A Christmas Message

It's Christmas Eve and I can recall last year's. Every year I watch the Pope's Mass at Midnight in Rome on TV. It's so special to watch from the other side of the world and reflect upon the Christmas message. One year even my dear sister was present there while she was living in Rome during Christmas time and I remember we were trying to see if we could find her in the vast crowd.

Last year, the Pope's message was about accepting the stranger, the immigrant. With our refugee crisis in our world Pope Francis related it back to how there was no room for Jesus to come into the world, only a small and lonely stable that was hidden and left over. The Pope's inspiring message was related to welcoming others, welcoming the stranger.

I was inspired to hear this message, and have it be related back to our current day. I was thinking of ways to help those in need and welcome the stranger, the refugee. I did some research and found an organization that welcomes those who are fleeing persecution and seeking asylum. In the beginning of the year, I wrote some cards to refugees writing them that they are welcome here and to know of my support, thoughts and prayers for them.

Last year on Christmas Eve, I made a video of how to say Merry Christmas in Arabic. I was inspired to learn and teach this phrase as the birthplace of Jesus was in Bethlehem or somewhere nearby where Arabic is also a spoken and known language. Tomorrow, I will be making an appetizer that is from my Jerusalem cookbook. It's a mackerel dish with orange and sweet salsa flavors to go over the salty fish. I've made it a couple times before and thought it would be appropriate and nice to make it for a pre-Christmas meal.

I just finished watching 'It's a Wonderful Life'. The movie never gets old as it's relevant, meaningful and special each year. Life and the beauty and sacredness of it is the main message. This is also the message of Christmas, Jesus' life is given to us and received into the world.  His beauty and sacredness as a baby makes us draw closer to him, and our hearts fond over him. I am still growing and learning every Christmas of how to grow closer to Christ and revel over his gentleness, his humility and his love.

The Present is Fresh

While on my walk yesterday I noticed the freshness in the air from all the rain the night and day before. The ground was nice and damp and the leaves were being cleansed with water droplets. I couldn't help but notice and see the profound meaning with the nature and this time of year in Advent.

These leaves immediately reminded me of this time of Advent and preparing for Christmas. The freshness, the green is the ever new that Christ brings us, not only during this time of preparing for his coming but always and throughout the rest of the year. There is joy, there is new beginnings, it is fresh because Jesus has made it so. The water droplets on these leaves will fade away and dry out in the sun and soon come again with more rain in the forecast. Just the same, Jesus has blessed us with his coming and will continue to do so the rest of this preparation time in Advent and upcoming Christmas season. He will shine his holy light on us and make us fresh and ever new in his presence.

His grace is sufficient for us. As I saw water strewing from trees and leaves touched by the large quantities of water, I was reminded that his grace is being poured out onto us leaving us filled and redeemed. As I make way to prepare last things for Christmas and the coming of Jesus in the world, I want to be reminded of his grace being poured out onto us, and our needs. It's naturally a busy time of year with shopping and gift wrapping, card sending and cookie baking and preparing food and place for guests. But it's also preparing spiritually for Jesus and knowing his beginning in this world and how we can be ready and prepare for it. He is the true present of Christmas and his presence is in the present, and it is always fresh and new.

Swedish Fish

I have shared my favorite chef's story with various people. With my former students, I became passionate telling them his story. Telling about his background and how he became a chef and his journey. I could tell they were interested enough, their 5th grade minds processing things and trying to stay afloat before their attention spans withered. 'Swedish fish!' One of my boys called out, and his group of friends joined in the laughter. Their love for candy and the Swedish fish candy in particular made them relate my favorite chef, Marcus Samuelsson's story to their sweet tooth imagination.

Samuelsson was raised in Sweden but he wasn't born there and isn't Swedish by blood. He is Ethiopian, but his sister and him caught tuberculosis along with their mom who died because of it, but Marcus and his sister survived and were able to treated at the hospital. They were later adopted by Swedish parents. His upbringing, language and world is Scandinavian and not until much later did he go back and visit his home village in Ethiopia and meet his birth dad, siblings and step-siblings.

The point being for why I brought up a man named Marcus Samuelsson to my tutoring students, my class of 5th grade students and even some friends is because I find his story inspiring, motivating and despite all of the challenges and views people had of him because of his skin color- rewarding and energizing. I really love his passion and drive to become a chef despite some of the hard moments and situations he endured and despite that he waned to become a soccer star but didn't make it. That energy to get back up again when you fail and don't succeed made Marcus even more aggressive and passionate in his interest and love for cooking and combining flavors and cultures together.

 I wanted to give my students a taste of his journey to the kitchen and eventually owning his own restaurant. All of the hard work, determination and perseverance and finally he achieved his dream, his calling of becoming a chef. It wasn't just for my students to hear a little bit about a man they never heard of who grew up in Europe but was African, it was also for me to continue to stay inspired and strong in my endeavors and dreams. This isn't the first time that I've written about Marcus Samuelsson on here. http://samakti.blogspot.com/2016/09/the-summer-when-it-all-began.html 

I just finished reading his memoir 'Yes, chef' for the second time and it really is a page turner. I am excited to cook one of his recipes from his restaurant cookbook tonight. I admire his enthusiasm, energy, eclectic taste and optimism. Even the challenges and the very long and hard work ethic a chef has to put in, and opportunities that he didn't always receive after fighting for it but didn't give up on his dream. I really like his quote, "Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you, could actually be the best thing that happens to you."

Mug!

I was just thinking of this sweet mug from my even sweeter sister. It feels like a snapshot through time, receiving it almost two years ago for Christmas. It says, 'The best is yet to come.' Perhaps I was holding onto something that would change everything and that would help me or rather heal me from my slump and blues. Perhaps I was putting too much confidence in whatever that was.

Maybe the best that will come and what we are hoping for isn't a big and grand thing. I have come to realize that it could be fairly simple, ordinary and even not so grand the way our minds play it out to be. It could be something you see or do everyday and it could still be the best. Maybe you're waiting for something big to occur but really the best is something very different, something minor or insignificant at first glance, but who would want to miss it if it's the best and even important and fulfilling.

