Eat Your Heart Out

Looking back on this week, I tried to come up with some of the happenings, details- major or small. A few of them included waking up early a few times this week for Mass, seeing the orange hew sunrise, and remembering the truck that passed by while I was at a stop light. It read, 'Eat your heart out'. I wanted to see if I could remember simple things like that at the need of the day or week. 

So much can happen in a span of hours, in a day, in a week. Mostly I feel it's easy to lose sight of it all since a lot of it feels mundane, ordinary, routine. Ugh, not very uplifting or inspiring words there, but I felt like that at times this week too- like going through the motions. 

But some other highlights included my classes stating up again. A new semester of learning, work, challenges, adventures and insights, and busyness! I signed up for volunteering at a library, that in some ways I have been putting off for so long, but maybe now I'm ready and see the advantages with it. 

On Tuesday, towards the later part of the workday, I couldn't stop laughing. Perhaps I was a bit tired, but I have not laughed like that in so long, where I could barely let out words. I remember laughing like this with my sisters when something was so funny. It was funny in the moment, and it really was just about a question on a questionnaire sheet I was working on with a student, and his reaction, and the question being somewhat difficult to answer was what got me started. 

 

The weather was superb, very beautiful, warm, sunny= uplifting, and feeling more like spring! I'm looking forward to these next months ahead with less layers/jackets, and more sun. 

Rosary in car. Trying to maximize driving with praying and finishing the rosary on the way to work! 

Confession on Monday morning, and with the priest I like for confession, an added bonus!

Bible in a Year, in the evenings, I look forward to it and following along with my Bible. 

Adoration.

Receiving an email from my uncle.

Receiving compliments from students, hearing that I should become a teacher. 

Checking out more books from the library. 

Trying to get my thinking focused, uplifting, and away from discouragement, doubt. Thinking outside the box when there's a pattern and holding on to the truth. 

Sisterly

We ate pizza, which wasn't part of our original plan. But we had our own space, without crowds and bustling noise. It was there in that moment I recalled all the many reasons for choosing my dear sister as my confirmation sponsor. It also brought back memories of our cherished times together years ago, when she was in college, and I was in high school.

 Our paths crossed when she would visit home and when we would keep in touch intermittently. The ground force for me as I would go through the awkward and unsure times of high school and into late teen years. 

We only became closer as time went on and shared living in the same atmosphere and space at home. Into similar things, talking, listening, lamenting, laughing, shopping, cafes, day trips, and praying at Mass, adoration and praying the Rosary. How much our lives intertwined and collided in their own unique way of seasons of unknowns, joys, and trust. We had each other- what more could we need or want, even if there were lame guys or fair weathered friends in the mix at times. 

And while we were eating our pizza, in the abode of our little world- there was so much consolation and joy- listening to her words of comfort, support and reassurance. Once again, how much I need it! We both do, and the confidence it brings is like no other. It brings forth life, peace, but also a life filled with trust for His plan and inspiration. It's a beauty to behold, as well as a generous gift. 

Sometimes, or often enough, life isn't how we planned or thought it should be. There are surprises along the way, or realizations. Life is and can be so much simpler than we make it. Our plans change, and paths take us somewhere else. 

And it was funny thinking of that- with the change of plans for lunch at an empty Domino's pizza place instead of a hip and nice brunch spot that was popular. But the former was so much better!

I felt the grace of God, the inspiration of the Holy Spirit when deciding my Confirmation saint as well as who my confirmation sponsor would be. It was plain and simple, and it's an honor to have a dear friend, soul sister and confirmation sponsor by my side.  

Who We Are

My room. A project, a long-term project mind you. A project that is easily avoided, forgotten or excused. A project that brings upon hope, new habits, inspiration and decor, but also one that entails hard work, dedication, commitment, and intentionality. Oh, and also makes me realize that I am a pack rat! That I keep nearly everything, mostly for sentimental value, or that I need it or want to need it somewhere in the distant future that never really seems to present itself in the end. 

That's why I can relate to Joanna Gaines and her book- 'The Stories We Tell Ourselves' in so many ways. She says she is also a 'hoarder'. I don't like that word; it has a very negative connotation, or I find it quite extreme. There are reasons for keeping things, but what helps is knowing the why. I find that having someone help me or guide me along is actually essential and more productive in the long run. 'Should I keep this? or What should I do with this?' I would ask my mom and she would mostly immediately say throw it away. And that helped a lot, because I realized I was holding onto something or attached for practically no reason. It put things into perspective. 

newly organized bookshelf:)

Where did all the books go? They are not all displayed- so the ones I have read recently, and multiple times are stored away in boxes. This keeps them more organized and the ones I haven't read yet are priority. 

