Remembering This Time in August

I remember a year ago- I find that to always be the case, remembering things well and vividly. I can remember what people said, what I wore, how I felt and some events that happened on that day. I can't fully control what I remember, but I think some of it has to do with how personal or emotional it was for me. Though a lot of what I remember is just plain random and I'm not sure what the depth or meaning behind it is for stocking it in my hippocampus in the first place.

Yesterday was an important and beautiful feast day, the Assumption of Mary. I love this day, focusing on Mary's life, qualities and her role in the church. Last year on August 15th, my dear sister had recently gotten married to my sweet brother-in-law and were off on their honeymoon in Honduras. I was very happy for them, but also sad that they were away during this time but as always, my dear sister and I were frequently in touch. On August 15th 2016, was also the day I started this blog. I named it Plum Tree but as you probably already know, changed it recently. A year ago today, August 16th was the first time I felt and experienced strong anxiety. I had never known this bizarre and awful trapped mind feeling, reality and experience before ,yet had heard and seen it from others. It was all from a strange, mysteriously evil aura and lingering person at one of my favorite places to look around in, study at, read, write and receive inspiration from. I no longer could do these things freely or independently because of this person and unfortunate situation.

I should have known an encounter with this person wasn't at all for my own good, peace of mind or freedom. I suddenly felt stalked, enclosed in, misunderstood, and infatuated and obsessed with. Overall, as you can imagine, a very awful feeling. My anxiety throughout that whole week made me feel paranoid, like a prisoner in my own head, no appetite and feelings of depression. Unfortunately, my pride got the better of me and I didn't want to admit or even mention that I was anxious, I wanted to deal with it and solve it all on my own. Of course, it would have been beneficial for me to say something as being honest, and open to someone who can understand would be one of the best things. But no, I locked it inside of me which only really made it worse, like a boiling pot not handled with properly and the top cover not strong enough to keep the concoction in a safe place.

After a week of mental torture from this poison of anxiety, I knew that I had lost some weight, and for my body type, I can gain or loose weight fairly quickly. I also knew I had to do something about this thing that was taking over my freedom and inspiration. I tried to think of things that would inspire me such as going to a cute shop that I would always pass on my way home from school, as well as showing my sister around my nearby college campus. I tried to get out of myself, distract myself and try not to be idle or alone, Unfortunately also, I was alone a lot of that week and was only tutoring a few hours a week. I also felt like I couldn't go out of my house because of the paranoia and was essentially fearful. I'm not like this regularly, so I knew something was wrong.

What ultimately helped and cured this issue was to pray about it, talk openly about and not be in contact with this person or in the same vicinity. I knew that Mary was looking over me, but I needed to trust more in her rather than myself and my human limits. I now know how to better cure anxious moments and to never underestimate the power of others, their wisdom, love and support.

Finding My Own Space

I had no idea I would be in a job that I am in now. I never would have thought or imagined it because I simply thought I couldn't do it. I didn't have the energy, the confidence or perhaps even the interest in it. I put a limit to what I could do, and that was that- only searching for what I felt was reasonable, safe and good enough for me. The job that I have is working with children, in a classroom type setting and facilitating a classroom with academic packets. The thought of it sounded so scary and foreign to me, mainly because I never had experience like it before (being a teacher, and leading a whole classroom of grade school students.)

Right before I was to start this job (in early June), I was just about to have the onslaught of finals and graduate college. Not only was this a transition, but also getting back into working for a company which had been a while. For a year in a half I had freelance tutoring jobs which I really loved but I felt more like a starving artist and definitely needed more stimulation and activity in my schedule. I was excited to soon be graduating and finally be done with school and enter the work world and be able to make some money as well as experience. But I was scared and some what sad to end my routine of what I knew, of entering into a new space and leave my comfort zone behind. I had gotten into the rhythm of volunteering a couple times a week and filling up my time with things I loved and enjoyed- such as going to daily mass, watching cooking shows, studying Arabic, cooking, reading, running. Some days it didn't feel like I could get enough of it and at other times, I was so desperate to land a job and be busy and preoccupied with work, and service. I had mixed feelings about this job that I was about to enter into. I was joyfully leaving being a student and nervously and somewhat excitedly becoming a teacher figure. I had switched roles so fast and quickly, now I was on the other side of the classroom, and all of my days of being a student were behind me.

