Art Inspiration

 

I saw this self-portrait painting of Van Gogh about a year ago in the history class I was in. It was a poster on the wall right near the desk I was sitting at. It made me inspired with art and the art history class I took back in junior college.

I would think of this poster when I was in the classroom next door starting in the new year, and it made me inspired. It was January and new year 2022 and I was getting back into swimming again. 

I would think about how close God is to us-with the symbolic thinking of that wall separating the two classrooms, and on the other side was the Van Gogh self-portrait and on the other side was random papers on the wall, and other miscellaneous things. 

When I went to adoration, this reminder came again- how close He is to us. And then I was inspired again by prayer and swimming which happened after adoration. 

I was so inspired by art and Van Gogh, so I put up a poster in my room, which was Van Gogh's starry night. 

This painting is so famous and can be seen almost everywhere. This poster my sister gave me as she used to have it in her first apartment as a newlywed. And a coworker gifted me with a bookmark with the same image on it. 

As we soon enter into a new year, it gives me inspiration for more art, and possibly learn more about Van Gogh and other artists and relive those art history days. 

Fresh

This picture came back to me. My dear sister gave me a copy of it for Christmas. It was taken on my 29th birthday and there was a freshness, a newness- my hair was recently cut short, we were visiting the Carmelite house in Napa and it was so spiritually enriching to see. There was a freshness with the beginning of summer after a hard and long spring semester at work and finishing up my first semester in grad school. The greenery and warm heat brought about the freshness of summer. The anticipation of a brand-new age, and year.

Two days prior, I had decided to get a haircut literally, since I would be donating it. I thought it would be significant to do so on the feast day of St. John the Baptist. And now, with the feast of Christ's birth almost upon us, St. John the Baptist is also a significant figure- the first person to meet Jesus (while also still in the womb) and jumps for joy in Elizabeth's womb. 

With the shorter days of the year already here, we prepare and celebrate Christ's birth filled with hope, light and joy for his coming. St. John the Baptist's birthday in June is filled with the longest days of the year.

I love the background of this photo as well. It is Jesus with his sacred heart, and I can't help but see him on the water, just like the Gospels of him walking on water. Having this vision really helped me and put all things into his hands and helped me embrace all things in a spiritual manner. 

29 wasn't easy at all, and that's why in some ways it's not filled with joy necessarily that I look at this photo, but I see and remember the hardships and growing pains, and growth. But I also see my sister right next to me. And see Christ behind us, near us, guiding us as well. 

This photo was on New Year's Day 2017 in Santa Barbara while on our special and memorable road trip. This is one of my favorite missions, it is so beautiful! Christ is behind us (in the Eucharist, inside the church) and here we are as soul sisters and dear friends. 

It has some parallels. There was also a freshness, a newness- with the new year and new possibilities. It was a rather difficult and depressing at times Fall semester, so going away and being on break far away from school was a radical, amazing inspiration that I desperately needed and craved, and my sister did as well. 

The freshness also comes with the Christmas wreaths- a symbol of God's love always present and fresh, hence the green for life and freshness and circles in that it never ends. 

A Year Ago

It was a make-up and hair day trial for my sister who would be getting married in the summer. That December day was cold, dreary and wet with some rain. But it was a bright light to be with sisters and officially be on break, ready for Christmas. Going to my sister's house was cozy and vibrant, as she made us lunch- panini sandwiches and salad. Also viewing her Christmas cards from contacts and friends. 

 A year ago, I can remember almost perfectly well and how I was feeling. I had just started my Christmas break and was very ready to have a change of pace and scenery. There was so much in my heart- thinking about and greatly desiring some experience and exposure in libraries. The final days of work where I had so much open time, I was exploring options for my break and into the new year. It felt like my heart was on fire. It was a hard, monotonous and deep semester. 

Most days I remember I felt like I was just trudging along. And part of me was nervous for what was ahead in the new year- wedding talk, bachelorette party and just surrounded with all the festivities at times I knew would feel overwhelmed and like salt in the wound, and I knew that since I had already experienced that. My prayer often was for the grace to handle it well, the strength for it all when it felt too much. And to keep praying for my siblings who were engaged and continue to be supportive and happy for them. 

Elisabeth did her hair, I did her make- up and just experimenting. I love putting on foundation, blush/bronzer and doing eyes with eyeshadow and mascara. I realized I always loved doing make-up on myself and others, though I didn't have too much experience. I had to practice more since my sister, and I have very different features and I get so used to doing my own. I think it started back in high school experimenting with make-up and enjoying it since it was like a creative art form. 

That day had many elements and mixes for me personally. Of course, there was wedding talk, and about other people we knew of who were getting married. I found so much comfort and inspiration from someone we knew of who was also into make-up and had gotten married in her mid-thirties. I felt our personalities were similar and thinking of her was a consolation for me when it was hard. 

We went to CVS to buy some more make-up and browsing the store for fun items. It was just like old sister times shopping and having time together. Elisabeth was very pregnant, just less than 2 months until her baby boy was here! 2022 felt like many events and celebrations coming up. 

On the way home, I was driving in the dark. I don't remember if it was raining or not still, but I saw a car crash that made for a lot of traffic. It was tragic to see an accident on the roadways right before Christmas time. I was also praying the 54-day rosary novena and the 54th day was on December 24th. I couldn't quit now so I continued to pray it in the car on the drive home. I was proud I had committed to it this far. 

Once I got home, my brother and his fiancé were there eating dinner. It was an interesting feeling- not having much time to process much and then also talk about wedding details. She had just had her hair and makeup done for a trial and it looked really natural and beautiful. She also mentioned about us bridesmaids getting our hair and make-up done professionally for her wedding.  

I look back and see all that I was feeling, experiencing and suffering in the pain, desires and uncomfortableness, but also how much God was and still is shaping and showing me everything through the small details, the mundane, ordinary, disappointments, joys and everything in between. 

"He became small because you were small –understand how great He is, and you will become great along with Him. This is how houses are built, how the solid walls of a building are raised. The stones brought to construct the building increase, you, too, increase, understanding how great Christ is and how He who appeared to be small is great, very great indeed…” Saint Augustine

“Jesus was born in cave in Bethlehem because, Sacred Scripture tells us, "There was no room for them in the inn.” I am not departing from theological truth when I say that Jesus is still looking for shelter in your heart.” // Saint Josemaria Escrivá

“If we would please this Divine Infant, we too must become children, simple and humble. We must carry to Him, flowers of virtue, of meekness, of mortification, of charity. We must clasp Him in the arms of our love.” Saint Alphonsus Liguori

Shining in Darkness

 Driving this morning to Mass it was all foggy and dark. There was a bleakness that only the light from my car's headlights could penetrate. How much more so with God's light, His grace and mercy with the anticipation of His birth, of His coming into the world. To make our world a place of peace and order and structure our weary and sinful hearts. We have so much to be thankful for and look forward to. 

