Lessons Tied Up in Bow

"Your greatest lessons in faith are often learned in the dark." This was the my spiritual quote of the day from yesterday that I read each day, and try to think about more in reflection. It got me thinking about all the times I spent alone in college and how they all felt lonely, painfully so. I felt in the dark, not sure where to go to feel more part of my college campus, more tied to the people, campus events or clubs. Or perhaps my major or minor which were incredibly small and difficult to create connections in. Yep, another day that I was alone, and headed again to the library to read my book, study language, and talk with my sister~ really anything that gave me some sort of energy or inspiration while inside my disconnected cocoon or library cubby.

I really did feel in the dark, not sure where to turn to make my situation and the perspective behind my situation better and so gloomy. I put myself out there in ways that were a little at a time, going to a Student Government Event, trying out the Newman Center, and the Toast Masters club. Even if I felt like I didn't succeed in these things because I wasn't receiving the results I had hoped I would, in hindsight, I feel that I did at least try and make an effort. I could have done more if I was brave enough, and stepped another ring outside my comfort circle, but I at least tested the waters.

My lessons that I learned in the moment were fuzzy and gray, and it was difficult to keep up hope. To me it was all trial and error over and over again. I felt like I had a 0% success rate. But again, looking back I think I really only succeeded because it made me stronger and learn how to persevere.

Last Spring, I read a really cool book about the Olympic Gold Medalist swimmer, Missy Franklin, written by her. There was a quote that I had to write down because it connected with me so much at the time and helped me with faith and seeking the good even in times of hardships and trials. "I am so happy you are going through such a challenging time, because that means God is going to do incredible things in your life, and he is working through you right now, in ways you cannot yet know." This was said by a man on a plane seated next to her after they had been talking. I resonated with this, and it gave me divine hope!

Another quote that awakened my memory of my trials that started to shine bright, positive light on them was a quote from a blogger and/artist whom I admire. "So much of what I share here was learned through seasons never affirmed by social media and joys and tears no one ever saw through little squares.  The truths we learn in secret will ultimately speak the loudest in public. Our stories are written in the mystery of God's faithful timing." I could deeply connect with what was voiced here. There were so many tears, frustrations, and uncertainties that pinned me down and got me down, and how much I have learned and gained from it all!

And finally, another quote from a favorite YouTube women empower-er speaker that also hit home for me. "I've heard many times about how God is always with me, but for some reason when she said this it stuck in college when I was painfully lonely...all the times where I just wanted someone to acknowledge my existence, to be important to someone, anyone. And it really is an incredible thing-God was always there. There has not been a moment when He has taken his gaze off me. God is right there with you. He is paying attention to you, noticing your every movement, walking with you whether you are in a season of painful loneliness or incredible joy. You are not alone. You are never alone."
Wow, all the days and times when I felt sooo alone and really just needed some consolation, connection, something , and I had it all with me since God has never left me, and was with me in all those times. All those times, and he continues to still be there for me. What a great lesson.