A Fine Pearl

'The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls, when he finds one of great value he goes and sells everything he owns and buys it.'  Matthew 13:44-52. 

The pearl of great price, this was the message from yesterday's readings and though I've heard it many times before, various situations and circumstances can make me reflect upon it even more, in a different way. I think that's the beauty of scripture, its God's word and its alive and active in our life and what we are going through.

I'm not too familiar with pearls but I know that my birthstone is the gem pearl. I think its an elegant, classy and beautiful jewel and it happens to be a metaphor in part of yesterday's Gospel reading. While watching the Mass online, the priest mentioned how the pearl of great price is Jesus himself. To be focused on him, instead of other stones, rocks and gems that shouldn't be as important or valuable in our lives. As the priest said, they are all rocks that can be tossed, but we should never lose sight of the rock of our faith, Jesus.

I found this to be a great reminder as its easy to lose sight of the real things that matter instead of being distracted and tossed by the waves and storms of life. Jesus is always present, and we need to put him at the center of our lives.

Yesterday, my 3 older sisters and I got together for our sister day. It had been almost a year since we had gathered together with just us, no other people, distractions or events in the making. It was a glorious and beautiful day, with a lot of laughter and talking, connecting and our lives, hearts and thoughts embracing and uniting again. I realize more and more how precious this time is as 2 of my sisters present yesterday are married with families, and my older sister above me is moving away to another area. There are various transitions in our lives, all looking different, yet all grounded from the same faith, family, love and understanding as sisters- as nothing else can replace that!

I feel that we are all pearls. We are each living out our gifts, dignity, faith, beauty in its own unique way that God has prepared for now. As my oldest sister put it who couldn't be there yesterday for our special gathering, "You are each a light in this world." And with that I think of Christ's light shining in us, upon us.


I think of the pearl as a symbol in beauty, growth, strength, dignity and how it's not lovely and beautiful all on its own or all by itself, but as I wrote before, from another post- a pearl from an oyster, that a pearl was formed and created out of something, from a situation, a hardship, a circumstance, ect... And in this time of transition, hardship, growth there will be pain and there will be struggles. But being with my dear sisters yesterday allowed me to see that strength, hope, and beauty in all of it, this journey ahead! And to know that we have the greatest pearl ever hoped for, Jesus himself.

Seeds of Growth

I came across a journal entry in a notebook of  mine written exactly a year ago. It's so interesting to look back on and all that was happening, the small and big shifts that were happening by day and pondered at night. How strange it is to reflect upon it all when this year looks completely different! The main difference is the coronavirus pandemic we are facing. There are other differences though subtle, that reflect upon a year ago and the similarities beat together as being internal growth, growing pains.

There were many questions a year ago for me as what I would be doing in terms of work and the structure of it all. How would it happen, what to do about it and where to go. They were hard questions to figure out and discern but the weight of them were lifted for a time when I could just enjoy the ambiance of a library or cafe and study on my own time. I would let the daunting thoughts drift and fizzle away while I read a book or drank a vanilla creme whilst doodling and jotting down notes in my notebook. But some how, someway those thoughts would linger and arsie again and I would be faced with more discernment, application and job opportunities to research, and holding onto hope and trust like no other.

I became really motivated in studying for the English CBEST. I felt a great desire and need to pursue something academic since my last work place wasn't very challenging or enriching in thought. I remember I would send my brother a picture of my studies while he was abroad in Costa Rica and day by day was feeling the rewards of progress of studying for an exam, and pursing something.

Walks and runs were and still are very important to me. I feel that I am able to let out my internal energy and set about new ideas, inspiration while sorting out thoughts in my head as I jog and take in the beauty and peace of the scenery.  The vision that really helped me and lifted my spirits was while I was taking a walk or running and envisioning Jesus guiding me along and holding my hand. But he wasn't next to me but rather in front of me, almost like showing me where to go, what path to take. It was very comforting since I had no real idea of what would happen next and what to do and how things would look. But knowing that God has a plan and was guiding me step by step was reassuring that I was on the right path.

Today is the feast day of St. Bonaventure, and I specifically remember attending daily Mass and learning more about this saint from the priest and an excerpt in the Magnificat readings. What was written was so beautiful and deep, I decided to write it in my notebook.

"Beloved friend of Jesus Christ, examine carefully what kind of love your most sweet Jesus expects of you. Your great lover certainly wants you to give him your whole heart, soul and mind, so that there may be absolutely no one else in heart, soul and mind to share your love with him." - St. Bonaventure

And part of my commentary on this quote I will also share:

"...How relevant it is in thinking of solely focusing on Him, creating a stronger commitment and relationship and entrusting everything to Him, for Him and through Him. He is preparing my future with His holy will and ardent love. To no longer fear, but to instead hold onto His beautiful and sacred heart, and His guiding and loving hand. For He will show me the way."