"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone." -Isaiah 9:2

I also think of the divine mercy image, Jesus, I trust in you. He is walking in darkness, but he is filled with light from his skin to his glowing, white garment, to his sacred heart bursting forth with blood and water. 

Droplets of God's Grace

Rain being drenched on a rose. 

Those droplets reminded me of God's grace. And I was the flower, the rose- practically wilting in my frustration, discouragements and impatience. I thought it was a compelling, beautiful vision of God's grace surrounding us like a rose on a wet, rainy day.

How much I needed that consolation on a day where my hope felt nearly thread bare, and I missed the everyday and ordinary regular living so much. You don't realize all the blessings you have until you are taken out of them, and you have a new perspective.

I was trying to put things into perspective too. There were still so many things that were good and 'not wrong'. I could walk, I wasn't in pain, I could breathe, think, see beautiful nature around me. I have my faith, my family, food, shelter, etc... This helped in its own way and gave me a new appreciation.

I was literally drenched from the rain. But I loved it. It made me feel so alive and filled with fun and vigor when I was couped up for a week in a half. I needed to do something, something different! I love running in the rain on most days, and it was an amazing feeling to just be outside after not being able to do so for a while. 

I thought of putting myself in others' shoes- who are going through way worse and painful scenarios. I thought maybe there's some way that I could help them, volunteer, or just pray. Yesterday evening, a video just popped inside my head. I felt compelled to watch it. It was well known Catholic speaker Matt Fradd interviewing his wife Cameron Fradd on her chronic pain. I didn't know anything about his wife and had only briefly heard her name. I then realized I had heard her speak before on the saint summit my sister and I watched last year. She did a video about St. Maria Goretti- my confirmation saint! 

When I heard her speak again, I was captivated by all she had to say and share about her heavy cross of living with chronic pain. Her spirit, her personality, her wisdom and faith were so compelling and beautiful. Clearly, this woman knew what it means to suffer, and experience deep, excruciating pain because of her illness. But it doesn't define her. 

I was so encouraged and inspired, someone who experiences pain and suffering on a regular, daily basis and sharing their journey of diagnosis. My time being sick and just waiting to feel better and go back to normal has been hard- but barely anything to what this woman has had to go through. Perhaps the Holy Spirit guided and inspired me to watch this video that puts things into a new perspective, a new light. 

"God is within her, she will not fall." - Psalm 46:5

Hair Story

 

A picture of long hair style I've had over the years. It looks knotted, a bit messy, and growing long but those were some of the things that I missed when I had shorter hair (besides the knots)- to actually do something with it.

This picture was taken nearly 9 years ago. It was an unconscious effort to grow out my hair. (It would be almost a year until I would chop it off for donating). But I think I enjoy longer hair because I think it looks better on me, and I feel like myself. 

I never felt that way, until last year I could really sense the lack, if you will, of longer hair that I took for granted. I was so ready and tired of my long hair but then instantly missed it when it was cut (much shorter than I wanted by the way). And knew it would take quite a while to grow back. 

Last year, I was really conscious of how fast, or rather how slow my hair was growing. It felt like each month, it had barely grown much. (I know, a bit excessive concentration). But this year, I have barely 'kept count' of the growth, or how long it is. Maybe because I already recognize it is longer and I'm not as focused or concerned. I like the length I have much better- though it's taken about a year in a half to get it to this length!

 I think I will need to get a trim soon. But for now, when I actually focus on my hair, it feels nice to have it longer and know it will continue to grow!

Scriptural Verse Reminder

 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." -Matthew 7:7-8

This was the verse of the day from yesterday. It touched me because I love this scriptural verse and I 'put it as my theme' since my birthday this year. It also touched me because this week has been rather hard and challenging. 

With being sick from Covid and not knowing when I will officially get better and receive a negative test result has really tested my patience. It's been so hard to not have a regular schedule and with missing work, it really has put things into perspective. 

So, this scriptural verse reminded me of how I am feeling and to continue to trust, but also ask for the grace and keeping persisting for that negative test result and full recovery. 

And this verse showed up in many ways too. A year ago (on Dec. 1st), I wrote in my notebook about this verse and the deep meaning for me at that time. It was also related to a talk I watched from a priest using this same scriptural verse last year.

And before I went to bed last night, I was reading through the Advent devotional. At the end of the text, this same bible verse came up and I thought God has really been trying to teach me something!

Black Friday

 Working my first black Friday shift 11 years ago. It was very long, 10-6 pm as I remember. My sister Elisabeth worked at the same store but from 3am-11am, insane!! I had never worked on Black Friday in my life, but my sister was a pro. Luckily, I didn't have to wake up super early, but I did have to go to bed earlier on Thanksgiving night which was hard to do. 

I had no idea what I was doing. I was excited to actually land a job but my 1st day on Black Friday, it was a little overwhelming. Many people were also hired, so I wasn't entirely alone. There was even 1 girl who was working there who was in my history class at the time, and we both had this look on our faces of like, 'woah, I know you!'

I was walking and standing all day in my black flats and what felt like the verge of blisters. I was trying to look busy with organizing or pitting clothes back from racks, but I realized I didn't know where a lot of things went. I also began to realize that retail wasn't really my thing. That day I was literally just thrown into it.

And never a good sign when you get a notice from your boss that you're not wearing the 'right thing' in terms of dress code. I thought I was- I pulled out my purple shirt since it was from that store. But I guess it didn't work because it wasn't a current piece. Lol

I learned a lot that day. And I am proud of myself for sticking it out and doing something different out of my comfort zone. 

The Great Gatsby

 Reading the Great Gatsby again reminds me of my old blog, and the early days of college when I was an English major. I was really into the book and the movie had just come out in theatres. I had read the book for the first time in high school, and thought it was interesting but didn't really grasp the whole story and meaning until later.

Now working at a high school, if I'm in a junior English class (which I love) I will read this book once again- which they are currently reading. It brings back memories of reading it and loving it on my own a number of years ago. And 2 years ago, I was in a Junior English class also and got more from the book and the plot. I feel each time, I get a new perspective and more lessons learned from Fitgerald's classic. 

