Jumping Head First into Junior Year

 Junior year of High School was my hardest year academically as well as mentally and emotionally. It was the year that my classes became more rigorous with U.S. History, Chemistry, Ceramics (it was an elective, but it was a painful class for me, more on that later). It was the year of a lot of change and adjustments, the most I had ever experienced with three of my older sisters moving away after having them at home for summer and the prior semester. I got my own room, the room that all my sisters had lived in before me (I'm currently still living in this room:)) and shared the rest of my high school experience with my younger brother which dare I say, were awkward, frustrating, interesting and hard to navigate most of the time. 

It was my first year without basketball. I had played it for eight consecutive years, one of them being on the JV team and I decided and knew I couldn't do another year. Susie entered her first year of College and I stepped up to President for the Students for Life Club. Some of the hard work and logistics were already determined like who would enter into the other positions of Vice President, Treasure. My sister Susie and I debriefed the planning for the months ahead for the school year during summer vacation on a family camping trip, and we already elected the VP and Treasurer for the club. But things didn't turn out so smoothly as I had anticipated or hoped. 

Family camping trip

Like I wrote, my three older sisters had all previously lived at home for some time, and I had gotten used to their presence, especially Susie and I since we had shared rooms, and been together for two years of High school. I remember how difficult it was to see them all go their sperate ways, lives and adventures. Susie and Meghan moved out for College, starting and finishing their college experience and years. And dear Elisabeth was moving to Italy for study abroad for 9 months! How much further she would be away from home. It was the first time ever it was just me and younger brother Steven at home together, with no older siblings above us. It was a year of trial and suffering, challenges that gave me a lot of growth. 

I can still remember my schedule, the teachers and environment of each class. I started the morning early with History, the same teacher Susie had her Junior year. I had already heard a lot about him, his quirks, loud and energetic music in the morning and his jokes, usually borderline suggestive and inappropriate. In all, he kept things interesting and lively. But it wasn't my favorite subject or class. I didn't sense that I was fully grasping the material all the time and I remember if we worked in groups for some assignments, I didn't really connect or have friendships with my other classmates. I vividly remember daydreaming one morning while my teacher was giving a lecture early on in the year about the Gilded Age and some Progressive movements and in my head I was only thinking about after school and looking forward to watch 'Anne of Green Gables'! Haha

I always dreaded the next class, Ceramics. It was certainly, most probably my least favorite class that year. I thought since it was an Art class, I would be good at it, since I'm a creative person. It was quite the contrary, because it wasn't the Art class I was used to. I immediately felt intimated by it. The first thing we learned was the wheel. It's a tool to spin clay on and then form, shape and sculpt it into something small like a cup, or a mug. There's a pedal on the bottom, and as you press pedal the clay spins faster. You can add some drops of water to add moisture and certain hand techniques to structure it.

One of the things I made, a pumpkin:)

Our teacher made the demos look so simple, easy and fun. Whenever I tried it, I felt like I had immediately failed. What didn't help was seeing other classmates succeed and make their sculptures on the wheel look almost as good as the teacher. So for the rest of the classes, I decided I could only really make something if I just used my own two hands and not on the wheel that I was conditioned to be afraid and intimated by. I only made a few things that year, and had 1 or 2 people to talk to as we made our sculptures. I didn't feel like I fit in, that I was good or talented like others were, and never felt seen or complimented by my teacher. It was a lot, it was hard. Every time I came out of that class, I always had clay residue sticking to my clothes for the rest of the day. 

The next class was fun and light, Foods. Funny enough, I was initially in the same class as my younger brother and to be honest, he acted like he didn't even know who I was! He made it obvious that he didn't want to talk to me. (Freshman can be so awkward, let alone High school boys!) But that schedule didn't last for long since I had to retake a semester of Bio since I got a 'D' my first semester of Biology sophomore year. It was actually better than I thought it would be. I had a different teacher than the year prior, and I understood the material a lot better! Though I was mostly with Freshman, there were a small minority of Juniors like me. It built my self esteem receiving a 'B' to replace my shrinking 'D'. I was able to return to the Foods class the next semester and overall that was fine.

4th Period was my favorite class and teacher, surprisingly it was Math, but I came to enjoy it. Math was never my strong suit but with a good teacher, I knew I could do well. This was my best Math class because the teacher was passionate about the subject, well organized, engaging, funny, and personable. She knew how to interact with the students, yet also showcase authority. It was predictable with daily warm ups, weekly quizzes as well as fun with little games and extra points, and watching her favorite Math show on rare Fridays, 'Numbers'. I liked her confidence and how she carried herself. I remembered she treated everyone equal, was respectful, funny and energetic. She was super fit and loved running and athletics and was the Poll Vaulting coach. She would be the teacher I would ask to hand me my diploma at my High school graduation. 

When I was in that class, I often thought of my dear sister who was in Italy since my Math teacher was originally Italian and knew the language. She would always joke of her name, specifically her last name and how long or Italian it sounded to when she married her husband, her last name became just, 'Banks' joking the shortness and simplicity of her husband's 'white' name. I became more confident with the material and enjoyed it. I liked to share it with others, so I would often teach my mom the things I was learning!