I think we are always searching for that thing or maybe even multiple things that will lead us somewhere or change our lives in big or small ways. But we could be looking at this something the wrong way. We could be viewing and going through life with our eyes and focus peeled on something that wont lead us down a path of  fulfillment. Life can be full of surprises which I think often times is more true than false. I see this special mug in a different way than I did before. The best is yet to come is always coming, and it might be something that we least expect. Perhaps we just need to change our outlook and our focus to figure out what that is.

I'm trying to appreciate this time of last assignments and work for my classes, and the eve of falling leaves and orange and red color that backdrops the sky nicely. There is a lot ahead and it's all good, beautiful and exciting. There is a lot that I am grateful for and I am learning to see it as the best, as I look forward to the rest.

The Knock

It feels like the holidays are almost here. I can feel it in the air, feel it in the mood. The end of the year is swiftly approaching closer and the smell of turkey, pumpkin pie and a Christmas tree are right near the doorstep, soon to knock. The knock of guests will come and enter, the knock of generosity and joy and all things that fill the heart throughout the holiday season.

The knock on my heart as of late is more about the next step and preparing for it. I've had some time to really sit and process things, to mentally prepare, hope and enjoy the present moment. Even if some days feel more busy or productive than others, I am continually growing, learning and getting ready for what's ahead.

I have been very blessed with growing and learning so much from former job of Freelance English Tutoring. God knew that my heart was yearning for a job to utilize my skill set for individual's needs and see their progress up close. I was able to call the shots and take control and ultimately lead and plan in the direction where I felt was right. I encountered various students and learned so much from each of them. Some I connected with more than others and some were easier to motivate and tutor than others. Almost all of them I was welcomed into their homes and absorbed into their culture, daily living and native language. The many hard moments of learning solely and not connecting with others in my college classes for my language study (Mandarin) paid off when I could use my knowledge of the language, culture and customs when needed as well as fulfill my role and passion in teaching English as a second language.

I remember earlier in the year right before I was going to go into my student's home, I quickly prayed to God that he was the one who made my job of tutoring possible and I had these clients, some longer than others, but always a few to tutor. There was a reason that I was given this opportunity. If He wanted to take it away, then I would trust Him. I felt this later on, in later Summer that my heart was in a different place with tutoring. I had grown a lot over the Summer and things just weren't the same, my energy and enthusiasm were different and I could tell that I had stopped growing in it. I felt that my prayer earlier in the year had been answered and acknowledged and could tell that my time was coming to a close. I was becoming ready for the next chapter and to focus on other things to help prepare me.

I am continually trusting that God continues to prepare me for the soon to be changes in my schedule with a new job, new opportunities and new challenges. It has been a beautiful season even if some of it has been hard and at times painful. I am looking forward to the celebrations of the holidays, the turning of the liturgical year as well as the new year. There is so much ahead, and I feel more excited, ready and blessed!

Thank you, Stress

Stress. We all experience because it's part of life. But there are different kinds of stress, eustress and distress. The first kind is the good kind and it makes us alive and able to keep on living. I felt stressed after a busy week of various things going on. My mind felt like it was racing and like I was on a roller coaster with timing and deadlines floundering in my head. I decided for yesterday to be low key and relaxing with very few commitments and places to go. Being at home re energizes me  and gives me space to relax and process things.

I decided to go on a  run and being in nature since that always uplifts the spirit, mind and soul. After a nice run, I just wanted to sit on the grass and watch the clouds pass by and be more aware of my beautiful surroundings. The trees are slightly fading into oranges and reds and the coolness of the air tastes like pumpkin spice and autumn looming around the corner. I could finally breathe deeply and literally take in the beauty of nature and 'smell the roses' as they say.

I watched a video from Fr. Mike Schmitz about how stress is actually good for us because it keeps us energized and alive. Stress is something that we should challenge on instead of trying to avoid he says, instead of just trying to get something done and over with. That's how I've been feeling lately and how I've been handling stress for the most part. Stress is good for us and it's a natural part of life.

I remember a year ago today attempting at going on a faraway hike with my sister and meeting up with another group there. We didn't manage to make it to the hike because we were seriously lost, frustrated, tired, and dare I say stressed. We arrived safely home after a disappointing turn of events and then decided to go back in nature on a local hike to calm the air and the fumes.

In the car, trying to figure out how to get home. Frustration, as well as laughs while eating our bagged lunch at a gas station.

On a relaxing, local walk :)

Here are some pictures from this week that lifted my spirit and energized my creative soul.

At my alma mater, and the place I would always go- the library!

I have learned that stress is quite needed and should be looked upon with gratitude, excitement and energy. Stress makes life interesting, I guess. So thank you, stress!

The Beauty of the Veil

I have been contemplating the mystery as well as the beauty of being hidden. Some of the most beautiful summer nights are when the bugs and crickets are hidden yet still make their joyous sound to be reminded of the glorious summer day that was lived. I wouldn't necessarily want to see the crickets in the day time. Perhaps it's better that way since we can enjoy their notes and the beauty of their prime season when the curtains have fallen for the day. Their state of being visibly hidden makes them beautiful and appreciated.


I went to adoration earlier this week. I wanted to sit and pray quietly and reflect upon some things that were going through my mind and heart. At first, I was the only one there in the chapel and it was nice, prayerful, peaceful. I felt that I really needed that time because I did not fully feel at peace after coming from one of my classes. I needed to sit and rest with God and contemplate. The Eucharist was exposed and not kept securely in the tabernacle but I was not aware since there was a covering like curtain over the monstrance where the Eucharist is placed during exposition of the Blessed Sacrament. I only realized this once the person who is in charge of taking the host out of the tabernacle or unveils the host in the monstrance came into the chapel. Jesus was right in front of me and I wasn't aware of His presence until the person drew back the curtain.

It dawned on me that this is what it means to have faith and what Jesus is wanting and asking of us when we are in His divine presence, in front of the Eucharist. The Eucharist is merely a veil of His presence, a meek and humble hidden appearance of bread so He does not blind or scare us of His divine light.  But regardless, He is there. The humble and gentle heart of Jesus makes it so that we can come to Him and welcome us into His loving embrace. This hidden appearance is inviting and it is beautiful.