The 2013 movie adaption is a whole other layer. The book of course is more detailed, but the movie also depicts details from the book. And the cinematography, the soundtrack is a masterpiece all its own. The modern merging with the traditional has a unique, creative and original feel. 

But the story of course is well- tragic and sad, and the music follows along with the melancholy tune.

 There is so much to say- a book I've read at least 4 or 5 times. I used to think my favorite part was the time period- the Roaring 20's. But I actually really like the character development and detailed writing, and the plot, and the illusion of the American Dream all in the mix. Can it ever get old? 

Ferry Ride

 

I came across this photo while looking through old emails. So much has happened and changed since then. We were on a ferry going to SF with my mom and sisters. It was mid-June, but more like June gloom- typical of SF weather. The year was 2013. That was the time when I wore shorts with tights, did too much shopping at Goodwill and was still growing my hair out to eventually donate. 

I was in the middle- nearing the end of my junior College career and thinking about universities to apply to. It was right before I was interested in studying German and right before my cousin's wedding. I was still being stringed along by a lame guy- who was neither really a friend nor my boyfriend- confusing times! I was taking 2 summer classes and had fun outings with my friend Nasira. I was also working at Kumon very part time. 

Sister photo:)

My two sisters were going through their own seasons as well, and I think it's interesting to highlight.

 My dear sister on the left was about to leave for an intensive Spanish language program in Monterey for the summer - I would miss her a lot. And my sweet sister on the right was about to head abroad to Spain as an au pair for the summer. My sisters were leaving and having their own journeys be far away again. We were going through and doing unique things, and yet our stories still collided as sisters, as friends- like that day in SF. 

Beginning Blog Writing

 About 11 years ago to the day, I created my first blog. It wasn't necessarily my own idea- my dear sister thought of it and encouraged me to start one. It was my first semester of college, and I was excited and interested in studying English and potentially majoring in it. I was just as interested in creative writing and story writing. 

So, I thought of the name (and the first name of 3 I gave it) Kingfisher Writing. I saw it as a metaphor for 'gliding' through writing with ease- no struggle or stress involved. It was an attempt to share what I know, give advice if you will. But looking back, mostly it was for me to share, be creative and have an outlet, a space for my ideas and writing.

 My writing has changed since then I guess you could say. I have more varied topics and interests I believe too. So many of the things I've experienced, learned, been interested in weren't part of my life then. I was just shy of 20- I had my whole 20's ahead of me. 

I was even telling my mom today when we visited the gravesite of her parents- I would have more to talk about to my grandparents now or in the past recent years since I have developed more my interests that could also relate to theirs- cooking, reading (about different topics/subjects), college and education, etc... I wasn't immersed or fully knew all my hobbies could entail in my late teens or in high school. 

I'm glad I started that first blog years ago. It has sent me on a blog hunt ever since to continue writing and expanding my interests, content, faith and personal endeavors, thoughts and ideas. Sure, I have notebooks, but these two realms are seen as totally different and used for various methods and purposes, I have found. I never got my degree in English like I imagined, but I learned so much more along the way, and I never thought I would come back to languages as an interest (since I didn't love it in high school- but who does?) 

Ending that blog was like 'saying goodbye' since I had it for 3 years, my whole junior college experience. It felt like a whole new chapter was staying as one was closing. It was the perfect time to further my interests and see where they lead me, like studying Chinese. How will I look back on my time active and writing on this blog??

An image from my blog

A blog post below

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Real World

In life we usually don not focus on the here and now, but on the future; what may happen or what could happen. We also find our minds wandering back to the past. Though this is normal, and good for us to reflect on the past and plan for our future, it's not a good way to spend a lot of your time. Try instead to focus on the present and what is being presented to you now. In writing, it's very important to not worry if your writing is any good... it is important however to write what does come to mind without your intuition of checking for grammar, or adding a few metaphors to make your descriptions come alive. When you do this it allows your mind to be free and natural rather than scrambling for words, and taking longer to do so. Like reflecting on the future or present too much, it is a waste of time to do this while writing. To just let it go... let the past go, and hope for the future... hope for your writing to be good and to improve on your mistakes...  just like learning from your past mistakes.


I find it very useful to intertwine your real world with your writing world. This calls for the best writers, because they usually know how to describe something better, than compared to someone who had an original idea that never happened in real life. I find that my characters have similar traits to people that I know in my life, so it's easier for me to create dialogue for that character, and describe how they act based on someone I know. I've read in a book on writing that it's helpful to be aware of your surroundings, just in case you could use some of that material in your writing. Some may jot it down so they don't forget, or if you're like me, to store it in your long term memory. It's always useful to fall back on when in need of an idea, what better way than to use your own life for writing material. I've seen in "I Love Lucy" that Lucy plans to write a novel based on the people she knows, her husband and her two good friends. Also there have been other stories written that are based on someone's dream, which I find pretty interesting.
Another good tip that I try to follow with writing, is not to tell your detailed story to people. I keep my writing secret until someone actually reads it themselves. I feel that telling a detailed version of your story is not the best idea because I've experienced where  I've done so, and felt that my story wasn't very good based on others' reactions and analyzing it. As for me, when I tell people (my family) that I am writing a story, they say "another one!" The writing just keeps coming, and I encourage you to do the same.

Trusting in Christ the King

 Immersed in my schedule, routine, essentially little world or bubble- that's what it felt like recently when I went to my niece and nephew's birthday party. It was great to see family and eat good pizza and delicious birthday cake- but something felt a little unsettling. Maybe it was the busy, loud environment, or the transition from one environment (and transitions I'm not normally good at with groups.) to another. 

I can feel so caught up in my own thing- and with a big family, and so much going on and taking place, it's easy to feel a sense of isolation- how do I, how do we fit into each other's lives when it all looks so different? I no longer share similar stories with my siblings and no longer living at home together, so perhaps that's the distance it can feel.

It could also be that I'm in this phase of figuring things out, 'transitioning' in my mind about what the future will hold, the last remainder for my MLIS program and how thing will look like, appears daunting to me. I guess just the unknown can make me fearful and not necessarily like I'm not excited, but it can feel like a blank slate that I can't relate to. 

