Embracing Memories, Embracing the Heart

"You must believe in truth that whatever God gives or permits is for your salvation." St. Catherine of Siena

I came across this quote recently, one that I wrote down when I was searching for inspiration, spiritual enrichment and consolation a while back. I remembered it again recently and it instantly brought back memories from New Years Day of this year. My dear sister, Santiago and I went to Mass celebrating the Solemnity of Mary and the New Year at the church St. Catherine of Siena. It wasn't planned where we would go as it happened with ideas unfolding of visiting that church not too far and seeing the priest we knew of who was pastor there. It was a beautiful, quaint, and traditional church and a lovely Mass and it was nice to be able to speak with and say hi to the priest we knew of.

It brought back memories of that special first day of the year, with all of the anticipation, excitement, freshness and possibilities of a new year ahead. Thinking how would God let things unfold in His mysterious and beautiful plan. So much that would be unexpected and it rings true now with how  2020 has unfolded.

There has been great angst and uncertainty with this pandemic and all the orders and regulations in place, not to mention deep disappointment, and fear with processing everything. So much has happened in a matter of a few months, it feels the world is upside down. There are still many unknowns and questions about the future and how this will look for the rest of the year for everybody.

With the sudden news of Igancio's heart diagnosis and praying for a miracle for successful surgeries and recovery, for healing these past winter and spring months. With the even greater sad and heart wrenching news of his passing after his short life of 4 days, but the beautiful witness of his life and my sister and brother-in-law's faith, courage and strength in these very challenging and grieving times was impressive, a positive force. I think of him often and am so grateful I was able to meet him and kiss his forehead many times. I feel with great confidence that he is praying and looking down on us, and interceding for us  in heaven, a sweet angel. I would be his God mother and Aunt, but now I feel that he is sending me more prayers and consolation than I even prayed for him.

All that he had to go through from his short, precious life really shows God's mysterious ways and reasons. It points to a bigger picture of eternity, and of death that we all have to face at some point in our lives. His sufferings, discomfort, and heart surgery portrays Jesus' own wounds and suffering on the cross and this relationship couldn't be more powerful or spiritual enriching during these questioning times.

What also helps me is reflecting upon the many months of when my dear sister was pregnant with him, when he was growing in her womb. When I look at it this way, there are so beautiful memories and moments shared. Even at this New Years Day Mass, Ignacio was present. In so many other times, situations, and events he was there and part of the picture, along with the bonding time of my dear sister and I. How couldn't he be more present, a spiritual intercessor reigning down from heaven for us now.

I look back at the pillowcase I designed in early spring and thinking of his heart diagnosis. I drew a smaller heart and larger heart  with the word 'heart' written in Arabic, depicting his sweet heart resting on his mother's and receiving his life supplements while in the womb. And now in eternal rest embraced with the Sacred Heart of Jesus, it beats stronger than before, with a greater love, intensity and strength.

 Going back to the quote from St. Catherine of Siena, it made me realize and reflect upon more that God is using all of these struggles, crosses, sufferings and unknowns for our salvation, for something greater. It's almost like St. Catherine of Siena was saying this herself, a gentle and quiet whisper  coming from heaven that crisp New Years Day, preparing us for the trials, and tribulations ahead, but with the certainty of the gift of peace and graces needed from our Lord.