The late, green summer leaves are slowly turning and changing into their next state of oranges, browns, yellows and reds. Some trees leaves still remain green and intact during the cusp of Autumn, and their beauty and the next season of their life is still hidden, and unfolding. Their last season of growth, marvel and wonder is underway before they all crash to the floor to kiss the icy ground. The hidden beauty of Fall is approaching and slowly unfolding. It is here. I can draw back the curtain.

Looking at 50

I have accomplished one of my goals for this year. Some people encouraged and inspired me through it, while one or more made fun of me for it or thought it was weird. I chose to listen to the positive majority.

The goal was to read 50 books. But just because I can cross it off doesn't mean I'm done for the year. I'm still going to keep on reading and learning, and in the  meantime cross off other goals and challenges I made for this year. I think the sparkle of the Autumn sun and the beautiful shades of the leaves distract us from the near future of the holiday season and the end of the year. I'm just trying to enjoy this season, my favorite season that brings along comfort, food, family time, slower rays and pumpkins and a time to process and reflect more. And of course these days bring about more time to stay inside and enjoy a good book.

I've learned through reading more that I'm more productive and have more creativity and inspiration. I encompass another world that brings about ideas, characters and story lines that I couldn't have imagined or created in my own. I also notice that reading (good) books enhances interesting conversations and helps with conversation starters. Reading has kept up my interests and passions and has allowed me to bring them everywhere I go (I always bring a book with me in case I have time to kill). Ultimately, I have learned a lot about various topics, people and ideas that have become important and of interest to me. Though the value isn't so much of the quantity of books, but rather the quality. Reading inspires, uplifts and energizes me. I hope to continue to read inspirational and thought provoking, turn pager books throughout this Fall.

Fall Lights

This cute and fun piece of wrapping paper brings back a lot of memories. It's from my sister's birthday last year and when I saw her unwrapping a gift, I wanted to keep it. I decided to paste it onto the front cover of my new notebook (as of last year) that is a different shade of green of which I can't think of the name for right now. I was reminded of this when I opened this notebook recently, and use it fairly often to jot down notes, thoughts, ideas and the like. These party zebras brought me back to a time and place last year that is very vivid, and distinct, yet a place that I am no longer in.

Early September and the rest of Fall last year was an interesting time. I was trying to adjust to all the changes in my job but felt the severity of sinking rather than swimming. On the contrary, I was living up the excitement of postgrad and finally felt the weight of it all lifted, as well as behind me. My tutoring freelance was starting to evolve more after a slow spring season and everything seemed just right. I made my schedule filled with variety and I was enjoying every moment of it. My runs were filled with energy and enthusiasm, and that compelled me to have the same feelings for Fall and cornflakes leaves scattered over the ground (which I often take pictures of). This energy made me eager to continue on learning regardless of being a non student, and I was proud to say I wasn't to those I volunteered with to serve local seniors their meals. This motivation reached to a point of interest to learn more about the Holy Land and Israel, and my desire to travel there one day strengthened more. I decided to continue studying Arabic on my own and to help teach myself as well as others, I made videos of myself teaching Arabic. This has helped me to continue to stay inspired and challenged throughout this year too.

All in all, I have very fond, personal and lovely memories of this time of year last year. I'm not sure what this year will bring, but I want to savor and appreciate it for what it is. It's a special, unique and personal time that needs to be lived and embraced. Maybe the zebras with the party hats can help lighten the mood, and God will take the lead.

Summer Hush

The crickets are still chirping in the evenings and the leaves still announce their summer green, but the days are becoming shorter and the sunlight dwindles faster. These are the days of Fall transformation when the sun doesn't feel as bright and the air feels cooler. I've always looked forward to Autumn but part of me doesn't want Summer to end. I love Summer evenings, and the slow pace of time, the air feels light like sifted cream. To prepare me for Fall I want to make a list of things to do and look forward to. It feels fast approaching, and holding on to these Summer days will soon be out of my reach. I still have some things on my Summer list that I want to cross off. This season has whizzed by, but I am grateful for all that has happened, and look forward to what's ahead!

A Spiritual Gain

Finding something that inspires you and ignites the spirit is a profound moment. A few short weeks ago, I had made an Arabic language video. I was having fun with it and didn't care too much about the mistakes that I was making. One of the first mistakes was my CD player causing a couple of books to fall at once. This lead to a large noise and made these books from my bookshelf fall behind it. I forgot about these books and they were soon starting to be speckled in dust. I came across one of them the other week, and I was so grateful I did. I can't believe I actually forgot about it or missed it. 

This book is an older spiritual book, and it explains the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist and the benefits of this wonderful sacrament. I feel that this little red book has taught me more about my faith in a much deeper way than I have encountered before. 

I am surprised that I didn't notice this book in my bookshelf before it fell. Through my video(s), I have learned and become more comfortable with just being myself with or without mistakes, and practicing and progressing in Arabic. I feel also that this spiritual book has provided a lot to me as well, and am grateful that I made a mistake on my video so that I could find and be more aware of this treasured book. 

An Introvert's World

The chitter chatter, words spilling out going there and coming here, testing if it will be perceived well or not.  What a lot to take in as an introvert. Sometimes I don't realize how sensitive I am until after the fact. Last night, there was a social at my house. In the beginning, I wasn't looking forward to it and only wanted to hide in my introvert- creative place and not be forced into small talk. But as the days got closer, I began to warm up to the idea of being more invested with this young adult social/bonfire night. I actually became so invested that I started thinking of ways to add detailed touches. I had a fun time creating a welcome art sign in different languages on the front door. I created a 40 something song playlist to play throughout the night of various high and low beats, indie and soul alike that spoke to my personality and feelings of summer. I made a baklava dish and I think now I have perfected it. Now I know to drizzle oodles of honey on top instead of making a lemon syrup since I like the taste of the former better. I set up the outside and made the table look more detailed with plants, some candles, a few rosaries and a Our Lady of Guadalupe picture for added effect of a rosary night.

As a melancholy introvert, I deeply enjoy heart filled conversations that are fluid and jump over the small talk by a landslide. However, I didn't receive much of this tall hope last night, and to me if I don't receive this in a certain amount, I become unstimulated and dare I say bored. Watching the fire was entertaining, but doesn't compare to a human interaction, but thanks for the heat, fire.