I'm very much in the present, so it's hard to fully prepare and envision what things will look like. I just don't know. And that's okay, and it tells me that I need to continue to give it to God and trust. As the verse says, 'There is no fear in love.' (1 John 4:18) And why should I worry, be fearful or have any of those feeling that don't come from God? 

Today is a perfect feast day, a wonderful and beautiful reminder of God's power and provision- Jesus Christ our savior and King- Christ the King. I love this solemnity, this time of year- right before the end of this liturgical year and on to a new one, right before the start of Advent (one of my favorite liturgical seasons.) 

There is so much beauty, peace, stillness, joy and treasure to behold with the coming and anticipation of baby Jesus entering into the world. How much I need this reassurance, this reminder when times feel more challenging and harder, suffering simply because I'm not trusting or not look at the right place. 

One of my favorite images of Christ the King

A Break

 This is the time of year. The time of year for reflection, slowing down, giving thanks, preparing and staying present. Veterans day feels like a milestone in the school year. I remember the feeling well last year, feeling so burnt out and ready for a change of pace, scenery and some needed inspiration. I felt similar this time around- mentally drained, almost like a heavy fog. It's been hard to catch up, only with the time of slowness, attentiveness to the present, silence can really help.

Yesterday on the way to work, I realized the sheer value of silence. To pray the rosary, but then to just think, and observe of the details and beauty around me like the vibrant orange leaves, and other things that can be easily taken for granted. I realized the peace that came around me from just being still, being present. How refreshing! 

Today, going to Half Moon Bay and just being immersed in the beautiful scenery, being near water, fresh, cool air and being in a quaint and slower paced area. These little things can bring about change- change for refreshment, reflection and relaxation. How much I want and need to process more through writing, reading, and most importantly prayer and continue to prepare for the upcoming season- Advent and Christmas!

This Week

 There were some hard parts to this week. Mostly, just getting out of bed and waking up in the morning. It felt like I was dragging myself. I was needing and desiring a break from routine, that change of scenery, schedule; practically everything since it can make feel like I am on autopilot. 

Something inspirational this week was when a student in a class I'm in was showing me her road trip with her family over the summer. They drove many miles up to Wyoming and Montana and back around again to California. She showed me some of these photos of the wilderness, the beautiful greenery, the trees, lakes. It looked so refreshing and it made me think how much I need a break- even just to be in nature! I thought about our time traveling to the Central Coast over spring break 2021 and how enjoyable, rejuvenating and refreshing that was. 

Another nice highlight was a student coming into one of my classes and wondering why I wasn't in his class anymore for tutorial. He missed me and complained that the class was so quiet and boring. It was sweet to see a familiar face from last year and could tell he had grown up a bit too. I made it fun last year with games so the time would pass faster, and it helped me as well. 

Reading St. Faustina's diary, I thought it was a compelling and relevant part. It was like we were experiencing the same thing. "I do not know why I feel so terribly unwell in the morning; I have to muster all my strength to get out of bed; sometimes even to the point of heroism. The thought of Holy Communion gives me back a little more strength." 

Beauty

 I thought of St. Mother Teresa recently. I remember viewing a video clip interview of her. Upon rewatching parts of it, I was amazed by her beauty, her beauty of spirit, simplicity, humility, devotion and love of God. It's not too common when you see such a beauty that is difficult to pinpoint but is still very much present.

Those who do not know about Mother Teresa, have never heard her speak, or read her books may upon seeing an image of her think she's old, frail, and ugly. Her skin is darkened and all wrinkled, and she doesn't bestow the standards of beauty upon which our world so highly strives for and values. However, beauty of heart and of spirit are a different matter that one cannot fake or pretend. As Venerable Fulton Sheen states, "Beauty on the outside never gets into the soul, but beauty of the soul reflects itself on the face." 

Yesterday, as I was shopping for shoes, I saw a brand from Jennfer Lopez of high boots. I didn't know she had a shoe brand. On the box was an image of her, of course she looked beautiful with her face all made up. But I thought back to Mother Teresa, and her faith filled spirit, her simplicity of spirit and deep love and trust in God- how much more beautiful is that for our world and in God's eyes! 

Remembering St. John Paul II

 Yesterday was St. Pope John Paul II's feast day. I have written about him before but wanted to include some photos I love most of him throughout his papacy. I admire him so much, his story, witness of faith, and love of Our Lady. 

There are so many incredible things about him- the many languages he spoke, the most traveled Pope, and beautified and canonized the most saints throughout his papacy, he established World Youth Day, living through Totalitarian regimes and was pope during the Fall of communism and the fall of the Berlin Wall. He also wrote many books and published and taught Theology of the Body. And these are just the tip of the iceberg. 

Whenever I see a photo of St. Pope John Paul II, I usually think of my nephew, as I think he's a look alike to St. John Paul II.

Make Up!

 

Make-up. It's something that I always enjoy and look forward to doing. I would say I care more about my make up being done than my hair. I'm not a perfectionist but would consider that I look more 'awake' if my make up is on than if my hair is styled. If I have extra time, then I will do my hair and enjoy the extra time it takes.

Somehow, I am inspired by make-up. I don't like the overdone look, and there is a feeling of 'too much make up'. I still like looking natural and like myself, but also like to create a look that looks nice. I bought these eyeshadows right before my sister's wedding, and I like the enhanced colors of gold shimmer and some darker shades. I love to blend them in. I was planning on doing her make up for her wedding, and did a trail run last year which was fun. Although I didn't do it in the end, I've learned that make up is my natural interest when it comes to beauty (and fashion too). 

I guess I didn't fully realize it until wedding season was upon us. In high school, I got more into doing my make-up and did it for dances, Junior Prom and Senior Ball. I could relate to a woman who I felt somewhat similar to, and my sisters knew of, and she was also into makeup. I was inspired by that too. 

Smiles

 

This was the day I visited my dear sister on my day off. This a picture with my sweet nephew and God son. He is now 8 months old. If you look closely, the bracelet I am wearing is from her- and now we have matching journey bracelets. :) My nails aren't painted since I was giving them a needed a break and liked the natural look for the time being. 

We enjoyed coffee at a favorite coffee shop, and shared a lot, and always a deeper part of our hearts, our stories. It was a busy week, but it was worth it to see her with her two growing, beautiful boys. I'm so much in my schedule, but to be inside the world of a mama is a whole other planet it feels at times. But I'm so grateful I can help, observe, learn, and share what I have with my nephews and sister. 

