A Creative Process

 I recently had a flashback, a thought from about a year ago. This week felt the exact opposite from a year ago. To give you a vague picture, last spring or (April) I had a lot of free, open time. I had horrible sleep anxiety and insomnia, and didn't feel very busy or productive due to the shut down and the COVID-19 pandemic. 

This spring and focusing on this week, I felt almost overwhelmed with assignments, and stressing about to do's for the upcoming days/ weeks. Seeing my books piled in my bookshelf and new ones recently checked out from the library only made me crave this inspiration of reading, yet knowing all the work that lay ahead. I have been sleeping well and been feeling tired when waking up, only wanting to sleep in more and take it slow. Last year, I wish I had a place to be, work to do that kept me stimulated and busy. I feel that now, and though of course I am grateful, but I also think its important to slow down when needed. 

This thought of mine also drifted back to a notebook. A year ago today, I wrote the first page of a notebook that was an extra one from my mom lying around. I wanted to use it to stay inspired and jot down notes and ideas for a potential story. I drew a big cloud like figure on the top of the page almost like a thought bubble with sun like rays and wrote, "I want to write another story. It will be different than the Noor series, with different characters, setting, but still similar in my writing, my style, memories and feelings. With this shelter in place, it will be good and fun to get back into writing again, creatively. We will see where this leads. :)" 

I also wrote down some ideas I had about language. I was currently studying Russian but still felt connected and compelled to progress with Arabic, but also felt like I was going back and forth between Russian and Hebrew. And I wrote at the end, "I think God also leads us to where our hobbies and interests will lead us."

On the back of that page, I was jotting down ideas for characters for the story I wanted to write, but not sure where to start or how to continue to stay inspired. I believe this quote from Picasso that says, "Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working." I've come back to this quote because I find it to be so true. For me at least, I become more inspired when there is variety, I'm busy, useful or productive in some way. And relaxing isn't routine, but a reward. 

I did write a story, months later, and sure enough it was when I was working. I wasn't very busy at work most days, or nearly at all. But being alone in a classroom on zoom, I needed to keep up this inspiration for myself and at the same time keep my mind busy. I slowly started thinking of characters, plot, and a world full of imagination to guide this inner world of story telling. I was somehow inspired by French since I was attempting to study it in my expansive free time, and French names kept coming up in my head and research and the inspiration grew from there. 

It was this same notebook that I've been taking with me to work these past couple of months for notes for my work, but also and very often for little notes and quotes, doodles and reminders for me to look at. When I was researching and discerning a Masters in Library Science, I jotted down notes. While reading good books, spiritual or other, I wrote down notes and quotes to fill a page or two or more and remember it for later as inspiration, positivity and encouragement in long, lonely, or isolated days. 

I'm now on my last page, and its ironic that a year ago I had just started with a few words of my thoughts, desires and ideas to continue to shape my world of inspiration, encouragement and imagination to pull me through the difficult and suffering days of last spring. In some ways, its also been helpful to continue with that theme these last couple of months. It's amazing really, to see it all in this perspective, after this momentous, challenging, interior school year. And the creative process is what I have to show for it.