Tired teacher, and no more being a student!

I was happy and thankful to know that I could still volunteer on occasion, and still have a flexible schedule. I wasn't quite yet used to working part-time everyday, but overall it was good for me and much needed. I had to quickly get used to the non stop noise and loud volume in the halls as well as in my own classroom. I had to learn the names of all of my 28 students, and understand, handle and interact with 28 personalities. And I had to learn how to be more assertive, confront issues, reprimand, and even shout, get angry and discipline students. Fairly quickly, I learned about my students on a different level- their behavior, who they were friends with, their motivations and work ethic as well as their strengths and weaknesses.

What truly helped and inspired me was to start with a quote of the day. These quotes could usually be found in my dear and fully filled quote book. It would almost always be from a well known famous person, and we would dissect the quote, and I would ask my students what it means to them, and also learn something new about the author of the quote. It was nice because I could educate them about someone I knew a good amount about or cared about. This daily routine instilled in me that I have the power to inspire others, and teach them something new, even if it's just a simple quote. Most days my students were invested in it and they would be interested and intrigued by what I was saying or explaining. Some times my class clown would interject and make the whole class laugh. Then I knew it was time to change gears and start the academic time. I learned how to control this classroom, and I could tell they all liked me on some level and grew to respect me. I instigated table points and every two weeks the two winning tables would get prizes. Though it was a bit more work for me, with adding up points and being more aware of behavior and productivity, it created a space to be creative with how I went about it and to reward my students instead of focusing solely on negative behavior. I was surprised to witness that 5th graders still cared about table points and prizes- they mostly went for the candy!

There were some days where I would rapidly become mentally exhausted and drained. Hearing my students call my name so frequently and a few at the same time forced me to focus on the moment and take one situation at a time. To develop more patience and understanding and gain more mental stamina. To try to become more innovative and not let the environment take hold of me or negative energy poison the work day and think of the good and funny things that were amusing instead of the things that were ugly, annoying or monotonous. To try and smile more to my co-workers and students and know that I am a role model for them, even more so because they know that I am young. I learned that I can make a positive impact even if at times it doesn't feel like I'm making an ounce of it, but you never know who you are helping or influencing for the better.

I am grateful for this summer and this time of growth, learning and in all, new experiences!

A New Hello

I've wanted to write this for a while now, always in the back of my head and reflecting upon it. It's basically about the journey of undergrad- these past 3 years I've been at university and this summer that has brought me into a different place, a place that I've been waiting and longing for, for what had felt like months and months and more months.

I graduated from college in the middle of June with a leap in my steps, nothing but positivity in my mind and what felt like a running of emotions that wouldn't stop. I wore a dress that I didn't seem to have the guts to wear for a few months until I felt confident enough to bring it out and not care about what others think or my insecurities. You see, I hadn't really made any friends or lasting contacts at my university. I really felt that I became my own person, as well as my own best friend. I started to not care of judgement and literally did my own thing on that campus, whether that be study language in Starbucks, read an intriguing book that was much more interesting than my text, or try out a club just to try and connect and meet new people. I was alone for more than half of these 3 years and just because you are alone doesn't necessarily mean you are lonely, but for me, it definitely was lonesome. I was eager, desperate and always hoping to share a connection with someone, some way and possibly impossibly somehow.

My graduation day was an overly happy day. I couldn't believe the day that I would be done enduring the pain, loneliness and challenges would finally end, and another journey would finally begin. The months leading up to graduation day felt incredibly long, almost endless and it made me even more frustrated, disappointed and sad. I felt so ready to start becoming a young professional, and do what other young adults do after college- work, and try to figure things out along the way. I so wanted to start figuring out this 'post grad' world and or slump others had called it. I honestly didn't feel scared since most of my college experience was already hard all by itself, and I didn't really care what post grad would be like. I only knew that I was more than ready and ever more excited to finish college, finish papers that always seemed to hanging over my head like a big hammer, finish being around people who didn't really give me anything and who acted or were younger than me. To finally finish the commute to school which made me feel lonely and more isolated, with no one to share things with, music, ideas, inspiration or anything else that lifted my spirits and my creative juices. To finally finish my Chinese minor and all the busy work that progressed with each class, still had no connections there either, only my Chinese teacher- Lu Laoshi we would call her. She really liked me and believed in my strengths in the language yet she sometimes put a lot of pressure on me to keep exceeding and what felt like to me to show off her 'prize student'. To finish calling myself a student and feeling young, almost younger than myself would call myself. I wanted to fit into this category called young adult that also coexisted with young professional. And finish explaining my major or what I would do with it every time I introduced myself as a college student.