To see this little boy smile is such a joy and a sweetness of a baby. A baby growing up, and how I am growing too- in everything- my job, my Masters program, my spirituality, and even my hair! Yes, finally my hair is long again. I don't think about it much, but when I notice it, I tell my past self, 'See, with time it grows, and things do eventually change.' 

October 18

 Morning Mass. Early, dark, Fall weather. An older, homeless man came in during Mass and was walking around the church with a blanket. He was distracting. He was walking down the aisle right before the consecration. I had an intuition that said, 'he's going to sit in your pew.' My intuition was correct. (Isn't it always?) 

I was super scared and uncomfortable but didn't know what to do. I was able to make my way to communion by going a different way and took my purse with me. I immediately decided to sit in a different pew on the way back, so I was near other people. Inside, I felt like I was shaking, and was triggered, triggered is the right word. But Jesus was with me, but I was still scared, and my breathing was off. 

It was then that I nearly cried after Mass ended, and luckily the homeless man exited the church. But he wasn't any homeless man perusing around, it was his presence and what he was saying. It was then that I realized that I felt I needed a friend. I really desired a friend since I felt so alone- all the time, at work and stuck in my head, and mornings like these. And that situation made me feel off, I wasn't even ready to go to work, I just felt bad and disturbed.  

It was that day that I found out my dear sister wasn't feeling well, perhaps it was food poisoning? So, the next day I took off work and my mom and I visited her, had lunch together. And her and I went shopping together. I realized how burnt out I felt- just needed a little break from routine. That helped me a lot just as much as it did my sister.

I randomly thought of this memory today, and perhaps because it was such a strong force of fear, of feeling triggered I haven't really forgotten it. Also, last Fall was pretty challenging and raw so these memories can easily come up at times (of course, I don't always think of them). 

It was today, in one of the English classes that they started learning about Dark Romantics- authors like Edgar Allen Poe, Nathenial Hawthorne, Herman Melville etc... And viewing opening scenes of scary movies like 'It' and 'A Quiet Place' in the class. It was confirmed (though I already knew) that I can't do scary movies and have a super low tolerance of things like this. Luckily, the second movie I had already seen parts of, and it wasn't really scary for me- just suspense. (I thank my brother for challenging/ encouraging me to watch this with him.) 

But I love this class because it is so enriching, inspiring and interesting and that's mostly because of the teacher. I really like her presence and she adds a fun and lighthearted flair. It's this class that I always look forward to. 

So, I thought about fear today a little bit. And now that Halloween is almost here, I guess it feels relevant. I walk past on my way to work, houses with scary and festive decorations and I think of the past few years I have been at this job- since it all started with the Fall season. 

Seeking Stillness

 

I don't remember where or when I took this photo, but I thought it was a wonderful reminder for a notebook cover. It just might have been right before I turned 30 and I was out and about with my sweet sister having an early celebration at a bookstore. Be still- that was my 'theme' for last year and my sister even gifted me with a mug with that same verse- Psalm 46:10. It's a great reminder amidst the busyness, the noise, the increasing distractions. I realized yesterday, life is really simple, we are the ones who make life more complicated than it needs to be. 

Be still- this was used today during the priest's homily, and how we are ever so distracted by today's busy society, and the constant noise and huge distraction of social media. The priest admitted he was guilty of it, and I think everyone in the church would probably say the same. I know I can. 

Even though I'm trying to be better about staying off social media (specifically You tube), it still lurks its way into my life and my precious time. And I don't like it, because I see that it becomes a bad habit. And ultimately, it leaves me with nothing really than to have not spent that time for God and with God. It's ultimately the devil's tactics to lead us further away from God if we don't catch ourselves.

Yesterday, I was able to make it to Confession. And it was a really good confession, at least in some time. It was a new priest I had never encountered before, but his words and commentary were amazing, they really made me think. My eyes and mind were no longer clouded, I could see clearly of all he was saying, and I just started crying and tearing up because it became clear to me and just what sin does to us, others and God. 

I was finally able to be still, to pray and just be, in silence and feel God's presence and the power of mercy. God says that He forgets our sins once we confess and go to confession and receive this sacrament of grace and conversion. It makes me so happy and grateful that we, that I, can start again.

 Jesus has a horrible memory, as the well-known author and Vietnamese Cardinal, Francis Xavier Nguyen Van Thuan states in his book, "On the cross, during his agony, Jesus heard the voice of the thief crucified on his right, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom' (LK 23:42). If I had been Jesus, I would have told him, 'I certainly will not forget you, but your crimes have to expiated with at least 20 years of purgatory'. Instead, Jesus tells him, "Today you will be with me in paradise" (Lk 23:43). He forgets all the man's sins... Jesus does not have a memory like mine. He not only pardons, and pardons every person, he even forgets that he has pardoned." (Testimony of Hope)

Colorful Hues From the Week

 

Magnolias

 "There's something so beautiful about a magnolia blossom. It demands attention and you can't help but love those big, creamy petals and that fragrant smell.

Have you ever looked at the bud of a magnolia flower? It's a light little pod that stays closed up for a long time on the end of its branch until one day, out of nowhere, it finally bursts open into this gigantic, gorgeous, fragrant flower that's 10 times bigger than the bud itself. "- The Magnolia Story

I love Magnolias! I've begun to see over the past few years the rhythm of this flower, and it's in seasons of dryness or hardship that I saw these bloom come out in late spring and last until late summer and it always brought me hope and a smile on my face. 

They stand out to me, especially with those trees that have thick, crisp leaves that look like they stay fresh looking all year. 

My dear sister gifted me with fake magnolia flowers for Christmas last year and I've kept them up all year- again, they are either always in bloom or just about to be.  My screen saver on my computer are magnolias- taken from a card from my dear sister. 

They are always in season.

St. Faustina and Divine Mercy

Yesterday was the feast of St. Maria Faustina. She is one of my favorite saints and that has really only come about from reading her diary. I admire her so much because she was a simple, humble mercy nun living in Poland.

 I really have learned so much from her writings in her diary, and her deep faith, love of God and trust in Jesus, her being a mystic has made me captivated by her story, her witness of trust and the secretary for God's Divine Mercy.

After Mass, I love looking up and praying in front of the Divine Mercy Image. It also reminds me of St. Faustina and helps me tangibly see God's love and deep mercy. I think of that image when I prepare and go to confession- with Jesus' wounds revealed and him touching his heart with one hand with the rays of blood and water, and the other hand stretched out in the form of a blessing. I always feel encouraged after contemplating this image. 