Showing my older brother Matthew some of the things in Math (he was visiting and took the bus home with me that day)

My friend group expanded more from Sophomore year and the excluded spot I found originally also became a favorite. It was relaxing and scenic looking out to the baseball field.  The group usually included Katie, Christine, Natalie, Mohini, and Emily. I was grateful to have at least two of them support and go to the club I was leading and attend all the meetings. 

The last two classes were English and Chemistry, also low favorites in teachers. I didn't prefer English due to my classmates who I didn't really have any connections or just the regular bunch of annoying students. The books we read were okay, but I didn't feel that any of them really came alive for me. And the teacher didn't really teach, just read all the books to us since no one else would volunteer. She was a hard grader I remember and barely ever gave A's on essays. 

And Chemistry wasn't much better. He was a new teacher an also the girl's soccer coach. He was friendly enough but didn't have the experience in classroom management or thorough teaching. Though it was a hard and confusing class, I didn't feel too bad since I knew I wasn't the only one who was lost. There was a student who taught the class better than the teacher and made understanding the periodic table not like rocket science. The labs were hard and annoying, but at least I could figure out with others who were just as unsure. During that time I always thought I could write a story about that interesting class, the teacher, the different energies of the students (10th, 11th and 12th graders). 

A good chunk of the school year I felt sad and melancholy for a variety of reasons. Firstly, the Students for Life Club was a big weight on my shoulders and I felt lime I was doing it alone. The selected VP who was a Senior was not very reliable for me or all that present, and it was hard to delegate. One of my friends who was the selected treasurer the first few weeks of school told me she changed her mind about the issue of Pro-Life and felt that she was actually Pro-Choice so she could no longer be part of the position or club. I felt devastated but didn't know how to navigate or try to talk to her more about it. I just let it go, and the topic was never mentioned. But I wish I had confronted it with her, and learn more about her change of views. To put the cherry on top, the teacher I had asked to be the liaison for the club (and who I knew from Middle School) also declined and drastically changed her mind about being the club advisor after saying yes. I received her change of answer in my Math class with a note sent to me. I felt like everything was falling to pieces. I somehow made it through the school year and pulled through!

The Yearbook picture for the Students for Life Club

Secondly, I really missed my sister Elisabeth who was away in Pavia, Italy. I would think of her a lot, counting 9 hours ahead, and overall just miss having a sister at home to lean on and turn to. That year, I started to pray on my own and get more into personal prayer. I remember towards the end of the school year, I just felt an inspiration, an inclination to write down all my thoughts and prayers down, talking to God about my day. I wrote down feelings I had about my 'secret' crush, and just the demands of classes, my friend situations and home life. 

 I got more into writing was writing letters to my older brother, Matthew. It was a fun process of writing and receiving letters! I felt like I could express myself, tell him about my classes, things happening at home and school. I even told about my crush and asked him what to do, getting a guy's perspective on it. It was also cool to read about his life, his days and what he was up to. We would connect on books, music and he would take a genuine interest in my high school life. I remember feeling proud about my math class and sharing what I was learning and how I was doing in that class with him. 

Throughout high school I would sometime have subtle or strong stomach pains. They would make me feel bloated and in pain, like I just wanted to lie down. This happened more so through Junior and Senior year, and it started to become an embarrassment since it seemed like I was still digesting food, but I really wasn't. I was usually full of discomfort and always wondered what was it that I ate that made me experience this.  

I went to dances with my friend group like homecoming and Junior Prom! I wore a more expensed dress for Homecoming - a Cobalt blue, so for Prom I didn't spend any money, I wore the bridesmaid dress from my Mom's wedding, just like my sister Elisabeth did. It was a fun, flowy style, a mid blue color that depicted the '70's. But I loved that no one would have my dress, and in some ways I would stand out. Junior Prom was okay. It was a nice venue and fancy food, but I felt like something was missing. I liked to dance and didn't mind being the first on the dance floor, but I felt my friends couldn't join me in the same way. I remember feeling very disappointed in one of my friends in the way that she danced with a guy. I felt betrayed since I knew she knew better than that, and it made me feel uncomfortable. 

Some fun things outside of school included visiting my grandparents with a few of my siblings and parents that September 2009. Camp every summer was a planning adventure throughout the school year and connecting with my camp counselor friends was always a joy. Writing like I mentioned was becoming more of a regular thing with my brother, as well as keeping in touch with Elisabeth in Italy! I adored receiving letters in the mail from her, and how artistically she decorated the cards was also fun and special to see. Hearing about her classes and her adventure in traveling, cooking and eating Gelato and other delicious food, as well as sharing some Italian language. 

I tried to keep up with running and exercise since I wasn't in a PE class nor was I playing basketball. I got more into running and made my 'running route' and loved running while listening to some of my favorite tunes, especially in the rain! This would transition into my Senior year as well. Junior year taught me a lot, and I was forced and encouraged to rely on my faith, and my inner strength a lot of the time. Though Senior year had its challenges, it definitely prepared me and made me a stronger person, creating that foundation.