What I came upon reflection from all of this was that I can do socials but it depends on the interactions because quality always trumps quantity in my book. I learned that I can enjoy preparing and planning an event but I need to be intrinsically motivated and add my own personal touches, personality and flair to it or else I wont want anything to associate with it. If I can personalize something and have a vision for it then I can mentally prepare myself for the social event. I may or may not have had a good time, but at least I made an effort and added touches and subtleties that lifted my spirit and my creative energy even if I wasn't feeling it prior.

Tonight is exactly opposite of last. I am here by myself and soaking in the soft twilight summer air, the quietness and the space that I can call my own. No side conversations, entertaining with fire to feel the mood, or chitter chatter that lingers like the embers. I will enjoy the quiet peace tonight.

Coffee Inspired

It just so happened that as I took my seat at my preferred, cozy Starbucks my dear sister texted me saying that she had just left to go to a Starbucks close to her neck of the woods. Slightly amazed that we both set out to do the same thing at precisely the same time~ soak in the ambiance of our favorite coffee shop and simmer in the inspiration much needed. The smell of caramel coffee beans and others alike, the low dim lighting and the chitter chatter of alluring conversations or far from it, and the pitter patter of instant customers coming in, craving for a personalized cup.

Starbucks puts me in the mood to become inspired and motivated. I always remember to bring my notebook where I jot down ideas, goals, quotes, thoughts and challenges that need to be written down or else they will be lost in my intricate and messy, free flowing mind. There is a large possibility that it could be lost and not retrieved again. This coffee shop's space makes my thoughts more organized since its opposite of how my mind can store information; I need a clean and uncluttered space to dish out organized content.

 I've just recently started a book about the Starbucks Coffee Company and how it made its turn around when it wasn't doing so well, and the means in which Howard Schultz made the pause and rewind for the flowing and successful company possible for its even greater achievements. In the book it says, "Starbucks, a social yet personal environment between one's house and job, where people can connect with others and reconnect with themselves" (Schultz, pg.13).

In the Fall, I used to keep the statement brown coffee holders whenever one purchases a hot drink. I would put the date when I purchased a drink and went to Starbucks. I would stuff it in my purse. I think it was supposed to be some way of showing myself how often I went to Starbucks (on gift cards, of course!) but soon realized I didn't want to keep all the brown cardboard coffee holders anyway. A few months ago cleaning out my wallet from mostly stuffed receipts, I came to find that a majority of them were from Starbucks. I gazed at the dates and locations and I could retrieve the memories associated with them. Who knew that little pieces of paper could portray memories of good conversation, semi- productive reading and work to do, and gathering good tunes from the coffee shops's play list. :)

There have also been times where language has been an interesting topic. Last year on the 4th of July while listening to patriotic music on the speakers and studying Arabic, an Israeli family came up to me noticing my Arabic book and was intrigued that I was studying their language. Another time, a young Indian man saw my Hindi language book and was interested that I was studying Hindi and stating that Hindi movies are the best. And lots of other times, I've heard conversations in Chinese, listening closely for familiar words.

On a older post from a year in a half ago, I wrote about experiencing the ambiance of a coffee shop, primarily Starbucks, titled 'What Happens in a Coffee Shop' https://samakti.blogspot.com/2016/12/what-happens-in-coffee-shop.html I still concur.

While in Vancouver, there were an exceedingly amount of Starbucks, practically on every corner. It wasn't hard to notice how much the British Colombians love their coffee. Also realizing that the border from BC to Seattle is a close coffee neighbor. The next time I go to Starbucks will most likely be in the near future, and I will sip my white chocolate mocha drink or something else, write, look out the window and keep reading about the Starbucks Coffee Company among other things.

The 25 List

  I've been contemplating turning 26 soon and what I've put on my list for 25. A day before I turned  25 last year I wrote down 25 things I wanted to do throughout the year. I thought of some new and fun things I wanted to do and accomplish. I didn't do all 25, but wanted to share the few that I did.

Number 4 on my list was to write a sequel to my short story that I wrote back in March 2017 called Noor's Spring. I had a a lot of fun writing that story and felt that everything came together quickly yet it was challenging and slow to continue writing a sequel or anything creative really. In the recent few weeks, I have created a sequel to the story and although it's not finished yet I plan to finish it soon. :)

Number 5 on my list was to sew a skirt. I didn't sew a skirt but I did learn how to sew a shirt!

Number 8 on my list was make baklava. Baklava is a Greek/Middle Eastern dessert that is sweet and crunchy. The first time I tried baklava was in the 6th grade when my American Iraqi classmate made it for the class; I've never forgot it since. Every time I look in a Middle Eastern cookbook I want to see if there is a recipe for it. Fortunately, one of the cookbooks I own had a recipe for this sickly sweet dessert. The first time I made it was at my brother's place. It was cool because we were both learning as we went, figuring out how it was supposed to be made and look like. We enjoyed our hard work after. :) The second time I made it was much easier and I avoided the mistakes I made the first time. I've learned the recipe is just one way to make it since there are other versions of it. I only want to keep learning and getting better with this kind of cuisine.

Number 9 on my list was to study for the CBEST and take it. I am proud to say that I began studying for this test soon after graduation, and took studying more seriously a few months later with a strict schedule and try to really understand the concepts. I took just the math portion and though didn't pass it on the first try, I am motivated and readying to continue studying again and see how I do.

The street facing the High school where I took the test. It was a relief to finish with the nice view and a day trip with my dear sister. 

Number 10 on the list was to read the Bible and spiritual book in the morning. Before last summer when I would wake up I would say a few prayers but not spend much time processing things and taking things into prayer in the morning. I've never been much of a morning person but decided to give more time in the morning for spiritual reading. I've definitely noticed the difference ever since I've begun more of a morning prayer routine. It's more about being intentional and taking some time to read scripture or any spiritual book, reflect upon it instead of rushing to start the day without much of a thought or a thank you to God.