Thinking About Gratitude

 The busyness has gotten to me. Its only when I can finally slowdown that I realize how much it can overtake. I think about my parents and their deep love and support, and there have been many recent days where it just feels like there is so much to do, so much on my mind, so much to process that it's hard to be still, present and listen. It's been difficult to seek that quality time, and I wish it wasn't so.

These past few months have been a spin. Actually, more than that. They have left me tired, drained even and at times disjointed with myself- it's been more challenging (though not impossible) to find moments where I can sit and think, pray and rejuvenate, but again there is always something to get done, and by this, I mean for my program; and my job has become busier and more interactive as well.

Its days like today where I can finally regroup a little and realize where I'm at mentally, spiritually, emotionally. And I realized how much burnout I felt only because I was able to stop and listen, be still.

It makes me so grateful for my parents, to be able to live with them and share so much with them, even when the days are busy for me. I'm glad I'm able to reflect more today, and process and settle into the peace and quiet I've been seeking amidst the hustle and bustle. 

My Mind

"When my thoughts get tilted in this way, I need to focus on the many blessings I do have, the little and big." 

The beginning of the week was rough. I felt very mentally drained, with a foggy brain and felt stuck in my head from the other day. It all somehow got me thinking in a downward spiral, about myself, my capabilities, etc. 

I was listening to the lies about who the evil one wanted me to believe, and not God. I was letting someone I didn't even know dictate how I think about my future and my Masters program.  I was letting the frustration of a lame guy and an annoying circumstance make me believe that I will only meet guys who are too immature and too rude to be sincere and be interested enough to get to know me without playing games.

I wrote these many thoughts in my notebook, and I felt better- letting them out onto the page like it was a listening ear sucking up all the negativity and giving me some sense of solace and accomplishment. That's why this week has been so important for prayer and especially Mass in the morning, to get rid of these lies and negative, critical self-talk. I think of giving this all to God at Mass and it really helps, since he floods me with his grace and peace. 

When I was driving to that meetup in Berkeley, I passed by a former Bart station that I would often wait at in order to attend circle. I thought of my former naive 19-year-old self.  I would wait for my ride there and it always felt unsafe and realized when I was driving how sketchy and unsafe the area felt. I was brave enough to stick it out for that semester until I realized it would be better to take a different route to the location. 

As I was leaving the area that sunny Sunday afternoon, I was turning right and saw on my left a wall of vines that had the beautiful purple flower- morning glory all over. I instantly thought of my sister as that is her flower for her birthday month (September), and I thought of her and the time when we were exploring Novato and came across a span of morning glories. 

Soul Sister Consolation

 I thought of this picture when I was deciding which photos to put up for a more Fall inspired look. It brought me back to that time, and actually this photo wasn't even taken in Fall, it was mid or late summer I believe. But knowing me, I'm sure I was ready for Fall. 

We were visiting a potential location for my sister's future wedding reception at The Shinn House, and we went to Mass at the Mission, where she was also planning on having her wedding Mass. It was a unique and fun time, and the 3 of us sisters enjoyed a nice coffee treat at the local Starbucks just chatting away. I remember we also talked about our love and journeys within education and teaching jobs. 

This photo came to mind recently, as I was thinking. It had been an interesting and somewhat challenging week (more on that later). My sister wrote up a blog post about her experience when she was in her 20's and going through a really hard and suffering time at her special education job way out in Palo Alto, and just navigating life as a 20 something year old and meeting and dating guys who were a big disappointment. Her writing was fluid, vivid, authentic and eloquent. How much I could/can relate to all that she was detailing in her experience. 

Better yet, how much I realized what we had in common! Both working at special ed jobs, passionate about languages, trying to fill the open time with inspiring things like the Opus Dei websites and taking the content from it and either copy and paste into our email or like me- writing it down to type up later, and studying foreign language, frustrated with guys and the dating scene, both had an older sister right above them who was newly married and pregnant. 

How much consolation I received after reading her post, it nearly put me to tears. I was already feeling down about myself and somehow, I felt a lack of confidence and reassurance about my path, self-doubt, but then I realized how God has richly blessed me with a sister who is beyond a friend, but rather a soul sister. The tears then came to my eyes and my dry, somewhat itching eyes didn't feel so dry. And the next day, I could move on and think of her story as a witness for my own. 

Full Week and Looking Ahead

 Yesterday after work, I felt absolutely tired and drained! Mentally exhausted from the week, its demands and energy output. Monday was great since I felt ready to come back to work after a break of feeling sick and low energy. And I was surprised to be able to make time for runs on Monday and Tuesday in the beautiful Fall weather!

On Sunday, it was the first rain of the season, and it was so special. I felt energetic enough to go out walking and embrace the cooler weather and light raindrops. I even came up with the idea of creating a blog dedicated to Russian language and study, and I felt so inspired by it all! I think it will help with pursuing and learning the language as a creative outlet. 

Some other highlights from the week, made a cauliflower soup that turned out delicious. Zoom call, morning Mass, adoration, 54 rosary novena, wearing Fall clothing (boots, layers, scarves), cat purrs and snuggles in the morning. Hearing about my sister's first ultrasound appointment, daily chats with my dear sister and sharing an inspiring design blog from the past (IHOD), receiving a Chinese bible and brochures in Russian and Chinese in the mail from my niece just because!

Some things I'm looking forward to are meeting up with my dear sister next weekend at a beloved coffee shop and much needed quality time! Trying to cut out time for more cooking and inspired Fall recipes, shopping for some cooler weather items, and mixing things up with trimming my bangs (I barely have them anymore since they're all grown out) 

Tomorrow is a potluck young adult meetup which should be fun and interesting as those things are hard to come by and just a chance to enjoy the afternoon and meet some new people. 

Women of God

 (This post is going to beat the record) 

I was reading the Mass readings this morning and while reading the Gospel, I remembered 2 years ago that was the first early morning Mass I went to by myself. I was trying to go to Mass on weekdays before work, and upon reading the Gospel reading I was encouraged when the priest emphasized the importance of women in the Gospel and how they stayed close to Christ, on their journey and walk of faith. 

"Jesus journeyed from one town and village to another, preaching and proclaiming the good news of the Kingdom of God. Accompanying him were the Twelve and some women who had been cured of evil spirits and infirmities, Mary, called Magdalene, from whom seven demons had gone out, Joanna, the wife of Herod's steward Chuza, Susanna, and many others who provided for them out of their resources."