I had various emotions on graduation day. My family was there with me to support me on this journey and I couldn't have been more grateful that they came. I never felt that I had the connections, friends or community that I wanted while there, for whatever reason. But being with those special family members gave me a pulsating feeling in my being that my time here was finally finished, completed, over and feeling their love, support and presence was in itself my reward and all the things I deeply felt, experienced and endured at this campus would stay here and I would start another journey somewhere else.

Summer View

Summer. Here we are in the midst of it, and I'm just trying to keep it all in my heart, my mind and enjoy each moment. I have the privilege of having a lovely view from my window and when I go to sleep, I can taste the sweet air on my face, see the luscious green leaves from our dominant tree, and the shining coin of the moon's beams displayed in my bedroom. The night owl in me only wants to experience summer outside. I've enjoyed for a long time long walks and runs during the twilight time of day, especially during these summer solstice days. Almost nothing is more calming, relaxing or inspiring than going for a stroll or a jog during my favorite time of the day. The sun's excitement and energy has quickly faded and died down, only one last production of bowing down below the hill's horizon.

I'm also blessed to wake up to the child like sun doing everything it can in order for me to open my eyes, stretch and ready to start a new day. Some days I'm more inclined than others to jump out of bed. Some days, I just like to process things more and take in the freshness from my window, the freshness and sacredness of this special season. As July closes, and all the memories are folded neatly and delicately like laundry into drawers, as they do inside my mind, I am thankful for another summer month come and in hindsight quickly gone. Lets keep enjoying, embracing and loving this brisk yet beautiful time of year!

The Fish in My Hands

Now that I've gotten back into the mode of writing, I've thought about what I would like to share on here. Honestly, there's a lot I haven't written about, that I would like to and it wasn't because I felt I couldn't, it was more based on courage, clarity of words and perspective as well as experience.

As you can tell from my blog title,and url, I've changed it. Plum Tree was something that I felt fit me last year when I created this blog but what was once a plum tree has now shaped and transformed into an Arabic word. I really enjoy learning the Arabic language. It's probably the hardest languages I've decided to study but that doesn't demotivate me from stop creating goals for myself with this exotic language. Samak means fish, and samakti means my fish in Arabic. Seafood, and specifically fish has never been something that I've really liked growing up. I always found it to be gross, smelly, and strange. If I think about fish in a metaphorical sense, it would have described last year and being 24. It was strange, scary, slippery, confusing...it reminds me of how I used to perceive this species. Samakti has, I feel, become a close and personal meaning to me because I had to gain things as my own. Overtime, I had to learn how to embrace this sense of not knowing how to handle things and yet learning how to all at the same time. In a way, it felt like learning how to handle a slippery, flamboyant and stubborn fish in my hands- again going back to the smelly, scary and not very enjoyable experience in the moment.

When I was 24, was also the time when I not just became more interested and confident in cooking but delved into ethnic recipes. I wasn't just cooking American recipes, as I normally would or the classics we have in my family. I wanted to create something for myself, and experience another world of creating food in the kitchen! I was starting to drift away from Betty Crocker and grow closer to inspiring, and ecleltic chefs like Marcus Sameulsson and Yotam Ottolenghi, and explore the various array of cookbooks at the library. Looking at all the options, and recipes from all across the globe.I was hooked! My world became in a sense smaller because I truly felt interested in things mostly related to food and cooking but also bigger because I could be in the kitchen and have international experiences at my finger tips!

Throughout this time, I also ventured out and tried more seafood and explored a few kinds of fish, and cooked shrimp for the first time! I started to watch the TV show, Check Please, Bay Area and Jacques Pepin's cooking show. My heart became more interested in Arabic and Middle Eastern cuisine throughout the end of last year and the beginning of this one.