Number 15 on the list was to create a shirt online. I've wanted to do this for sometime. I'm not sure why but creating my own shirt sounded fun and cool to wear something original. I was inspired reading the book 'The book of Joy' and while reading a quick note hit me and I had to write it down. "Humility is essential to any possibility of joy." And "The word humility comes from the Latin word for earth or soil, humus. Humility literally brings us back down to earth." And my own notes in my notebook, "Humus is the root word for humility, which is also similar to the word human. And hummus is the yummy Middle Eastern dip. Although the words look similar, could they also be in relation with one another?"

Number 16 on my list was to cook a Jacques Pepin recipe. This was a challenge for me to create because he is known for more elaborate and gourmet French cooking. He's enjoyable to watch on TV and makes everything look so easy. Just the other night I decided to make a dish that I've seen him make and I had the recipe in his cookbook. The recipe is called Corn Fritters and they always looked so good when he made them. I'm glad I tried out one of his recipes.

Number 17 was Read 5 classics. I felt that I technically read 5 classics this 25th year. They include 'The Great Divorce', 'Their Eyes Were Watching God', 'To Kill a Mockingbird', 'Man's Search for Meaning' and 'Sophie Scholl and the White Rose'.

I'm glad I created this 25 list to look back on and did a few things on it. I'm not sure if I'll create one for turning 26. I feel that seeing where this next year leads would also be just as exciting. Cheers!

Things I Have Taken With Me

Students, noise, discipline, quotes. This was my life a year ago, adjusting and transitioning to working at an after school program/summer camp and saying farewell to life as a college student. I had to learn quickly how to lead a classroom full of 5th graders, and literally switch my thinking from student to teacher. It was an exciting adjustment, but it was a challenging and exhausting one as well. I was happy to be busy working and be around various people and students, and see where my life was headed next come post grad. On my graduation day there were tears of joy and relief due to all the struggle and deep suffering bottled up for 3 years.

A year later, I am teaching students but I don't have to keep relearning their names. I have the privilege of learning about them on a more individual and personal basis, and I get to decide what will brought to the lessons and what will be learned. While I was in that crowded, noisy classroom a year ago, to keep me inspired and sane, I wrote a quote on the board each day. This quote was by someone famous or well known and if my students didn't know who the person was or what they were known for, I would tell them. I would also give them points for participating and telling what the quote meant to them. Some of the authors of the quotes included, Julia Child, Marcus Sameulsson, Albert Einstein, Indira Gandhi, Walt Disney, Elon Musk, Mahatma Gandhi, Matthew Youlden, Eleanor Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln among others. After many academic quarters at University of thinking to myself and learning solo, I had a burst of knowledge and inspiration to share with my students.

There are some things that I have taken from that special, delicate, challenging, enriching, busy and growing experience that were seeped in those walls, and in the loud and quiet voices of my former students. I took with me the power of fortitude, knowing myself and knowing when enough is enough. I took with me a white board that has carried over with me in my lessons now. I have taken with me inspiration, new ideas and a closer look into the classroom. I have taken with me memories of those hot summer days, the lining up, the role playing of teacher and juggling various things at once, the kind words and gestures from my students, the very hard, annoying and exhausting days that made me burn not so much from the heat but from the grind of the work. I breathe a sigh of relief that I made it through a year of post grad, and the experiences of last summer and that I'm in another place because I was there first.

A World Map Means A Lot

On my way to British Columbia, I was interested in looking at a world map from a magazine on the plane and all its complexities, intricacies and dimensions. I love learning about different countries and cultures and seeing it all visually. I have been teaching and informing my students about various countries and continents and the interesting facts and information that go along with it. I am happy and grateful to showcase one of my passions in my tutoring sessions.

One of my personal goals was to memorize a world map, and try my best first to label what I already know. I think I got a good amount accurate more or less, but I obviously need more practice with South East Asia, South America and Africa. :)

Labeling an unlabeled map, I realize how large Canada really is. After traveling to Vancouver, I was able to see what it's really like. The natural beauty, the greenery, the majestic mountains, the city life, and the peaceful waters. How grateful I am to experience another part of North America, a place I've been interested in seeing for some time. Traveling gives you another perspective, outlook, and appreciation regarding the place you're visiting as well as back home. I'm happy to be back home, but I very much enjoyed Vancouver, British Columbia. My unique bracelet and some sea shells from this beach bring me back and make me appreciative and thankful.

A Long Lost Friend

As of recently, I have found and met a new friend. It was unexpected as most friendships usually are. I met her about 10 years ago initially, but didn't think much of it. It was 10 years ago that I was introduced through my dear soul sister, and that only makes sense because she knows me very well. I have rekindled a friendship with this new friend of mine. I am very blessed and grateful for it. Her name is Gemma Galgani, better known as Saint Gemma Galgani of Lucca, Italy, and also known as the Gem of Christ.

I have become interested in knowing more about her over the last few weeks. I felt an inspiration, a nudge to read about her life again through a small booklet. Like I mentioned, my dear sister gave me this little booklet about this saint, and since the middle of April, I have reread her story numerous times always gaining many things from it. Although Saint Gemma has been deceased for over 100 years, her life is still relevant, important and dare I say interesting! Hence, why I have been so intrigued by her story. I have also come to learn that we have a few things in common. She died when she was at the ripe ol' age of 25, and I am currently 25 years old. She sometimes had severe back pain and I can attest to my back hurting more than I would like. She was a young woman of faith, and I am as well. Her pitfalls and weaknesses I could/can relate with, and I find her more inspiring and essential to pray to and develop a friendship with. After a few days of struggles and my own falls of weakness, I prayed to her as well as her devotional saint when she was alive (St. Gabriel of our Lady of Sorrows), and the next morning I slept so well and felt very much at peace, knowing that they were interceding for me.

There are a number of things I admire about this beautiful saint. These include her great and deep love for Jesus, his sacred heart, as well as Mother Mary. I admire her simplicity in all things and sacrificing a life of glamour, honor and prestige to that of a simple life full of pain and suffering that mirrored Jesus's 5 wounds and the crown of thorns, also known as the stigmata. I greatly admire her bravery in conquering the devil and the prince of lies and death's attempts of temptation. I very much admire her dear friendship with her guardian angel, as well as a lovely soon to be saint she learned about and had visions of, Saint Gabriel of our Lady of Sorrows. Overall, there are many things I have learned and gained from Saint Gemma. I have felt a connection with her that I only want to nurture and develop, she has taught me many things.