At that time, it made me think of how I could be that woman of faith and stay united to God, and even of my sister Susie who had just moved out about a month prior and thinking about our times together and growing in faith. Going to Mass that morning, I felt eager and encouraged to make Mass a regular part of my schedule even if I would have to sacrifice a bit and wake up early when it was still dark outside. And I'm glad I did, it's the best thing I decided to do as all other decisions have come from it. 

September Thinking

 I remember a year ago. Meeting up with my dear sister at our favorite halfway point and catching up and eating at Panera. And then she surprises me with a card, in it asking me if I will be the Godmother of her baby boy- Isaac Miguel? I am filled with tears, gratitude and love. I am in awe since this is the 2nd time that she has asked me to be a Godparent- the first time with Ignacio Rafael who was born on my birthday in 2020 and passed 4 days later.  

Of course, I say yes and am filled with joy. I can't wait to meet this little one and pray for his safe development and growth and birth for the remainder of the months. And now he is 7 months old and adorable!

It's so interesting looking back a year ago. Yesterday, I was going through some WhatsApp group messages, and realized I still had some from the weddings. What a season that was starting out just last September with all the constant and continuous talk of wedding plans and details. A unique and special time, but for me also very difficult and hard at times. I'm actually kind of glad it is over, to be honest. But I grew a lot, it stretched me so much. 

 I love the month of September, and early on in the Fall season. It really is a favorite of mine! I'm going to try to think of some goals/ideas for this upcoming season. Something that I want to get back into is knitting! I wasn't inspired to knit in the summer as it was quite warm, but the cooler mornings and darker evenings are nice opportunities to slow down and cultivate a craft project. 

Speaking of craft projects, today I am going to work on a birthday gift for sweet niece, Elieen whose birthday is coming up this week. I had a special time dancing with her at both weddings, and she really enjoyed herself. She told my other niece, Mary and Mary told me-" Aunt Colleen is my favorite Aunt. I hope she never gets married." I couldn't help but laugh. 

Intuition Frustration

 I want to write today. Not necessarily because I'm particularly inspired, but because I have the time and more mental space. I'm glad its Sunday, a day of rest. And usually for me that means also prepping for the week mentally and doing some readings or assignments for my classes- always something to do! 

I felt off yesterday. And I think it's because I overslept a bit and was just trying to get my head on straight after another pretty busy and tiring week with work and school. Friday night wasn't really what I had planned it to be- starting and finishing a paper before midnight was a bit stressful and really just wanting to relax. But going to adoration was nice and helpful. 

I also didn't feel as inspired as I thought I would be when I went to the library yesterday. I also didn't get in as much work in as I thought or felt like it. And reading for enjoyment, my mind felt a bit cloudy and tired (going back to the oversleep). 

But mostly, I was annoyed. I was frustrated that the guy I was planning to go on a blind date with took so long to respond to confirm, that it almost felt like he flaked. But it was me who actually flaked, as I cancelled last min. I'm still unsure what to think of it, as I have felt my intuition giving me strong cues this whole time about this guy. Why does my intuition always act out? And it's usually always correct, probably about 99.9% of the time as history and experience has shown. 

It can be hard being intuitive and feeling like I already know my answer without giving the guy a chance. It's like the story, their feelings and motives or lack of, present itself to me like it's in written form. I believe it's a gift from God having strong intuition. But sometimes it can make it hard when it leaves me feeling annoyed and frustrated because I feel that I should continue along just so I don't regret anything, and I actually know my answer tangibly.

I'm left wondering what will happen. I think this is also showing me more about myself, and that's why 'dating' and getting to know people of the opposite gender can be difficult, and complicated at times. But I also know, if it's meant to be, and the person is quality, it will be clear, not confusing. And hopefully not annoying or having me do mental gymnastics in the meantime. 

Like I said, I'm left wondering what will happen. Maybe we will meet in person, maybe we won't. Maybe he will like the idea of me suggesting talking on the phone first or maybe he won't and just ignore it, ignore my text until whenever he feels like responding; I really don't know. What I do know is that I'm too tired to play games, and my time is too precious for that. I feel if God wills for me to meet this guy for whatever reason, then great. But perhaps there's a reason it hasn't been as smooth, and maybe He's trying to protect or guard me from someone who I'm not supposed to meet anyway. 

Interesting Blessings from Today

 It was the day after Labor Day, a nice and needed longer weekend. Luckily though, I felt ready to go back to work and jump into the swing of things again. It started off with waking up earlier to go to Mass and seeing the orange sunrise arrive behind the hills as I was driving. It reminded me of an orange popsicle, knowing it would be a hot one today. 

Mass is always special, beautiful, healing and really centers and uplifts my day. There are a number of intentions to pray for, and especially one with my sister and brother-in-law trying to sell their house.  house. Listening to Relevant Radio and learning new things about Mormonism. I thought this was so interesting since I remember last school year, as student got offended that I said 'Mormon' since he referred to himself as Jesus Christ of Latter Day of Saints. It almost didn't seem he knew what I was saying, and I was confused- wasn't that 'Mormon' the name of his religious practice? Patrick Madrid explained more about the interesting and not very revealed beliefs Mormons have and reason for preferring the before mentioned name rather than the latter. I find it's important to fill my mind with things that are interesting in the morning. 

Today there was more traffic, so there weren't always songs I liked to listen to. The ones that I remember were Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield and I Ain't Worried by OneRepublic. In the English class this morning, I learned about an Academy Award that Marlon Brando received but didn't accept and had a Native American woman go on stage for him for reasons why he wouldn't accept his award. He wasn't present at the awards; this was in 1973 so interesting. This related to the English class's learnings of Native Americans and race. 

I wore a skirt today, knowing it would be too hot to wear pants or jeans. And also, just something different, more feminine. I got some compliments on my skirt. And wore a favorite t-shirt of mine - one I designed with 'Humus hummus.' It still confuses people. 

Somehow, I didn't get upset or overly annoyed with the Physics class, and really no plan today, kids off the wall mostly again, and the teacher a little late. All added up to an opportunity to let it fester, but it didn't, and I give credit to grace and to somehow riding above it, the chaos and trying to see the good. 

After my lunch break, I saw my mom driving going to Mass and we both waved from our cars. How special and awesome it is to see your mom on a regular, beautiful day and just simply going back to work. And the day was shortened by a sudden release of school due to the very high temperatures and will be a shortened schedule the rest of the week! After adoration, I went to the library to do some work. And a little later, I saw my parents there, I hadn't seen them earlier. They were beating the heat and there was a power outage. 