Reflecting upon what I wrote, it enkindles this same desire to draw closer to Our Lord during these difficult and confusing times. I feel that I'm in a whole new season of growth and learning, pain and suffering. But to know that He is still leading, guiding and loving me every step of the way. Striving to embrace this time of more quiet and open time, since listening requires effort and God speaks in whispers and moves in silence has been helpful.

I want to continue to have some things to look forward to in order to make this internal season of growth more enjoyable, memorable and inspiring. As a creative melancholy, I'm always looking for ways to enhance the use of my hands in projects, thinking of innovative ideas and creating a playlist in my head of memories, thoughts, and goals that lift me up and keep me inspired while marching to beat of my own drum.

While writing this post, the main point resurfaced in my mind of relating it all back to this past Sunday's readings of the Gospel of Matthew 13:1-23 in  planted in God's word, and producing good fruit ..."But the seed sown on rich soil is the one who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and yields a hundred or sixty or thirty fold."

And the beautiful Psalm 65: The seed that falls on good ground will yield a fruitful harvest.

I want to close with sharing this excerpt from an enriching and very lovely faith and scripture journal from my dear sister a few years ago. It is one that was so relevant to the main message and brought a flow of consolation.

"It may not feel like it now, but you will survive this season. You will look back and remember with discomfort how it felt to be stripped of all that felt safe but really stunted your growth. And then with joy you'll praise Him because Jesus, the Master Gardener, has prepared blooms for you that you and those around you could not have witnessed otherwise. We were created to bear fruit. Today's painful pruning paves the way for tomorrow's blooms."

Embracing Memories, Embracing the Heart

"You must believe in truth that whatever God gives or permits is for your salvation." St. Catherine of Siena

I came across this quote recently, one that I wrote down when I was searching for inspiration, spiritual enrichment and consolation a while back. I remembered it again recently and it instantly brought back memories from New Years Day of this year. My dear sister, Santiago and I went to Mass celebrating the Solemnity of Mary and the New Year at the church St. Catherine of Siena. It wasn't planned where we would go as it happened with ideas unfolding of visiting that church not too far and seeing the priest we knew of who was pastor there. It was a beautiful, quaint, and traditional church and a lovely Mass and it was nice to be able to speak with and say hi to the priest we knew of.

It brought back memories of that special first day of the year, with all of the anticipation, excitement, freshness and possibilities of a new year ahead. Thinking how would God let things unfold in His mysterious and beautiful plan. So much that would be unexpected and it rings true now with how  2020 has unfolded.

There has been great angst and uncertainty with this pandemic and all the orders and regulations in place, not to mention deep disappointment, and fear with processing everything. So much has happened in a matter of a few months, it feels the world is upside down. There are still many unknowns and questions about the future and how this will look for the rest of the year for everybody.

With the sudden news of Igancio's heart diagnosis and praying for a miracle for successful surgeries and recovery, for healing these past winter and spring months. With the even greater sad and heart wrenching news of his passing after his short life of 4 days, but the beautiful witness of his life and my sister and brother-in-law's faith, courage and strength in these very challenging and grieving times was impressive, a positive force. I think of him often and am so grateful I was able to meet him and kiss his forehead many times. I feel with great confidence that he is praying and looking down on us, and interceding for us  in heaven, a sweet angel. I would be his God mother and Aunt, but now I feel that he is sending me more prayers and consolation than I even prayed for him.

All that he had to go through from his short, precious life really shows God's mysterious ways and reasons. It points to a bigger picture of eternity, and of death that we all have to face at some point in our lives. His sufferings, discomfort, and heart surgery portrays Jesus' own wounds and suffering on the cross and this relationship couldn't be more powerful or spiritual enriching during these questioning times.

What also helps me is reflecting upon the many months of when my dear sister was pregnant with him, when he was growing in her womb. When I look at it this way, there are so beautiful memories and moments shared. Even at this New Years Day Mass, Ignacio was present. In so many other times, situations, and events he was there and part of the picture, along with the bonding time of my dear sister and I. How couldn't he be more present, a spiritual intercessor reigning down from heaven for us now.

I look back at the pillowcase I designed in early spring and thinking of his heart diagnosis. I drew a smaller heart and larger heart  with the word 'heart' written in Arabic, depicting his sweet heart resting on his mother's and receiving his life supplements while in the womb. And now in eternal rest embraced with the Sacred Heart of Jesus, it beats stronger than before, with a greater love, intensity and strength.

 Going back to the quote from St. Catherine of Siena, it made me realize and reflect upon more that God is using all of these struggles, crosses, sufferings and unknowns for our salvation, for something greater. It's almost like St. Catherine of Siena was saying this herself, a gentle and quiet whisper  coming from heaven that crisp New Years Day, preparing us for the trials, and tribulations ahead, but with the certainty of the gift of peace and graces needed from our Lord.