 I started a blog mainly to keep inspiring myself and feel that I could have a place to share, like I would with a good friend. Looking back on my blog now, and the 50 plus posts I have, there is more that I want to share than just cooking details and recipes, though they are still important to me. My fish or samakti will be more about reflections on life, experiences, more on my Catholic faith and perspectives on living with a free spirited nature.In all, I hope to keep up my writing and sharing inspiration and beauty. Samakti combines all of my hardships, struggles, sufferings, and joys into one and has become more of an intimate space than ever before. I feel that I now have a clearer head and vision for what my purpose will be here.

The Space in Between

Hello. It's been a while. It sounds like I'm writing to an old friend and at first it's awkward and then it becomes normal and like no time has passed. I must admit, it feels nice to be back on the keyboard again and logged into my blogger account. I know it has been a long time since I last wrote on Plum Tree, and I forgot about it for some time. Not knowing where I stand with blogging, wondering if I was even a good blogger and figuring out the whole inspiration thing! As an introverted, creative melancholy I needed and still need an outlet, someplace to go and record, share and have an adventure with my thoughts, ideas, goals, struggles and faith. Where to put all of this when my mind is jabbering away and the best thing is to simply write. These days I've been taking it to pen and paper, tucked away inside my safe and comfortable notebook where no one can peak or look, but sometimes that can become too comfortable and a little bit boring. I love to jot down in a notebook but it's all about keeping it closed up somewhere, only for my eyes. Reflection, and prayer is good but what about the other things that are meant to be shared- where do they all go?

My dear sister and I were sharing many words, ideas and expressions with one another yesterday, in one of our most favorite places! Somehow this cafe lovin' of ours always puts the right beat in our step and the perfect tune in our fill of inspiration- at least for the week until we need to refill that coffee cup once again;). She had many wise words regarding blogging, sharing, the inspiration we seek and give to others whatever that may look like. It got me thinking and questioning about this blog of mine, which is coming up on its 1 yr anniversary! What can I give in terms of my strengths, interests, ect..? I do love to write, share knowledge, inspiration, hope, joy, and other things that I look to for my own needs. What has stopped or prevented me from blogging? Life, ideals, fear, disinterest,laziness, insecurities, disappointment...But I know I still have things to offer, to share and give in various forms and ways and one of them that I feel am best at is through writing!

Like an old friend, I want to update on my life and the space in between in which has passed, all of Spring and half of Summer already! As one of my first posts said, plum tree is a symbol of waiting for something, and as I found on google, "sweet anticipation of promises and rewards of something one has waited for." So here is to more writing, sharing and delving back into the space that I want to keep and not leave behind. As Amy Adams says on the film, Julie and Julia, "I can write a blog, I have thoughts!" Till next time...

Bright Peppers, Wont You Take A Leap

Frying zucchini, and learning a whole new recipe as well as getting more engrossed into Middle Eastern cooking, joy! I always find it to be fun and make time go by fast, isn't that a pair? This time I made a beef dish with tomatoes and more fun slices added to the mix as well as Zucchini fries!


Unlike the last dish, this one had quite a number of steps, waiting and preparing as well as ingredients. I made two recipes from the same cookbook because I could but had to start much earlier to have enough time but got a delicious meal and an early dinner in return.:)

Here you see beef with all other kinds of ingredients mixed in such as tomatoes, tomato past and tomato sauce (whew lots of tomatoes), peppers (all colors:)), basmatic rice (uncooked), salt, onions, garlic, pine nuts and rosemary.

Oh and I forgot to mention that this recipe I changed a bit because I had to. It's supposed to be stuffed peppers with the above mixture cooked inside of it, however , as you can see I already cut up bits and pieces of peppers in the mixture. I found it to be very delicious just the same, less time consuming as well as easier to make.

Now for the side dish- Zucchini fries! They are super simple to make and eat, not much to them, just more flavor when you spice things up a bit and make them more appealing to the eye.

Having them soak in milk for some time. The recipe advises an hour, but I didn't make time to wait that long but I think they were ready to get out of 'their bath' when they did.

Frying away! With some heated oil, they cook quickly and start to have a nice golden color on them. Can't you just feel the heat and hear the sizzling/:)

I had to take some pictures of the some of the very colorful, exotic and cultural pictures from this bright cookbook...