There are many interesting things that I am learning from reading a detailed book about the life of Saint Gemma Galgani. One of them in particular is about another Catholic saint who is more well known than St. Gemma, yet this saint is equally as important as St. Gemma. Her name is St. Therese of Lisieux, and she is my patron saint of the year. These two saints' lives are similar as the books states, "Therese lost her mother when she was a child, had a complicated relationship with death and the desire for Heaven, and replaced her earthly mother with the Blessed Virgin, had a vivid imagination, was different from other children, had a privileged relationship with God, passionately in love with Jesus, desired and loved suffering, died in her mid-twenties, her photographs attest to her beauty, did nothing of importance to her life." These two beautiful saints had similar lives and turn of events that happened to them. I feel that I have a deeper devotion to St. Therese of Lisieux, seeing that her life wasn't that much different from St. Gemma's.

While at a coffee shop this afternoon, enjoying the ambiance, sipping my coffee and reading this moving and insightful book about St. Gemma, I came across something that made me stop and think a little. St. Gemma's guardian angel was always at her side, assisting her and protecting her (which is true for all of us). Gemma couldn't eat, it seemed that her body did not wish it, linking and merging her longings, her needs, her wants to Jesus' own. "And when , after eating, she feels unwell, the angel offers Gemma 'a cup of coffee so good that I was healed instantly."

I don't think I've ever been healed spiritually from coffee, not ever will. However, like this afternoon, I needed that cup of coffee and that inspirational time at the coffee shop to process, to recharge, to think, to learn, to hope. All of these important things I usually need a couple of times a week to stay sane, happy and healthy. It also gave me the reminder of how my dear guardian angel should become more of my best friend and confidant, because he/she (I named mine a boy's name) is always looking out for us. St. Gemma even joked around with her guardian angel, which I found to be cool and amusing.

I am grateful and blessed to learn more about  St. Gemma Galgani's life and journey of faith. It only encourages and inspires me more to be bolder, stronger, and braver in my faith. I am grateful to have rekindled a friendship with a beautiful soul and example.

Memories of Peace

"Peace,  I leave you, my peace I give to you." These words are from the Gospel reading today. I can't help but reflect upon a year ago on May 1st. It was my first time volunteering at my local senior center. It was something that I felt called to do and an experience in which I was longing for for quite some time. I felt a surge of peace while walking into the facility and a wave of welcome and belonging. I knew deep down that this volunteer work was something I was meant for. It may seem like a small endeavor, but to me it was so much more. I knew all the hardships and pains that I had endured throughout the recent months had meaning and the endless wait was worth it. My prayers were answered.

May 1st, I have recently learned is dedicated to St. Joseph. A common name for him is St. Joseph the Worker. Weeks prior to gaining volunteer experience, I had been praying for a job, some kind of work that I desperately needed not just financially speaking but also for the social and mental benefits. I was aiming prayers to St. Joseph because I knew he was a man of diligent and committed work, a man of virtue. On his intercession day, my prayers and desires for work were answered. Though it wasn't a job with money being earned, my needs were met with meeting and talking with new people, learning new tasks and serving others. I was so happy to serve others, and instead of focusing on my needs, the concerns and satisfaction of local seniors were more important, and everyone was better for it. Every time I left after serving and cleaning up and taking off the brown OHK apron, the blue-gray greyhound hat that I borrowed from my Dad and the disposable plastic gloves, I felt a large wave of contentment and peace.

St. Joseph is the patron saint for various causes and places. I was interested to know that St. Joseph is the patron saint of Canada! It just so happens I will be traveling to Canada in a matter of days. I have learned much more about St. Joseph than I knew about him a year ago, and have seen his working hand in my life. I only want to continue to draw closer to him, and receive the peace that I need from him as well as his beloved Son.

Understanding Childhood...in Germany

I've been a student since January, learning about Early Childhood Education/Development. I'm not used to semesters, but I've gotten used to the length and the sometimes monotony of 17 week classes instead of a sheer 10. An undergrad student last Spring and a post grad and flux of other things for this one. I enjoy my schedule. I'm lucky that it's fairly flexible, and it ends up being a bit different every day which is also a rare luxury. I'm trying to appreciate all that I have now, the benefits even if they are not the monetary kind, for now.

My classes are now begging the question of what I have to take from the knowledge I've inherited these past 4 months. It isn't easy, but I think it's worth it. I will try to sum it up for you here.

I've learned about toddlers and their needs, and why they love the word no. The importance of developmentally appropriate practices and what they look like, as well as the quality of a center as well as the teachers and educators. I very much learned about the great impact of media and commercialization and socialization on children and how this impacts them, their thinking, behavior, future and everything else that surrounds them. Speaking of surroundings, Bronfenberner has a theory that various things affect and influence a child such as family, their environment, their friends, their school and teachers, their religious activities, sports and so on. Oh, and there are also other theorists such as Piaget, Erikson. And Frobel created Kindergarten, which is a German word and was started in Germany. Interesting, right? Many things influence the molding, shaping and learning of a child. I've also learned that the ECD field is very important, and interesting, fun, rewarding and becoming more respected as well as diverse in our society.

Whew. That was a lot. And that was just a (very) brief summary.

Some other things that have related to this specific and interesting field of study is a book I'm reading. Achtung Baby is a fluid read. I've only just started and it's hard to put down. The author is a Mom and has moved to Berlin, Germany with her husband and talkative 2 yr old daughter for her husband's schooling and job status. Sara (the author) learns all about the culture differences of German culture and how American she really is! Deutsch parenting styles are very independent and free roaming other than the well known 'helicopter parenting' where the parent literally hovers over their child watching their every move on a constant basis. Germans are not like that, and it's a very think for yourself and be responsible type of culture when handling the art, if you will of raising children.

Sara's daughter goes to a German preschool, known as a kita. It's a free roaming type program where play is the main and most important aspect. Sara has qualms about the kita but becomes calmed and soothed learning about the pros of a play based program instead of a solely academic one in America. Her daughter even becomes fluent in German! Herrlich!