I realized there were other similarities as well. Reading her book and learning more about her and her story has been really interesting and almost therapeutic in some ways. "Maybe to you the idea of floating, looking out and seeing nothing but the expanse of sea- no landmarks, fewer responsibilities- sounds kind of perfect, like a deep, gorgeous exhale. Maybe the idea of empty hands sounds like freedom. Drifting makes me anxious. If I don't know where I'm going, if I don't know what's next, I might as well be lost."

 I can connect to that in some ways- knowing what the plan is, being mentally prepared is how I operate. Thinking/planning ahead just a little helps keeps things even keel. 

I realized that I'm not alone. And most especially being more cautious, less adventurous, or fear of the unknown is okay and has its good side. And there are pros and cons, but instead embracing who we are, how we were made by God, and embracing our stories she is proclaiming in her book. 

Dollar Store

 The Dollar Store. It brings back so many memories- childhood days picking out something special with my sisters and brother. Also brings back fun memories of my dear sister and I going there near our favorite Starbucks in Union City and picking out fun and inspiring items like nail polish.

I remember going often to the dollar store when I was teaching/facilitating 5th graders in a classroom, summer of 2017. I would buy prizes at the dollar store, and it was an uplifting and inspiring time after a dry season. One time, I went back spring of 2019 and all those memories flooded back to me of that time of inspiration at that old job, and I missed it terribly. I was secretly trying to recreate and find that inspiration again during a trying season.

I haven't been back for a while. I easily forget, but I felt inspired to go to my local one yesterday. Though it's a small, cramped, messy and somewhat cluttered store, there's a sense of excitement- with all those times and memories before. 

And of course, everything is so affordable and cheap. Perhaps that's where the excitement comes from, nothing is too overpriced! And the card section is great as there are deals and it's just what you need really.

 Little joys like that can bring back that inspiration.  

January Newness

 That language video from mid-January 2017. Winter chill, gloominess yet we were wearing shirts with cut out sleeves. Our lives were so different though still connected with language studies and continuing to make it our own in our unique seasons. 

So many memories flooded to my memory upon watching that video. I recognize my Chinese level hasn't changed much, but also my passion and interest for Chinese has subsided and slowly faded away from the focus I used to have. 

If I'm honest, I would say that it was a rather hard and daunting season. I was beyond ready to finish up my studies, meet new friends and create some sort of meaningful friendships and at times had a hopeless romantic mentality and was would soon be on CM to meet people and potentially quality guys, another way of putting myself out there. 

Mostly though, I was lonely, severely lonely. At school, without my dear sister near me at home, in my head a lot and doing my hobbies on my own. I also had a big desire to find a job outside of tutoring or volunteer to serve and get outside of myself. 

It was a growing season- lots of growth and change. But language was an anchor, a life force and one of the many ways my sister and I connected. 

I don't feel much different in some ways- language is still an inspiration to me and my life and my goals! Though the languages have changed throughout these years, my heart feels the same with them. 

In some ways too, I think of that time as a blessing, with the rawness, the learning curves, adapting more time and relationship with Susie and Elisabeth. But mostly, I don't miss that time. There was just so much going on and happening internally, there were thorns that were being brought into my life.

It was a time of figuring things at and trying to be hopeful amidst the pain and suffering. 

The idealistic thoughts, ideas helped when things were just plain hard. But I see myself as young, not yet knowing fully what I would do, or how things would look. I see myself as still growing in my faith, and just at a different phase in my life. 

It was also when my sister gave me the idea of starting up my own channel and making videos, as a potential way to form community, and serve as an outlet. How much my focus for making videos has changed but also adapted in its own way and outlet these past years. 

The good, the bad, the challenges, pain, unknowns, creativity, the questions all come back to me from watching that video. 

Hello Break!

 

Morning after Christmas. 

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Break, its own adjustment to 'break' into relaxation, new routines, ideas, mental inspiration.

A mental shift, mindset from the regular routine

New Year, settling into new opportunities, goals, but also somethings don't feel that different?

Freshness, perspective, hope, gratitude

Winter chill, shopping, new clothes and ideas, inspiration before routine kicks in

Spiritual goals and inspiration. Finishing St. Faustina' Diary after starting on Easter, didn't read every day, but it was always there.

Reading- a life force. Library books, always overflowing, more, returning, picking up, creating new ideas that just float around. Somehow I listen to them. 

Room- a big project! Redecorate, rearrange, organize, declutter! There's just so much, and I realize I am such a pack rat:( New challenges and goals- to keep organized, and less is more! Still more to do!

Language books- a lot of ideas for the present and the future, the past creeps up with its own memories of inspiration. My mind can somehow contain it, but my space can't! 

Goals for spiritual include listening to The Bible in a Year (again), and hopefully do a better/more consistent job. Listen to The Catechism in a Year, Marian Consecration, read the Bible on my own every day.

Keep up exercising, and eventually get back into swimming!