world. I still enjoy listening to her words of encouragement, as another example of a young woman of faith. At that time, I burned a CD of some music, and put some audio of her talks/videos so I could listen while driving. I found that to be helpful, just navigating all that life was bringing and what I was doing. 

I remember that spring, the ministry saw the movie ' The Dating Project.' I originally heard about it on the Leah Darrow podcast and decided to go with the group to see it. It was well done and focused the problem with dating in modern society and the toxic hookup culture, as well as hope and intentionality.  One of the guys I met from that movie night got my number from my sister and asked me out for an ice cream date. (encouraged by the film to go on dates, with a purpose in mind). Here we go, another ministry date!

 I think of that time of just so much growth, and though the date wasn't great and felt misunderstood, and off with myself, it was still another (good) learning experience and to laugh at it later on. I decided to focus on my studies and language learning that ultimately gave me fuel and inspiration. 

I look to this season that I'm in now as one of so much growth and learning too! Starting to finish out my masters and my internship and figure out and navigate what's next. This photo is a good reminder to look on ahead with hope, and joy, knowing God will take care of it all. 

A Pro-Life Week

 This week has been a pro-life week. It started with hearing the homily on Sunday from the Deacon about choosing God in all things- 'Give to Ceasar what belongs to Cesar and give to God what belongs to God.' Essentially, everything belongs to God, even our very lives. He mentioned and gave examples about the Pro-Life movement, and volunteers praying outside abortion clinics for an end to abortion. Their lives and safety are at stack in some cases, those peaceful praying volunteers have been put in prison. 

This made me think and want to continue praying for the end to abortion and also be present again for the 40days for Life campaign. I wasn't sure if I would go out this week, but sure enough someone reached out to me personally if I could sign up for an hour this week, and so I did.

While listening to Sunday's homily, I thought of rereading the book, '40 days for Life' a book about miracles and hope and lives changed and transformed during the campaign and witness of people praying and sharing the truth. I started reading again after many years, 'Won by Love', a personal story about the woman who helped legalize abortion in 1973- Jane Roe, her real name Norma McCorvey, and how she became Pro-Life and against abortion. 

I also thought or relistening/rewatching the debate with Lila Rose and another woman about the topic of abortion. It was a very long podcast, but good to refresh my memory and points and arguments made about an issue that can so easily be misinterpreted, miscommunicated and misrepresented of the truths behind the facts. 

 I also thought of the movie that came out a little over 10 years ago, October Baby. It's loosely inspired by Gianna Jessen, a young lady who founds out she's a survivor of an abortion (her mom aborted her, but the procedure failed) and has health repercussions such as cerebral palsy. I watched that movie again this week and remembered seeing it in Theatres with my mom when I was in Junior College. There's a lot of extra story lines and fluff added with okay acting, but it's still a pro- life movie. 

And there's something being on the sidewalk out at 40 days for Life campaign, outside the abortion clinic, Planned Parenthood. You never know who you're going to meet, what will impact and inspire or impower you. As well as what impact you will make on others- what seed will be planted- even if you witness anger, hatred even, or just plain apathy as cars drive by. You just keep praying and hoping for God to work in the lives of the young mothers choosing abortion for their babies, for those who don't see clearly the severe and devasting impact they are doing to their child and themselves.

One of the ladies I met today, had us pray the rosary in Latin. I don't know much about the language, ither than that it's considered a dead language, but also a language of the church and of course used in Latin Masses. But the effects, the peacefulness of praying in this language was interesting, and different than praying and saying the words in English. She said it's a powerful language because it was one of the languages above Jesus in the Cross, including Greek and Hebrew as well. Also, the devil hates Latin, so even greater protection and effects. I always find it interesting to learn to pray prayers or the rosary in another language, but would never consider Latin, though I have heard it prayed before out loud before. 

October is Respect Life month, and as its wrapping up, life is still precious, and sacred. I want to continue to be knowledgeable, active and prayerful in this mission of pro-life activism.