Another topic pertaining to ECD is one that is personal. I will be seeing my sweet 4 year old nephew's school, and I know that he is excited and proud to show it off.  I am also excited to see it and get a tour. It will be cool for him to share this with me but also for me to learn more about it and add to what I've learned throughout this semester so far.

Arab April

April holds some special memories for me. It's the start of Spring and although it can still be rainy, the thought of sunshine, and blossoming of flowers gives me hope. Just two years ago, I was blossoming in my own way. I was dealing with some hard times and depression and was looking for waves of inspiration and sheer distraction from my deep melancholy blues. I had ideas for studying Arabic a few months prior from April 2016 but never got around to it. This creeping and cloudy depression took a turn and needed something to keep me motivated and for the creative juices to continue flowing. Arabic became a strong force for me. I jumped into a new endeavor, and experienced a wave of excitement with this language. Arabic helped a lot in terms of my dark mood which put blinders on my eyes and perspective. It didn't cure me since only God can fully do that, but it helped me in moments of pain and despair.

April 2017 wasn't a breeze or a piece of cake either. I had my share of suffering and growing pains in various ways. It was a waiting game, in terms of graduating, and figuring out the next steps as well as looking for volunteer work and ways to give. I was getting frustrated with the results of how these two waiting situations made me feel since it was difficult not to focus on them.There was a day in April last year when I didn't have class and really wanted to see a Israeli cooking documentary. It was only playing in the city and I persuaded my mom to come see it with me. Luckily, she was open and interested enough so we made a day trip of it. It just so happened that it was the last day of showing, so we were extra lucky. This Israeli cooking documentary ('In Search of Israeli Cuisine') gave me a strong power of inspiration and conviction of my interests in Israel, the Arab world, cooking and especially Middle Eastern cooking and how the surrounding regions are influenced by the food. I recognized a good amount of the food being mentioned in the film and it made me excited that I was in the know of this rich culture of food and cooking. My spirits and hopes lifted and I knew my path was somehow, somewhere linked with Middle Eastern cooking, the Arabic language and all that relates to it.

A year later, I have gotten more comfortable with Arabic cooking and only more inspired to learn more and try out more. I have also been keeping up with my Arabic language learning and only want to improve! I now have 3 Middle Eastern cookbooks and love looking through them and using them. For Christmas this past year, I got the large textbook- like cookbook by the director of the documentary film, In Search of Israeli Cuisine who also has his own restaurant. His cookbook inspired by his restaurant makes me reminisce about the day I saw his film, and also how much I still have to learn about the incredible and influential food in Israel.

So, what's next? I guess more discovering and learning which is always exciting! Here is my other blog that goes through everything Arabic and a challenge and learning process for me.
hummusha.blogspot.com

Right after seeing the film, In Search of Israeli Cuisine

Spring, Easter, Rain, Qalb

Easter is just around the corner. Holy week is here and I must say it's one of my favorite times of the year. This week is filled with reflection, meaning, spiritual understanding and awakenings for the soon to be new. I have strong and vivid memories from last year at this time. I was in a different place emotionally, spiritually and mentally. It's hard to wrap it all in one, but it was very difficult and my own personal suffering and crosses, whether big or small were in my mind and heart and in my prayer often and usually daily. I was either writing them down on paper or voicing them into a mesh of words. During holy week, I was trying to remember Jesus's own suffering and all that he went through and did for us. Somehow, it felt somewhat distant because all I could hear were my own thoughts, struggles, worries and such. They were clouding up my vision and what I was supposed to be focused on, the holiest week of the year, and the most important and powerful celebration, Easter.

My heart was somewhere else. I was focused on what I was going through and some days it felt hard to express it all. My heart wasn't entirely focused on Jesus's death, suffering and rising. I was more focused on the great leaps of sin that I caused Christ and solely that pain rather than just as importantly focusing on His great desire and love for us. I had a direct view of Good Friday and it was more bitter, remorse and sad than focusing on the greatest depths of sacrifice and thirst to save us as well as pour out His love for us. This year, it has been a lot of focus and reflection on Christ's deep love for us and the sacrifice of dying on a cross for his beloved. It's not a week to take in lightly and I find each year to be different and each passage, character and Mass to showcase and represent something a little bit deeper.

The heart is something very intricate, real and powerful. In Arabic, the word is qalb. The book that I recently finished reading talked about this word, qalb in one of the chapters, and the differences in meaning and association compared with English. How interesting it is! From the book, "When I asked Google to switch qalb into English, I got heart, center, middle, transformation, conscience, core, marrow, pith, pulp, gist, essence, quintessence, topple, alter, flip, tip, overturn, reversal, overthrow, capsize, whimsical, capricious, convert, change, counterfeit...My own concept of heart did not include flip, capsize, or reverse. Our two cultures did not have the same idea of what was happening at the core of our beings...Whatever it was, qalb seemed more fluid and less constrained than anything I had imagined happening inside of me."

I think there is a lot of movement within our hearts and God taps into this control, yearning for our hearts to be closer to Him, strong, mighty, happy and full. But what happens when our hearts, our beings are not full of  joy and radiating a sense of strength and contentment? Hindsight is 20 20, and the slumps that I was going through last year, the pain and even heartache was allowing God to enter into my being and my qalb that needed more, essentially needed His strength and love.

What can I say, life is always changing, progressing and transitioning, but Christ's love is there for us throughout each moment. I am very grateful to be on the other side of this slump, and uncertainty of where I am and how to play whatever role I'm supposed to be in well. My qalb is still beating, hoping, and it's been breathing and dancing way more than it did a year ago. I've been trying to allow some time taking in God's immense love especially during this time of reflection, prayer and preparation for Easter.


These photos remind me and produce vivid memories from Spring time/Easter 2017:

I love this pic! My dear sister and I love our books and things:)

Taking in the most beautiful part of the day, on a street I came very familiar with.

