A New Hello

I've wanted to write this for a while now, always in the back of my head and reflecting upon it. It's basically about the journey of undergrad- these past 3 years I've been at university and this summer that has brought me into a different place, a place that I've been waiting and longing for, for what had felt like months and months and more months.

I graduated from college in the middle of June with a leap in my steps, nothing but positivity in my mind and what felt like a running of emotions that wouldn't stop. I wore a dress that I didn't seem to have the guts to wear for a few months until I felt confident enough to bring it out and not care about what others think or my insecurities. You see, I hadn't really made any friends or lasting contacts at my university. I really felt that I became my own person, as well as my own best friend. I started to not care of judgement and literally did my own thing on that campus, whether that be study language in Starbucks, read an intriguing book that was much more interesting than my text, or try out a club just to try and connect and meet new people. I was alone for more than half of these 3 years and just because you are alone doesn't necessarily mean you are lonely, but for me, it definitely was lonesome. I was eager, desperate and always hoping to share a connection with someone, some way and possibly impossibly somehow.

My graduation day was an overly happy day. I couldn't believe the day that I would be done enduring the pain, loneliness and challenges would finally end, and another journey would finally begin. The months leading up to graduation day felt incredibly long, almost endless and it made me even more frustrated, disappointed and sad. I felt so ready to start becoming a young professional, and do what other young adults do after college- work, and try to figure things out along the way. I so wanted to start figuring out this 'post grad' world and or slump others had called it. I honestly didn't feel scared since most of my college experience was already hard all by itself, and I didn't really care what post grad would be like. I only knew that I was more than ready and ever more excited to finish college, finish papers that always seemed to hanging over my head like a big hammer, finish being around people who didn't really give me anything and who acted or were younger than me. To finally finish the commute to school which made me feel lonely and more isolated, with no one to share things with, music, ideas, inspiration or anything else that lifted my spirits and my creative juices. To finally finish my Chinese minor and all the busy work that progressed with each class, still had no connections there either, only my Chinese teacher- Lu Laoshi we would call her. She really liked me and believed in my strengths in the language yet she sometimes put a lot of pressure on me to keep exceeding and what felt like to me to show off her 'prize student'. To finish calling myself a student and feeling young, almost younger than myself would call myself. I wanted to fit into this category called young adult that also coexisted with young professional. And finish explaining my major or what I would do with it every time I introduced myself as a college student.

I had various emotions on graduation day. My family was there with me to support me on this journey and I couldn't have been more grateful that they came. I never felt that I had the connections, friends or community that I wanted while there, for whatever reason. But being with those special family members gave me a pulsating feeling in my being that my time here was finally finished, completed, over and feeling their love, support and presence was in itself my reward and all the things I deeply felt, experienced and endured at this campus would stay here and I would start another journey somewhere else.