Holding cats towards the end of the day, reading, and just normal things, but somehow today didn't feel so normal. Felt like there were many real blessings. There is every day, of course, but I could sense them in my bones today. 

Fulton Sheen Spiritual Inspiration

 Fulton Sheen. Amazing, intelligent, comical, wise, and captivating speaker. While I was doing my homework yesterday, I thought of listening to him, as there are his talks and radio shows on YouTube. I was soon immersed in his words, so wise, beautiful and talented explaining things in a concrete way.

 I need to pray to him more, as I have always found him to be dear to me, and really love his words and writings in his books. Most especially his strong, spiritual presence in a world that feels more and more Godless and a world more confused. 

And as being in the classroom, I can think of him as he really knew how to captivate an audience with his wisdom and truth. 

Reliving 16 Memories

 

This book is sooo good, this series is also really good! The first time I saw this book was when I unwrapped the wrapping paper for my 16th birthday and saw this cover. It was a gift my oldest sister gave to me and pitched in by my other siblings. It was an alternative to the Twilight mega saga that was a hit at the time. I never heard of this book called 'Waking Rose' but seemed like a good book from what I heard. (And I can say that it is, now looking back. I watched the first movie of Twilight with some of my siblings a year later, and it really wasn't that good.) 

I remember I started crying though, not because I couldn't read the Twilight book my mom already bought for me but because my empath sensitivity was kicking in- it felt like a waste, the money my mom had spent on the Twilight book, and I felt bad. I wasn't overly sad about not reading that series, as I'm sure most 16 year olds wouldn't be. 

I came across this title and author again during quarantine and I was working alone and remotely. That was when I would look up books on a regular basis to pass the time at work and see which ones the library had. I tried to remember the author of this one, and eventually found it in my Google search. It wouldn't be until earlier this year that I was interested in picking up again. I remember I had read 'Waking Rose' and have vague memories of it, probably gave it away sometime in my late teens.

 I started reading the first book in the series (Waking Rose is the 3rd book) this past spring and immediately couldn't put it down. The author is a great writer, and even more at plot and mysterious plot twists. I love that she's a Catholic author and incorporates faith into her stories, it makes my mind come alive, it feels realistic but also imaginative- I've never read anything like her work.

I recently finished the 2nd book (Black as Night) and started reading Waking Rose. I remember glimmers of the beginning from when I read it when I was 16, but I may not have picked up on everything or fully resonated with things. For instance, the main character in this book older sister gets married and she is the maid of honor. My older sister just got married and I was the maid of honor. In some ways, it felt like I was reliving my sister's wedding. I just loved Doman's description and plot. I may have missed that when I first read it as a teenager. 

So, I feel grateful and inspired with reading her works again, and that in some small ways I can relate to her characters- Blanche, the older sister who is more timid, cautious, and sensitive, and Rose, who is lively, creative, free spirit like and adventurous and studious. I look forward to continuing reading!

Reflecting on Growth

 

First week of school, from this picture. It feels like its own adjustment, with a new teacher, new classes, and some new faces of students, some familiar. It feels like a new level of responsibility, but one that I was ready for. I never guessed I would be here again. A year ago, I was craving for something else- a different job, environment, something new! But here I am, sticking it out after a rough, long, intimate, challenging year that taught me so much and one that brings back so many memories, it often comes with nostalgia.

I miss some of the students I used to see and help them with their work. That classroom of 3 years, with the spectacular view of Mt. Diablo, my desk, just all the memories will remain there, in those walls, that classroom- K 101. It made me who I am at the job, and those days working alone, and mostly very isolated and lonely, I won't forget either. 

I think about last year a lot. I liked my schedule, but I remember not feeling very busy or accomplished. It's always something I didn't like, but I had the comfort of my teacher and classroom to help me through the hard parts. Last year prepared me for this year, and I'm finding what works for me again, and now with a busy schedule in tow, the weeks feeling fast, and this introvert is feeling overstimulated. But I am grateful for some things that are new, different that felt so much the same and stagnant last year it was humbling and painful at the same time.

I did this hairstyle, wanting to do something new with my hair. And now that my hair is (finally) growing out! That was something that I craved a year ago- my long hair. 

Yesterday, the first in-door rally in 3 years. My first rally I went to was in doors, and it brought back so many memoirs from high school that I didn't miss. I was just a few weeks into the job, and I will always recall that special feeling, and just really liking my job and grateful. Fall was slowly coming, and the lighting and colors changing on trees were warmth and beauty. That rally came to mind yesterday, since those Freshmen then are now Seniors. They were running into the gym with so much pride and excitement, I can remember that day so well when they were Freshmen and seeing those Seniors then taking over the gym with their noise and number and dominant energy. 

Where has the time gone? I feel like I've seen so much being at this job, but mostly I have experienced a lot of growth, internal growth and change that has led to now. I never knew why I was meant to come back after last year, but I felt God wanting and calling me to be, and here I am. I can only reflect upon it all. 

I find it somewhat providential and somewhat funny that my new classroom I'm in (and my new desk) was that teacher's from last year. She was the teacher who I always knew to be as strong, strongly opiniated, dominant energy, with a rough and tough tomboy like demeanor, sporty like. I never talked with her, but she talked with the former teacher I was with. I overheard their conversations. And then one day, I saw she was pregnant last year, and I didn't know she was. Somehow, I felt off. It made me feel overwhelmed and sad- again, another person moving on with their life in a place I desired. It was hard, it was so hard with a raw feeling that I had to write about it in my journal. 

Overtime, heard about her strong opinion about Covid and the vaccine, and realized we agreed on those issues. I didn't feel quite so alone though I never fully voiced it- I was always the quiet one, in the back and felt pretty much invisible, right? After her baby shower at work, and once she came back from maternity leave, the vaccine and covid topic came up again, and we talked about it and connected. I actually felt seen and heard, and I felt supported with something that felt pressured. 

One day, she brought her baby daughter to work. My teacher told me about it, so I went over to her classroom, and she went back to where her daughter was since her 2 younger sisters were taking care of her. I got to meet and see her sisters, reminding me of my own dynamic and look alike with my own sisters. 

I find it was quite a 180 throughout the school year with that particular teacher, and we were able to connect a bit more. And now, I'm in her old classroom, and it reminds me of how much I've grown!