Surprised, and happy to be in Half Moon Bay

A Sense of Comfort

I have known for a while that I am a comfort seeking person. I need comfort in my life to keep me unstressed, to know that everything will be okay, and to not loose my mental balance. Comfort in a listening ear, a reassuring word, a caring touch- these are some ways that comfort speaks to me and I'm sure many other people as well. But comfort shows up and speaks to me in other ways as well, perhaps even at a deeper and connecting type of way.

Just recently, I was thinking this whole comfort thing over and began to see a couple of different things that connected with me and helped reaffirm that I need things, ideas or people that I can connect with on a deeper level that give me this 'comfort.'

I read a book by an awesome priest writer, and this book was more like a journal. It had the day of the week and the date and a long or semi-short synopsis of his feelings, thoughts, observations like prayer words and thoughts that all spiraled and formed this book. This was the third spiritual reading book I have read by him, and I was impressed by his ways with words, descriptions of interior life whether that be issues, resolutions or a mix. Gliding through his entries made me feel more connected with myself since I know that I could connect with how described various things, and it consoled me and gave me a sense of comfort.

Yesterday, I was going through a new and favorite art and spiritual book I received from Christmas from my dear sister. It has beautiful pictures, paintings, reflections and psalms and the book is divided into the four seasons. I want to know, reflect upon and memorize more psalms and so I have been taking notes on the psalms listed. This book, its many artistic facets is inspiring and comforting to me, and helps me connect deeper with my faith.

Although I'm not a big bake lover, I enjoy watching others bake and the process, the art, the messiness, and the preciseness of it all. I wouldn't consider myself a great baker (yet). I quadruple check the ingredient servings, I shake while measuring salt, any sweet liquids and I'm as slow as a turtle. Maybe that's why I thoroughly enjoy watching the Great British Baking Show. Viewing bakers from all backgrounds who are British and see them in this non competitive like competition. The show is now down to the final three, and I've had my favorite ever since the beginning of the episode. I sensed that I could connect with her. Her demeanor, and personality made me not feel so alone in that I too could be like that- seem more shy or quiet or even hard on myself, to be fearless and believe in yourself.
 I find this talented baker, Ruby to keep things interesting; she really just knows how to be herself.  Even when things weren't going her way, she would admit it and try to appear calm and even if her result didn't look the best, she made it become the best since she made it her own. She is usually or almost always hard on herself and sometimes even surprises herself when she did a lot better than she thought and smiles big. I've been rooting for her to win and didn't want her to get off. Ruby gave me comfort with myself to keep pursuing my passions even if it's hard or I don't see any progress. It's inspiring to see her come this far and prove her talent on this baking show.

Candy is one of my students. Her personality can be bold, silly, loud, hardworking and attentive. Her English name is Candy and I can connect with her name because I like eating sweets. I enjoy teaching her English and being in her presence because she is naturally an interesting person. She can be high energy at times and go on tangents and she can also be really engaged and enjoy my lessons. She also loves to read and appears to be the non-conventional type. She'd rather read a book in her room than go to a Middle School dance. She likes to learn and has ambition to open her own business when she is older. Her Chinese name was the same as my Chinese name when I was in College and minoring in Chinese language. I know it's still a part of me because when her Mom calls her name, Menglin then I also look but soon realize she's no talking to me. I am not super neat or organized with my notes and lesson assignments, and she too finds random and out of order pages to take notes in her notebook. I feel a sense of comfort and reassurance about myself every time I am with Candy.

Lessons Tied Up in Bow

"Your greatest lessons in faith are often learned in the dark." This was the my spiritual quote of the day from yesterday that I read each day, and try to think about more in reflection. It got me thinking about all the times I spent alone in college and how they all felt lonely, painfully so. I felt in the dark, not sure where to go to feel more part of my college campus, more tied to the people, campus events or clubs. Or perhaps my major or minor which were incredibly small and difficult to create connections in. Yep, another day that I was alone, and headed again to the library to read my book, study language, and talk with my sister~ really anything that gave me some sort of energy or inspiration while inside my disconnected cocoon or library cubby.

I really did feel in the dark, not sure where to turn to make my situation and the perspective behind my situation better and so gloomy. I put myself out there in ways that were a little at a time, going to a Student Government Event, trying out the Newman Center, and the Toast Masters club. Even if I felt like I didn't succeed in these things because I wasn't receiving the results I had hoped I would, in hindsight, I feel that I did at least try and make an effort. I could have done more if I was brave enough, and stepped another ring outside my comfort circle, but I at least tested the waters.

My lessons that I learned in the moment were fuzzy and gray, and it was difficult to keep up hope. To me it was all trial and error over and over again. I felt like I had a 0% success rate. But again, looking back I think I really only succeeded because it made me stronger and learn how to persevere.

Last Spring, I read a really cool book about the Olympic Gold Medalist swimmer, Missy Franklin, written by her. There was a quote that I had to write down because it connected with me so much at the time and helped me with faith and seeking the good even in times of hardships and trials. "I am so happy you are going through such a challenging time, because that means God is going to do incredible things in your life, and he is working through you right now, in ways you cannot yet know." This was said by a man on a plane seated next to her after they had been talking. I resonated with this, and it gave me divine hope!

Another quote that awakened my memory of my trials that started to shine bright, positive light on them was a quote from a blogger and/artist whom I admire. "So much of what I share here was learned through seasons never affirmed by social media and joys and tears no one ever saw through little squares.  The truths we learn in secret will ultimately speak the loudest in public. Our stories are written in the mystery of God's faithful timing." I could deeply connect with what was voiced here. There were so many tears, frustrations, and uncertainties that pinned me down and got me down, and how much I have learned and gained from it all!

And finally, another quote from a favorite YouTube women empower-er speaker that also hit home for me. "I've heard many times about how God is always with me, but for some reason when she said this it stuck in college when I was painfully lonely...all the times where I just wanted someone to acknowledge my existence, to be important to someone, anyone. And it really is an incredible thing-God was always there. There has not been a moment when He has taken his gaze off me. God is right there with you. He is paying attention to you, noticing your every movement, walking with you whether you are in a season of painful loneliness or incredible joy. You are not alone. You are never alone."
Wow, all the days and times when I felt sooo alone and really just needed some consolation, connection, something , and I had it all with me since God has never left me, and was with me in all those times. All those times, and he continues to still be there for me. What a great lesson.