Those Circle Days

 Memories came back to me with my circle days with Opus Dei. My sweet sister had recently met up with a former spiritual advisor and hearing about it drew me back and flooded me with memories, anecdotes and days of youth and Catholic doctrine and talks. I could quickly envision her facial expressions, her voice and how she looked as she spoke and caught up with my sister after 6 years of passing. 

This woman who is directly affiliated with Opus Dei was in my life for a number of years. I first met her I think right before she was going to become the new director for the all girls camp I would help out with. I was soon to be a junior counselor and head into high school and she had a big task in front of her- heading all the big duties and behind scenes for the camp to function and dealing with us crazy, young and hyper junior counselors and more mature and experienced counselors. 

As I was finishing high school and heading to college a circle or a faith based talk in spirituality was starting up that September with other girls like me, living their faith in the modern world and college age. I already knew most of them from the camp days, but also coincidentally, a majority of them were my sister's friends. They got to know me better and see how different I am, and not just a younger version or copy of my sister. This spiritual advisor was also there leading and giving the talks weekly, and we would meet in a cute and inspiring café roma on the busy, interesting and eclectic streets of Berkeley. I had flashbacks on these days, these fun, eventful and light days commuting from school to the busy city, a large contrast to my daily activities and duties in suburban vill. 

And I recall grasping another world, environment quite different from my own. The introvert in me was quite content with commuting on my own and often times in my own head with music streaming for musing and also so I would feel a bit safer on public transit. Each week, I was able to open up a little more about my school, classes and transitioning to college. The other girls (mostly my sister's friends) were a few years ahead of me in college and some at elite universities such as UC Berkeley. The stirrings of coffee, the gentle music on the piano, and the talkers and studiers, newspaper readers who kept the seats and tables company, sometimes lingering in the café were part of the experience. The experience of listening and talking about faith and spirituality in a secular, ordinary environment like this one, and a city with hippies, students, homeless, soul searches all around. 

I decided to find and open my former notebook used for these circle talks and reread some of the notes, going on 9, 10 years ago. There are some parts of it I miss, if I were honest. It was a sacrifice with the commute and longer Wednesdays, but there were a lot of good memories throughout, it was a special time and I think I treasure some of it too. The formation was good, important and beautiful, and I still admire that about Opus Dei. Every so often in the last few weeks, I've been browsing through the website of talks, content, prayers for my own formation. I like to read a blog of a member who I find very uplifting and inspiring. 

I remember our adventures in Berkeley afterwards. The few of us young college girls and Marissa would explore and have some fun enjoying the eclectic vibe of the city's offerings. One or two times we ate at Mexican Burrito place, or try out an Indian restaurant. A few times on Wednesday evenings we would go to 'Off the Grid' also known as Food Trucks that were parked all in a line from different ethnic foods. And there were chairs, streamers of lights and a small band strumming music to add to the flavor of the night. It was a weeknight, a school night, but being with like minded girls in a lively city was an excursion and a treat all its own. 

I remember there were times when temperaments was a common topic we would discuss. Are you phlegmatic, choleric, sanguine or melancholy? I enjoy debriefing the 4 temperaments but there were (many) instances when my phlegmatic side was highly noticed, and even dare I say, made fun of. The passive side of me knows it too well, and it was I'm sure all fun and games and teasing but the 19 or 20 year old me got easily hurt, shut down and felt misunderstood. Not trying to be funny but somehow was funny with the others laughing or sharing stories with my sister had me scratching my head. 

I never really wanted to admit that I was all that phlegmatic, but until recently I took a test and gave me the results of splitting even with my more preferred melancholy side. I have come to accept, and embrace this side of me, not always loving it or feeling more put down about it, I too would associate it as more negative. I have learned to see more good, as well as things that can be improved (like all temperaments). 

Just yesterday, I met up with my sweet sister to give her her dear cat back in Emeryville. The crazy and busyness of the city vibe reminded me directly of my circle time with those girls and Marissa, with Berkeley not being too far away. I remember one time after circle, my friend and I who were pen pals for years and years went to Ikea to explore and somehow I remember that excursion with her whenever I pass Ikea, (as well as the Swedish meatballs that my mom, dear sister and I tried in summer of 2013!) 

My sister and I met up there and I exchanged her Christmas kitty, with his eyes all a glow and his meows as quiet as a mouse. We also went inside Ikea since she had never been inside. It felt like everyone had the same idea, with an overcrowded feel and somewhat claustrophobic, with the poor cat being carried in his carrier all throughout the congested store. But I was reminded later, with all the craziness and stimulation noise and crowded freeways of those special, distinct, and memorable circle days in a noisy, busy city that continues to bustle. 

I feel that I can finally start slowing down, and thinking about this has been nice to reflect upon. I feel like I'm pretty much the same person, of course older, more mature and understanding of who I am. I think we are all a work in progress but those times I don't seem to forget too easily.