And this last one, it almost appears to be symbolic. It speaks, where are you going and points to creativity, adventure, the unknown...Something so simple as walking down the stairs at the school campus library can make you think beyond the reality.

I hope you lied this post and wont be afraid to try this amazing dish. I hope to make it again soon for my dear brother-in-law and sister. Happy rainy weather on this first Monday in March!:)

Something Fishy

I've been really into looking at cookbooks and especially of lately, Middle Eastern cooking. I recently checked out 3 that looked fun and interesting! I've been looking through the pages and have instantly become inspired but what I see from the pictures and recipes alone. An extra dose of excitement is linked to the possibilities and what I will decide to cook!

So this past Wednesday, I made a fish dish. Since it is the Lenten season, and it was Ash Wednesday, fish was a likely option. I actually don't mind cooking with fish, I find it to be interesting and almost like a whole new realm that I haven't fully discovered yet. The Persian recipe called for sea bass, but I instead used Talipia, it's still good and soaks in the the flavors well.

I would rate this recipe as super simple. If you like fish or seafood and want something that is fairly quick and not a lot of steps, then this one is a go to! I didn't have a lemon but used a lime instead. Luckily I had some saffron strands and some pinches of sumac- what a great smell and flavor it has!:) I look forward to more seafood dishes in the future, as well as more delicious recipes from these inspiring cookbooks!

Her Goodwill, My Goodwill:)

After being in a cozy coffee shop on a not so cozy day, I made a leap to one of my favorite stores to shop and browse in- Goodwill! I love thrift shopping, primarily because it's a lot cheaper, more fun with more character and you simply never know what you will stumble upon and find! I think that all makes out to be a great adventure.

The story goes, that I was really enjoying my time there looking around and even finding great things! I called my sister to invite her to join me, since she was already thinking of shopping there during this holiday weekend. She said yes, and hopped on over. I wanted her company but also wanted her to come with me to get some cash out for purchases since their credit machine was broken and had no cash on me, I think one of the workers knew that I invited some along for the ride to shop with since he was smiling and looking at my sister when she walked in, and looked at me as I was smiling at her, excited to show her what I had already found- a crate full! Whoops, I think I got really excited and liked so many things, and so I kept them.

We are such opposites, since she found and purchased 3 items- two purses and a pair of boots. I don't think I could do that too easily in a store like this! Ha But she was so gracious to pay for me and just get cash out and have me pay her back of course, since although mine was a lot cheaper than any other store, it was still worth something. It was out of her 'goodwill' to do that, and to join me as I like to say, my goodwill store.

I like to shop alone, but it's also always fun to shop with someone else, especially if that someone is a sister. I'm usually okay when it comes to needing a second opinion, but at the end of our little, semi- large, and spontaneous and free shopping spree, she liked all that I got, especially my funky rain boots which I know will be quite useful since there is still a lot of rain to come!

Taken right after phone conversation telling my sister to come right on over. I loved the colors, with the blue door, bright yellow wall, and vibrant blazer! I'm also wearing the quirky boots:)

The jewelry is one of my favorites at a thrifty store like this one! I would say about half of my jewelry comes from goodwill. I got two pieces, a necklace and earrings. The lady who got the earrings out for me was a little surprised that I would like earrings like that. To me, they looked different and rather 'earthy' and even a little funky/hippy...hey I'll take it since I'm sure they would still be sitting there for a while! The lady just laughed when I said that I was helping them get rid of things, which in a way is kind of true!:) And she was surprised that I was still there shopping, since it had already been about 2 hours eek, it does take a while to look through almost everything.

I really haven't done any fashion or style posts here on Plum Tree. Of course, it is a part of inspiration and creativity for me, yet I'm not sure if I'm the best advocate or writer for it. I just wanted to share this fun and spontaneous activity. I mean, I think it's always good and nice to have some ounce of spontaneity in your life, or do something out of routine or different- kind of like what I mentioned in my last post. What do you feel about this? And what has been something that was 'out of the box' for you? Or maybe there's no box haha. Happy Goodwill/Thrift store shopping!!:)

Fuchsia's Recipe and Making Things Interesting

I've been meaning to share a semi- recent dish that I made last weekend. I decided to make a Chinese dish since it's been a while and also since we're still celebrating the New Year of the Rooster. This cookbook that I checked out caught my eye because the author is fluent in Mandarin Chinese and has a cooking memoir about her experience with Chinese food, specifically the Sichuan province. Her cookbook has a lot to offer, with many interesting and exotic dishes that I had never heard of. Here is her book, if you're interested. I've been meaning to still read/finish it.

I made a dish that is pretty typical yet not so common, since the ingredients and steps have a turn of their own, yet make for a great and delicious meal at the end of it all!

For this recipe, there's ingredients for the main dish, the sauce and the marinade, however, it's all pretty easy and doesn't take too long. I think in all, it took me a little over an hour before we could eat. That day, my Mom and I went to lunch at Clementine's, and then explored Anthropolgie. It had been almost a year since visiting this cool and inspiring store, I needed all the inspiration I could get! Lol See this post about Anthro http://plummtree.blogspot.com/2016/11/anthropologie-and-anthropology.html, and this one for
Clementine's:) http://plummtree.blogspot.com/2016/09/clementines-inspiration-through-time.html

Last night, I made glazed meatloaf. It had a lot of flavor and spices in it, but I didn't take a picture of it since, I guess you already know what it looks like lol

On another note, I've been trying to create a schedule that makes my time more interesting, exciting and maybe even a little more random. Yesterday, I decided to wake up earlier than ever, even though I did sleep in a little, but regardless, I went on a quick and early run, eager and ready to start the day! Yesterday, I also went to a new coffee shop in the area, which I had heard about but never gave it a try. My experience there was pretty good, though, there were times when it was loud, and I didn't like my drink all that much, but it's okay- it was for the (new) experience and that's all that really mattered. This reminds me of a CD I listened to a year in a half ago that talked about how to become an interesting person...unfortunately it skipped so I couldn't listen to it anymore. A few years back, what I though that made for an interesting person was speaking lots of different languages and I wanted to be able t do the same. Of course, this is interesting but not the only way and surely not the only thing that will make for an interesting person.

On Valentine's Day, I was thinking about giving blood since there was a blood drive at school, but then I remembered that I've been out of the country and still need to wait a few more months if I want to donate. In a way, I was semi- relieved since I do not like the idea of a pricking my finger or a needle in my vein, but sometimes the thought is worse than actually doing it. I guess that's like a lot of things in life.

What are some things that you've been cooking lately, and or something you did that was new or out of your comfort zone?:)

This picture was taken about a month ago, at a favorite Chinese restaurant that my Mom and I share. Sweet and sour soup, I believe, and next time I will order my Mom's choice, and maybe even say a few words in Chinese! Till next time!

Arabic Food and Sumac:)

Middle Eastern food is something that is always fun, interesting and even a little difficult to put together. Tonight I decided to make Kefta (or Kafta), but it's a different version than what I made before. This recipe is more like a roll, with some filling inside that is already pre-cooked and the meat of the Kefta (both lamb and beef) cook altogether on very high in the oven.

This dish in all took about an hour in a half to cook. Like most Middle Eastern dished I've tried to concoct in the past, I notice a recurring pattern- there are a lot of steps, and or, each step is a process in a itself as well. I wouldn't say I'm always on the mood to cook a 'fancy' dish like this one tonight, however, when I am and when I do attempt to recreate the recipe, I always feel rewarded and good that I got a bit or even a lot out of my comfort zone and tried something different, and even fun. I usually am surprised at the strong flavors and smells from the exotic spices. Sumac, being one of these spices that is particularly strong. I've come across a few times now in dishes, yet never had it and didn't know what it was. My Mom recently purchased sumac at a cooking store, that was actually surprisingly cheaper and bigger than a grocery store. So now, I'm happy to say that I have sumac in my back pocket whenever I need it!

The end result looked something like a hamburger patty, but it tasted a little spicy with the help of the sumac, and a mix of lamb and beef. I happen to like the mix of lamb and beef, as well as just lamb by itself, but my sister begs to differ. I somehow always seem to be cooking recipes with lamb ?;)
I feel that this too will go in my recipe archive. Now the next thing I need to get a hold of is Tahini paste- which many recipes have also called for that I've seemed to notice and haven't included, yet.

Hope you'll give this one a try!: Till next time...